An honest guide to triathlon-ing.

I have always wanted to do a few things in my life- like go to New York, buy a Louis Vuitton wheelie bag, become a Princess- you know the usual, but as I am getting older the reality has hit that I really should get a move on and start doing these things. I think the boat might have sailed on the Princess thing- unless we find out that there is a long lost link to Royalty in the family we don't know about.

Yes please

Now I know that some people will call this their "Bucket List". You can call it that, but to me it is not. I don't want to think about kicking the bucket. I am planning on living for a very long time, and then haunting my loved ones for even longer.

So back to the things I want to do. One of the things I have always wanted to do is a Triathlon. Now those of you that read my blogs frequently know that I am a bit of an exerciser and have a few marathons and half marathons under my belt. I have also been known to exercise nearly every day, sometimes even twice a day. The thing is that I never really took up every kind of running until I was in my 30's. 

I think this may be because I have absolutely no hand eye coordination what so ever. None.Zilch. Zero. Just ask anyone that has ever watched me play tennis or netball. I also seemed to have not inherited the competitive gene. If you want to beat me- you can. Whatever. I also think that if something hurts you stop. Apparently this is not what successful athletes do. If I look back over my life it is not as though I haven't tried sport.

Mum and Dad used to take me to little Athletics ( I got hot),  I did Ballet ( I looked just like a baby elephant in a tutu and was as graceful) I went swimming ( I was actually good at that), I did sailing ( don't ask- but I have no idea what the hell my mum was thinking- there is not joy spending a Saturday afternoon in a tiny boat, with your brother with sea snakes circling around you.) I tried tennis ( I can still hear my mum and dad laughing when I came home and told them I had joined the tennis team) I did diving for a while ( the moment we moved to a higher board I was done- not a good sport for someone who is scared of heights), and the time we had to play golf at school the Phys Ed teacher got so frustrated with me that she told me to just give up. This may have been after I threw the golf bat thing.

So the fact that here I am actually a marathoner is quite bizarre. So today I conquered the next bit if physical activity I have wanted to do. I did a triathlon. A baby one, but a triathlon none the less. I even still have the number on my arm to prove it.

I was very nervous before the race. This was because 

1. I don't like new things
2. I wasn't wearing my contact lenses and I really couldn't see much. This always makes me nervous. Especially when I am on a bike. The one positive to that was that I could't see how awful I looked in my lycra bike pants and bathers.

We got lost on the way- so I was late. I got into trouble from the lady when I went to put my bike in the "transition zone" (thats triathlon talk for "the spot to put your bike and running shoes"). I was actually secretly hoping that she was say I couldn't do it. She didn't. Maybe I was not the first to try that.

So here are the things I learnt from today.

1. You have to wear your helmet into the transition zone, out of the transition zone and can't take it off until you have put your bike back in the rack. This is because triathlons are very dangerous, and also because they help to hide your identity. This is because no one looks good in triathlon gear. No one.

2. Triathlons seem to be the domain of the middle aged lady. Maybe they are all working their way through their "to do list"

3. The swimming leg is possibly one of the most dangerous things you will ever do in your life. You really should be wearing your helmet in this leg. You get kicked, you get swum over. I felt like I was in that scene from Titanic where the boat is sinking and everyone is in the water. It was bedlam. 

This is what the swimming leg in a triathlon is like

4. Swimming in the ocean sucks. You must swim with you mouth closed, because you will get a big gulp of sea water, and also from all that splash from people swimming with their eye closed (so they swim over the top of you. Idiots)

5. It is really hard to put on your cycling shoes with wet sandy feet.

6. Running is cycling shoes in hard. You run to the start line of the bike leg. I don't know why you have to run. You just do, and everyone else was doing it.

7.The cycling leg has rules. You can be issued with a yellow card or a red card. Just like soccer. From a man riding a motorcycle.

8.Running after you cycle feels weird. Your legs are like jelly. It is also really noisy because you can;t wear a iPod- so it is just you, your thoughts and the heavy breathing of all the other competitors. And to the spitters- can we not?

9. Finishing feels awesome.

10. After risking your life in the swimming leg, violating every rule ever made from the fashion police, and getting spat on by men who obviously have forgotten their hankies you don't even get a medal, or a tshirt. But you do get an apple or a banana and to keep your swimming cap.

Amen to that.

A special mention must go to Kirstie who encouraged me to do this and gave me advice. Kirstie did and ironman event last weekend. She is both crazy and super crazy.