Where have all the make up blogs gone?

I realise that I have not done a makeup blog for a long time. Well let me explain because that is not entirely true.

As part of the job I get paid to do, I teach a TAFE Certificate in Media. In order to teach this my teaching degree and 15 years teaching experience is not enough, so I have to prove that I am able to produce media "productions". No problem! I have a blog. I will make a little tutorial.

Which I did. And it was awesome. And then I shared it to youtube via imovies -the new improved "why the bloody hell does apple need to change things that work" imovies. And lost it. LOST IT. Followed the link and then youtube told me it was private and I couldn't view it. Log in it told me. I was bloody logged in. IT WAS MY FREAKIN VIDEO.

So if I ever find it I will post it. In the mean time, don't tell TAFE.

Does anyone have any requests on makeup advice, looks, info they would like? After trying to apply red lipstick to my 10 year old today, I can do anything.

This is my stash from Sephora in New York. My awesome tutorial was based on these beautiful products.

I want to be a JLaw, not a Reece.

 I have recently discovered more than a few things about myself, but one has left me absolutely gutted. I have always seen my self as really casual, relaxed,  fly by the seat of my pants, spontaneous kind of person. I always thought if I was going to be a character in a TV show I would be Eddie from Absolutely Fabulous- you know a little bit irresponsible but so much fun.

           

It was with this view in mind I did a little quiz to cement my belief that I have a type B personality, because no one wants to be a Type A do they? We all want to be a Jennifer Lawrence and not a Reece Witherspoon. 

Why be this when you could be

                                                                              This????


Jennifer is funny, she does funny things. I googled Jennifer Lawrence funny- there were pages dedicated to that. I googled Reece Witherspoon funny. All I got was this.

I did the test to discover I am an complete Reece Type A Witherspoon. Not convinced I asked my husband whose response was a laugh and a " You are the most Type A person I know."

Still not convinced I decided to take the test again-

1. The state of your inbox. Type A will have no unopened emails.
Well of course I have no unopened emails because I might miss something. And also because I hate seeing the red number on the email icon- it makes the screen messy. 

2.Playing Monopoly. Type A plays to win.
I never win, but I do always want to be the banker. So I can steal away money like a dodgy money changer in Bali. That way I never lose.

3.Your wallet is organised.
Yes it is organised because you need to be able to find things in a hurry. And doesn't everyone have a separate wallet for their loyalty cards?

4. Walking fast.
Well of course I walk fast, I actually don't understand how people manage to walk so slow. I am overtaking people, even with my fractured leg. MOONBOOT COMING THROUGH.

5. Suffering Fools. Type A won't.
Oh come on- who has time for flakey people. This was also cemented for me yesterday when my counsellor told me that " I was blunt." She wouldn't want to hear what I actually want to say before I add the filter.

6. Multitasking.
I am the queen of multi tasking. Why do one thing when you can do three. Doesn't everyone brush their teeth in the shower, while they are waiting for the conditioner to do it's thing?

7.To- do lists.
Everyone has to do lists. Right? Lucky they didn't ask about diaries because I have four of those. On on my phone, one at home and two at work.

8. Lateness. Type A is never late.
If you are not 15 minutes early you are late. Amen.

9. Fuse- Type A has a short fuse.
Here I think I disagree. I have quite a long fuse. Until you push me. When that fuse is lit you had better watch out. I think former students will agree with that.

10. Workloads- Type A's get it done
You mean like working, studying and training for a marathon all at the same time?

So know I have this knowledge about myself I don't really know what to do with it. Maybe I will just have to be content with the fact that when I drink I totally become a Type B. Maybe I am Eddie after all.

The joy of people watching people with kids on holidays.

This is my current home

Best part about being on holidays is being on holidays. Second best part of holidays is people watching. Third best part of being on holidays is people watching people with children on holidays.

For those of you who don't follow me on Facebook I am currently in Bali, and it is fab. Due to my current disability I have only left the hotel to get massages and food, so I have had a lot of time to sit and watch people (and pass judgement of course).

Now I am not qualified to give people advice on much -although that has never stopped me before, but one thing that working with kids for the last kazillion years and raising two of my own successfully to adulthood, I believe I can offer those first time parents a few handy hint of advice. Especially when they are on vacation where they are sharing the space with adults.

1. I get that it is important to you that you teach your children eat their fruit before they have their chocolate croissant, but it is probably more important that you teach them that running in front of the waitress who is holding hot coffee is not a good idea.

2. Don't threaten them with things you don't mean. Little Ethan (because Ethans are always naughty) knows that if he hits his sister one more time with his googles you are not going to make him go back to the room. He knows this because you didn't make him go back to the room the other 7 times he did it.

3. Thank you for taking your squealing kid out of the room at 6am so your wife could sleep. Your wife may be asleep but the rest of the hotel is now awake. Kid swimming in the pool at 6 am is cute. Kid squealing at the pool at 6 is freaking annoying.

4. I can see you are a loving parent. I see this because you are playing with your child. I can see you are attentive and caring. For this reason I don't need you to give a running commentary of what you are doing with Annabelle in a very loud voice . I can see that Annabelle is swimming to Daddy, Annabelle is drinking Daddy's drink, Annabelle isn't meaning to be naughty by hitting Daddy. I can also see that Annabelle is hitting daddy because she wants daddy to shut up so can relax and enjoy her Virgin Mai Tai that you bought her so she can drink the same drink as Daddy. (Annabelle is 2).

5. Give your kid some space. You know how they are ignoring you when you ask /tell them for the 20th time if they have sunblock on, where is there hat, be nice to their sister, don't touch the bee, do they want a coke,don't touch the squirrel,do you need to go to the toilet, don't wee in the pool, are you hungry? That is because they have blocked you out. The only people who are listening is everyone else at the pool who, by the end of your holiday, knows your children's names and toileting habits. Ask them once- or if they are under two maybe put their hat on or take them to the toilet. 

6. Teach them to get out of the way of grumpy adults. That lovely lady with the moon boot will kick you back if you kick her moon boot one more time.

7. If you do something stupid like buy your 3 year old boy a lazer he WILL point it in peoples faces. Don't be surprised when this happens.

8. Thats my Australian Flag pool ring. Back off sister.

9. See that sign that says " No Children allowed in the Club from 4:30 to 6:30"? That means every child. Yep even yours. If I can put mine in the kids club so can you.

10. Enjoy your time with your kids. If they want to spend a few minutes on their ipad that is ok. They will come back into the pool. They are just kicking back and enjoying their holiday. You should take their lead and do the same. 

Now  as long as you child is safe and sunblocked, lie back, order yourself a Bintang and relax.

My visit to the 9/11 Memorial Museum

The absolute must see on my trip to New York was a visit to the 9/11 Memorial Museum. The 9/11 terrorist attacks are up there with one of those days you will always remember where you were when it happened. I remember the disbelief on hearing about it and then seeing the second plane hit the tower as the news was being reported live.

It is also one of those events that has completely changed the world- it made the Westerners who always felt safe feel very vulnerable for the first time - and the last few weeks have shown us that not much has changed.

In my teaching I use a documentary called 9/11 to show the students the events of the day. If you have not seem this doco it is probably the best doco to watch if you want an unbiased account of the day. It was made by two French Brothers who were filming a doco on the first year of a rookie fireman. They happened to be in the right (or wrong) place at the right time, and their camera's accompanied the fireman into the building. It shows the confusion, sadness and disbelief of what they were seeing. The doco is moving, empowering and very, very sad.

I think if there is a sentence that sums up my trip to the museum is that. It is moving, empowering and very. very sad. You see the best of people and they very worst of people all in one event.

This is one of the new World Trade Centre buildings- they were going to replace all the buildings that collapsed (there were 7 that collapsed in total) but the demand is not there. People don't want to go back into the area.

The thing that you first feel is a sense of calm. They memorial and museum has been created with such a sense of love and respect you feel it as soon as you walk into the area where the fountains (for want of a better word) are. These water features are made on the exact site of where the towers stood, and are decorated with the names of those who lost their lives. I also learnt that the names are not written in random. Each name was places near someone the deceased knew- whether it was a relation, a work buddy, or a friend. So they are never alone.

The museum is situated under the fountains in the very foundations of the World Trade Centre. You are lead through a history of the building, how and why it was built, and you see the foundations of the buildings. It was a marvel of creation and interesting was built on landfill. This was one of the reasons that the area was unsafe for such a long time after the attacks- they thought the whole are might sink. People who lived in the area left their homes that morning and where not allowed back for up to 12 months. Not even for clothes, possessions or their animals. Part of the reason was due to it being unsafe and also because they needed to sweep the area for DNA.  Remember that nearly 1000 people have still not been identified since the attacks.

Bodies are entombed behind this wall. The blue are swatches of colour as people were asked to colour them the shade of blue they remember the sky being on the morning of the attacks.

From there you see things recovered from the day, from parts of the buildings, letters, shoes, fire trucks, to personal possessions. You also hear audio recordings from people on the flights that were highjacked, and audio from the high jackers themselves. You are in a constant state of disbelief and shock as you walk around. There is also a gallery with photos of all those who lost their lives on this day.

Going to the museum is an experience like I have never had before. There are so many people in there but it is mostly silent. There is no laughing, small talk or any joy. It is a moment of such sadness and also a moment of so many questions- would the fireman have gone in knowing what they know now? How desperate would you feel to jump out of the building as your best choice? How sad would you feel if you rang to tell a loved one good bye and they didn't answer the phone? How could you comprehend what you were seeing and what was going on? How could humans be so mean to other people? How could anyone hate so much?

This will eventually be the entry to the Subway. It signifies a dove. The symbol of peace.

Laura and I spent 3 hours walking around the museum. It honestly felt like 30 minutes. You leave the museum via an escalator which takes you back to ground level. Amazing Grace plays as you go. I know I had tears running down my face as I left and I made no attempt to wipe them away. I think this is the sort of thing that we need to see to understand that we need to be good, kind people. You can't let the bad guys win. This showed me that in times of such horror and devastation people come together. You see both the very worst and the very best of people. We can't let the worst win, because there are far more good people in the world.

If you are ever in New York please go. There are very few things that are genuinely life changing. This is honestly one such thing.

The things that can happen when you are forced to rest with lots of codeine on hand.

Being both injured and at home is a strange thing. When I was working I would often pray for a nice little injury where I wasn't sick, but couldn't go to work. Well now I'm on leave and can't do a bloody thing. This is my second- or is it third? week of rest, and I have noticed a few things that I think are worth sharing.

1. You become very forgetful. Today is my first day with not pain relief, so this means my first day without codeine. The last three (or is it two?) weeks have been a blur. I remember very little. So a big sorry to anyone I need to apologise too. Or if I have forgotten something I said I would do.

2. You stop doing your hair. I have not blow dried or styled my hair any day. In fact the only time it has been done was the two times that I went out for dinner. It has been in a top knot. Put up at 8am and left until 8am the next morning when I redo it.

3. You become very comfortable leaving the house with your pyjamas on. At anytime of day.

4. You pick an outfit on Monday. And that becomes your uniform for the whole week (when you get out of your pyjamas of course).

5. You watch a lot of youtube and stupid videos that generally involve a dog, a cat or penguins.

This may not be a video but it is a photo with both a cat and a penguin. Gold.

6. You feel the need to share all these videos with everyone you know. They politely acknowledge them with a sympathy laugh.

7. You cry at dumb stuff. Like when the surgeons tell you that you need another 4 weeks on crutches or that you can't go swimming anymore.

8. You accidently book 9 tickets to Bali when you only need 3. (this is a true story- I really did this).

9. You do things like put headphones on your daughter's stuff toys. Because it looks cute.

10. You talk to the tv, because that is your only friend, and you find yourself actually getting interested in those home shopping ads. I know now that all my issues would be solved with a nutra/supa/ninja blender.

My Big Run

So the New York Marathon. I don't even know where to start really. It was as amazing as I imagined it to be, from the vibe of the city, the organisation of the event and the crowd. It was my life dream and although it didn't go as planned it was still one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

Arriving in New York I felt like I was with my cult. There were people in active wear EVERYWHERE. People running up and down the streets and walking around with a bewildered look on their faces as they tried to take it all in, and there is so much to take it.

So the marathon experience begins with a trip to the expo to pick up your "goody bag" The expo is HUGE, because 50 000 people do this run. In your bag you have all sorts of treats like you number, a tshirt, a wrist band to say what areas you can get into or not (security is huge as you can imagine).

Once you get your bag you are ushered into the biggest sports store of all time. The line to wait to get your purchases is on 30minutes. Pretty amazing when you consider that they had about 50 check out chicks on. But the have very helpful people with signs at various points in the line telling you how long you will have to wait. The wait it also not too bad because you chat to fellow cult members about how excited you are, where you are from, how many marathons you have done, how long the flight is from Australia. That kind of thing.

The day of the marathon we were picked up from the hotel bright and early at 6am for the 1 hour bus trip out to Staten Island. This is about the time when you realise that if it take 60 minutes to drive here it is going to take a really long time to run back. You make nervous chatter, people go to the toilet on the bus (gross but everyone is hydrating) people eat (carb loading), and start getting that sick but excited feeling in your tummy, and start comparing injuries ( there were lots). 

Arriving at Staten Island you go through a security check, and then are ushered into a big holding lot and wait for your wave to be called. Bearing in mind at this stage it was only 7:30 and my wave started at 10:40, so there was some waiting to be done. Lucky there were bagels, coffees and power bars to be eaten, toilets to be gone to (lets just sat that after experiencing American port a loo's I will never complain again. Clearly they don't know that you can get ones that FLUSH- when you mix drop toilets with nervous runners bottom- GROSS), and lots of people to chat about how nervous/excited/scared/injured you are.

Finally my group was called, we were ushered into line , the American National Anthem was played, the gun went off and to the sounds of Frank Sinatra singing "New York, New York" we were off. Needless the say the experience was incredible. You literally run from one end of New York to the other, through the five boroughs- Brooklyn, Queens, The Bronx, Manhattan and Staten Island. It was so interesting to see the different ethnic areas of the city as you run though the different boroughs. The one thing that all the areas had in common was the huge crowds cheering you on, calling your name, high 5-ing you, offering you tissues, bananas, water, chocolate and support. New Yorkers are just the best. Church groups were outside the churches singing, a school band was playing the Rocky Theme which they do for the WHOLE time the race is on ( considering the cut off time for the run is 9:30 hours that's not a bad effort). It felt like the whole city had come out to say hello. In fact 1 million had.

Finally I approached Central Park, and by that stage I was physically and emotionally done. Luckily I knew Laura ( my daughter) was waiting for me, and looking for here kept me busy. Central Park is such a beautiful place to finish because it is so pretty and peaceful compared with the busy city we had run through. Finally I saw Laura, burst into tears and somehow powered my poor stress fractured leg to run that final km to the finish line. I was crying so much I couldn't actually breathe. I'm still not sure how much of those tears where pain, relief or disappointment. Maybe they were just a good mix of all three.

Once through the finish line a volunteer places that medal around your neck, wraps you up in a "cape" which almost feels like the big hug that you need when you are mentally and physically exhausted. The only bad part of the event is that you do need to walk a very long way to get out of the Park, and as all the roads are a "frozen zone" you have to either walk or catch the subway which put an extra 4km on the 42Km already done.

To sum it all up the New York Marathon was everything and more I ever imagined. Would I do it again? At this stage it is sort of like having a baby- the experience is still very raw and I haven't forgotten the pain (and the moonboot is also a constant memory), but as time goes on I can honestly think I should have a rematch... one day.

What do you do when your life dream turns into a nightmare?

New York- the most amazing place on earth.

Those of you who follow me on Facebook will know that I had been promising lots of posts about New York when I got back. In that case you will notice that there have been no posts. Let me explain..

So two weeks before I went to New York (and two weeks out of the marathon) I pulled (or so I thought) my calf muscle. I was a bit annoyed but not too stressed, I had done my training so I assumed that with some physio and rest it would be fine for the big day.

It felt fine. It wasn't hurting anymore so I assumed all would be good. Until the day before the marathon when I ran across the road. The pain in that 1 second sprint was bad. I realised it wasn't going to be good at all. So I did what all athletes would do. I cried.

Even through the pain was bad there was no way I wasn't going to run, so I strapped that baby up, wore my tightest compression pants, popped some pain killers and hoped for the best.

It was ok for the first 5km , sort of ok for the next 5km and then crap for the next 2km. At 15km I realised my dream of running a 4h30m marathon was done. I was just going to have to get to the end somehow. I ran/ walked the final 27km in a whole world of pain. The only thing that kept me going was the crowd " You've got this Aussie Emma!" (no Aussie Emma didn't) and the fact that I am no quitter. There was no way I was not going to finish this bloody thing and get my medal at the end.

I honestly think you can see the exhaustion in my eyes.

So 5h 59mins after I started I crossed the finishing line, crying so much that I couldn't breathe. The beautiful volunteers at the end where wrapping us up like little presents in finishers blankets and telling us how awesome we were, I found my daughter and walked the 4km back to our hotel. Seriously. 4 bloody kms.

I knew I had done damage but there was also no way I was going to waste my final 5 days in New York. So I walked on average 10km on my poor leg, with the help of a cane (which does help you get to the start of any queue).

Fast forward to getting home on Sunday with an ankle and leg the size of a watermelon. I went to emergency and now have the final diagnosis of a stress fracture. I will find out in a couple of weeks how much damage has been done and if I need surgery. In the meantime it is a moon boot, and not being able to drive. 

So I'm not going to lie, I have not dealt with it all well. I have cried. A lot. I feel so disappointed in myself that it all went so badly. This was my dream and it all went pear shaped. Kind of like my year really.

So when I found myself sobbing in my wardrobe yesterday because I couldn't find the dress I wanted to wear (normally a fashion crisis but not to this degree) I think I finally hit rock bottom, and I am ready to pull myself out of my disappointment. So my blogs will come, because my holiday was amazing. In fact the marathon itself was amazing. I just feel so sad that I didn't get to enjoy it how I imagined. And yes I know its a first world problem. But its my problem.

So buckle up and be prepared to be bombarded with posts about New York. The most incredible city in the world. And also if you follow me on Facebook or Instagram you can follow the travels of my moon boot. 

I have finally found the thing I am good at.

I have never thought of myself as being a high achiever, but I think I have finally found something I truly excel at. I am pretty damn good at being a stay at home mum. I am kicking goals all over the place. And I have only been at it for 4 days.

I had an inkling I was good at it when I dropped my daughter off at school while I was still wearing my pyjamas. Yep I just popped on my ugg boots and grabbed my sunnies and off we went. And then this afternoon I finally knew I had it covered when I found myself yelling at Steffy on Bold and the Beautiful. (Yes Ally was nuts but she still did kill her, so I don't think Ivy is being unreasonable).

I am finding it a bit weird though because I am having trouble slowing down. I am used to having to do everything at break neck speed- so on Monday morning I made the fatal mistake of getting all my jobs done by 9 am. I had done the washing, vacuumed and mopped the floors and dusted so I had then left myself nothing to do on Tuesday. Then on Tuesday night I put on the washing  and then I realised I had just done Wednesday's job. I filled in Wednesday by having coffee in the morning with my mum and dad, and then when shopping and having lunch with my son. And let just say dinners have never been better (my son keeps asking who is coming over), and don't get me started on the lunches I am making the kids. 

I am also finding I am becoming a bit of a chatter. A chatter with shop assistants and strangers! The pharmacist and I had a lovely little chat about New York today, as did the lady and I in the bank. And today I even smiled at a baby. Yep. A real life baby.

Can I also tell you about my parenting. I have been walking my daughter to and from school most days (well apart from pyjama morning) with the dogs, although that nearly ended as soon as it began when she spent the whole walk home being moody with me because she wanted to go to after school care.  I took her to the bank to cash in her money rather than making up the normal feeble excuse that banks shut at 3pm.  And yes I even let her put the shopping through the self service checkout without getting frustrated once for putting the cold stuff in the same bag as the pantry stuff.  Because lets face it- I'm in no hurry. No hurry at all. And having to sort the groceries out at home will give me another job. 

So lets just say so far this staying at home thing is pretty good. Apparently I will get bored soon, but that can wait until I get back from New York. In the mean time I will just look around my spotless tidy house and play with the dogs. 

A post about favourite Favourites.

A serious issue has just occurred in our house. I didn't really notice it at first, but when I worked it out.I wasn't happy. My youngest daughter and I both have the same favourite in the box of Cadbury Favourites. The Moro.

Mr Cadbury- why can't I buy these individually?

I think I may have talked about this before - but there is nothing like a box of Favourites, because everyone has a favourite. In fact I think it is perfectly reasonable to make friends according to their favourite Favourite. Under no circumstances should two members of a family have the favourite Favourite.

I not sure about you but this is my process for eating Favourites (I have routines for eating most foods- like get piece of pizza, take all the topping off the pizza, eat it, then eat the crust. Eating a pie- take the lid off, eat the lid, fill the inside with sauce, eat the inside with a fork, then eat the pastry.) 

1. Open the box
2. Empty all the Favourites onto the bench
3. Put the ones you hate back into the box ( Cherry Ripes, Caramello, Dairy Milk- which lets face it is a waste of time- just buy a block and Flake)
4. Take one of all your second favourites- (Picnic, Turkish Delight, Dream and Mint Aero)and put the remainder in the box
5. Hide the Moro's so no one can find them, so you can eat them slowly by your self.
6. Leave the rest for everyone else.

So on Friday night, my reflex's slowed by a celebratory bottle of wine, my daughter upset my routine. After I dumped the Favourites on the bench, she was in. It was like playing a game of Hungry Hippos. That I lost.

All I got was one damn Moro. Doesn't she know that you only have kids so there is someone to eat the chocolates you don't like?

So lesson learnt. From now on the Favourites will be opened in private. I will remove the Moro's and then reseal the box. Or get better at playing Hungry Hippos.

I am not a machine. I am just a very mediocre runner

I know that some people are under the impression that I am an amazing athlete. This could have something to do with the fact that when I am talking about my marathon running and people ask how I do it I usually reply with " I am a machine."

Well I'm lying. I am so far from a machine it is not funny. I am actually extremely mediocre. And I believe there is nothing wrong with being mediocre, but that is a whole blog of its own. The key to my success is that I just do it. That also does not mean I enjoy it, but I set myself a goal, tell lots of people and then I have to do it.

So in order to make you all feel better about yourself I thought I would share with you yesterdays run. Or as I like to call it- " the run that failed at every km."

So it was a biggie. 28km. Yep, big, stupid and long. Now for some reason I either completely underestimated the distance or I overestimated my ability. I am strongly suggesting it was the later. Because I actually hate running long distances I knew I just had to get it done. In a normal world I would be prepped for this, but my prep for this long run was 4 days down south with lots of wine and champagne. Mmmm first mistake. My carb loading the night before was brie and crackers washed down with a bottle of champagne, my pre run breakfast was a slice of toast and a caramel latte from Macca's. My pre race lunch was 4 pieces of sushi and a sugar free red bull. Mmmmm second mistake.

So off I set at 3pm, when it was still 25 degrees. Mmmmm 3rd mistake. So there I was hot, nowhere near fuelled enough and very dehydrated. Oh did I mention that the sea breeze was in, so I was running against the wind the whole way? So lets break the run down into the highlights.

1. Getting chaffing under my arms at 5kms.
2. Having to have a carb shot at 7km.
3. Having a baby vomit at 8km from said carb shot at 7km because I couldn't find a drink fountain to wash it down with. Lets just say Gu's are called Gu's for a reason. They have the texture of Gu.
4. Finding a drink fountain at 9kms and drinking so much I got a stitch.
5. Wanting to stop running at 11kms, and then realising I had 17kms to go.
6. My tummy deciding it needed to "expel" all the cheese and crackers I had the night before at 15kms.
7. Nearly tripping over a dog at 17kms, and then realising there was no drink fountains until I got home. 11 kms away.
8. Realising I had a wedgie at 20km. I realised this because I now not only have chaffing under my arm, I also have chaffing on my butt cheek. It was also at this stage my watch told me it's battery was low. So was mine.
9. Crying at 25kms because I felt like vomiting, my tummy still wanted to poop, my chaffing butt and arm and now tummy were  all hurting, I am still 3 kms from home AND I didn't have my phone so I couldn't get anyone to come and pick me up, my shuffle was stuck so it was only playing three songs... and let me tell you Eminem I was going to also have vomit on my sweater and it wasn't going to be mum's spaghetti . The only thing keeping me going was knowing that I was 3km away from my epsom salts bath and a Gatorade.
10. Finally I got home to find the flame on the hot water system had gone out and there was no hot water for me to have my bath, or a warm shower. I had to stand under a cold shower to wash off the sweat. 

Yeah so next weeks is 32km. I can only guess how that is going to go....

                                                      

Did the hear the one about when I thought I had a stalker?

So... I know I have a very good imagination. I am always thinking about things and making up ultra cool scenarios in my head, like me marrying George Clooney or becoming a famous writer and living in New York, but the other morning I was totally freaked out. Like TOTALLY. Let me start at the beginning.

Now as much as I am a morning person, I can be a little hazy at 4:45am when I get up to go for a run. So last Tuesday morning I found myself sitting on the toilet, and when I eventually opened my eyes (it takes a while) I saw that the lid to the drain of the shower had been removed and was sitting neatly beside the drain. This is weird for a few reasons.
1. because I am pretty sure I don't sleep walk (or clean)
2. because I don't think anyone else knows how to remove the drain lid (because if they do they never bloody have before to clean that thing) and 
3. the lid is actually broken so when you remove it, it comes away in three pieces. It was sitting whole. In one piece. ONE WHOLE PIECE.

Well you can imagine how freaked out I was. First I rang my husband to see if he had removed it. That was a no. I asked my son if he did it- which I worked out straight away was not the case when he asked if the lid to the drain even could come off. The last option was my daughter who, as I have mentioned in previous blogs likes to do sneaky things and then hide the evidence. But even she said no. She actually looked at me like I was bat shit crazy, so I know she was telling the truth.

So I was convinced. I either had a stalker or a ghost. Of course it was even more mystifying because I have two very yappy dogs (sorry neighbours) who bark if anyone walking past the house even farts, so the chance of anyone getting into the house was very remote. So I convinced myself that if it was a stalker they were living in the roof and had charmed their way around the dogs (which isn't hard- they will do anything for a treat.) And they were watching me. In the bathroom and this was their way of teasing me.

Of course the other option was a ghost. A very strong ghost who likes cleaning,  but a ghost nonetheless.

I was so serious about this that I didn't mention it to anyone ( because they might think I am crazy) until it happened AGAIN. Same bloody thing. Go to bed drain lid on, wake up, drain lid off. I was beside myself and contemplated that maybe it was time to start showering with my clothes on. Funny that my first thought is not of being taken by my stalker but more that they might see me naked. I then started to think of things that had gone missing. Like my grey bonds hoodie. And a few pairs of knickers. And money from my bank account. Well the money bit is a lie, but seriously where does that all go?

So I finally decided to tell people incase I went missing. I was convinced I  either had a stalker or a very strong ghost who like cleaning. I was getting ready to go to the crystal shop and may or may not have yelled at the ceiling " I KNOW YOU ARE UP THERE...GO AWAY". I was covering all my bases because I think ghosts do respond to you talking to them don't they? I'm not sure what the stalker living in my ceiling would have done... maybe shouted back " Well you could maybe drop a few kgs", and maybe that I really should clean the shower a bit more?

So this morning I am lying in bed when I hear something in the shower. This is it. Finally I am about to either 
a. Meet my untimely end at the hands of my stalker who lives in the roof and watches me shower, or
b. Meet my ghost who like to clean my shower. I tiptoed up to the bathroom door, flung that door open and caught that stalker red handed in the act.......

Bloody cat.

Ocsober? Are you kidding me?

This morning I woke up to see yet another article written by someone talking about how wonderful their life is since they gave up alcohol. Apparently we are heading in Ocsober (what dry July is not enough?), so it is time for us all to take a long hard look at our drinking and think about how wonderful our life would be with out it. 

So I read the article, and I realised one very important thing. The person writing it doesn't have children. Well let me tell you lady your life wouldn't be as easy alcohol free if you had a few kids with some animals thrown into the mix. Let me paint you a picture.

This morning I woke up to my daughter and son asking for my credit card so they could go to the shops to buy their new Play Station as soon as the shop opened. I then had the two cats and dogs deciding to wage a turf war on my bed. For the record the cats won. The cats always win. Dogs are so dumb.

To add some background information I have been in bed with a migraine for 2 days (my second in a week) which hit as soon as I got home from my 24km run on Saturday. My 9 year old told me she had no knickers because they were in the basket of washing that I did before I went for said 24km run. I bent down to get her knickers (because apparently she couldn't find them because they were not on top of the washing basket) and managed to pull the muscles in my lower back- because I didn't have my bath after my run because my 19 year old son can somehow use more towels than a hairdressing shop and still doesn't get that if you put the shower curtain IN the shower if won't flood the floor. So needless to say the last thing I wanted to do after my run was clean the bath to get into the bath.

So back to today - I get out of bed to find the dishes that were washed on Friday before I went to work still sitting in the dish rack. I walk into the back room of which I had to step over a takeaway plastic container that the dog had got out of the bin, which apparently no one else had seen (really?) to find the dog had pooed on the rug, the daughter had stepped in the poo and managed to rub the poo INTO the rug. But don't worry because it sure as hell didn't worry the kids. One was setting up the play station (around the poo) whilst the other was sitting transfixed on the couch watch the set up occur. 

I cleaned up the poo (scrubbing the rug with a toothbrush and washing powder) yes - while set up was going on around me then tried to feed the animals, dropped the dogs food on the floor, tried to fight the dog off the cats food (because they dog was pissed off that I dropped her breakfast, lost one of the cats in the backyard, went to put the used toilet paper I used to clean up the dog food to find the toilet blocked because my daughter had been making one of her science experiments in the bathroom of which always ends with friggin paper EVERYWHERE.

So to all those people giving up alcohol in Ocsober I say to you good luck and hope it goes well. To all those others out there who find their nightly glass of vino followed up with the occasional weekend bender chaser makes life that little bit more bearable I say cheers.  Now of course if you are having an every night bender followed with a vino chaser for breakfast you might have a bit of a problem.

The day my body stopped working.

It's official. I have broken my body. Well that's a little bit dramatic, but yesterday at approximately 4pm (which was very annoying considering I was at my friends birthday lunch and if you have ever been to one of my friends functions you know you never want to leave early). My headache that I had thought was just a "way too much wine at the quiz night' -(which by the way we came second- you know when there is a questions about marathons it is going to be a good night) became a spectacular migraine topped off with a "not sure which end of a tummy bug" I have, I knew it was time to move on home.

I got home, peeled off my clothes, made the epic climb up the stairs, waded through the cess pitt that is my sons bathroom, threw the 10 towels that are on the floor in the clothes basket, climbed in the bath (after I cleaned it), soaked until the water was cold, got in my pyjama's and slept.

I think I put my daughter to bed (well she climbed into bed with me and was there when I woke up) and didn't move until 6am when I carefully opened my eyes to feel that the symptoms were still there plus the addition of a very aching body. I send a text to the relief coordinator at work (reading that back it sounds a bit wrong, in education the Relief Coordinator organises the relief teachers if you are going to be sick). I made my daughter a sandwich - thank God she likes butter  sandwiches- and climbed back into bed only waking briefly to watch the end of Sliding Doors (God Gwyneth does the WORST British accent). 

Where can I get this?

So the point of this is that after weeks of complaining about how sore my body is I have realised that my body has given me the " Emma- you are burning the candle at both end and it doesn't matter how nice that candle smells." My body does this to me every now and then, I ignore my tiredness and then bam- I can't ignore it anymore.

So what to do? Well I am going to be a bit kinder to myself. I obviously can't give up the marathon training, but maybe I might sit down and smell the roses and bit more. I might also start eating better ( I am shoving a rooster roll in my mouth as I type), cut down on the booze ( I said cut down not stop. I know my limitations) and stop overthinking things. I am just going to "be" - well once this week is over when I have got all my shit together at work, have programmed for the relief teacher for when I am on leave, finished off the year 12's leavers program, written my year 11 exam, finished my final two essays for Uni..oh and I also have two dinners to go to and a party on the weekend. Well you get the picture. 

Maybe I'm just not sure if it is possible to stop and smell the roses any more. Maybe it is only possible to pause and smell the roses these days. 

I don't want to jinx it.... but I think I'm back.

It's been such a long time since I have blogged and I am sorry, but between working full time, becoming a single mother, training for a marathon, becoming a part time student and submitting articles for a real live beauty web site I have been a little bit busy.

The one thing I have been doing lately is thinking. And by thinking I mean a lot. The main thing I have been thinking is "How did I get here?" New Years Eve saw me standing on a beach in Bali with my youngest daughter feeling very smug about how perfect my life was. Sure enough once you hit smugness life decides to slap you in the face and teach you a lesson. Well let me tell you- the lesson has been received loud and clear.

Don't get me wrong- compared to some of the things that are going on to some people and in the world today my problems are pretty insignificant, but I guess I will say it has been a really hard year. One where you sit back and try and work out what the universe it trying to tell you. To be honest at times this year I think it is not trying to tell me anything (well apart from stop being so smug). It was just busy being shit.

So being the eternal optimist- here is what I have learnt from my shit house life this year.

1. Be nice to your mum and dad, because when you find out one of them is unwell your life will fall apart.
2. Hold those you love close, and tell them you love them every single day.
3. Be nice. You never know what is around the corner.
4. Be strong and make the hard decisions. As hard as it is at the time sometimes you just need to be brave.
5. Don't wait until tomorrow to do that thing you always wanted to do. Tomorrow may never come.
6. Just like Forest Gump said- "shit happens". It does. And while I am at it life is not always fair. Sometimes it is just a bitch.
7. Even though I live by the phrase "Love is all you need" Sometimes it is not enough. Learning that was perhaps the most soul destroying lesson I learnt this year.
8. Family and friends and friends who are family are the most important thing in the whole wide world.
9. You are stronger than you ever knew you could be.
10. Some days there really is never enough champagne in the world. On those days you reach for the cooking sherry in the pantry.

So as I think my life is finally on the way up I want to send love and kisses to the people who have helped pick me up, given me a good shake and helped me put my self back together. All I can say is I promise I will be there for you all when ever you need me. xxxxx