Week 7 Ross Update

                                   


And yes he is still being a c*&t.

So where am I at with this horrible fucking awful virus..... well I am still not back at work, I am still unbelievably tired, still have constant pins and needles in my arms as Ross moves around my body, still in pain although rather than it being an unbearable pain it is more now a dull ache, mostly in my neck and arms. I still have revolting headaches and about every hour I get a fever (even though those closest to me keep telling me it is menopause). I can see where they are coming from because I get so hot, I start sweating and I start taking my clothes off. And then start yelling at everyone that it is not fucking menopause.

Unfortunately for me I have also been hit hard by the other symptom which is depression. And man has it hit me hard. Those of you who either know me, or read my blog often know that depression and anxiety is something I have struggled with all my life- so the depression element of Ross is something that I was probably always bound to get- but being the expert I am at managing my depression as a "highly functioning" depressed person I didn't imagine it would be this awful.

The key to the management of my anxiety and depression is that I keep really, really busy. I rely on exercise and never sitting still to keep it at bay. Having Ross means these are the things I can no longer do. I am also sick of being sick and feeling like crap and this means that I have also been forced to stop and deal with what has been a shit couple of years of my life. And I have fallen apart. Like really fallen apart. And it hasn't been pretty.

But from falling apart means that I have no other option than to put myself back together. So this is what I'm doing..

1. I'm making myself exercise. For me this is swimming, and it works a treat. Diving into that pool not only makes my body feel better but it also makes my head feel better.

2. I am making myself go out everyday- even though I don't feel like it at all. On the weekend I had a major meltdown out of nowhere, cried (yes- still all I do is cry) and had to have a shot of tequila to get me out of my friend's house. Well it might have been two.


3. I am telling people. I hate talking about my depression because I think it is a bit boring- but I also think it is important to let people know that it is ok to talk about it.

4. I am learning that it is ok to tell people that you are not ok. And that you don't have to be superwoman all the time.

5. I am leaning on my friends and taking up offers of help. And amazing my friends and family have been. 

6. I am reminding myself that this is only temporary, it could be worse and I am going to get better.


I said to my friends the other day that one day I will one day look back at this stage of my life and realise that it was a blessing. It has made me stop, process some unresolved issues I have from the last few years, and realise that I can't keep running away and ignoring them. I always have a theory that your body gives you signals when it is time to slow down, and if you ignore them it will stop you. I believe that this is what my body has done. 

But I also believe that the time has come where I need to start pulling myself together. It is going to be a long, hard journey and I am slowly learning to be kind and gentle to myself. I know it is going to be a long time before I am myself again but I look forward to breaking up with Ross and kicking his c*^ty arse to the curb. And as with any bad relationship learning from the lessons it has taught me.

So please put your mozzie spray on- I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. 
                         

Love is love.

Yesterday I woke up to the news that Australia had voted in favour of same sex marriage. It was the result I had hope for, but was worried that may not happen. I only hope from now the Government does as promised and pushes the changes through quickly so people can be free to marry who ever they want.

As someone who has been married twice and to be honest probably doesn't believe in marriage or a happy ever after anymore- this issue to me is not about marriage, it's not about a ceremony, it's not about a commitment. It is about finally sending the message that as human beings you are finally able to love who you love without feeling like you are not equal.

As a teacher I see first hand teenagers who struggle with their sexuality. The fact that in 2017 teenagers can still be in this position is sad. The fall out is huge.They quite often suffer from mental illnesses including depression, anxiety, and self harm. This comes from the feeling that their feelings are in someway wrong or bad, or that there is something wrong with them. And the worst possible feeling of all for a teenager is that they are not normal.

The vote on same sex marriage hopefully sends the message to all teenagers that there is nothing wrong or bad about being attracted to someone of the same sex. There is something wrong or bad about you if you are mean, you lie, you cheat, or if you treat people badly. This is when you are a bad person. Loving someone, no matter what sex they are does not make you bad or not normal. 

In my 18 years of being a teacher I have seen too many young lives tormented over sexuality. I hope that the decision made yesterday by the majority of Australian's send the message to everybody that who we personally choose to love and be attracted to is entirely our own business, and everyone is entitled to the same rights.

Love is love- it is something that has never made sense,  and if you are lucky enough to find it you should grab and hold it tight no matter what gender it is. 

Yesterday finally love won.

Slime- the epidemic facing out children today.

For those of you who don't have kids aged between 6 and 13 you might not be aware that there is an epidemic that is currently infecting our children and the house holds they live in. I think it will eventually go down as one of the great epidemics of our time. It is called Slime. Or as I like to call it the " why is there fucking slime all over my house"epidemic.

So let me tell you a bit about the slime epidemic. I don't know where it came from but I think it has something to do with bloody youtube. It has also mutated into many different forms- plain, fluffy, glitter.... which makes it so dangerous.

So these are the symptoms you need to be aware of.

1.Your child will start watching the videos and before you know it you are being asked to go to the shop to buy borax and PVA glue. Actually let me rephrase that- you can try and buy PVA glue because every shop in Australia is out of PVA glue.

2. All your Tupperware containers/ bowls and spoons start going missing. You find them in random places throughout the house. But never in the sink, or cleaned and back in the drawer.

3. Little lumps of slime start appearing everywhere. On the floor, on cupboards, next to the bed, on the ceiling.

Now if you are lucky the disease will stop here. If you are not - the infection intensifies to the next stage.....

4. You start finding glitter everywhere. Even though you could have sworn you had no glitter in the house.

5. You will go to get your moisturiser/ fake tan/ carpet cleaner/ shaving foam/ and find it is not there.  That is because the epidemic has morphed into the more serious  advanced form of slime.

6. Your perfume will start to go missing. Your whole house will start smelling like your Chanel Coco Mademoiselle . This is where you start losing your shit and ask why they can't use their crappy One Direction perfume.

7. You will begin to notice that every plate/ bowl/ container you have ever owned has dried slime residue in it. A little bit embarrassing when you have people who don't have kids over. Those that do just give you that silent nod of understanding.

8. You will find yourself yelling " you are not bringing you slime to school/ dinner/ the shops" because apparently the slime needs to go everywhere with the infected child.

9. As the plague gets even more intense you will begin to find food colouring everywhere. And then as the infected child gets more creative they think that your make up will provide a good "pigment" (although she did get bonus points for using that word) to make great new shades.  And it's not just food colouring and makeup- you will also find that pens and textas will be cut open to get the colour out. Try getting that one out of your kitchen benches.

10. The final stage is acceptance. You end up giving them a cupboard, you buy throw away containers because resistance is futile. You begin to learn to live with it and wish like hell that one day is goes away.

In my house we have lived with the Slime epidemic for at least 6 months and it shows no sign of diminishing. I wish you luck for a speedy recovery. Or maybe someone bring back the fidget spinner. 

Time for a Ross River Update.

THIS IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT ROSS.

So here I am 4 weeks later and I'm still in bed with Ross. I know  before I said he was an arse but now he is officially a fucking arse.  To be completely honest I refer to him as a c*&t and no one likes that word so I must be serious. I have never had anything like this before in my life and I have had glandular fever, chronic fatigue, a pulmonary embolism, given birth to 3 children (one with no drugs) and run 27km on a fractured leg. Old Ross has completely thrown me.

So 4 weeks on let me describe what having Ross is like- it is like you have been on a drunken bender every single night and wake up in the morning with the worst hangover in the world with no memory of how you hurt your arm/leg/ neck/ wrist/shoulder. You have a headache, nausea and wonder what bee's nest you stood on because your hands and feet won't stop itching.

I am currently on 6 panadeine forte a day as well as a 1000mg anti inflammatory. I can get out of bed and do something but then have to crawl back into bed because I am stuffed. I have been advised by my doctor that I have to get out of the house and do something everyday because your mental health can be at risk because of the pain and fatigue. Lucky for me I have an amazing bunch of people around me who are taking me out and plonking me in a chair so I feel like I am not missing out on anything.

From where I am lying (literally) I am wondering when this is ever going to get any better. I have got the most amazing Doctor who I have seen more in the last 4 weeks than I have seen in the last 4 years. She has signed me off work for another 2 weeks and has warned me that the chances of me going back to work full time this year as slim to none. Being the totally together person I am I got back in my car after said visit and cried all the way home. Which for me is another side effect of Ross. He makes me cry- like all the freakin time. My poor friends have actually learnt to ignore the crying and just keep talking.

I am missing being around people so much and I can't believe I am saying this but I am missing work, my work buddies and even the teenagers.

But for every negative there is positives- so here they are...

1. I have caught up on Netflix
2. I have caught up on Stan
3. I have bonded with my dogs 
4. I have bonded with my cats
5. I have not had to spend any money on petrol
6. I know what everyone is doing because I have spent so much time on the facebook
7. I know what everyone in the neighbourhood is doing because if I am not in bed I am on my verandah.
8. My hair is in good condition because it is not being straightened every day.
9. I am saving money on makeup because I am not using any.
10.  Um.. nope there is no 10.

So the moral of the story is........ don't sit outside your villa in Bali in the middle of the night because you are worried you will not wake up in time to get to the airport in the morning without a mosquito patch on. 

Ok I have just re read this and realise how miserable I sound. I'm not miserable all the time - I'm just really bad at being sick. And If I'm going to feel hungover I want to big night before to go with it. 

There is a new man in my life. His name is Ross River and he is an arse.

So... I came home from my latest trip to Bali with a lot of things. A tan, two bottles of vodka, some contraband cigarettes and Ross River Virus. The first three things on the list are awesome (and nearly gone) unfortunately Ross ( and my virus is know being called) is neither awesome, nor nearly gone. Ross is a bastard. A mean, painful bastard.

Before it all went to shit.

For those of you who haven't heard of Ross before let me sum it up for you- it is a virus spread by mosquitoes and it common to tropical areas of Australia and the other state of Australia Bali.

I am very mossie safe in Bali because my mum had Ross 40 years ago. I always wear spray, and mossie patches- but this time a little fucker got me. In fact it was just one little fucker because I only have one tiny little mossie bite on my hand. 

So I got home from Bali on the Thursday and by Thursday night I was really, really itchy. I had a bit of a runny nose and felt a tiny bit fluey but put it down to that fact that I had partied like a rock star in Bali. On Friday night I was sitting at the pub enjoying a Bailey and Bailey's with the squad when all of a sudden I couldn't move my arm. We all had a good laugh, I had a few more wines to dull the pain and went home to bed. When I woke up I still couldn't move my arm, and my left leg wasn't working properly. I thought I had just slept on it wrong- so I cleaned my house for a home open- cooked dinner for my friends who were coming over- had a few more wines but by the end of Saturday night I couldn't use my right wrist. Sunday morning it was my left wrist and by then I knew something wasn't quite right. 

I took myself off to the Doctor- she said I was a weird mystery (not the first time I've been told that) told me to get some blood tests and take some pain killers. Fast forward to Tuesday- I'm sitting at my friends house crying. By this stage the pain had moved to my neck, shoulders, left arm and jaw. She takes me back to the Doctor who said all my bloods had come back clean except for Ross. She gave me really good pain killers and on Thursday I had the final results that I had in fact brought Ross home.  To be honest I was kind of glad because I had been slowly convincing myself that the weird mystery virus was going into my brain and I was going to die.

So the talents of Ross is that is moves throughout your body- and you can feel him moving because you get pins and needles and I am itchy. It hits one joint hard and then the next day will travel to a new one leaving the former joint as a dull ache whereas the new ache is unbearable. You are also tired. So freakin tired. In fact I have slept for 20 out of the last 24 hours. You have no energy and doing the littlest thing ( like making a coffee) will require you to go back to bed for a rest. And everything hurts. My arms are hurting even as I type this. I also can't focus on anything- which some might say isn't an entirely new thing- let me rephrase it- I have more trouble than normal focusing.

The other thing about Ross is that no one can actually tell me when he will dump me. He will hang around anywhere from 3 weeks to 12 months. 

So what I have Ross and I been doing? We have been spending a lot of time in bed, we have gone on a few excursions which have entailed me sitting down. We have gone to the chemist to get more drugs, and paid a visit to the Doctor. We are powering through Homeland on Netflix, and we get up every now and then to make toast. We lead a simple life me and Ross.

So if anyone needs me Ross and I will be in bed with Netflix and the cats and dogs.  

This post will change your life.

Now saying something will change your life is not a phrase I use lightly- but believe me this will.

I have one word for you. Heels. Who doesn't love wearing heels? Actually let me rephrase that- who wishes that you could love wearing heels without the pain in the ball of your foot? Well I hope you are sitting down. I think I have found the solution.

So because my life is so exciting, I spend most of it surfing the net collecting useless bits of information (which has helped me become very good at quiz nights), and I came across this little snippet of information. Let this picture explain.

This is a photo of my very attractive feet. You will notice (along with my very chipped nail polish) that two of my toes on each foot are strapped together. This is because I read that if you strapped them together this somehow manages to 'disengage"the tendon that is either on or runs ( I don't remember technical stuff) under the ball of your foot, which is the bit that hurts and burns when you wear heels.

So I decided today to test it. I wore my favourite boots to work which also have a heel that makes the pain in my foot unbearable at the end of the day. These are the type of shoes you either wear when you know you are going to be sitting down and only have to walk to the car and back( I like to call them dinner shoes) or you are getting hammered and that will dull the pain.

I chose today because I knew I had to walk around school a bit and I also have duty at lunch time. Duty is teacher talk for when you get to watch teenagers in their natural habitat and spend time telling them to stop swearing/ touching each other and to pick up their rubbish. Some times it can also involve breaking up fights- but that's a story for another day.

Well let me tell you....... IT WORKED!!!! At 3:45 when I walked to my car, I was actually walking. Not hobbling, not staggering, not limping. I was walking as if I was wearing flats. And I had put them on at 7:45 in the morning. Thats like a really long time.

Now I don't know what kind of voodoo magic this is- but it is magic.

Life changing.

You are welcome.

I exercised again....

                                       


I have one word for you. Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch.  My body is not sore, my body is whatever the word is that is more sore than sore. And I blame one person. My friend who I shall call Nicole. Because that is her name and she deserves to be named and blamed.

Nic and I have been exercising for a long time- like 8 years- in that time we have done everything, running, boxing, walking, swimming, spin classed, yoga, procastinating. You name it we have done it. Since the great leg incident of 2015 our exercise has hit a lull. A big lull actually. We talk about it a lot- we just don't tend to follow through much. We give ourselves a big talking too every Sunday night... because you always start on a Monday. And then there is always next week.

I like solitude exercising- like running, Nic like more structured things. On a weak moment (that is after a bottle of wine) she convinced me that we needed to try F45. Because I was weak I agreed, signed up and got pretend excited.

The morning of our first class arrived and I was annoyed at the start because it was holidays and it was early and there is something so wrong about being awake before 7 when you are on holidays, but I was standing out the front waiting for Nic to arrive. I wasn't smiling. I had my fake smile on. We arrived. I let her do the talking when we got there. The room was full of all those cross fit looking things that I always make fun of. All the circuits had weird names. I already knew I wasn't going to like it. I could see the look on my face- even though there were no mirrors.

The talked us through the circuit we would be doing. Lots of little stations- each circuit for less than a minute with a little break. It would be over in 45 minutes. And then I could go home and back to bed where I belong and ready to make lots of excuses as to why I would not go back.

                                          

We started.... and then before I knew it- it was over. And ....... I loved, loved, loved it. It was fast, it was hard, it was challenging but it was fun. And made me remember why I love exercising so much. Don't get me wrong- I whinged and moaned and complained my way through the class, and didn't let on to my friend or the instuctor people that I loved it.

I think I could have found my new favourite thing! I just have to work out what I can get out of my life to find the money to join up. How much do you get for a kidney these days? Asking for a friend.