Ten reasons I wish I was young.

So this post has been a long time coming. Ages ago I wrote about the reasons I was glad I wasn't young anymore, and it has been a little harder coming up with reasons I wish I was young. Or maybe I was worried that once I open up that little can of worms my resilience about being 42 would crumble. So here goes-

1. You can go disco dancing and no one will laugh at you. I love disco dancing (yes I know discos don't exist, they didn't exist in my day either, it was a Night Club. You went Night clubbing. Somewhere along the line the night went missing. Probably because those young things are lazy). But I have a few problems. The first being that I learnt to dance in the '80's, and the second being when I dance I look like the old lady on the dance floor with the daggy moves. I get either looks of sympathy or pity on the dance floor.

This is how we danced in the "80's. I blame you Molly Ringwald!!!!

2. You can go out drinking anytime you want to. Weekends, weeknight, during the day. Whenever you damn well please. When you get to my age you have to give it a secret name. Like Book Club.

3. When you are young you still have a metabolism. In The Breakfast Club, Alison says that "When you get old your heart dies." Well Alison let me correct you on that. Your heart doesn't die, your metabolism does. A sudden death. One day it is there, the next day- nothing.

Every single thing you eat you may as well just sticky tape to your thighs, tummy, or back of your arms- (when the bloody hell did that happen??)  Cellulite is not a build up of toxins- It is a build up of Ben and Jerry's chic chip cookie dough. Thats why it's lumpy- its the cookie dough. And the choc chips.

                        Cellulite in a cardboard cylinder

4.You can wear clothes ironically and not look old. Put me in a floral dress and I won't look young and funky in an old style dress. I will look old and daggy in an old style frock. No Leona Edminston for me!!

5. When you are young you can go out boozing and enjoy your hangover the next day, then bounce out of bed later on in the afternoon and start all over again. When you are older you crawl out from under your hangover the next week. And you can't eat the Hungry Jacks needed to soothe the hangover because it will stick to your thighs. See point 3.

6. Young people have energy. My energy has run away with my metabolism. The two of them are off partying somewhere, while I am trying to remember what it is like to not fight the urge to sleep every  time you sit down. Young people take Red Bull to give them wings. I have Red Bull to just give me legs. 

You think you're tired? I've been tired since 1994

7. You have few responsibilities. If you live at home you can mess up someone else's house, eat all their food and take all their money. And then crack it when they ask you to do the dishes. If you live on your own you can make a mess, complain you have no food or money and your parents will bring it over to you.

8. Getting a University degree is easy. Full time uni? Does that even exist? In my day you were there EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. None of this day off nonsense. Seriously your degrees would take half the time if you actually had to go. And don't start me on that online lecture nonsense.

9. You look good in nearly every photo. You don't have to worry about which angle makes your face look wrinklier, and you can even have a shot taken with a low camera angle without your face falling into the camera. It gives new meaning to the saying " Don't look down". You also totally get how to do selflies. It's like your arms are longer or something.

10. You will look younger for longer because you have grown up with this amazing product called "Sun Cream". This product protects you from the sun. When I was younger we also had a product called sun cream. It was called Reef Oil and it magnified the sun so you could obtain that perfect shade of burn.

Yep- you read that correctly- this product offers no protection against UV rays.

So there you have it. The top ten reasons I wish I was young. Feel free to add your own to my list.

Last night I even bored myself..

Last night I was writing a post on "What to wear for winter". I got half way through and then I got bored with myself. It was kind of long and I couldn't make it amusing at all. I mean how entertaining can a man style white shirt be? Unless of course it is a man style pirate shirt.

                                  See- thats funny

So here it is in 10 easy step

1. Embellish
2. Man style white clothes and shoes (think brogues )
3. New Bohemian (as opposed to Old bohemian because that would be cheap from the Op Shop and new bohemian is expensive from a shop)
4. Sport Luxe (basically just chuck on your trainers and you are good to go)
5. Coats in Pink or beige or a Leather Biker Jacket
6. Tartan ( I won't be doing tartan. I did it when I was 14. I wore double tartan. I shall never recover)
7. Pop that hair in low pony or make it messy do.
8. Wing your liquid eyeliner and you CAN do a strong red lip at the same time (or both lips if you chose)
9. Buy a sweater with a slogan on the front
10. Wear a three quarter or a nice midi skirt.

Easy done. Now here are 10 looks for winter I don't understand.

1. Purple hair. This is not fashion. This is what happens when you leave your blonde hair toner on for too long.
   

        Seriously Nicole- the bottle clearly says 5 minutes

         2. Bassike low slung pants. I love Bassike basics but the long slung pants are to me a mystery.   They make your look like you have pooed your pants. And the leather ones are like hundreds of dollars.

Mmmmmmm- no

3. Over the knee boots. Call me old fashioned but to me they just say "Hooker". Maybe they work if you are young, and have awesome legs.

Nope- still say hooker

4. Midriffs- such a tricky trend. Looks fab if you have a tight tummy and/or have never had kids. I didn't wear a midriffs before I had kids, and I never have had a tight tummy. So thats a no from me.

                               How to wear a midriff

                             How not to wear a midriff

5. Quirky accessories- I don't do quirky. Well maybe one or two quirky,  

 But there is so much quirky going on here it is making my brain hurt.

6. Pointy nails. I think Rihanna is to blame for these but they look to me like Alligator claws. Plus you could do some serious damage with this points.

Check out the colour. This is from O.P.I's Muppets range. Does anyone remember Cutex's Blue Opal?

7. Kitten Ear headbands. They annoy me when kids at school wear them. I want to slap them.

 When I see an adult wearing them I want to slap them even more. 

      There is only one way to wear Kitten Ear headbands

                

There is no 8, 9 and 10. I think I like everything else. Well except for Faux and real fur. The only place fur looks good is on animals.

               God help me- a furry hat with kitten ears.

So what winter trends so you not like?

Disclaimer- All of my opinions are of course subject to change. Because a. I am female and b. A Gemini

All images via Pintrest.

A very weighty post.

If you heard a scream on Monday morning and could't work out what it was , no need to worry. It was me. Reading the number on the scales. The rather large number on the scales.

You see I have always had a rather unhealthy relationship with my weight, since I was about 10 when I went to the Doctor and he told me I was fat. Huh? Until then my weight had never even occurred to me. From that day on the issue of my weight has never stopped occurring to me. For the record I wasn't fat either, I was a teeny tiny bit chubby, but I was an early developer. I was the kid that stopped growing in Year 7.

My life every since then has been a constant battle with my weight. You see I am a believer that your body does have a natural "set point" That is the weight you are meant to be. Unfortunately though my body and I disagree on what the "set point" is, like by about 10 kilos. 

I watched a TED talk that was recommended to me by a friend, and the women presenter was talking about her own weight struggle, and she said she had her light bulb moment, when she quit dieting and just ate what she wanted to. The key, apparently, is to "listen to what you body is telling you." Sounded like an awesome plan. So I did. I ate what I wanted to (still exercised like a champion) and listen to my body. It told me " I want to be fat". Well that didn't exactly go to plan.

I also gave up on the scales about 12 months ago.

Yeah I know- but this number directly effects my clothes number and I really like my clothes and I could never afford to replace them.

 My mood was very reliant on the number that appeared on the scales. If I didn't like the number, I would do the scales dance- you know the one that must be done first thing in the morning, before you have had anything to eat or drink, after you have been to the toilet with no clothes on- not even a hair elastic to weigh you down. If you don't like the result you lean on the towel rail, or move the scale to that point in the floor (or on that mat) where the number will magically decline. The last resort of course is to get off the scale and reset to point to a fraction below zero.

Did I also mention that I exercise. A lot. Like 6 days a week. I run - on a bad week 50km. So here is the facts that I forgot. EXERCISE DOES NOT MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT. It will help you maintain a weight ( I said HELP), It will assist you in losing it WHEN YOU STOP SHOVING AS MUCH FOOD AS YOU WANT DOWN YOU GOB- that is, are on a diet.  Although surely there must be a special place in the world for someone who runs 2 marathons and a ultra marathon in a year, and manages to put on 8kgs.

I was living in the great world of denial where my clothes were getting tighter. I was telling myself that my jeans were shrinking in the dryer (until I found a dirty tissue in the pocket- they didn't shrink, I expanded). Actually I think I thought all my clothes were shrinking, and damn those shops for making their sizes smaller.

My turning point was when I put on my "big pants". They are from Zara and  I have one pair in a 6  and one in and 8. So anyway, I put them on, they were snug. I checked the size it said "8". I thought " Oh Good, I'm fitting into my skinny pair, all that running must be paying off." Then half was through the day I remembered they were American Sizes. My 8's were really 12's. They were my big pair. Whoops.

This was a few days before my mini vacation- so I decided to deal with it when I got home. So Monday was the day. I stepped on the scales. The NEW SCALES. The result was horrendous. They were digital. I couldn't adjust them, I couldn't lean on the towel rail, there was NOTHING I could do to make that bloody number go down. So I did the next best thing. I woke up my husband and shouted at him.
"Why didn't you tell me I was getting fat?"
"What?"
"Why didn't you tell me I was getting fat? The scales say I have put on 10 kgs."
"Is that why you woke me up?"
"It's an emergency."
"The scales weigh heavier than the old ones."
I breathed a little sigh of relief. Still in denial I was thinking (hoping) he would say 8kg heavy.
"Like how much?"
"2kgs"
"I'm fat and I'm going for a run."
No answer.
"I said I"M FAT AND GOING FOR A RUN."
Still no answer.
"I SAID I'M FAT AND GOING FOR A RUN"
"I'm ignoring you because you are carrying on and being pathetic" You can see know why our relationship works.

I got home from my run, faced reality, joined Weight Watchers. I told my mum. She said "Well you do eat and drink a lot."
I said "Really? Well I do exercise."
and she says " Well your father and I were talking about how much your family eats. You would be rich if you all stopped eating so much."
"Well... I like eating. And Drinking. It's not my fault I inherited the German fat genes and have no metabolism." (I didn't actually say the part about the fat gene, or the metabolism, because I may have realised at thats stage that mum may have had a point .)

I was talking about metabolism at work today with two work mates. One of us was eating fruit, one of us was eating a low carb protein bar, the other a sausage roll with a muffin stuffed with a friggin chocolate chaser.  Guess which one wants to remain anonymous.  We came to the conclusion that after you have kids your metabolism slows and after you hit 40 (I was the only one that could comment on that) it dies. DIES, DIES, DIES.

So reality has finally hit home. Protein only, low carb, high carb, shakes,low fat, full fat, 5:2. It's all crap. If you want to control to your weight there is no magic. You just have make sure you don't eat more than you use. So if I want to stay (or get back to) a size 10 I will be watching my weight for the next 21 years. Because I have decided the day I hit 65 I am getting fat. I am going to start wearing kaftans, eat a pie every day for breakfast, have one of those amazingly yummy almond custard scrolls from bakers delight every day, drink coke, and if I have to drive around in a gopher beeping at all the kids to get out of my way I damn well will. 

I was trying to find a funny photo of an old overweight lady in a gopher, but I found this instead.

My disclaimer is I know I am not really fat or overweight but for me I am not happy with my size when I am bigger. I can't fit into my clothes, and my bottom half becomes two sizes bigger than my top half. It's all about being happy and healthy.


An Update -- Well there has been a very interesting update to the great weight gain of 2014. So remember how I told you that the scales were new and weighed heavy?? Well tonight my husband gets home from the Doctors and tells me that yes the scales are out- BY AT LEAST FOUR, I repeat FOUR KILOS. So it would seem the great weight gain was only a moderate weight gain. I may have somewhat over reacted (so unlike me). On the plus side my week and a bit or being a Weight Watcher has resulted in a 3.5kg weight loss. Meaning I only need to lose .5kg.
Cake anyone????

Shall we do a film review? I think so

I love movies, like really love them, but I have a tendency to fall asleep when I watch them. This is why the best places for me to watch a good flick is either in one of my classes, or on a plane.
 Lucky for me I have done a bit of travelling lately, so I have seen a few movies.

On my latest journey, I watched Gravity. The space movie with Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. Yep thats it. Just the two of them because the other two don't really count, because one has his face kind of ripped off and the other just floats around dead the only time you see her. Worst role in a movie ever- except maybe for the role of George Clooney's wife in The Descendants. Imagine getting the call- " Hey good news, you got the role of George Clooney's wife, except that you are in a coma the whole movie and don't get to kiss him. Not even once."

So Gravity. I had attempted to watch this twice before. The first was a copy I found. Well I found it on a students USB. After I told him about the evils of illegally downloading it I may have had a little look. I tried to fast forward it until she got out of space. Yep that didn't happen. The second time was on the plane on the way over to Melbourne. I got 15 minutes in and then decided to watch Extreme Couponing instead.  My husband gave me the whole " How could you not appreciate the film, it was amazing."

Amazing? Really? What did I miss. So on the way home I was up for the challenge (and I had already watched Extreme Couponing and Downton Abbey.). Now I have to add a disclaimer here. I DON"T LIKE SPACE. Yep thats me. I don't find it interesting, I don't want to go, like, EVER! I don't get why so much money is spent on space travel and I never , ever wanted to be an Astronaut. Not even when I watched I Dream of Jeannie in the 70's. So strike one against the film. I did however think my love of George Clooney and my like of Sandra Bullock would balance it out.

The movie begins in Space. Sandra Bullock is a whiz bang clever person who is fixing some thing on the space station. She is not usually in space, she works in a hospital - I didn't see the connection either. George is like the boss. He is floating around in this suit with propellers or jets or whatever they are called. George is witty and funny, whilst Sandra is uptight and smart. Then disaster- (or in media terms the disequilibrium)hits. Literally. The damn Russians have stuffed up one of their satellites and space junk is orbiting around in Space. George orders Sandra to stop working, but because she is so committed and can't work out why she is in space, she disobeys him. Did I mention that she is also Space sick? Thats like travel sick, but in Space.

Damn  those Russians, the space junk hits them. Sandra floats around and make this bizarre groaning sound. It is like her scared voice. She separates from George (I would cry about that as well). The she floats, and spins, and tumbles and BANG.  She bangs into George. Now call me crazy, but in the whole  of space she magically finds George. Really? He attaches her to him with a cord. Lucky. I would like to be attached to George, even if it meant being in Space.

They go to their Space ship. Destroyed. Damn you Russia. The options are  head to the Russian Station and then the Chinese station. They head to Russia first because they have Vodka. They bond as they are floating through Space- Sandra tells George about her daughter that died and where she is from (nice bit of character development there), then George runs out of gas, and he has to let Sandra go and he floats off into the distance, or maybe something happened when they got hit by Space junk. I can't remember. It doesn't matter. Lets just say George dies.

Sandra's day just keeps getting worse. Now she is alone. In Space. She somehow gets to the Russian Station. No one is there. Then a fire breaks out. The she has to like eject the escape pod, which is easy to do because she just reads the manual which is in Russian and she can still do it. Somewhere along the line, she decides she has had enough of a bad day and turns her oxygen off and then has a fantasy about George Clooney who is talking to her. She is not the first on to do that  (have the fantasy about George). She hits more space junk, (damn you Russia) Can this day get worse????? You know it can!!

More bad stuff happens, she gets to the Chinese station. All dead there as well (damn you Russia) She decides to live, and won't give in , tells the spirit of dead George to say hello to her little girl, she gets out the instruction manual that is written in Chinese,  (once again flying this space shuttle business must be super easy because she can do it). She its the button and bam- she is off. 

Now this is the funny bit, because as she is throttling down to Earth and it is really rough, the plane I am on is hitting turbulence and the plane started jumping. It was like 4D. Anyway the escape pod gets super hot on re entry,  we know this because she says she is hot and the pod is going red, the pod lands. In the water. She is safe. OH NO SHE IS NOT. (This is seriously her worst day. EVER. Even worse that the day she had when she was in the movie 28 Days and went to rehab. Not the Zombie movie, thats 28 Days Later)

She makes the fatal mistake of opening the pod. The water pours in. She is drowning...... or is she???

So there you have it. Gravity. Or its other title " You think your day was bad???".     There is a lot of heavy symbolism in it, like the umbilical cord, being reborn, letting go of the past,blah, blah, blah, but I think that gets a little lost the first time you see it. The making of is pretty interesting, although I am fascinated by the magic that goes into making film

The movie was ok, and made by the production company co owned by Jamie Packer. This makes me excited, because maybe if George is friends with Jamie, he might come to Crown in Perth, find me and fall in love. And that would have me floating off into space.

videos from youtube, images via Pintrest

If I wasn't so busy being busy I would be talking about moisturiser.

I don't know about you, but I have the driest skin in the whole wide world. Well ok, maybe that is a little exaggeration, but it's really dry.  I am always on the search for a pretty fab moisturiser, so when some new products are on the market,  I am there. 

Two new style of products have hit the market in the last few months, both designed for the lazy and the oh, so busy. On a side note, I have read recently that "busy" is becoming the new competition. Apparently we all try to "out busy" each other. There is no competition. I am the busiest. 

First on the market was the Nivea In Shower moisturiser. It is sort of like a conditioner, but for your body. It works like this- you wash yourself (if you have dry skin your best option is a body wash for dry skin- my fav is the Johnsons one). Once you are sparkly clean you sort of stand out of the water (us busy people are far to busy to turn the water off and then on again), rub it all over your body and then rinse it off. Yep- rinse it off. 
Click here to read the blurb from Priceline

Ideally it should be enough, and you don't need to apply another moisturiser , but personally I don't find it enough.  I would give it a 3 out of 5. This may be because I have the driest skin in the world. It comes in different strengths and is available at supermarkets, chain stores and you fav pharmacy or Priceline.

The second bit of moisture is moisture in a can. Good things come in a can, like squirty cream and squirty cheese. Now there is squirty moisturiser. This little can of goodness come from the kind people at Vaseline. They have seen that the busy modern girl needs to spray her moisturiser on.

This is moisturiser in a can.

This is cheese in a can. Best not to confuse the two.

The product comes in three different types, for dry, very dry and really, really, really dry. This product is sprayed on the bod after your shower. On the back it says it is best to apply it in one spray sort of in a dancing motion which is kind of tricky as your arms get tangled.

The product is ok and easy, but lets face it- is it really that hard to do a few pumps out of a bottle? I didn't find it all that moisturising, especially on elbows and knees, and it does work out to be really expensive and it doesn't last long. I think this product comes into it's own when you are sunburnt and need to do you back, or just need some cooling. I would also give it a 3 out of 5. You can also get this at all the places you can get the Nivea. Also Woolies have it 30% off if you have an everyday rewards card this week.

So in a nutshell, stick to the good old fashioned body wash for dry skin, and a moisturising cream. No one that's busy. Not even Beyonce.

Melbourne - my guide to a weekend away.

Did I mention I was going to Melbourne?? God I love Melbourne, so much in fact that this is my fourth visit in eight months.

This vacay was a little different because it was a Birthday Family vacation. We - being my family, my mum and dad, met up with my brother and his wife and my niece and nephew to celebrate my Dad's birthday.

Melbourne is pretty fab for shopping, coffee and food - In no particular order, although if you are going by the scales I weighed myself on this morning, it would tell you that maybe the food was first. So lets start at the beginning.

We flew Qantas. Now I am not just saying this because my brother works for Qantas, but I always try to fly them, because 9 times out of 10 they are cheaper. Yes you heard me CHEAPER. On this occasion they were cheaper than Jetstar and Virgin. And you get food and luggage. This is handy for me because I am under no illusion that I could ever just travel with just hand luggage. It would never happen. Like EVER. And one of my most favourite sounds in the world is the sound of that food trolley and the hostie saying " Chicken or fish", and eating that awesome rubbery egg with beans. I watch a few movies (more on that in a later post) and read some of my book. It was fab. What also made it more fab was that it was a Thursday and I wasn't at work.

We chose to stay in Apartments, because there was so many of us. The ones we stayed at were called Shortstay Apartments and they were in City Road. Totally central, just a short walk away. Ours had three rooms, and a big living area and kitchen. 

                         The view from my bed. Nice

So food - well we ate at some pretty fab restaurants, some of them by chance, some by choice, Dinner on night one was at Crown, in the Conservatory. It was ok. If I had to say the most ordinary meal, this was probs it.  A fab breaky in a little cafe in one of the lanes we had two days in a row. lacitta. La yummy Eggs benedict. Say no more. 

One of the issues dining with 12 people is getting a spot anywhere.  Dinner was by chance in the little cafe across from the little cafe. It was AMAZING. We were all a little stressed because it looked a little dodgy, but the food (Italian) was sooo yummy.

Not dodgy at all.

 Gordan's is always one of my favourite little cafes. I had the best haloumi and calamari. And wine. We also found a great little Italian restaurant in Carlton. It was also really, really yum. 

It is about here that I need to say that the thing that makes dining out in Melbourne so awesome is not that it is affordable (you hear that Perth) but because you get really, really, good service. Like that they want you in the restaurant and you are not an inconvenience.

We didn't go anywhere fancy smanchy because it was not that kind of holiday, but we didn't have a bad meal, which is a great sign. Indi also learnt not to wear new shoes out for dinner, when you are walking.

Yep, between Laura and I we piggy backed Indi about 2km.

Soooooo shopping. Well obviously Zara, which, I can't believe I am saying this , was a little underwhelming. I would like to think, well hope to think this is due to it being trans- seasonal. I bought some cutie things for Indi, and mum got a pretty fab coat.

Melbourne Central was also a good place to shop. They have got such a great selection of shops- in fact pretty much any shop you can think of is there. And it has 4 levels. Yep 4 levels of shopping heaven- including The Gap and a Nike Shop. 

DFO is awesome for factory outlet shopping. I don't usually do factory outlet shopping because I don't think it is that cheap, but DFO in Southbank is pretty damn good. It has outlet for all the major stores, and it is only a 10 minute walk from Crown. Nearly a whole level is committed to sport shops, including Nike, Adidas, and 2XU.

I didn't make it to Chapel Street, which was ok. It did mean no Topshop, but I will survive.

The most concerning part of my shopping trip was the clothes at America Apparel. I don't get that shop. I also don't get the selection of scrunchies.

In case you feel the need for some scrunchies, American Apparel is situated in the basement of Myer.

Sunday was our last day, and St Kilda was on the menu after a yummy breakfast at The Left Bank. After a minor altercation with the fare inspectors on the Tram (don't worry, a strongly worded letter is heading their way- you don't tap your Myki card, you HOLD it) we went to urban attitude which is the best little shop full of cool stuff, and then had a yummy vanilla slice from Le Bon cakes and coffee.

Le Bon in Acland Street

 We walked along and looked at the Markets (which committed more crimes against fashion that any other market in Australia).

                  Alex and Indi going for a stroll in St Kilda

Then it was off to the airport, a cheeky stop at Krispy Kreme, a cheeky knicker stop at Victoria Secret, back on the Qantas flight, where we were offered....CHICKEN or FISH. For the record I had the chicken, and a bottle of sparkling, and a salted caramel ice cream. I watch Gravity and The Butler. Lucky Oprah made her fortune from talk shows, because she is a really, really bad actress.

So the shopping stash? 
            
Two pairs of skinny "jeggings'- a modern take on the stretch skinny jean - I can see these will be the ultimate basic for winter

                                 a pair of cuff jeans, 

 a pair of pink jeans, the most amazing shoes from RMK      

            some  (p) leather shorts,  a swing cardigan 

 and a cutie little pair of leopard print shoes from Zara ( $40- yep nearly free).

         Make up- some YSL youth liberator foundation, 

  a touché éclat pen,which only cost $55, they were $90 a few years ago

                            cleanser ($50) and eye cream 

                  and a Nars Orgasm lipgloss from Mecca. 

So here I am back home. I have once again put my credit cards into retirement, and renewed my friendship with Weight Watchers.

Until July, when me and my favourite city reunite once more.