The Older is the New Black best dressed list.

I was reading Vogue the other day, and they had an article about the Best Dressed People EVER. This is a very big call because forever means you have to pick someone from the 70's and 80's. Disco and the days of Big Hair, Big Shoulders and raw silk. I just got a flashback to my Year 12 Ball Dress.

I decided to do my best dressed. It was hard but an interesting experience, because it made me realise where my style came from. So in no particular order here it is. The Older is the New Black 20 best dressed.

Louise Brooks. 20's movie star. The hair, the lips, the dresses.  This look could easily be rocked today.

Gabrielle " Coco" Chanel. She invented the little black dress. The rest is history.

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. Singled handedly responsible for the oversized sunnies.

                            Marilyn Monroe. She was sexy no matter what she on (or didn't for that matter)

Grace Kelly- the all American movie star who became a Princess who married into a supposedly cursed family and came to an untimely end in a car crash. Hollywood couldn't come up with that sort of stuff

Princess Diana. The English girl next door who became a Princess who came to un untimely end in a car crash. Hollywood couldn't come up with this stuff.... oh hang on... And she managed to look amazing when fashion wasn't at it's best. 

Harry Styles- because if I was a boy this is how I would dress. I may rethink the random tattoos, because that needs to go on the "things I don't understand list"

Naomi Watt. I think she always looks amazing, and I think she is pretty. So there.

Lara Bingle. Haters go hate, I like the Bingle's style. She has that great Australian look, casual, beachy and cool. 

Audrey Hepburn. She is just amazing. Her style is so classic that anything she wore could be worn today.

George. He needs no words.

Gwyneth. I don't care what you say- I love her style. I once read that you can really tell a celebs style by their paparazzi shots, because this is when they have dressed themselves. I think she always look impeccable.

Charlize Theron. She rocks it, with hair or no hair she looks the bomb. And she has very nice bags.

Kate Moss. Rock chick,hippy, party girl.

Gwen Stefani, she deserves to on the list just for still having hair after all that bleaching.

The Beckhams.  Not here.

   
But here. She could do with a few more kilos and her could do with a few less tatts, but I think they always look great.

Nicole Kidman. It kills me to put her on my list, but she does look good, in an icy don't touch me kind of way.

Blake Lively. Apparently she is crazy boring in real life, but when you look and dress like her who needs a personality.

Justin Timberlake. Stylish, handsome and he can dance. Shame he is married to that beige of a woman.

and finally....

Olivia Palermo. I don't even know what she does, from all the pics I see on the net her job is just to walk her dog around New York and look pretty. There are worst jobs I guess.

So over to you. Who do you think is worthy of the list?

Kardashians in kaftans on kamels. And Hipsters

There are many things that I don't get. These include

• Baby on Board signs (do you have to drive quietly?)

• Decaf coffee (whats the point?)
• Vegetarians ( how do you live without bacon?)
• Beyonce (I can't explain it, I just don't get it)
• People who don't drink (unless you are an alcoholic- in that case- you go girlfriend)
• Hipsters. Actually I will say that loudly HIPSTERS.

• 

  You just know they are drinking decaf, blogging about their feelings and are on a paleo diet, given to them by their Cross Fit instructor .
  
  

  The other thing I don't get is how uncomfortable it is  trying out a new trend. You know how it is - you admire the trend from afar, you quietly admit to a friend that you like them, you Pinterest to find ways to wear the trend, you find a cheap version and then you wear it to work where you will be faced with the most brutal, honest appraisal EVER. 

  
  

  Teenagers.

  
  

  

  
  

  So today with butterflies in my tummy I delved into the fashion trend of 2013/14- (I know it is is a trend because I saw heaps of them in Sportsgirl ). The Kaftan.

  
  

  Now the history of the Kaftan can be linked back to the 60's and 70's when the were the outfit of choice of the hippy. They then became the outfit of choice of the calorifically challenged, but I think they then became known as a Moo Moo.

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  A few years ago Australian designer Camilla Franks released her range of Kaftans, made out of beautiful fabrics, but crazy expensive. They became the outfit of choice of the bored housewife who had nothing to do but shop. They key to wearing them was that people had to know you were wearing Camilla.

  
  

  

                        Camilla Kaftans, so pretty and yet so expensive

  
  

  Fast forward a few years and the Kaftan has become mainstream, and they make sense. Perfect for our hot summers, ideal for popping over your bathers,  for swanning around the pool, and if you have amazing legs, showing off your tan. They are also super amazing for fat days.

  
  

  So this was my attempt at pulling off the Kaftan

  
  

  

  
  

  This little Kaftan was super cheap $20 from the cheap shop at the local shopping centre, and I wore it with leggings and some sparkly thongs. If I was not at work I would have put on some denim shorts. 

  
  

  I have to be honest I am not sure if I am in love with the Kaftan, personally I think I still prefer a nice maxi dress, but the response for the teens was favourable, and I was told by one of the Ed Support kids that I looked like a Kardashian. You can't get better praise than that.

  
  

  

  
  

  Two Kardashians in Kaftans on a Kamel.

  
  

  
  

I just can't seem to nail it

I am usually quite well put together, but the thing I am useless at is my nails. In fact I am beyond useless I am crap. Some people are born with beautiful nails. They grow nicely, have a great shape and are strong.
Mine grow weird, they split and peel. And when they are polished they just chip. So this post is my best effort at nails.

In an ideal word this would be my nails.  I will not be posting a photo of my nails, so lets pretend we are living in an ideal world and these are my nails.

I actually have a bit of a confession to make- I love the look of acrylic nails. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. and I do know that nail art is all the go these days, but at the risk of sounding precious- who has time for that shit?? The can look nice, but if I have a spare few hours I am going to get a massage, not get my nails done. Getting your nails done well requires commitment. At the moment I am having trouble committing to a new television show let alone at once a month visit to the nail lady. So to all the sisters out there who are not commitment phobic I salute you.

I kind of like this because it is cute, and not too much.

I really like this as well because it is classic with a bit of bling.

So lets talk nails you can do at home when you are lying in bed and look down and think- " OMG they really are horrendous and I should do something"

1. Nails need to be filed quite often. File them to the length you want. Mine are usually quite short because I find long nails annoying, especially when they tap on the keyboard. I also find the shorter they are the better nail polish stays on for longer.
2. Please ignore this 2. I can't delete it- and the three below it.

   
   

   
   

3. 

   Yes this is fashionable but I don't get it

Yep- I'm going there- how does she go  to the toilet?

To me these nails are like George Clooney- perfect

2. You need to look after your cuticles. Some say trim them, others say just push them back. I say whatever.

3. Base coat. This is important because it makes the nail plate nice and smooth. I tend to use a nail strengthener do to my nails crap factor, but you can use just a nice plain base coat. It will also help to protect your nails against staining.

4. Colour. Where you go here is entirely up to you. I love neutrals like Essie's Ballet Slippers, and darks like OPI's Lincoln Park After Dark, or brights like OPI Dim Sum Plum. I do two coats, but for a light colour it may need three, but if you do three just be aware it can go tacky and it will take longer to dry.

Lincoln Park after Dark- great for toes as well, especially in Winter

Ballet Slippers

Dim Sum Plum- this is my staple toe nail colour in summer

5. Finish off with a top coat. I love Sally Hanson Insta- Dri because it does just that. It INSTA DRI's!!! Really. This means you can paint your nails in bed and not wake up in the morning with the sheet pattern imbedded in you manicure.

This is a must have. I repeat. A MUST HAVE.

If we are talking favourite brands- I like Sally Hanson for care products like base and top coats and strengtheners. I think OPI are great for colours, but I do find they chip quite easily, Essie is awesome for colours and I think they wear well. You also can't go past Chanel for innovative colours. They release a signature colour once a year. 

In fact Chanel almost single handedly revived the nail polish industry with the release of is's Rouge Noir in 1994. It is also called Vamp and has a cousin Very Vamp. It was designed to be the colour of dried blood which sounds foul. Apparently it was inspired by a makeup artist who coloured in models nails with a sharpie, who was probably inspired by teenage girls who have been doing that in Maths classes for years. 

It sexy and sultry

Some cute Essie brights for summer

A little bit of OPI.

So there you have it. My guide to basic nail care. I will leave you with the words of my mum- " A classy lady never has chipped nails" She also says that only common people cut their sandwiches into squares. So sometime when I am mad with her I will cut my sandwiches into squares just to spite her.

I think she would also say that classy ladies would never have nails like this either.

Oh- I forgot, you can now get Essie at Priceline (that shop just gets better and better) and OPI at Myer or David Jones.

Do you have to be age appropriate?

Those men behind her are not saying she looks hot- they are hoping she will drop her bag and will have to bend over and pick it up.

I have a very good friend from work who I will call Victoria (yes-because that is her name). I have know her for a very long time because I was her Year 9 English teacher.

The other day we were chatting and she asked me " Do you reach an age when short dresses and skirts are inappropriate."
My reply was a very swift "Yes". Because I honestly believe no matter how good your legs are there comes a time when if you want to go short the outfit needs a crutch. Otherwise you may end up looking like this

                                                                   

or this

\\

So how do you decide how short is too short? Well I think if you have a moments hesitation of " is this a bit short" then you are probably right. It is. I don't think there is a rule , like when I was in primary school and you had to kneel so the nuns (or were they sisters? ) could get the ruler out and check is was no shorter than 2cm above your knee, but it needs to be long enough that if you were to bend over and pick up your phone, or get the groceries out of the trolley your kids would not completely die. 

Ahhh- nothing like the contempt of a teenager who knows everything.

So here are some examples for you

This is a no- see even VB can't pull this off.

Pretty skirt butI'm sorry this is too short. This has no bending over and getting the packet of Tim Tams out of the trolley allowance.

Just right- short enough to show off your legs, but long enough to pick up your phone.

The length issue also rears its ugly head when you deal with girly and feminine dressing. When you get older you don't want to look "girly" you want to look "feminine". There is a very big difference.

Why would you want to look like this? ( this photo came up when I googled pretty feminine dresses. Honestly)

Or this (sorry SJP this is not quirky, it is wrong)

When you could look like this????

So I hope that has cleared it up a little bit for you. I'm thinking maybe we need to tackle the theory soon that you can never be too rich or too thin (or too brown to too blonde).

Donatella- you kill me.