Christmas wishes

In what can only be described as a crazy couple of weeks leading up to Christmas- the big day is almost here- as is the big day for holidays to start- Yay.

So leading up Christmas I thought it would be a very good time to talk about "the things you do at Christmas that you do at no other time."

1. Eat chocolate for breakfast. Morning tea, afternoon tea. lunch and dinner. I swear we consume more Lindt Balls and Ferreo Rocher (yuk) chocolate than any other time. It is also the time where every house has at least one box of Cadbury favourites. It is also the only time anyone eats the white ferreo rocher chocolates. I don't even know what they are.

2. You become best friends with the taxi driver. This is partly because you are so happy to finally get a cab that you greet and treat them like a long lost friend. And chat about EVERYTHING. I'm sure if they had a dollar for everytime someone asked them "busy night" they would never have to drive a cab again.

3. You are happy to drink cheap champagne. That cost you $4.11 at the bottleshop. This is because you have spend so much on gifts that you have no cash left for booze.

5.You hug people even if you are no longer a hugger. It just seems like it must be done.

6. You look forward to seeing people you have no interest in seeing any other time of the year. And you hug them. Like you mean it.

7. You seriously consider wearing a t-shirt with some kind of christmas greeting on it.  And then you think better of it. (most of the time).

8. You think you have nothing better to do with you money than spend it on a Secret Santa present in the hope that you will get the one really good gift in the Secret Santa box. Not the crochet tea pot holder that Mavis's granny made.

9. You are happy to sit down and eat a hot roast lunch, followed by plum pudding (which has no plums) and brandy sauce. Even though it is 40 degrees outside.

10. You feel a bit sad when you realised that Love Actually was on last week and you missed it- even though you have seen it 20 times and you swear that you don't find Hugh Grant attractive.

Merry Christmas everyone and I will catch you in a couple of weeks. Thank you so much for reading my blog and for telling me I am funny.

 If you would like to stay in contact with my crazy life head over to my Instagram account

An honest guide to triathlon-ing.

I have always wanted to do a few things in my life- like go to New York, buy a Louis Vuitton wheelie bag, become a Princess- you know the usual, but as I am getting older the reality has hit that I really should get a move on and start doing these things. I think the boat might have sailed on the Princess thing- unless we find out that there is a long lost link to Royalty in the family we don't know about.

Yes please

Now I know that some people will call this their "Bucket List". You can call it that, but to me it is not. I don't want to think about kicking the bucket. I am planning on living for a very long time, and then haunting my loved ones for even longer.

So back to the things I want to do. One of the things I have always wanted to do is a Triathlon. Now those of you that read my blogs frequently know that I am a bit of an exerciser and have a few marathons and half marathons under my belt. I have also been known to exercise nearly every day, sometimes even twice a day. The thing is that I never really took up every kind of running until I was in my 30's. 

I think this may be because I have absolutely no hand eye coordination what so ever. None.Zilch. Zero. Just ask anyone that has ever watched me play tennis or netball. I also seemed to have not inherited the competitive gene. If you want to beat me- you can. Whatever. I also think that if something hurts you stop. Apparently this is not what successful athletes do. If I look back over my life it is not as though I haven't tried sport.

Mum and Dad used to take me to little Athletics ( I got hot),  I did Ballet ( I looked just like a baby elephant in a tutu and was as graceful) I went swimming ( I was actually good at that), I did sailing ( don't ask- but I have no idea what the hell my mum was thinking- there is not joy spending a Saturday afternoon in a tiny boat, with your brother with sea snakes circling around you.) I tried tennis ( I can still hear my mum and dad laughing when I came home and told them I had joined the tennis team) I did diving for a while ( the moment we moved to a higher board I was done- not a good sport for someone who is scared of heights), and the time we had to play golf at school the Phys Ed teacher got so frustrated with me that she told me to just give up. This may have been after I threw the golf bat thing.

So the fact that here I am actually a marathoner is quite bizarre. So today I conquered the next bit if physical activity I have wanted to do. I did a triathlon. A baby one, but a triathlon none the less. I even still have the number on my arm to prove it.

I was very nervous before the race. This was because 

1. I don't like new things
2. I wasn't wearing my contact lenses and I really couldn't see much. This always makes me nervous. Especially when I am on a bike. The one positive to that was that I could't see how awful I looked in my lycra bike pants and bathers.

We got lost on the way- so I was late. I got into trouble from the lady when I went to put my bike in the "transition zone" (thats triathlon talk for "the spot to put your bike and running shoes"). I was actually secretly hoping that she was say I couldn't do it. She didn't. Maybe I was not the first to try that.

So here are the things I learnt from today.

1. You have to wear your helmet into the transition zone, out of the transition zone and can't take it off until you have put your bike back in the rack. This is because triathlons are very dangerous, and also because they help to hide your identity. This is because no one looks good in triathlon gear. No one.

2. Triathlons seem to be the domain of the middle aged lady. Maybe they are all working their way through their "to do list"

3. The swimming leg is possibly one of the most dangerous things you will ever do in your life. You really should be wearing your helmet in this leg. You get kicked, you get swum over. I felt like I was in that scene from Titanic where the boat is sinking and everyone is in the water. It was bedlam. 

This is what the swimming leg in a triathlon is like

4. Swimming in the ocean sucks. You must swim with you mouth closed, because you will get a big gulp of sea water, and also from all that splash from people swimming with their eye closed (so they swim over the top of you. Idiots)

5. It is really hard to put on your cycling shoes with wet sandy feet.

6. Running is cycling shoes in hard. You run to the start line of the bike leg. I don't know why you have to run. You just do, and everyone else was doing it.

7.The cycling leg has rules. You can be issued with a yellow card or a red card. Just like soccer. From a man riding a motorcycle.

8.Running after you cycle feels weird. Your legs are like jelly. It is also really noisy because you can;t wear a iPod- so it is just you, your thoughts and the heavy breathing of all the other competitors. And to the spitters- can we not?

9. Finishing feels awesome.

10. After risking your life in the swimming leg, violating every rule ever made from the fashion police, and getting spat on by men who obviously have forgotten their hankies you don't even get a medal, or a tshirt. But you do get an apple or a banana and to keep your swimming cap.

Amen to that.

A special mention must go to Kirstie who encouraged me to do this and gave me advice. Kirstie did and ironman event last weekend. She is both crazy and super crazy.

The Joy of Pinterest

When I have nothing to do, I like nothing better than to waste a couple of hours on Pinterest. If you are not on Pinterest you should be. It is so much fun. There is heaps of good things on there. There is also heaps of crap. I have selected my favourite crap for you from tonight.

A snowflake made from two types of pasta. Genius, because if you if you run out of food- you can just grab the decorations of the tree.

Awesome things to do with a tennis ball. As I have no hand eye coordination- I am always looking for things to do with a tennis ball, and you will never lose your pens again.

You can dress up a cheese stick all you want, it will still always be a cheese stick. Just with a ribbon and a paper hat.

This is gold. A travelling coffee cup holder. Seriously.

Roses made out of strawberries and put on a stick. Because sometimes you just have too much time on your hands.

This one was "Don't throw these away! 12 thing to do with silica pouches". And it was no throw them in the bin repeated 12 times. 

This one also fits into the category of too much time. Actually thats a lie. It wouldn't matter how much time I had on my hands I would never make waffle flowers.

Because I have always wondered what to do with cooking bowls I no longer use.

A battery holder. Who has spare batteries?? No really- who?

I don't even know what these are, but the were under the "womens fashion" category. So they must be pants and not shetland pony legs.

A gift wrapping station for your kitchen. This would just take away the joy of searching through a cupboard 5 minutes before you have to be at the party trying to find wrapping paper.

No this is not a Christmas tree, it is four cardboard boxes stacked on each other.

Because every dog needs a giraffe onesie. No seriously every dog should have a giraffe onesie.

HOLA! Welcome to my new club!

HOLA!
So my friends and I have come up with this idea. You see we always go to the same places for dinner, and as we live near an amazing cafe strip we decided it was time to branch out.

This is how it goes. Once a month one of us picks a restaurant that either one of us or none of us have ever been to before. We then rate it out of ten and then average out the score. I will then of course report the results.

First pick was mine- and I picked a place called 6101. It is a tapas bar although as it is not licensed you have to bring your own booze. An interesting pick for me considering that I hate sharing. Now I had been there before with my drinking club who sometimes reads books (see I am  longer trying to fool myself that we are a book club), but I was not very impressed. In its defence it was only quite new so I decided that everything needs a second chance.

The restaurant is tiny and has very few tables, but does have a super cute courtyard out the back. It also has the biggest toilet in the world. It is bisexual- no thats the wrong word - unisex.

We were lead out to the courtyard and had a nice little corner table, although if I was being really picky the bench seats might be a little bit high for the table. Our waiter was Italian, spoke very little English and even less Spanish so ordering was fun. He was pleasant enough and smiled a lot. You know that smile thats says 'I have no idea what you are saying but I will smile and nod and make the rest up." Which is kind of what he did with our order. But I will get to that later.

The super cute and cosy courtyard

We opened our wine (no corkage-win) and started making sense of the menu. I wish on a tapas menu they would give you an idea of how many items you should order on the menu,like " we suggest one tapas per person" because I never quite know how many dishes to get. Our waiter couldn't help us. When I asked him how many dishes we should get he just smiled and said "Yes".

We decided on 6 tapas and a paella (which is a main for 2) to share it. Or so we thought. The tapas was-

• short ribs (yum)
• scallops (super yum)
• eggplant (yum)
• chorizo (smokey and a bit "soft" but yum in a weird kind of way)
• potatoes (yum)
• sardines ( sort of ok- but I don't like sardines so maybe they were good)

We had eaten all our tapas when our waiter came out and asked us if we wanted coffee or dessert. I told him we were waiting for our Paella. He did that smile thing.

Then the owner came out and asked if she could clear the table. We told her we were waiting for our paella. She gave us the blank look as well and walked into the kitchen. It would seem out poor waiter had forgotten to write it down. Even though I told him 3 times we wanted the paella. 

The yummy paella

The owner was horrified- she got the chefs to pop on a Paella (it takes 40 minutes to cook) but the wait was worth it. It was really nice, full of seafood and really tasty.Unfortunately we did see our poor little waiter get his bag and walk out the door. Not sure if his shift was over, or his short lived career at a Spanish restaurant was over- maybe he should try an Italian restaurant next.

We had dessert because you can never say no to Churros. Man they were good. Crispy, sugary with a yummy not overly sweet chocolate sauce. We also had the creme catalina which is sort of like a Spanish creme brûlée. Oh my god it was amazing. Really, really amazing.Especially if you dip your churros into it.

We talked to the soon to be new owner as we waited for our paella. She seems really enthusiastic, and explained that they had two new chefs, and she was looking for new wait staff. The food was way better than the last time I was there and I would like to go back and have the paella all to myself, or maybe just go for coffee, churros and the creme catalina.

The final scores were 8's from the females and 7 from the males, making the average score a 7.5. Not bad, not bad at all. 

Here are the details if you ever find yourself in Victoria Park.

6101 Tapas Bar

604 Albany Hwy Vic Park

BYO.

It's beginning to look a lot like "holy shit I have forgotten to buy Christmas Presents"

I went Christmas shopping yesterday. I came home with a dress, a top, a pair of shorts and a hat. All for me. Not one little Christmas present. Although I did buy some Christmas baubles and magnets to make a Pinterest decoration. Needless to say I failed. One worked.

This problem hits me every year and I think the problem is because really the only think I like about Christmas is brandy sauce for the pudding. I try. I have have fairy lights in my kitchen. Well technically I have fairy lights in my kitchen all year- but I have stuck some Christmas decorations in there.

My attempted at being festive.

So now I find myself once again in the position of " Shit. It is only not very many days until Christmas and I have nothing but a present for India's teacher (Go Miss V.) and a secret santa present.( Both I must add are very cool)."

So what is a girl to do. There is only two options.
1. ONLINE SHOPPING.
Which can be done from the comfort of your classroom (at lunchtime of course). So here is where I will be heading this Christmas

Hard to Find- they have lots of really cool stuff that is unusual and different, plus they already have pre selected items for all this special people in your life.

Like a map Christmas tree for the nerd in your life.

Mecca- of course. Very predictable but they have some really awesome gift packs. I went in yesterday and had a look and they have sold out of some stuff. Top of the list for me would be this little hand cream and lip balm pack for $25.

Almost free I tell you.

Gascoigne and King- now apparently candles rank as one of the worst presents but personally I love candles. These ones are beautiful and they smell amazing. I have vanilla, paddington and amazing grace. They come in two sizes and although they seem expensive- they burn forever. I am so addicted I even burn the Vanilla candles in my classroom. It almost puts the kids into a trance. Well I like to think it is my candles and not my teaching.

Best candles ever I tell you. Mix these will a Coldplay album and you are so relaxed you are asleep but awake.

Wotif- I love a good mini break, so a voucher from Wotif is a really good pressie. You can but any amount and the lucky receiver can book a hotel anywhere in the world. It doesn't get much cooler than that!!!

Dan Murphys- Yes I went there. You can order online and they deliver to anywhere you want. Great for interstate buddies.

Buy this tequila. You may wake up the next day and not remember how you got there but it is seriously good.

2. GIFT VOUCHERS

Now I know that apparently Vouchers are meant to be crap presents as well- but I would prefer that the people in my life buy something they love rather than something I love. Every single shop does vouchers, and you can buy all sorts in the Post office or supermarket so you can do some one stop shopping. Some ideas are

Kikki K or Smiggle for stationary
itunes
Cool book stores - like Crow books. They have the most awesome books and I know that the littlest person in my life loves going in and choosing a book. I always buy book prizes for school in there.
Clothing stores- You should know what shops your loved ones love.
Department store vouchers- David Jones or Myers if you really can't decide.
Movie vouchers
Restaurant Vouchers


Now if you really must venture to the shops can I suggest (if you live in Perth)

The Good Store in Vic Park. Because it has really "good" stuff, that is different, unusual and you will like it.
The Art Gallery of WA gift shop. They also have some fab books, toys and just stuff in general.
Louis Vuitton (I wish)

But they are just so pretty.

Tiffany (I wish)

Hope this helps a little bit.Happy Shopping everyone

You scream, I scream we all scream for ICE CREAM!!!

My very first job ever was working at an ice cream shop. It was called Strawberry Patch, it was in Claremont (before it became a Quarter) and it was the BEST JOB EVER. I got to work that soft serve machine and made choc coated cones ( the trick is to fill in the whole cone- not just the top bit, otherwise it will fall off). In those days your ice cream selection was limited to chocolate, strawberry, vanilla and a mix of the three. 

Ice cream is one of those things that I don't eat a lot, but when I do I really, really love it. My love affair with ice cream goes back to my childhood when my cousins and I would walk to the shop down the road from my Grandparents and buy a block of ice cream that was packaged in cardboard. It tasted like cardboard and it was AWESOME. I was also very fond on the ice cream cakes, but the real original ones where the ice cream roses where made from real cream. They tasted the best. Then there was the Sunday afternoons when the Mr Whippy van would come around to finish off the weekend with a soft serve cone.

Ice cream has obviously come a long way from the days of the old strawberry wave (that was always on offer at my other Grandparents house because it was my Aunts favourite- I was always more of a Neapolitan girl myself- although my brother was partial to Trio which was orange, green and white). 

My first real exposure to amazing ice cream was in Italy. As chance would have it I was pregnant and craving ice cream like,well, a pregnant woman. It was amazing, and perhaps the best thing is that Italians considered it healthy because it had fruit and milk in it. I really like their thinking.

I had never had ice cream like it until I had ice cream from il gelato. I had forgotten how much I loved their ice cream until this week when my friends daughter got a job with them. Oh My Feakin God that stuff is good, and it is nearly healthy. 50% lower in fat than normal ice cream and their sorbets are 90% fat free.(My friend Tracy makes an amazing drink where you mix sorbet with a bottle of champagne. Needles to say that is also amazing).  They also do this really cool little  Semi Freddo's (that semi frozen to you and me) in flavours like Ferro, chocolate and Pistachio which I sometimes serve as dessert when I can't be bothered making anything. I heard once on some cooking show that you can judge a companies ice cream by their Pistachio ice cream.

So you can imagine my excitement when I was told that il gelato are making Christmas ice cream cakes. Yep a Christmas Ice Cream cake. Is there anything more Australian than that? A layer of Ferrero, Nougat and Bacio ice cream. How can that get any better? Well how about if I told you that the first 20 cakes ordered get $10 off!! You can go here if you would like to order one or just check out their web site.

All this talk of ice cream is making me hungry. I'm going to send my husband off to our local IGA to grab me some. 

Has the time come to grow up?

I got into trouble the other day from a friend because of the infrequency of my blog posts lately. She had a very valid point. They have been infrequent, and for that I am sorry. But this is what happens when you have three children whose birthday's all fall within 2 weeks of each other, and this coincides with the usual end of the teaching year hijinks. Like reports writing. And having to lie to kids that you haven't written their reports so they had better keep behaving. For the record it doesn't work. Kids may not be able to remember the date that their assignment is due , but they sure as hell remember the date their reports are due.

Another reason for my infrequent posts have also been due to excessive socialising. Which has forced me to consider that - and god this hurts to say it- but...........I can no longer party like a rock star. I may have said this before but this time I mean it. Before I used to think I partied like a rock star say of Katy Perry's calibre ( partied hard but with pizazz)  but I think I now party more like Courtney Love. And that is never good.

"I haven't drunk that much"

So my blog readers I think the time has come for me to grow up. You will notice I didn't say "Act my age". That is because I am not really sure how a 43 year old acts. If you know the answer to let please let me know. So this week I sat myself down (in the car on the way to work) listened to Sia's Chandelier and decided that my theme song needed to change from " I Want to Rock'n'Roll All Night" to something by Michael Buble ". 

Hey there Middle aged lady.

So as a start to growing up I have embarked on Detox December. Here are my rules.

1. I have to exercise EVERY SINGLE DAY. I accidentally broke that today because I was feeling unwell which I think has a lot to do with the word "detox". I did walk around the school a lot today though. 
2. I am limiting my alcohol consumption. They key word is limit. Not eliminating. To eliminate in December would be crazy. 
3. I am being super careful with my food. This was going well until today when I was doing my extra walking around the school and walked into the staff room and somehow a sausage in a bun appeared in my hands.
4. Stop doing silly things. Like dancing with a ribbon which someone filmed and put on Facebook. Because that saying "dance like no one is watching because no one is..they are on their phones." may be true. But they are on their phones watching footage of you dancing with a ribbon on Facebook.
5. Try and concentrate on things better, even if I find it really boring. Like when my youngest daughter starts retelling a story from school which goes on and on and on. And on.
6. Stop swearing like a sailor. It is time for me to come up with a new favourite word. Growns ups favourite word is not mother f*%$#er.
7. Stop using teenage words. Like awesome and soooo cool, and OMG. 
8. Stop sending messages to my daughter where I put in emoticons instead of words. Grown ups don't do that.
9. Stop getting crushes on teenage boy bands. I really am too old for Harry Styles. Apparently the calculation is half your age + 7 years. A friend at work told me that.
10. It might be time to consider getting my hair cut. Maybe I think I may be doing a Victoria Secrets hair do, but instead maybe it looks more like Donald Trump. On a bad day.

So wish me luck. I'm off to pop on the kettle and pop on some repeats of Downton Abbey.  The real one - not the P Diddy version. Slice of fruit cake anyone?

 Here is the P Diddy one in case you are not ready to be a grown up.

Since when did going out for dinner become unpleasant ?

                                                              

I have been dining out a bit lately, and it is one of my most favourite things to do in the world. I have a favourite restaurant for nearly every occasion. I am slowly working my way through the cafe strip near me, but I am finding that all restaurants seem to have one thing in common.

THEY ARE ALL SO FRIGGIN NOISY. 

And yes I am shouting because in order to be heard at dinner you have to SHOUT at everyone. Even when it is a dinner for two you are still yelling at each other even when you are not having a "whoops someone has had too much wine so now seems the right time to discuss the thing you do that really annoys me"argument. (Lets just put it this way- any conversation that starts with "Don't take this the wrong way but" is never going to end well.)

For my daughters Birthday we went to an amazing restaurant. The food and service were both awesome but it was so noisy you had to shout at each other. The person sitting at the end of the table gave up and just starting playing on his phone.  Unfortunately we won't go back, because it is just too hard to talk to everyone.

My husband and I were discussing this the other night, and questioned why there is a lack of insulation on the walls to absorb sound (I get no carpet because that would be dirty ) they feel the need to turn up the music SO INCREDIBLY LOUD. Just as we were having this discussion the program "Secret Eaters" was on and it gave us the answers. When you are eating and you are subjected to loud noise you eat faster, and you eat more. 

                                                       

Personally I think you eat faster so you can get the bloody hell out of there, but apparently it has an effect on your brain. So it would appear it is all a tactic to get us to spend more money, and to clear the table faster.

Well I think not only does it make the dining out process unpleasant- it also creates a myriad of problems. They are ( in no particular order)

1. Urinary tract infections. This is because when you get a good seat at the table you are not going to risk losing you seat by going to the toilet.
2. You fight with you friends. Because they steal your seat when you go to the toilet. 
3. You spend more time on you phone because you can't hear conversations. This leads to the most obnoxious thing of all.... people instagraming their food. Or taking selflies.
4. You become an alcoholic because if you can't hear- you may as well drink.
5. You get a cold/ lung cancer/ or malaria. This is because you can only hear if you sit outside where you are subjected to the weather, passive smoke (which if you dine with my mum and dad you then have to listen to them whinging about the smoke- LOVE YOU MUM) and getting eating by mosquitos. 

                                                       

6. You commit to things because you clearly didn't hear what was being said properly. In my case my latest was agreeing to do a triathlon. Well ok that may have also had something to do with the wine I had drunk- but it was a very big table.
7. People mistakingly think they are funny. Because you smile at what they are saying. They don't know that you are smiling but have no bloody idea what they have said.
8. Customers get rude, because they are not only hungry, but frustrated, bored and worried that the people down the other end of the table are talking about something really awesome and they are missing out. Or is that just me?

So restaurants of the world can we please either absorb some sound or turn the music down. Because my list of places to go is getting smaller.  

Not at a restaurant in Perth you won't!