Well look at you- what a cute chubby 13 year old you are living in Tropical North Queensland which is doing nothing for you hair. Don't get it cut short. It will be a disaster. Trust me.
So here I am at 45 giving you some advice on what is to come. And in true fashion of your life it is one of extremes. Your life is either amazingly fantasticically awesome or it is shit. There is no inbetween for you because that is how you roll.
So the good news. You will have three amazing children who will be by far your most amazing achievement. You will love them and be so amazingly proud of them as they become adults that this will make up for all the other shit that goes down. You are also blessed with a pretty awesome family who will always be there for you and will love you no matter what. And mum will still continue to growl at you- even when you are 45.
You will be surrounded by wonderful supportive friends. You will do well choosing the people that come into your life. And luckily for you the friends you make will be friends for life. They will be there for you because trust me there are going to be time when you will really need them!
You will end up with a job that you love (at times). And you know how your mum and dad make fun of all the TV and movies you watch and say that if only you put that much attention into school? Don't worry about it- you are going to teach that shit so it is actually part of your education.
So for the not so great news. Em - your life is going to challenge you. A lot. You will unfortunately battle on and off through out your life with anxiety and depression. Just a word of advice. Don't wait so long to get medicated. It's just one small tablet. It is not a sign of weakness or failure. They will make your life better. I promise.
You know how that doctor told you that you are fat? Well because of that motherfucker you will battle with body issues for all of your life. You will always struggle with your body image. If I could go back in time I wish I could change that for you, because you are going to spend far too much time worry and obsessing about it. You will at times in your life be very skinny and you will be fat. And to be honest your actual weight will never change who you are or your happiness.
You know those dreams you have of finding your one true love and living happily ever after? I'm sorry but it ain't going to happen (well it hasn't so far and it may not ever). It will be hard because you will always be a hopeless romantic who believes in love. And your heart is going to be smashed. Into tiny little pieces. It is going to be a struggle and you are really going to have a very tough time. You will, on the outside, make jokes and smile a lot and actually function quite well but those who know you well will see that your sparkle has gone. You are going to lose interest in every thing that you love, and you won't be able to focus on anything. You will drink too much and you will start smoking again ( but hopefully that will be temporary). It is going to make you question every thing about you, and make you ask why are you never enough. I don't have the answers for you on that one but hopefully one day we will be enough for someone.
The good news is that very slowly you will start coming back. You will start seeing sunshine, and when you laugh you will genuinely mean it. For every step forward you make, you will make two back, but very slowly the pain will go and you will start to rebuild. You will be damaged, and I hope that one day that will also go. I hope it doesn't make you bitter and I hope you will one day dismantle that brick wall you have built around your poor precious shattered heart. You will actually start to enjoy time on your own. Just try not to think too much. And try not to be so angry. It doesn't do any good and angry is not who you are.
Em-You have so much to look forward too. You are going to make mistakes, well ok lots of mistakes, but you will also do lots of things right. But above all things- you are going to be ok. Just be yourself, don't worry so much about trying to please other people. Embrace your family and friends - they are pretty cool people. Don't be so sensitive and don't take life so seriously. And never lose the ability to laugh at yourself because believe me you are going to need it. Trust me you are going to give yourself lots to laugh about.
So my gorgeous girl- hang on tight - you are in for one hell of a ride. And remember to live by your favourite quote " Love and be loved. The rest will look after itself."
