When I grow up.....

I don't know about you but I remember thinking when I was younger that I couldn't wait to be a grown up because that would mean I would have my shit together. Except now that I am a grown up and I realise that I still don't have my shit together and have no real idea of what I want to do when I grow up. I am not very good at being a grown up. In fact it was only in the last few weeks when someone asked how old we feel. I said 17. They said no seriously. I was being serious.

Now I know technically I am a grown up, and have done many a grown up things, like having kids, having a mortgage and having a career but I still find that I have not found what I am meant to be. Now this brings a whole way of thinking- like are we ever really happy in what we are doing? Do we ever stop aspiring for more? Do we ever stop wondering if there is something more we should be doing? OR is it just something about people who live in the Western World that we always want more?

Just last week I was having dinner with some girlfriends. Now none of us are under 40, we all have "good" jobs, but we all found ourselves thinking "What else could we do?" This was really hard, because I start with the conversation I always have with 15 years old asking them "What is your passion." I think this is maybe because we are all brainwashed with the saying- "Find a job doing what you love and you will never work a day in your life."

Well I love shopping. It is probably one of the things I am really good at. Unfortunately any career path that involves shopping will equate to a not so fantastic pay packet which ultimately will lead to not so much shopping for me. My other friends were really struggling as well to find out what their hobbies were that could lead into any real form of a profitable career.

I have actually made a decision that as of next Semester I will be returning to study. I have enrolled to do my Masters of Education in School Leadership. I am going to do it part time, and externally which means apart from orientation day I won't have to step foot on a Uni campus. And just quietly- I am a little bit terrified. My terror was compounded on Friday when I went to a course and saw all the "new teachers". I could tell they were new teachers, because I got out my notebook and pen- they got out there Apple Air Books. I wrote away- they tapped away and then took photos of the screen with their iphones. Now keep in mind that last time I was at Uni the internet had not been invented and computers only sat on a desk. I felt like I was in the scene from Legally Blonde where poor Elle gets out her pink notebook and fluffy pen. 

Actually my notebook was pink. I also think I have taken a note out of Elle's book because when someone told me that I was being brave going back to study because it would be difficult I realised that it had never occurred to me that it might be hard. I think I might be in trouble.......

So to all my young readers out there- don't stress about not feeling that you have your shit together. I think that is a lie that we tell you in High School.  So unless I finally get discovered for my comedic talent, or my fantastic shopping and writing skills I will be spending the next three years finding what I am going to be when I grow up. In the mean time though I am going to lie on a beach in Bali for a while. Maybe I might grow up before I get back. But secretly deep down I hope not.

A quick nail polish survey

Needless to say I love going shopping. My youngest daughter loves the idea of going shopping, although I think this is mostly due to the fact that she will either get a boost juice or a trip to Kikki K (and who wouldn't?).

One thing we always like to do when we shop is try on nail polishes. This started because Sportsgirl have a little bar where you can try on their nail polishes. Now to be honest I find this idea a little bit odd because you will paint your nails and then look at the clothes. And as we all know wet nails and clothing equals disaster. But I guess that is there problem.

So last shopping trip I decided Indi would trial the nail polishes for me. On her cute chubby little fingers we put on two colours in Sportsgirl, three in Witchery, three in Mecca (using their own brand) and  the left over two were Essie from Priceline.

After a week of tough kid treatment- the last polish still standing was...........Witchery. And it lasted quite well. There was still plenty of colour left on the nails where as the other colours had completely chipped off.

The prices of the polishes are Witchery $14.95, Mecca $22.95, Essie $16.95 and Sportsgirl I couldn't find a price online, but I am guessing you would definitely get change of $20. The colour range of all the brands is good- Essie obviously have the most choice, Witchery and Mecca have more classic colours and Sportsgirl have a more "faddish" range.

What brands do think have good staying power? Have you found the holy grail of polish?

Can't touch this. Or the day I wore drop crutch pants to work.

Fashion is a funny thing. Funny how it evolves. As in "I will never ever EVER wear drop crutch pants because the make you look like you have poo'd your pants."

These make you look like you have poo'd your pants

That was me two years ago. Actually that was me 2 weeks ago. I looked at that trend with disgust, and fascination. Until I walked into Zara on Saturday and saw the shop assistant (are they still called that?) wearing a pair of black drop crutch pants. I knew at that very time I had to have them. Well not hers specifically but a nice clean pair that were hanging conveniently where I was standing.

This is more like mine. But without the fur coat. I get allergies.

I grabbed them, didn't show them to my accompanying shoppers lest they make me change my mind and headed to the till like a women possessed before I could change my mind. Well only pausing to tell my mum to grab me the a shirt off the rack that I also had to have (come on it was $25. Yes practically free).

I was so happy with my pants that I didn't take them out of the bag until Sunday night- all ready for the reveal on Monday at work. I texted two of my work friends who also are members of the fashion police  to warn them that I would be wearing my drop crutch pants and to be prepared. One replied with "........mmmmmmm.........no comment", the other with "Hammer time."

Ahhhh MC Hammer pants.

Monday morning came around. I copied the exact outfit the shop assistant was wearing and walked out of my bedroom. My husband said nothing about my cutting edge fashion choice. In fact no one said anything. Apart from my fashion police friends. I got a " geez they are unflattering" and "Can't touch this"sung to me. Actually the only comment I got all day was about my silver trainers.

So all I can assume is that
1. They looked ok
2. They looked really really bad and no one wanted to tell me that I looked as though I had poo'd my pants.

In a post script to this blog- I thought I had published this on Tuesday. It would appear not. I have since wore my MC Hammer Pants nearly every day since. I think I am in love, or it could be the fact they are so damn comfortable I feel like I am wearing my tracky.

This is the VOICE.

I'm not a big one for singing shows. I get sick of hearing people bellow out the power ballads and hearing how everyone has a story to tell the world, but as my choice tonight was this or Masterchef I decided if I had to watch someone follow their dream I figured I would watch The Voice.

Now I haven't watched the Voice since Keith Urban was on it- I have a soft spot for Country and Western, and I turn on tonight to see that Delta is still annoying, still does that weird dancing thing and is wearing her bathers, Keith has morphed into Ricky (she bangs) Martin, Benji has morphed into two and Jessie J is there. I feel I have missed the Jessie J boat. I know she is all about the money and wears a delightful shade of lippy but I didn't realise she had so many fans who get up in the morning for her. I will google her later.

Delta- How can someone so beautiful be so beige?

A few singers in I was congratulating The Voice on embracing Marriage Equality because everyone was talking about people "turning" for the Judges. At one stage 82% of the audience were turning as well. Then I realised they were just talking about turning their chairs. Although I think my concept would have been a bit more exciting. And relevant for that manner.

I also got a bit confused as to whether I was watching The Voice or Big Brother. What is Sonia Kruger doing there? Don't get me wrong I have loved Sonia since she was on Simon Townsends Wonder World (ask your parents) but has she turned into the new Eddie? Is there a show on 9 she is not on?

Yep- that is her on the right.

So what can I tell you about "THE VOICE"? Well the Maddens are fighting. I think this may have something to do with the fact that Joel (or is it Benji) now has a more famous wife. No one wants them to be their mentor. Delta is still kind of odd. I think she is so beautiful, and has a beautiful voice, but there is something that makes me want to punch her in that pretty little nose. Ricky is a cutie pie. And very intense.(That ink tells a story man) Chill man it's only rock'n'roll. Jessie J is kind of awesome.  She knows her shit that one. And she looks good in a shapeless jumpsuit. I have also seen from the preview that she makes Delta swear- so she must be really good.

Just googled her- still not quite sure why she is so famous

It looks like a good series. Someone wake me up when they announce the winner.

My wife is more famous then your wife. 

A little blog about Masterchef

I am prefacing this with Masterchef has been giving me the shits for a while now. I liked it when it began and there was just good old fashioned home cooks whose idea of a "cracker" of a dish was a fab chocolate cake. It was hosted by the chick who got fired after the first season and then went on to quit sugar and make a fortune. Somewhere along the line it has all become about "proteins", "flosses" (thats shredded meat to you and me) and "the cook".

The charming home cooks have now become really annoying upstarts who have dreams of becoming a Masterchef. (Between you and me they could pop over to TAFE and become a chef if they really wanted too). They talk about their food dreams which is always really cool things like " I really want to buy a food truck" which I honestly don't understand why they can't. Do you just go and buy a caravan- borrow some cash from the bank and hope for the best?

So tonight I put Masterchef on. The episode started with all these well groomed young things getting really, really excited over Heston Blumenthal. Heston is now in the category of only needing one name. Like Madonna, Kylie or Bono. Although I actually think he is called Heston because no one can pronounce his last name - or maybe it is because like Bono he wears stupid glasses.

So after much squealing Heston comes out and sets the challenge where they are cooking Australian stuff. Like wallaby. Does anyone cook wallaby? Has anyone ever eaten wallaby? Do we need to eat Wallaby? I missed what else was on because I went and did the dishes, but there must have been macadamia nuts and ricotta cheese because the dentist (Seriously you dream is to become a chef when you are a dentist?) told me what a lemon meringue pie was, and a girl called Billie- who is very pretty-is making a parfait out of the ricotta (because on the dairy farm her mum used to make cheese out of the milk- yes she said that ).

The annoying girl who made a "floss" and added a "crumb" to her wallaby won the challenge for using the most pretentious food phrases and then she picked a cocktail (espresso martini, bloody mary and a whisky sour- I do like  a whisky sour) to turn into a food....blah, blah, blah. They then talked about acids working with the integrity of the gelatine (really), I get overwhelmed with Matts very ugly pants, the girl who looks like a young Julia Roberts and doesn't drink (sorry what?) is going to make Nans trifle- God I love trifle- another chick panics because Gary and Heston tell her she has played it safe.

Can you see the Julia Roberts thing?

Oh God! In between her over acting Sara has over whipped her meringue. Masterchef bingo is nearly complete because some one has just said "deconstructed". Sara has over whipped her meringue again (is that even possible?) and her jelly won't ball and she cries. Have a swig of the whisky love- that will calm you down. Someone is making a foam. She also has flawless red lips. I wonder what lipstick she is wearing. 

We are plating. Things aren't setting, skin is crispy, someone has forgotten the sour, people are running, someone else has made a foam, we are piping, we are making domes, jelly's won't set. THIS IS A COMPLETE DISASTER. Oh no- Sara is crying. It's ok George is consoling her. And he tells her he..... loves her?? What is going on here?

One dish up. Georgia's dish looks like shit, Jelly didn't set (was that the alcohol affecting the integrity of the gelatine). She cries. The dentist tells us he is always happy (because he is so friggin rich from being a dentist) We have some more tears because someone forgot her cherries, there is a moment of tension because Stephen forgot his lemons, Julia Roberts has managed to create a "ballsy" trifle and Sara who has had a "terrible cook" and cries. Rose has "nailed it".

This is a ballsy Trifle.

Then my husband came in and turn the tele over so I have no idea what happened. But I don't think I really cared. But I think if we have all learnt one thing from tonight it is this- "Never mix with the integrity of the gelatine."

So did you hear the one about the time I had a Thai massage?

I have given up sugar. Well to be honest I have given up food. And alcohol- basically everything I love. My reason for this is largely due to the massive amount of weight I have put on this year. I was expecting a few kilos ( the biggest hint was when I was walking and felt something bouncing on my chest- and then I realised it was my boobs) but nothing prepared me for 12kgs.  So in order to get my Bali body ready in 3 weeks (umm I think I should have started earlier) I am on the diet from hell.

Now I am happy to admit I am a sugar addict. It is what keeps me going but nothing has prepared me for the sugar withdrawal I have had this week. I don't even thing there is a name for the headache that I have had. You know it is bad when you go to bed with a Mersyndol and still wake up with a headache. 

I decided that I needed to have a massage because I was sure that would fix it, because massages fix everything. I booked in to the Thai massage place down the road. Now last time I went there we booked in for an aromatherapy massage. But there was no aromatherapy and plenty of pain so my friend and I decided we must have had a Thai massage. So confidently, I booked a Thai massage.

I walked in, took off my shoes, got my feet washed and was then led to a room.  Where my little massage man pulled back the curtains to reveal.... a mattress on the floor. At this stage I realised that a double bed on the floor could only mean one of two things. I had either booked in for one of "those" massages or I was in for the "super painful there is nothing relaxing about this" type of massage. Then he left. 

Now I have had plenty of massages before so I felt very confident to get my gear off and pop the towel on. I had half my gear off when I looked for the towel. There was no towel. I didn't know what to do. Was I meant to stay clothed? Because I didn't want to be lying naked (apart from my knickers of course) on a mattress on the floor when a man walked in to massage me (because by now I really am thinking that I have booked in for the whole different type of massage). I  panicked. I was getting flustered. I stuck my head out the curtains but I couldn't find him. I then found a pair of Thai fisherman pants (remember when they were in fashion) and a shirt and assumed that was what I should wear.

Remember these?

Hoping that the little outfit was for me (and not my massage mans clothes) I popped them on. He came in and I asked him if that was what I was meant to be wearing. He laughed at me.  By now  I was truly mortified and was ready to run out into the street with my Thai fisherman outfit on. This would have been really bad because I couldn't work out how to tie the pants up and they would have fallen down as I was running. But luckily I was meant to wear the outfit. Well thats what he told me. It is highly likely by the way he was laughing I was the topic of afterwork drinks.

Finally I could lie down and get ready to relax away my headache. Then I had a flashback to the last thai massage I had in Thailand. I had to leave half way to have a vomit. And I never vomit. That would be because I have a phobia of vomiting ever since when I was little and my brother fed me a bottle of seasick tablets and I have to take some syrup to make me vomit them up. Since then a vomit only occurs on very special occasions. Like my friends 40th Birthday.

Any way... back to the massage. I did some some self talk. I can do this. I have had three kids (one without drugs- not by choice mind you, the doctor was busy playing golf and didn't make it back). I run marathons. I teach high school. I have watched the movie Les Miserables. I CAN DO PAIN.

How does something that starts like this....

End up like this?

So after an hour of being folded into pieces like human origami , having elbows, knees and god knows what else  pummelled through my entire body, only nearly passing out once (well maybe twice) and counting down the minutes until the torture was over- I made it to the end. I got dressed, paid my $75 and left feeling fab-u-lous. I still have the sugar detox headache, but at least now I have a few bruises to go along with it!

Sometimes I need to write a strongly worded email.

I quite often get enraged about thing. Like really really enraged. And then I say " I'm going to write a strongly worded letter (or email). Unfortunately I am also a Gemini that gets distracted by shiny things so that sense of enragement tends to get replaced easily.

Today I have had three things that I feel have warranted strongly worded emails. I have momentarily forgotten the third (told you I get distracted) but the first two are...

1. Nike for making a t shirt that is see through under light. Normally I get dressed in the dark or when I go running I can't see myself . This morning I wore my favourite Nike t-shirt to boxing. With a white bra underneath. The boxing room has mirrors. I now know my t shirt is see through. As do all the other people in my boxing class. Who are apart from myself and my friend are all male. And all this time I thought people were staring and smiling at me when I was running were just being friendly.

This is the t-shirt. Maybe the fact that it is called "Breeze" should have been a give away that it is see through.

2. Catch of The Day. I bought some amazing NARS makeup. 2 freaking months ago. Everyday I get all excited to come home and hope to have a parcel. Nope. Nothing. STILL. I did get an email saying that it had been shipped 2 weeks ago and it said to "allow 4-5 WEEKS from dispatch". Are they kidding me? Where is it coming from? Are they waiting for it to be made? Or for someone to shop lift it and pass it on? And while I am at it Catch of the Day...since when does Charles Louboutin shoes at $799 count as a "catch"?

I finally remembered the third.

3. I am the very proud owner of an iphone 6+. I love my iphone 6+. Like really love it. Like really really really love it. It goes everywhere with me and it is as awesome as I knew it would be. Except for one little thing. The switch off button is on the side so when I go to turn my phone off I adjust the volume. It is annoying. 

This is my phone. So pretty. Such a bloody annoying place for an off switch. Why not on the top Apple. WHY?

I've have just thought of another one.

4. Masterchef because the contestant always referring to a "protein" Just call it what it is. A chicken, pork, a protein shake. whatever.

What in your life warrants a strongly worded email?