What do you do when your life dream turns into a nightmare?

New York- the most amazing place on earth.

Those of you who follow me on Facebook will know that I had been promising lots of posts about New York when I got back. In that case you will notice that there have been no posts. Let me explain..

So two weeks before I went to New York (and two weeks out of the marathon) I pulled (or so I thought) my calf muscle. I was a bit annoyed but not too stressed, I had done my training so I assumed that with some physio and rest it would be fine for the big day.

It felt fine. It wasn't hurting anymore so I assumed all would be good. Until the day before the marathon when I ran across the road. The pain in that 1 second sprint was bad. I realised it wasn't going to be good at all. So I did what all athletes would do. I cried.

Even through the pain was bad there was no way I wasn't going to run, so I strapped that baby up, wore my tightest compression pants, popped some pain killers and hoped for the best.

It was ok for the first 5km , sort of ok for the next 5km and then crap for the next 2km. At 15km I realised my dream of running a 4h30m marathon was done. I was just going to have to get to the end somehow. I ran/ walked the final 27km in a whole world of pain. The only thing that kept me going was the crowd " You've got this Aussie Emma!" (no Aussie Emma didn't) and the fact that I am no quitter. There was no way I was not going to finish this bloody thing and get my medal at the end.

I honestly think you can see the exhaustion in my eyes.

So 5h 59mins after I started I crossed the finishing line, crying so much that I couldn't breathe. The beautiful volunteers at the end where wrapping us up like little presents in finishers blankets and telling us how awesome we were, I found my daughter and walked the 4km back to our hotel. Seriously. 4 bloody kms.

I knew I had done damage but there was also no way I was going to waste my final 5 days in New York. So I walked on average 10km on my poor leg, with the help of a cane (which does help you get to the start of any queue).

Fast forward to getting home on Sunday with an ankle and leg the size of a watermelon. I went to emergency and now have the final diagnosis of a stress fracture. I will find out in a couple of weeks how much damage has been done and if I need surgery. In the meantime it is a moon boot, and not being able to drive. 

So I'm not going to lie, I have not dealt with it all well. I have cried. A lot. I feel so disappointed in myself that it all went so badly. This was my dream and it all went pear shaped. Kind of like my year really.

So when I found myself sobbing in my wardrobe yesterday because I couldn't find the dress I wanted to wear (normally a fashion crisis but not to this degree) I think I finally hit rock bottom, and I am ready to pull myself out of my disappointment. So my blogs will come, because my holiday was amazing. In fact the marathon itself was amazing. I just feel so sad that I didn't get to enjoy it how I imagined. And yes I know its a first world problem. But its my problem.

So buckle up and be prepared to be bombarded with posts about New York. The most incredible city in the world. And also if you follow me on Facebook or Instagram you can follow the travels of my moon boot.