It's been a while between beauty blogs.....

So I thought I would fill you in on my latest beauty purchases.

I am a little bit slow of the mark, but I have finally come around to the joy of a good shellacking. On my nails you dirty minded people. I don't spend much time on my nails, because they break really easily, but on my birthday my friend took me to have my nails shellacked. It was a revolution. My nails stayed done for three weeks. Maybe the only downside is that I had to commit to a colour for three weeks, but it was ace. 

My second shellac didn't last the snowboarding trip all that well, but I think that had more to do with the fact that no part of my body survived the snowboarding trip well. Yesterday I went and got another good shellacking. My nails look the bomb, I went back for a dark colour because I think it seems to last ( or at least appear to last longer). It cost me $45 but to be honest considering how much I was spending on nail polish, I think it is worth the cost, and it doesn't take too long.

I have also fallen in love with Nars Satin Lip Pencils. I have three. Well in theory I have three. I seem to have"temporally misplaced" one of them. This is code for " OMG I have lost a $39 lip pencil, and I haven't had a boozy night for it to fall out of my bag so it must be at home somewhere." I have a blue based red called Luxenburg, a hot fushia pink called Yu (this is the missing Yu. It is my least favourite of the three so if I am going to lose, sorry misplace, one I am glad this is it) and a nice everyday neutral called Isola Bella. They are available at Mecca if you would like to buy one.

So pretty.

 They also come in a Matt finish if you prefer I don't like Matt lipsticks, I find them a little unflattering on "older"skins. You young ones can wear whatever the bloody hell you want, so go for it. They also take me back to the 90's and the days of Poppy lipsticks which would practically tear your lips off as you applied them.  For anyone who cares- or remembers- Poppy is still doing lippies. They are only available in the US though, but they do look kind of cool. I am thinking she may have introduced some moisture to them. The site is called Lipstick Queen if you want to have a look.

The Nars pencils are really good because being Nars they have a really strong pigment, so they last for ages- especially the brighter colours, the have a glossy finish and they are moisturising on the lips. This is great for Winter, because as well as my nails taking a battering on my snow holiday, my lips also  are as dry as the Sahara desert and as wind swept as Beyonce's hair in a music video.

Yep, my lips are as windswept as this. 

I also have a new eyeshadow which is MAC Brule $33. It is a really nice matt base colour. I have been using it all over my eyelid when I want a no make up look ( it makes the eye look cleaner), and also as a base with some fab Stila Kitten over the top. I also when I am doing a stronger lip ( You don't use plural when describing lips, I don't know why)I  have been doing Brule all over the lid, apply a bit more on the lid below the crease line and then go nuts with some liquid eyeliner (I am still in love with my STILA liquid eyeliner) and mascara (still my Benefit They're real).

Brule 

Prep and Prime.

While I was at MAC I also replaced my Lip prep and prime. This is like a balmy wax that creates a nice base for you lipstick. It also helps to prevent the lipstick from bleeding. This is also $33.

I also made a purchase I am not happy with. When I bought my Nars lip pencil, I bought a matching lip liner. But is doesn't work. And when I say it doesn't work- IT DOESN'T WORK!!!! I can see it, I can feel it, it shows up on my hand but when I put it on my lips.....zilch zero nothing. It is a mystery. It is called Fantasia, which is apt because if you think it is adding colour, it is a fantasy. It cost me $36. I feel cheated. Maybe it was my mistake from moving away from MAC liners. I think they really are the best.

The mystery disappearing lip liner.

Here is a little shot of my shallackingly good nails- the colour is an awesome dark purpley black and my Nars lip pencil in Luxenberg. Ignore the bad regrowth ( I am unintentionally rocking a bit of balayage at the moment)- and the hair style. I overslept and had 20 minutes to get ready for work. The strategic placement of the hand is to cover the pimple I have on my forehead. My eyes also has the remnants of the Brule eyeshadow.



Remember if you want to go to the product web site, click on the Purple words, they are links. 

The pics are from the relevant brand web sites and the pic of Beyonce is via Google.

I no longer drink coffee and I am not happy.

Coffee- when did you stop being a drink and start being confusing?

Amazingly it was not something I intended to do. It was not some part of one of my many little fads to find the elusive magic bullet that would make me skinny. I love coffee and I have never trusted people who don't drink it. If you don't drink coffee what do you go out for? A wine? Oh hang on..... 

I gave up coffee for two reasons. Confusion and a sore tummy.

Lets begin with a sore tummy. Too much hot milk makes my tummy hurt. A visit to a coffee shop goes like this. I crave a coffee, I buy a coffee, I take 3 sips and then I feel sick, I throw out coffee. Now I know the easy solution is to get a black coffee, sorry, long black (I momentarily forgot cool coffee lingo). Well long blacks give me a headache. What about a long black with a dash of milk? Too watery. I have tried caramel lattes - too sweet, although I did have a really nice one at a Mc Cafe on the way home from the snow- (honestly) and I have tried Mochas where milk still an issue.

I remember when coffee and I had this relationship. We went together like Snoopy and Charlie Brown

Now lets talk confusion.  And not just my confusion that I refuse to believe that there is a difference between a latte and a flat white. The one coffee that does work is a long macchiato topped up. Well it only works if you live in Perth. If you live anywhere else in the world, the only thing you get when you order a long macc topped up is a blank expression. I know this because when I was in Melbourne I asked for one, and the Barista said- " A what? Where are you from? "You should have seen the look on his face  when I ordered a dirty chai for my daughter. (For the record a dirty chai is a chai tea with a shot of coffee).  You also should have seen the look on his face when I told him that coffees in Perth cost at least $4.50

Anyone you talk to will offer you different advice on what form a long macc topped up is. Some say a double shot latte (nope too much milk) a double shot flat white ( nope still too much milk), a long macc with extra milk( nope they don't give you enough milk). 

Some people in Perth get it wrong as well. I order a long macc the over day at a cafe and to be honest I am still confused as to what I actually got. I still swear he brought me out the water that he rinsed through the machine. One sip and I was done.

I am aware this makes me sound really pretentious with an ultimate first world problem, but if the person making me a coffee is calling themselves a Barista,( and charging me the same about of money that I could buy half a kilo of coffee beans) I can be fussy. I also don't think I am being a coffee snob. Hell my first experience of coffee drinking was a good old cup of Pablo coffee at my grandma and grandpas house. ( Two teaspoons of coffee, two teaspoons of sugar mixed with milk to a paste and then hot water poured in, it was the closest to a frothy coffee as you could make in the 80's).

So I am back to drinking tea. A boring tea drinker. It gives me no buzz whatsoever. I drink green, normal (but it must be Twinnings), ginger, peppermint or Earl Grey. I feel boring and totally uncool. If I want a coffee I have a sip of my husbands. Oh and I drink wine. That on the other hand makes me feel AWESOME!!!!!

Please feel free to offer some suggestions. I want to be cool again. And I am also a teacher. Teachers need to drink coffee. It is, like, a rule. Have you ever watched a movie where the teachers don't drink coffee?

Sometimes you have to do things that terrify you.

For me, today was one such day. I think I am quite a brave confident person. I can do lots of thing. I can run marathons, I can stand up everyday in front of teenagers, I have played the piano and sung Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with one of the world best Opera singers (for the record he said I was talented), hell I even spent one Summer pretending I was a Australian Celebrity so I got into nightclubs for free. But today I faced my biggest fear. I had to order at Subway.

Yep Subway is my kryponite. To some of you it may just be a sandwich shop where the workers are called sandwich artists, but to me it is a place to be feared. I don' t care how good their cookies are, I refuse to go in unless someone else does the ordering. So how did I end up in the place? Let me start at the beginning.

I was meeting some friends and their kids for a picnic at Kings Park. It was around lunch time, and I asked my daughter if she would like Subway. Of course she said yes, because today's kids are weird like that and want takeaway that is something you can make at home. (Seriously when did going out for a ham and cheese roll become a treat?). This was all good, until I realised that my husband wasn't coming with us. I was going to have to do this alone.

We left home and headed towards the shop. I had two Subways to chose from, and I was torn. One in a busy shopping centre and one on a major road. This was my first decision. I went for the shopping centre. Good choice. The shop was empty. At this stage I had started to sweat. My Rexona clinical protection was starting to let me down.

I pushed through the door. I looked at the menu. I sweated some more. A lovely nice young sandwich artist asked me what I wanted. Luckily I had rehearsed this bit. I was feeling confident.

" Could I please have a 6 inch meatball and a 6 inch teriyaki chicken please."
And then it began.
"What bread?"
Oh God- what bread??? I looked at this list. 5 Choices including flatbread. (Flatbread??? Seriously?)
"White." 
"Do you want them toasted?"
Toasted? What do you mean toasted? Since when did they toast things???
"Ummmmmm No?"
"What cheese?"
What cheese???? There is more than one flavour? I thought all plastic cheese was created equal.
" Ummm the normal one."
"Cheddar then?"
"Yep cheddar." - although lets be honest calling that cheddar is pushing it.
" Cheese on the teriyaki? "
"Ummmm no."( really people have cheese on that?)
"Salad on the meatball?"
"None."
"None? Really- not even lettuce?"
"None not even lettuce."
"Oh ok. On the teriyaki?
" Ummmmm (at this stage I could feel my face going red, I was sweating even more, I started positive self talk), Lettuce, tomato (I don't even like tomato) cucumber.Please."
" No onion?"
"No."
"No jalpeno ?"
"No." ( did I need to remind her I was having teriyaki and not taco chicken?)
"No capsicum?"
Did I ask for freakin capsicum??? Now you are going to start judging my salad choices?
"No capsicum."
" Do you want sauce?"
Isn't teriyaki a sauce?
"No, no sauce."
" Salt and pepper?"
Oh for gods sake! " Yes I'll have salt and pepper." Does she have a quota of questions that must be asked?
" Oh and I will have some cookies as well please."
"What flavour?"
What flavour? Was she kidding me? There is a cookie choice? Sure enough there was a choice. I could have M&M chip, choc chip, chocolate choc chip,white macadamia nut choc chip or white cheesecake- I don't understand that one either.
"M&M please."
"Thats $21."
I handed over my card, she asked if pay pass was ok and she was gone.

She didn't even ask me if I wanted a bag.

This scene from "Dude Where's My Car?"is to me like ordering at Subway.

I would like to share my fantasy.

And no it does not involve George Clooney (because to be honest I have gone off him a bit since he got engaged to that Lawyer women, I think I liked George better when he was dating bimbos, and I think they look really alike which is kind of creepy.)

Imagine her with grey short hair- can you see it?

My fantasy is that... Hang on to your hats...... to wake up one morning and bounce out of bed feeling refreshed, alive and ready for the day.  Yep. It is that simple.

I was thinking it this morning when my alarm went off. Now I must admit I am feeling a little bit sorry for myself at the moment because I have had the worst ever cold season. This is karma kicking me in the arse because I'm one of those annoying people who goes on about not needing a flu injection because I never get sick- I actually think it is time to step away from Dr.Google. ... But I woke up this morning and felt like I hadn't even been asleep. And I only had half a bottle of wine with dinner, and I wasn't even hung over. Had I known I was going to feel this crap I would never have let my husband have half the bottle. I was exhausted. I got up and everything hurt. My knees cracked, I couldn't stand up and my eyes were almost stuck shut. Although this may have had something to do with the fact that I didn't take my mascara off properly before I went to bed.

I felt .......43. ( Yes I am aware I am 43, but I am also a little delusional, I think my physical age is actually my mental age) And then I panicked - is this how I am going to feel forever? Will I always wake up exhausted and with my joints cracking? Will I always spend my days counting the hours down until I can go back to bed? Will my cupboards always be messy because I can't bend down to put things away nicely because my knees hurt too much? ( That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it.)

I am trying. I sat down this morning and had my Vital Green powder mixed into my veggie juice, whilst I ate my home made granola with goji berries ( home made by my mum- who I think should go into the granola business because it is amazing) and downed some immune boosters and vitamin C (1000mg).   This didn't work so I had a few cold and flu tablets washed down with a big mug of white tea and sugar. It is always a bit disappointing though since they took the pseudoephedrine out of them though, they have nowhere near the hit they used to. 

I also have given up my addiction to sugar. I think this may be my issue. Yes I am aware that I added sugar to my tea but whatever. I used to eat soooooo many lollies. I gave them up and have felt like shit ever since. And before you can say I am in withdrawal  I gave up my lolly addiction 12 months ago -unless of course it takes that long for 42 years of sugar to leave your system. To be honest though I think I feel worse, and have managed to add 5kgs which I think is due to that fact that I am now substituting sugar with carbs (yes I know , both sugar) I also think that the poor people at Allens are wondering why the sudden drop in numbers of bags of Party Mix being sold- Retro mix or Classic, I'm not fussy although both bags do have yucky lollies, like the yellow bears, they are the strawberry creams of the lolly bags, always the last thing left.

And don't say I should try fruit. Fruit makes me hungry. No one ever did great things on an apple. A toffee apple maybe, but never an apple.

I have given myself the rest of the week off exercising (and no, my jeans will not thank me), and I am hoping that on Monday morning when the alarm goes off at 5am, I will bounce out of bed, slip into my running gear with embrace the day. And then again maybe I won't.

all images via Pinterest.

Game of Thrones.....or is that Game of Confusion?

As you may have gathered by now I suffer from a disease called FOMO, or Fear Of Missing Out. Sometimes I choose to miss out of something on purpose because it just seems dumb, like Crossfit, or eating Paleo, or going to Potato Head in Bali. Game of Thrones was one such thing for me. Because it just seemed dumb. Dragons, fighting, battles, blah, blah, blah. In addition to that everyone was talking about it and it was driving me nuts. I got sick to death of having to move tables at recess because it was all anyone could talk about it, and I had no bloody idea what a Khaleesi was.

This is a Khaleesi. She is the Mother of Dragons.

At this stage my FOMO kicked in and I was seriously worried that there was something important I was missing out on. I used the excuse that as a Media teacher I should watch and see what the fuss was about and why this show was becoming an obsession, when to me it just had nerd (albeit a naked nerd) written all over it.

The first episode did not go well. Sure there was nudity, there was some dead people walking, some beheadings, a pretty queen, a big fat king, names that all sounded the same, lots of whores (their words not mine), a brother touching up his naked sister and a brother having sex with his sister, and horses, wolves and ravens. I was very confused- and this confusion was not going anytime soon. 

This pretty much sums up each episode.

Everyone told me to stick with it. It gets better. So I watched the second, third and fourth episode and before I knew it I had finished the whole series. And I still wasn't sure if I liked it or not, but the one thing GoT does very well is that they do an awesome cliffhanger. So before I knew it I had watched all four series and was an addict. Around the third series I decided I didn't just like it. I liked it a lot. By the second last episode I was crying " you know nothing Jon Snow" and by the last I was screaming " Kill him! Kill him!" at the computer screen.

So I thought that  in true media teacher style I would assess GoT for you all. (In list form of course)

1. Your narrative is really, really confusing. Perhaps you could consider supplying all you viewers with a map and a family tree. Or perhaps a nice hyperlink to the GoT wiki page.

2. Your choice of names is really not consistent. I mean really one family has a Tyrion, a Cersei and a Jamie. Another has a Sansa, Arya, Bran, Rickon and then Robb? Maybe if you are going to be creative with the names, stay that way.

Tyrion, Cersei and Jamie.

3. While I am at your choice of names, maybe some sound a little the same. By calling an evil character Cersei and the sweet lady Sansa is a little confusing, as is Tyrion and Tywin.

4. Have you thought about subtitles? ( This is actually not so silly. A work friend watched the show with the subtitles on so he can understand what the bloody hell is going on.)

5. You made all you characters walk. A lot. Had the wheel not been invented by then?

6.Well done on using actress with real boobs. Not an implant in sight. Well done. ( My only concern is that if you keep killing off everyone at the rate you are going, there is not going to be any natural boobed actresses left.)

7. Jon Snow. Well done.

8. I won't give anything away, but really- one of the toughest characters dies from a festering wound? The first battle he ever loses is to a bit of bacteria?

9. Winter seems to have been coming for a really, really long time.

10. No one could have mentioned to poor little Arya that her sister was just inside the castle? That poor kids has seen no family for 4 seasons and no one is going to tell her that her sister is inside?

11. Joffrey. Well what a nasty piece of work he was. I think you based his character on someone I used to work with.

12. Due to your frequent dealing with the issues of incest, sex,  and violence I feel I may need to refer you to the school councillor .

13. Were the ravens really that clever? 

14. Your male characters kind of all look the same. Like they could be hipster baristas when the show is not filming.

This is Jon Snow and Robb Stark 

This is a Barista.

15. Well done on not following a classic narrative. I will now have to go back and reteach all my classes that the protagonist sometime does dies.

16. An evil character dying on the toilet. Gold.

17. Ygritte and Jon Snow. Was there really no other option? Couldn't there be SOME happiness.

18. Tyrian Lannister.  Good work on reinforcing the fact that women find a sense of humour the most attractive feature in a male.

19. Khaleesi, your mother of dragons is perhaps being a little too perfect, except she may have a slight issue with her eyesight, because she didn't seem to notice that when Daario came back, he was a completely different person.

Dario went from this....

to this... and no one noticed???

20. Jon Snow. Well done. Yes I know I have mentioned him before but he is worth mentioning twice.

I guess when you look like this, you don't have to know anything.

Well done on an engaging if not at times very disturbing bit of television. Whilst your narrative was a bit slow to start, it definitely picked up speed towards the conclusion. 

So there you have it. If you are going to watch the show, may I strongly recommend that you cancel your plans for the next few weeks. You have been warned.


all images via the amazingly creative people at Pinterest.

Go snowboarding they said, it will be fun they said.

They lied.

I am a skier, albiet a very average skier, but when I hit the snow, I ski. Unfortunately my desire to appear cool means that when I heard that the snow was insane (see I'm a snowboarder now so I need to use the lingo. Man.) I made the bold statement that I would increase my swag factor, and jump on a board, and shred some powder.

This is obviously the before shot. Before I realised I was crap.

It started off promising because those snowboard people are clever and have made snow boarding boots comfortable. Anyone who has skied before will tell you that ski boots are like having hard plastic buckets attached to your feet. 

I was so excited as I walked towards the ski lift. I felt like I had become one of the cool kids as I walked dragging my board behind me. I looked at the skiers in their puffy coordinated outfits with pity at their ultimate uncoolness. I walked to my lesson where Tim my ultra cool boarding instructor was waiting (no middle aged ski instructor called Francois who had forgotten he was no longer hot for me!). Yep Tim was the man. Well boy. He used words like totally, awesome, and smiled the WHOLE time ("Man I'm doing what I want and my mum and dad haven't told me to get a real job yet- Why wouldn't I be smiling?" Well played Tim, well played).

Tim told us to grab our boards, strap our front foot in our bindings depending on if we were goofy or regular and skate to the hill. My confusion had begun. Who the hell was Goofy, what was a binding and I thought we were boarding not skating.  My blank expression must have told Tim all he needed to know. Bindings are what holds you boots to the board, skating is what you do when you move your board in the snow, Goofy is if you lead with you left foot as opposed to the regular right foot, and heading to the hill on your first lesson is just bloody stupid. 

I have done many things is my life that have been hard ( like having babies) but let me tell you- there is nothing harder that trying to push yourself up on a stupid board with both your feet strapped onto that board facing down the slope. You have to dig the board into the snow, but not too much or you will fall forward, and then lean back, but not enough that you fall flat on your butt. At this stage Tim is yelling instructions in his mellow 'Boarding is life" kind of way- 'Ok dig your toes in toe side and once you are up lean in hill side." Except he wasn't saying hill side, he was saying HEEL side, which makes far more sense and had I worked that earlier it may have created less confusion.

Lets just say lesson One was a disaster. I spent the whole lesson on my arse. Or my face. I wasn't deterred though. At that stage I was still delusional that I would get it after 2 lessons and would be shredding that powder with my hair floating in the wind behind me. Lesson Two confirmed to me two things. One is that I am crap, and two is that I am crap. I was looking at skiers realising that their smug looks where no one of " OMG I am never going to be as cool as those boarders," was actually a smug look of " Haha check out that middle aged women trying to chase her youth."

Lesson Three was having to go down a steep run. Well ok- a teeny tiny steep run. The run I was doing on the FIRST BLOODY DAY OF SKING. I have never been so scared in my life. I got up, started to move down the hill, and then fell flat on my face. I tried to get up, stuck my board in the snow and fell flat on my face. Again. Tried again. Fell flat on my butt ( I have the bruise on my arse to prove it.) Tried again. Fell on my knees ( I have the bruise to prove it). I lay on the snow. I refused to get up. Tim came over. " Hey Em- whats the matter man?" " Ummmm I tired, boarding is shit, I can't get up, and I want to ski.."

I can not and will not get up. EVER.

I was waiting for smiley Tim to say " Your doing great- this is hard." Instead he said." Yeah. Is it too late for you to change?" I looked at him with as much of a death look as you can with foggy googles on.

Tim came up with a solution. He held my hands all the way down the hill, him boarding backwards talking me down. Now although I was the envy of all the teenage girls in my group, I was still not entirely happy as the boys who were on the ski lift will verify when they yelled " Oh look at the love birds holding hands." I may or may not have yelled back " Shut up you little fuckers. Come back and see me when you are 43 and learning something new." This outburst resulted in Smiley Tim telling me " It's no wonder you are finding it hard, you are kind of old." If he wasn't holding both my hands and we weren't half way down the hill and I wasn't so terrified I would have wiped that smile right of his pretty face. 

Lesson Four was our last lesson. I managed to make it down the slope on my own, with Tim only holding my hands when he was trying to teach me to do some dumb turn which meant I had to turn around and go backwards for a little bit ( seriously was he freakin joking?). We tried it a few times, but after the fourth time when we ended up completely tangled in the snow even he gave up. I seriously tested that smile.

So here are some things I learnt from my snow holiday.

1. Snow boarding is really hard. 
2. No matter how much fresh snow there is, falling really hurts.
3. Lifting your self up and down really hurts.
4. No muscle in your body will not hurt.
5. You will not sleep. Because every time you roll over in bed you will wake yourself up because you are in pain.
6. Boarding makes you really, really, really tired.

This is what a day of snow boarding will do to you.

7. Boarding makes you cry.
8. Getting off ski lifts is really hard
9. Snow people are really happy.
10. No one looks good in a helmet 
11. -11.9 is really, really cold.
12.You must tie your hair up because it will freeze.
13. Ignore the little kids. Because they are really good. You will feel demoralised.
14. Take lots of nurofen plus to the snow. Seriously.
15. Take lots of wine to the snow. Seriously.
16. You will be really, really hungry.
17. You will understand why God invented Red Bull.
18.  Snow is good, Ice is just bloody annoying.
19. You will sing " Do you want to build a snow man."So don't bother trying to fight it.
20. There is nothing more satisfying than actually successfully boarding. Even if it is only for a few seconds.

I have a really poor excuse for not posting lately

Apart from the fact that I have been busy getting my reports and school stuff done, my excuse for not posting is this simple. And I am ashamed to say it. I have been watching Game of Thrones.

I know- I can't believe it either. I have become addicted to a show that I am still not entirely sure I like. I am very confused by what the bloody hell is going on, confused by names, confused by all the different lands, and confused by far too many men who look exactly the same. ( This gentleman is the reason to get rid of the beards- you all look the same.) I am also baffled why the women are called names like Cersei and the men are called Robb. I also confused by dragons, although I kind of think I may want one. I am also very concerned that I am finding the Imp (they call him Half Man) rather attractive.

I am working on a GoT post and keep thinking I will write it after I finish the series I am watching, but now I think bugger it - I will just watch the whole lot and then give you my verdict. I am off to the snow at the end of the week, so I am thinking I will get the bulk of it watched during the 6 hour bus trip. If my husband will put it on my iPad. He is getting a little bit annoyed because he thought one of the things we had in common was a shared dislike of the show.

So be warned. The blog is coming. (Thats a GoT reference, I have become a nerd)