The Bachelor first recap of the season I will be calling " Richie is hot"

Omg - 2 minutes in and I am in love. Richie - if this gig doesn't work out for you and you would like to meet a delightful 45 year old who is pretty crap at marriage ( it would seem) give me a call. I can tell you now I am going to hate all these girls because Richie - you are the one for me. Richie also loves him mum, his sister and gazes longingly over bush landscapes. He also takes his top off. And he has muscles. Quite big muscles. And a six pack.

Here is Richie with no shirt

And he looks just as good in a suit.

My internet has is having buffering issues so I have forwarded to where the first two girls have arrived. I have just found out Richie loves camping and fishing and nature. Maybe don't call me Richie. The first annoying girl of the season arrives. Her name is Janey. She is the type of girl you really don't think exist as a grown up. But then grown up these days are hunting for Pokemons so what would I know. She dresses up as a Princess for kids parties. I want to punch her. Then she drops her shoe and blah, blah, blah.

                           Janey wants to be Cinderella.

We fast forward past some boring ones, and then we meet Eliza who is looking for her penguin. She is being sexy and sultry. She is annoying. She is singing. I'm dying. So is Richie. I hope she is drunk. Now my internet is not buffering again so I have no idea how many girls I have missed, but I'm sure if they are important I will see them again soon. We do however cut to the girls in the house having a bitch about the girl singing. There is a girl who looks like Lara Bingle.She must have entered whilst I was buffering. I think I'm going to like her, but I hope she loses the choker.

This is Lara Bingle. Sorry Keira.

Back to Richie and a girl has just given him bacon roses, and another girl has just asked Richie if he is shitting himself. And then the streaming cut out and a message came on my screen that said this...

                        I feel my computer is judging me.

I have now jumped to the cocktail party. This is this but where the girls try and nab Richie for a little chat and those who aren't chatting are plotting to go and interrupt the chatters. They are all a bit blah until one has to tell Richie some really important news. Oh God! What is it? She has cancer? Oh no - she has a child. Just as Richie is trying to "process" the info they get interrupted.

He is chatting to Lara Bingle, she wants the white rose, the girl (Eliza)is still singing (I think she is the bat shit crazy one) the others are bitching, my internet fucks up again and then someone called Tiffany is getting a red rose. Vintaea is talking about how her earrings are as heavy as fuck, Meagan realises she hasn't chatted to Richie, so she dives in they both feel they have a connection, a girl tries to cut in and RITCHIE SENDS HER AWAY!!! He then gets Meagan a rose. The girls reckon is just because she has big boobs. Then he goes and get the white rose. OMG. OMG. OH MY GOD...the bloody single mum nabbed it. Why didn't the others think of that sooner?

Rose ceremony. Osher arrives and he is looking buff. 18 girls... 16 roses.... pressure is on. Time to play "connection bingo". Every time someone says connection you drink. Lara Bingle gets the last rose, two girls who I don't remember go home. Let the games begin.