I take your 24 hours Napoleon Perdis, and raise you mine

 I was at my delightful hairdresser's house last night, and she very kindly had a magazine for me to read. Well I like to think it was for me, but actually I think it was just hers and she hadn't got around to reading it yet.

 In the magazine was an article on " 24 hours with Napoleon Perdis." He does all these wonderful things like has a shower every morning - with a therapeutic shower head to was away bad karma, and has dinner with his kids.

This is Napoleon Perdis (Yes he is married -to a woman- and has three kids.)

 So I decided to record 24 hours in my life. Be prepared. It's riveting. And it is also not quite 24 hours, because you don't really want to hear about the sleeping bit.

5am- My day starts with my alarm going off. Just in case I didn't hear it the cats (William and Kate, or Will-yum-yum and Kitty Katy Purry) jump on my head just to check I have heard it. Charlie the dog (or Cha- Cha - it would seem no one goes by their real name in this family) doesn't have to jump on my head, because she is already sleeping on it. I bound out of bed, and then I remember I am 42 so in reality I walk careful until my feet and knees have all cracked into place and my back has started working. I put my eyes in, get dressed and as it a walking day grab the dog and jump in the car. 

5:15am Charchie Bear (her other nickname) and I get to the river and meet up with my friend Nic, and Wylie her dog who is also Cha Cha's boyfriend. We walk. Well after Cha Cha has done her poop. Around the river we go, but this morning the stupid river development threw a spanner in the works and blocked off the bloody path. In the dark this is tricky. We were hard core, we jumped the barricades, then weaved around the fence. Then we got to the last fence, it nearly had us. Charlie fell down the ditch. Nicole and I laughed. Charlie did a diarrhoea poo to get me back. 

7am  Home- do the ready for work dash. Have shower, stay in there until what I have decided to wear to work. Start getting dressed after I apply my toner, lotion, serum, eye cream, lip cream and moisturiser. Put on tights. Tight get stuck to some velcro thing in the drawer, and have a hole. Momentarily panicked at the thought of having to get back in the shower to decide on a second outfit. Crisis averted- found another pair of tights. Get dressed, move on to hair and makeup, yell at Indi every 5 minutes to check she is eating her breakfast, has put on her socks, is putting on her shoes, has brushed her teeth, and then I do her hair. She yells at me because we don't brush her hair that often so it hurts. I yell back because I am in a hurry. Feed the animals. Have to rinse the tuna because I bought them tuna in Brine and that gives them runny bottoms. Make myself a ham sandwich. Try and find my boots. Have to crawl on my hands and knees to find them under the bed. Should really start putting things away.

7:45 Leave home, grab my plastic cheese and vegemite toast sandwich and my berocca decide what car to drive (this is because Napoleon says he choses his car depending on his mood.) realise I only have one car so I pick that one, drive to Before School Care. Drop off Indi. Give her a big kiss and cuddle to show the people that I am a good mum to try and appease my working mothers guilt. Drive to Kalamunda. Get frustrated because people sit in the outside lane driving up Lesmurdie Hill going slow. Finally get to to top of the hill and get frustrated because Kalamunda drivers are the worst in the world.

9am School Assembly. Those two words say it all. I sit there like a mature teacher and listen. Not really I do the immature thing and write notes to another teacher. We giggle.

11am  Recess. I do duty. Duty involves walking around a small area ignoring all the crap kids are doing, and ignoring all the rubbish. I found a pen. Occasionally I engage in some small talk. A boy yells out  "What are you looking at dard (thats white boy pretending to be tough talk for " Hi Miss, I really want to say hello but don't want to appear uncool in front of my friends) I reply " Don't know, they haven't invented a name for it yet."( That's teacher talk for I am trying to be cool but can't think of anything cool to say)

11:30. My DOTT time. That's Duties Other Than Teaching. I visit my friend in the front office. I buy 2 eyeliners from the Avon catalogue.  I try to follow up on a student who got into trouble in my class yesterday. I won't say what it was for but lets just day it involved a computer, a picture of his butt and a screen saver. Then I bought a Scoopon for ballroom dancing. Justin and I are doing it with some friends. I bought the voucher before he could change his mind.

12.24- I taught some more, had lunch, write some exam prep notes for my Year 11's and 12's. Had a mug of ginger tea.  Had my ham sandwich and washed it down with a can of Sprite Zero. Then I taught some more.

3:20 Chatted to the cleaner, swore about how messy teenagers are, went to Woolies to grab some afternoon tea for India. Struggled between a cheese and bacon roll and a banana for me. Ate the banana. Got bad heartburn. Remembered why I don't eat bananas.  Ate cheese and bacon roll. Bugger. Should have just eaten the roll to start with. Went home, watched Bold and the Beautiful (whoever cast that new guy as Ridge is INSANE). 

                               You can't replace this

With this!!!

Then I made dinner. A very delightful potato bake, caramelised onions and steak sandwiches. Made enough for the whole family. The I remembered Alex wasn't coming home and I had not asked Laura over for dinner. Bugger.

6pm Dinner time. We eat at the table. Secretly I would much prefer to be eating in front of the television. We discuss our day and talk about our highlight and lowlight of the day. NOT. But if I was writing this for a magazine, that is what I would say. We eat and chat, I call my husband a nerd because he is wearing his glasses. Then I remember I am wearing my glasses.  I sneak the animals Alex's steak. They are happy. I tell Justin he needs to change the litter tray. He says he can't be bothered. Kate does a poop on the bathmat. I think she was proving a point. 

7:54  I am in bed with Indi and Cha-Cha. Gordan Ramsey is nearly on the television. 

 I'm struggling myself to understand this Gordan Ramsey think I am going through.


The kettle is on for my night time cleansing Green Tea - I need something to wash down my choc chunk "what else do you do with left over easter egg"cookies.  I honestly don't know why I can't shake that last 5kgs

I have Donna Hay and the new Vogue next to me as well as my book club book on my iPad.

 My alarm is set for 5am, and just like Groundhog Day, it will all begin again tomorrow.  Take that Napoleon Perdis- your life will never be this exciting.