To the people in my previous life..... I'm really sorry..

Do you ever wonder what you were in a past life?? I have spent a bit of time thinking about that in the last few weeks, because I think I have come up with the answer. In my last life I was a Princess, but a really, really mean one- who pissed off all the people who worked for me. And I am paying for it in this life. 

This is how I imagine I looked in my past life as the evil Princess.

Although in reality I'm sure I looked more like this..... no wonder my cook hated me.

Why do I think this way? Well not just because I can be a bit of a Princess in this life ( yes I said it so no one else has too)- but my reasons are because even though I am attempting to look on the bright side of life, life seems to have other ideas. Here is a list of my reasons (and all these things have happened in the last 3 weeks)

• My microwave blew up. So obviously I pissed off my former cook. Now in reality it is actually because as my daughter is the Princess of slime, and all my bowls have been used to make the bloody stuff, so it appears slime made with glitter and microwaves don't mix. Who knew!
• My oven door broke. Cooks revenge again. Incidentally this can also be linked to the princess of slime who decided to stop making slime and make shrinky dinks in the oven. She thought best to do something (she still won't admit what) to the door.
• My iphone was subject to the great data glitch of 2017 and fucked up, meaning it shut down every 30 seconds. I spend three hours on the phone to Apple. They told me it couldn't be fixed. I went and bought a new one. They called me back two hours later telling me they had released a new software update and it could be fixed. Of course they fucking did. This was obviously one of my servants I was mean to when I asked them to send letters by raven like they do in Game of Thrones.
• My fridge died. The cook again obviously.
• This morning my car had a flat battery. Man I must have been a bitch to my chauffeur.
• This brings me to what a mole I must have been to my poor maid, because her revenge has come in the shape of my two children who live at home and have no idea how to clean up after themselves. Their most favourite game at the moment is to eat every last thing out of the box, but leave the box in the cupboard or fridge so when I go to get something it is empty. Such a cool game.
• My poor pets where another of my past life victims, because even though I take them outside 50 million times a day they much prefer to shit on the rug inside, and then when they are outside they choose to terrorise the neighbourhood by running and barking after everyone who walks past. Now as the majority of my time is spent in my pyjama's- I spend a lot of time running down the street in my pyjamas. The neighbours have got wise though and cross the street. To be honest not sure if they are avoiding the dogs or me in my pyjamas.

                                           

So to all those I have wronged in my former life.... I am really, really sorry and I have seen the errors of my ways. I promise if I am ever reincarnated as a Princess again I will be really, really nice to everyone. Like Princess Diana but without the touch of crazy. So can we all calm down now and just play nice?