An open memo to Kate (sorry Katherine) Middleton

Hi Kate,

Sausage Rolls anyone?

I know you and I don't see eye to eye on many of your choices, especially that black eyeliner thing you have going on. It is fine for now but give it a few years and it is going to make you look old sister! I just think it is about time you gave your hair a little snip.
It is getting scary long and they way it is curling into that weird sausage thing at the end makes me thing that either your hairdresser is on holidays and you have to get the curling wand out yourself, or little baby George spewed on you at the last minute and you had to do a quick change and the "do" just didn't get "did" properly.

You don't want to be that weird old lady that has the same hairdo she has had for the last 50 years. You are more than your hair girlfriend!

Give my love to William, tell Harry he is a spunk and can you ask Granny Elizabeth what she keeps in that bag?

Em
xx