1. You can go disco dancing and no one will laugh at you. I love disco dancing (yes I know discos don't exist, they didn't exist in my day either, it was a Night Club. You went Night clubbing. Somewhere along the line the night went missing. Probably because those young things are lazy). But I have a few problems. The first being that I learnt to dance in the '80's, and the second being when I dance I look like the old lady on the dance floor with the daggy moves. I get either looks of sympathy or pity on the dance floor.
This is how we danced in the "80's. I blame you Molly Ringwald!!!!
2. You can go out drinking anytime you want to. Weekends, weeknight, during the day. Whenever you damn well please. When you get to my age you have to give it a secret name. Like Book Club.
3. When you are young you still have a metabolism. In The Breakfast Club, Alison says that "When you get old your heart dies." Well Alison let me correct you on that. Your heart doesn't die, your metabolism does. A sudden death. One day it is there, the next day- nothing.
Every single thing you eat you may as well just sticky tape to your thighs, tummy, or back of your arms- (when the bloody hell did that happen??) Cellulite is not a build up of toxins- It is a build up of Ben and Jerry's chic chip cookie dough. Thats why it's lumpy- its the cookie dough. And the choc chips.
Cellulite in a cardboard cylinder
4.You can wear clothes ironically and not look old. Put me in a floral dress and I won't look young and funky in an old style dress. I will look old and daggy in an old style frock. No Leona Edminston for me!!
5. When you are young you can go out boozing and enjoy your hangover the next day, then bounce out of bed later on in the afternoon and start all over again. When you are older you crawl out from under your hangover the next week. And you can't eat the Hungry Jacks needed to soothe the hangover because it will stick to your thighs. See point 3.
6. Young people have energy. My energy has run away with my metabolism. The two of them are off partying somewhere, while I am trying to remember what it is like to not fight the urge to sleep every time you sit down. Young people take Red Bull to give them wings. I have Red Bull to just give me legs.
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| You think you're tired? I've been tired since 1994 |
7. You have few responsibilities. If you live at home you can mess up someone else's house, eat all their food and take all their money. And then crack it when they ask you to do the dishes. If you live on your own you can make a mess, complain you have no food or money and your parents will bring it over to you.
8. Getting a University degree is easy. Full time uni? Does that even exist? In my day you were there EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. None of this day off nonsense. Seriously your degrees would take half the time if you actually had to go. And don't start me on that online lecture nonsense.
9. You look good in nearly every photo. You don't have to worry about which angle makes your face look wrinklier, and you can even have a shot taken with a low camera angle without your face falling into the camera. It gives new meaning to the saying " Don't look down". You also totally get how to do selflies. It's like your arms are longer or something.
10. You will look younger for longer because you have grown up with this amazing product called "Sun Cream". This product protects you from the sun. When I was younger we also had a product called sun cream. It was called Reef Oil and it magnified the sun so you could obtain that perfect shade of burn.
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| Yep- you read that correctly- this product offers no protection against UV rays. |
So there you have it. The top ten reasons I wish I was young. Feel free to add your own to my list.
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