I just can't seem to nail it

I am usually quite well put together, but the thing I am useless at is my nails. In fact I am beyond useless I am crap. Some people are born with beautiful nails. They grow nicely, have a great shape and are strong.
Mine grow weird, they split and peel. And when they are polished they just chip. So this post is my best effort at nails.

In an ideal word this would be my nails.  I will not be posting a photo of my nails, so lets pretend we are living in an ideal world and these are my nails.

I actually have a bit of a confession to make- I love the look of acrylic nails. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. and I do know that nail art is all the go these days, but at the risk of sounding precious- who has time for that shit?? The can look nice, but if I have a spare few hours I am going to get a massage, not get my nails done. Getting your nails done well requires commitment. At the moment I am having trouble committing to a new television show let alone at once a month visit to the nail lady. So to all the sisters out there who are not commitment phobic I salute you.

I kind of like this because it is cute, and not too much.

I really like this as well because it is classic with a bit of bling.

So lets talk nails you can do at home when you are lying in bed and look down and think- " OMG they really are horrendous and I should do something"

1. Nails need to be filed quite often. File them to the length you want. Mine are usually quite short because I find long nails annoying, especially when they tap on the keyboard. I also find the shorter they are the better nail polish stays on for longer.
2. Please ignore this 2. I can't delete it- and the three below it.

   
   

   
   

3. 

   Yes this is fashionable but I don't get it

Yep- I'm going there- how does she go  to the toilet?

To me these nails are like George Clooney- perfect

2. You need to look after your cuticles. Some say trim them, others say just push them back. I say whatever.

3. Base coat. This is important because it makes the nail plate nice and smooth. I tend to use a nail strengthener do to my nails crap factor, but you can use just a nice plain base coat. It will also help to protect your nails against staining.

4. Colour. Where you go here is entirely up to you. I love neutrals like Essie's Ballet Slippers, and darks like OPI's Lincoln Park After Dark, or brights like OPI Dim Sum Plum. I do two coats, but for a light colour it may need three, but if you do three just be aware it can go tacky and it will take longer to dry.

Lincoln Park after Dark- great for toes as well, especially in Winter

Ballet Slippers

Dim Sum Plum- this is my staple toe nail colour in summer

5. Finish off with a top coat. I love Sally Hanson Insta- Dri because it does just that. It INSTA DRI's!!! Really. This means you can paint your nails in bed and not wake up in the morning with the sheet pattern imbedded in you manicure.

This is a must have. I repeat. A MUST HAVE.

If we are talking favourite brands- I like Sally Hanson for care products like base and top coats and strengtheners. I think OPI are great for colours, but I do find they chip quite easily, Essie is awesome for colours and I think they wear well. You also can't go past Chanel for innovative colours. They release a signature colour once a year. 

In fact Chanel almost single handedly revived the nail polish industry with the release of is's Rouge Noir in 1994. It is also called Vamp and has a cousin Very Vamp. It was designed to be the colour of dried blood which sounds foul. Apparently it was inspired by a makeup artist who coloured in models nails with a sharpie, who was probably inspired by teenage girls who have been doing that in Maths classes for years. 

It sexy and sultry

Some cute Essie brights for summer

A little bit of OPI.

So there you have it. My guide to basic nail care. I will leave you with the words of my mum- " A classy lady never has chipped nails" She also says that only common people cut their sandwiches into squares. So sometime when I am mad with her I will cut my sandwiches into squares just to spite her.

I think she would also say that classy ladies would never have nails like this either.

Oh- I forgot, you can now get Essie at Priceline (that shop just gets better and better) and OPI at Myer or David Jones.