Apart from the fact that I have been busy getting my reports and school stuff done, my excuse for not posting is this simple. And I am ashamed to say it. I have been watching Game of Thrones. I know- I can't believe it either. I have become addicted to a show that I am still not entirely sure I like. I am very confused by what the bloody hell is going on, confused by names, confused by all the different lands, and confused by far too many men who look exactly the same. ( This gentleman is the reason to get rid of the beards- you all look the same.) I am also baffled why the women are called names like Cersei and the men are called Robb. I also confused by dragons, although I kind of think I may want one. I am also very concerned that I am finding the Imp (they call him Half Man) rather attractive. I am working on a GoT post and keep thinking I will write it after I finish the series I am watching, but now I think bugger it - I will just watch the whole lot and then give you my verdict. I am off to the snow at the end of the week, so I am thinking I will get the bulk of it watched during the 6 hour bus trip. If my husband will put it on my iPad. He is getting a little bit annoyed because he thought one of the things we had in common was a shared dislike of the show. So be warned. The blog is coming. (Thats a GoT reference, I have become a nerd)
By now you have probably realised that I am a very deep thinker , and spend a lot of my time contemplating the important things. Like why people drive slowly in the outside lane, or why they haven't invented a fabric yet that heats up or cools down according to you temperature- (seriously how cool would that be?) So on Monday I was hit with a very serious thought. We are close to running out of a truly shocking taboo swear word. This is a big problem. BIG. I was teaching my 3rd class of the day and after continually telling the students "stop swearing", "that language is not appropriate in classroom " "would you speak to your mum like that" and " If you don't stop swearing I am going to ring your Grandma and you have to tell her what you said" I realised the the worst swear word in the world (and I don't mean Tom Cruise, or moist) which I consider to be the "C" word, is slowly making it's way into our everyday world. Once upon a time this word was shocking and very, very offensive. You would never, ever,every say it. Now kids are using it as a term of endearment. For example: "Hey C%#t- where have you been?". In my day the word S^#t was shocking, hell even Bloody was shocking (well now that I think about it so was hell). Don't get me wrong I love a good swear word, and I must admit I do swear. A lot. It is common knowledge that Motherf^*%$er is my favourite word. I probably couldn't count the amount of times I say the f word a day. ( At this stage I must reassure my mum and dad that all that money they spent on my education to make me a lady wasn't wasted- I believe I swear with charm and always in the right context.
I confess that I have used the C word myself. I may have called my husband one in the midst of a rather heated argument and it may have been followed by me throwing a pizza at him, but if you have ever been around my husband when he is stressed and tired I think you would agree it was appropriate. Well I guess if I am confessing I admit that I may have once told my son to stop acting like a C. (Yeah I know it was wrong, but don't judge me until you have a 17 year old boy.OK.) But the overuse of this word means that there is NO SWEAR WORD LEFT.
This word has been around for a while it would seem. I know this because last night when I was watching Game of Thrones (thats a whole post of its own-stay tuned) I noticed they used it quite a bit. And I agree with them by the way- There is no cure for being a C. But this is my point. It is only marginally shocking. What do we do? How are we going to express when we are really, really mad? What is going to attract the conflict in The Real Housewives of Melbourne? Hell they made the whole series about someone calling someone a C. Do we vote on it? Does some one make up a new word? Does a word take on new meaning? How do we make a new word happen? And then how does this new word catch on? If Gretchen Weiner couldn't make fetch happen in Mean Girls what hope is there for the rest of us?
So next time you hear someone mutter the C word tell the to stop. Unless they can come up with a new swear word. A word that is truly offensive and shocking. I'm going for Joffrey*. Or moist.
' You are such a Joffrey"- see it works.
* yes another GoT reference. I'm sorry. all images via Pinterest
This realisation hit me yesterday when I was looking and Instagram. One was a famous (god it kills me to call her that) WAG, the other was a sort of friend of a friend of mine. I looked at their amazing Instagramed life and realised I was shit. Let me start was the sort of friend of a friend of mine. I don't know why I look at her Instagram because everything about her annoys the shit out of me. In fact I think that may be the reason I look at it. Be honest we all have that friend who the only reason we keep on Facebook is because their posts wind us up. Or maybe I am just jealous because her life looks....coordinated. With aviator sunnies and coordinated exercise wear.
One day I will wear co-ordinated exercise wear
So this friend of a friend had a few new images. One of her daughters wardrobe that she had just organised. All dresses, all flowery and cute, all designer, all colour coordinated. With coordinated shoes and hair clips. Crap parent moment number one. My daughters clothes come from Kmart and Target. She owns about one dress which is only ever worn when all her leggings are dirty. Sometimes her curly hair is so matted we have to detangle the dreadlocks with oil. Some days the dreadlocks as so bad I can't do anything. We have to whack it up in a ponytail and hope for the best. Hell my oldest daughter refused to wear shoes for the first two years of her life. What chance did I have of getting a clip in her hair. I can't even get a clip in the dogs fur.
This is what a lunch box looks like in 2014.
Her second image was of her daughters "Bento" box that they took shopping. It had a selection of a sandwich which had a teddy bears face stamped into it, a piece of watermelon cut into the shape of an umbrella with a stripy straw as the handle, and some grapes with animal toothpicks in it. Here is my issue. Firstly It is not a freakin Bento Box, it is a LUNCH BOX. You can jazz it up anyway you want to but it is a plastic box,with food. This makes it a LUNCH BOX. And while I'm onto it why do kids need a Bento Box to go shopping? Don't you just buy them a tub of hot chips to shut them up for the trip? This women also makes her daughters toast in the morning with bananas and blueberries shaped into teddy bears. Indi gets a piece of toast with a bit of butter and vegemite slapped on it.
Whilst my daughters lunch looks like this.
The final nail in the "you really a failing at parenting and be a wife" was the image of the 'Grazing platter" she made for her and her husband to eat while they watched the tv. Actually I am assuming it is the tv, but it is probably not. It is probably something wonderful. Anyway. A GRAZING PLATE???? Bloody hell, if it is just me and my husband I just crack open a box of BBQ shapes, or may a packet of chips if I am feeling fancy.
All you need for a crazy night in front of the tele.
The WAG Instagram leaves me bamboozled. She is glam, so skinny even after having a baby, and has all her shit together. 20 years into mothering I am nowhere close to having my shit together. She can wear high heels. AND leggings as pants. She does work though. As a bloody travel presenter. No dealing with smelly teenagers for her. Just planes and five star hotels for this one. I think what needs to happen is for there to be a "Realagram" where people have to spend a whole day posting the reality of their life, not just the good bits. The bits where you realised you have had your stockings on inside out all day , or where you are trying to pick up the dog poop which is really runny because you fed them cheesecake the night before. (which for the record is not a good idea. It gives them diarrhoea and makes them vomit) Or the image of you in you flannelette jammies, with thermal ski sock, an old t-shirt and jumper on because it is so damn cold. Or maybe the meal of two minute noodles that you are feeding your kids because you can't be bothered cooking, and that is really all they want anyway.
Damn you Instagram
And your buddy Pinterest
Now if you will excuse me I am off to prepare Indi's Bento Box for tomorrow, and lay out my exercise wear for the morning. Jokes, I made her pack her own LUNCH box, with not a watermelon umbrella in sight. And I have no matching exercise wear anyway. And you know what? I think we will be ok.
I am one of those annoying people who sprout words of wisdom like " I don't believe in flu injections. I don't have them and I never get sick." or " I never get the flu, it must be because I am so fit." or another favourite " I drink so much alcohol, there is no chance I could get sick." Well I should know better because fate has come and kicked me in the arse and I have been in bed, since Tuesday with my fourth cold since April. Finally after 3 months of feeling crap on and off, the Doctor, after telling me that it was time my husband traded me in for a younger model(seriously) and then telling me to stay away from sweet foods (is he insane??) and then laughing at me when I said I had an asthmary cough ( how else do you describe an asthma cough?) diagnosed me with a sinus and respiratory infection. He gave me lots of handy hints like, hot and cold showers, eat garlic and ginger, take vitamin c, blah blah and then finally handed over the antibiotics.
At this stage I must say just for my friend Rachael that I don't take them often, but I was desperate. He also told me I needed to manage my stress better. He asked me what I did to keep it in check. Wine and sweet food obviously - duh. But seeing as I need to stay away from the sweet stuff it looks like I am stuck with the booze.
This is a hot toddy. It needs vodka.
So let me tell you there is nothing more of a waste of a sick day than actually being sick. My head as felt like it was being squashed between something really squashy, and no amount of neurofen has got rid of it. I have tried every home remedy under the sun, including Vicks on my chest (don't wipe your hands on the tea towel after you use it, your food will taste like menthol), a hot toddy (no amount of honey can mask that taste of whisky, last time I drank whisky it was with green apple juice- that was nice. Could a hot toddy be made with vodka?) Ease a cold lozenges, lots of red sugar free cordial (well he did say cut out the sweet stuff), tutti frutti frozen yoghurt (it's got that probiotics - good for the antibiotics and I did put some lychees on it- more vitamins) Epson salt baths to cure the sore body, Vital Greens and V8 vege juice to give some vitamins and finally some 1000mg Vitamin C tablets. I have also had a heat pack superglued to my forehead, well when the dog is not superglued to my head.
I take these so I don't have to make a Kale smoothie
I have finally found some relief with the housewives drug of choice- Mersyndol. Man that stuff is good. I can understand why housewives crush it up and put it in their coffee, or sprinkle it on their cereal in the morning.
This is Eddie and Patsy. This is not a photo of me from last weekend.
I am up to date on all my shows on Foxtel, have rediscovered my love of Absolutely Fabulous, rediscovered my hate of Huey's kitchen (why is that still on and how is that man not dead? Honestly on todays episode his face was so red he looked like Santa Claus),watched the Great British Sewing Bee (yes really) and struggled through 4 episodes of Game of Thrones (thats a whole post on it's own). I know every dish that Gordan Ramsay is going to make, and watched a doco on a 700 pound man. He had this weird thing growing on his legs it was gross.
So I am finally feeling a little bit better, and deciding whether or not to go to work tomorrow. I'm not going to lie, I am a little bit bored. That must mean I am feeling better. Right? And I really, really want to go for a run. And I might even consider that flu injection thing. But give up sweet things? NEVER!!!
If there are two things in my life that I have always loved (apart from make up and clothes obviously and food, I can't believe I almost forgot food) it is television and books. Hence the fact that it is rather apt that I am a qualified librarian (yes really) and I am a media teacher who spends time teaching television. I can't really remember where my love of books came from, but lets say that there is not an Enid Blyton, Judy Blume, or Sweet Dreams book I haven't loved, but I have always loved to read. I am not saying that I read top shelf stuff, but I like nothing better than to get lost in a good book.
Ginger Beer anyone?
Best books EVER
I have read every single one.
Likewise I also have no idea where my love of television came from either, but it has always featured heavily in my life. Just ask my mum about the time that we went to San Fransico and rather than go on a day trip I decided to spend the afternoon watching television. And then there was also the time when I threw a massive tantrum because mum and dad wouldn't let me tape The Love Boat. ( I have still not gotten over that).
Love.... exciting and new. Come aboard- we're expecting you!!!
You see because this tv is made for networks that don't rely on the advertising dollar, the shows don't have to attract a huge audience to make revenue. This in turns means that the shows can include content that may offend audiences if it was shown on a commercial station. Like drug use, serial killers, nudity and bloody beheading of people (guess who watched the first episode of Game of Thrones yesterday). This is what we used to turn to book for. Good juicy stories, character development, and content that is what we want. So once upon a time when we used to sit down and read a good book, we are now sitting down an watching a good television show on our mobile devices, or our laptops. We are talking about our shows with people at work, or at home,or complete strangers and not feeling embarrassed that we are admitting to watching Dexter, whereas we may not openly admit out loud our secret Bold and The Beautiful addiction. Which by the way is one of the most constantly top rating programs in Australia so someone else besides me must be watching it.
The original cast. Check out that hair!!!
We can buy an episode or a series (notice I said buy and not illegally download, because illegally downloading is bad, right?) just like we used to buy a book. In my mind downloading a series is like buying a book, and each episode is a chapter. I also get really sad when the favourite series is nearly at an end, but like a book I can then go onto a new series. Win Win. So according to the talk of the cool kids table at my work these are the current favourite television shows.
Orange is The New Black. I am currently binge watching the second series. Sooooo good.
Game of Thrones (obviously the Geeks favourite)
True Detective - Seriously when did Matthew Maconaughey learn to act?
Fargo
Breaking Bad (for those still catching up - thats me by the way)
Madmen ( in it's final season in the US, thank god, because it is starting to get boring)
Dexter. You can binge watch the whole thing, it's finished. The last series was a bit disappointing. Good thing it finished when it did.
Sons of Anarchy
Girls ( a bit angsty for me - I'm getting old and they are a bit self absorbed)
True Blood ( because it is like social acceptable porn)
So this is how science teachers have nice cars.
I reckon there is more nudity in this than GoT.
Dexter teaches us that they key to being a good serial killer is to only kill people who do bad things.
The thing you will also notice about this new television show thing is that people as passionate about their shows. If you dare say you don't like Game of Thrones- watch out. I must say I got the name after watching the first episode. It is the game of getting different Thrones. Am I right?
So there you have it. Reasons why I think television is the new black.
Here is a preview of the second season of OisNB.
Feel free to let me know if I have missed your favourite, or give me some recommendations about what to watch when I have finished the list of about 50 hours of television I have waiting for me to watch. Maybe I could take a day off and call it Professional Development to get through the backlog.
Just so you know hour feet are really hurting. You might want to consider having a foot massage.
And you are really hungry.
We have also booked out flights to Sydney. Yay.
Next weeks training is exactly the same as this week for those of you playing along at home. Lets just hope it is not as cold.
Yes you read that correctly. For the next few weeks I will be going to dance lessons on a Friday night. There are several reasons why this is hilarious. The main reason is that I have no hand eye coordination at all. I can't even do the Time Warp. Or the macarana.
This is what I look like doing the Macarena
So I before I hit the dance floor I thought I would share with you my biggest issue of the week. It is bloody cold. Yep my overseas readers I live in Western Australia and it is COLD. The reason this is such a problem is because I hate the cold. I made a deal with my husband last year that I would never complain about the heat, as long as that meant I could complain about the cold. Now the irony is not lost on me that I am choosing to spend half of my holidays in the Snow, but I think that is a little different. I have always hated the cold. I am not one of those people that say " Ohhh I'm so glad it is getting cold." Nope there is nothing good about the cold at all. Here are some of my reasons. (in list form of course) 1. It is really cold first thing in the morning. I go running in the mornings. It is really hard to dress for running. You start off with a jumper, beanie and gloves. Then you lose the jumper, then the beanie then the gloves (your stuff the beanie and gloves in the jumper which is tied around your waist). That is a lot of stuff to carry around. You also drop your torch because your hands are slippery, and it makes changing the song on your iPod very difficult. As an aside, once my car got broken into and they stole my gloves, which made me think this morning that it must be really hard to break into a house and steal things with gloves on because everything is really slippery. 2. Beanies don't look cute on anyone over 25. Once you hit over 25 your face starts to drop so beanies are not flattering. I have been growing my hair so I had some hair sticking out under my beanie when I go skiing to look super cute. (Yes I am that shallow). It hasn't worked. I still look old. My running beanie is very clever and has a hole in the back for your pony tail.
She looks super cute in a beanie because she is under 25.
3. My nose runs all the time. It gets really cold and then snot just drips out. All day. 4.It is really hard to get into the shower. 5. It is even harder to get out of the shower. 6. When you get into the shower because you are so cold, the hot water really hurts. 7. You have to wear tights. I hate wearing tights. They fall down, the crutch hangs down, and they get holes in them. When I was at school we had to wear poo brown tights. I think this is wear my dislike of tights come from. 8. You have to wear sooooo many clothes. Today I am wearing a singlet, a long sleeve top, a dress, my fleecy lined tights (yes there is such a thing), my boots, a coat and a scarf (and underwear of course). Thats a lot of clothes to put away at the end of the day. Generally I just chuck everything in the washing basket. I am banned from doing the washing because I accidentally put a toilet roll in with the washing. Do you know how hard wet cardboard it to get off clothes? Well let me tell you, it is really hard, and that is the reason I am banned from doing the washing. 9. Your lips get dry so you put on lip balm and then they get even drier. Which is really weird. 10. Your skin gets really dry so you have to put on lots of moisturiser so your legs don't look like alligator skin, but because it is so cold when you get out of the shower you are freezing. 11. You sometimes forget to take off your ugg boots when you leave the house. That can be embarrassing. Unless you are a bogan. Or Pamela Anderson. Or maybe that is the same thing.
Pamela Anderson. In ugh boots.
And that is why I hate the cold. I also hate the rain. Of course the cold and the rain is only ok if you are having a home day, can wear your tracky, don't have to do any exercise and have a great big bowl of warm winter food cooked in the slow cooker. Finished with iced doughnuts .
Doughnuts are the only thing that would make me say " I DOUGHNUT care if it is cold." Haha get it DOUGH NUT -DO NOT. Why are doughnuts called dough nuts anyway? There are no nuts.
Now I am aware that in Australia we don't have coupons like they do in America, but if we did I think I would be extreme. I am the Australian equivalent which is an extreme loyalty carder. Enough so my daughter laughs at me when we go shopping.Now I know that every few months when there is no news, a current affairs show will do a segment on how loyalty cards have no benefit and are a scam, but personally I love them. And let me tell you why... This week has been an awesome week of cashing in my loyalty cards. Monday was an awesome day for two reasons- one was because it was my Birthday and secondly my son has hurt his ankle (that's not the awesome ) and I had to be mum and drive him to his exams. This meant I had three hours to kill, so I did what anybody in that position would do - I went shopping. The reason for my shopping was because I was going to use my shoppers rewards. This is what happened Stop One was Mecca Cosmetica, which by now you should be aware is my most favourite shop (well one of). Because it was my birthday and I am a beauty loop member I got a free gift,
My birthday pressie from Mecca. Retails at $42.Yep- $42 for nothing!
a complimentary make up application and a trial nail polish. I also had a birthday voucher from my sister in law so I bought a Nars Satin Lip Pencil
These are awesome! Long lasting and a nice glossy finish
The lip balm Stop 2 was Myer. I had a two reward vouchers from my Myer One card. This one baffles me because I always get a reward card, but I don't really shop at Myer. I purchased Benefits They're Real mascara. My friend Dawn recommended the product and I really like it. I also like how the name has an exclamation mark in it, and we all know how much I love a good exclamation mark.
Stop 3 was kikki.k. They gave me a $10 birthday voucher, so I bought my favourite pens which always get stolen by my daughter. I am on the packet number 3.
Stop 4 was witchery. They very kindly gave me a $20 birthday voucher. I also had $15 credit on my loyalty card so I bought two tops. YAY!! When I was finished my shopping and on the way home, I had a call from my mum. She had cashed in some Flybuy points and ordered me a cutlery set. (where do all the spoons and forks go?) I cash in my flybuy points and get a magazine subscription to Vogue, Instyle, GQ and Wheels magazines. Then to top of the week of loyalty cards I used the points from my Woolworths Everyday Rewards card and booked a return flight to Sydney. Which is super exciting apart from the fact that there is a marathon to run in there. Also worthy of a mention is that last week I went to Priceline, used my vouchers, got money off a nail polish(essie of course)
It is called cute as a button, and it is
and L'oreal Blur (great product), I got $10 off that.
and they gave me this....
FOR NOTHING!!!! Well apart from may the hundreds of dollars I spend there every year. So I think the moral of the story is join the loyalty programs!!! I think the key is to make sure that you just shop normally. If you get free stuff that's a benefit. Now if only Louis Vuitton would have a loyalty club, because I need a new purse to keep my loyalty cards in...
As my husband tells me regularly- I am a really bad sharer. Now I don't think this is 100% true, I can share, I just don't like sharing. I think it because I worry that if I share my stuff people will ruin it. Which is quite silly really because I do a pretty good job of ruining things on my own. So being a bad sharer make this new food trend thing bloody annoying. In short- I am sick of every bloody restaurant you go to these days doing shared food. I find these days when ever I go to a restaurant and the "server" (is that the correct term these days?) tells me that " Our menu is designed to share." My heart sinks a little. If it is two of you, that is ok, especially when it is your significant other, but when there is more than the two of you, this is when it gets bloody annoying.
This is Les Tapas
I blame the Spanish. And Australians who like taking bits of other cultures and not using it properly. You see the Spanish have been doing tapas for years. The word tapas means "cover" and people were originally given something to cover their drinks (to stop the flies getting in their sherry. mmm sherry). Now as in Spain dinner ( yes DINNER) is served between 9 and 11, which means that they have an awful lot of time between work and dinner, so the Spanish being the clever things they are go from bar to bar and have some nice little snacks BEFORE DINNER. You hear that BEFORE DINNER. It is NOT dinner, it is NOT all you have to eat.
This is Les Australia tapas. I can tell because there are three pieces and there are four people at the table.
So here are the main reasons I dislike sharing menus 1. You always go home hungry and have a ham sandwich. (on fresh white bread with lots of lurpak butter.) 2. Unless you know the people you are dining with really well, you always feel awkward about taking the last bit. 3. They food is served in odd numbers. Which is delightful when you have an odd number, but when you have 4 people, how the bloody hell are you going to split 3 pork belly's into 4? 4. When you have 6 or 8 people, you have to order two of everything. Which is a problem because (see point 5) 5. This sharing business is expensive. When you are paying $15-$20 for 5 meatballs it gets very pricey. They are obviously unaware that you can but a whole bag of meatballs from Ikea for $5. 6. You often end up with some left over bits because no one wants to take that last bit (see point 2) so before you can sneakily take the last bit the server has whisked it away from you. 7. You have to compromise and order things that you don't really like all that much. Like whitebait. What it the point of that? It's bait for God sake the name even tells you that! 8. Like wise you also have to share the things you really like. I can often be reduced to tears when someone takes that final bit of calamari. 9.You drink more wine because you are trying to fill up your tummy. Oh hang on, not sure if that one is a negative. 10. You misjudge just how much food you have eaten. So why you may leave the restaurant HUNGRY, you have eaten your entire calorific intake for the week. Now there are some exceptions to this sharing rule. Sharing is ok IF 1. You are having Chinese, Thai, Indian, Yum Cha...(basically Asian cuisine) and Pizza, or proper Tapas. From a Tapas bar. and you are drinking Sangria. Or Sherry. 2. You are having a starter. Sharing starters in fine. But then you have your OWN main meal. 3. If the share dish is large. Like enough for everyone and they don't charge you $10 for an extra piece of bread to dip in your dukkah. 4. You are on a diet, don't like food, are feeling slightly sick or don't like the people you are dining with so you don't care if they think you are a greedy pig. 5. There is no 5. ( I was pushing it finding 4 positives)
