The" Amber is a mole episode" of TheBachelor

Is it just me or is anyone else starting to think that Blake is following a script? He smiles, like all the time. No man smiles that much.

We start with the obligitory shot of the Harbour, and it is Osher mail (in the flesh). And it's time for a SINGLE date!!!!!

The girls are surprised. Me not so much because the first date is always a single date. Amber is getting a little bit testy. Lauren has the envelope and is being a pain in the butt not revealing who has the date. And the winner is.........SAM!!

The girls are pretending to be happy, except for Amber who completely loses her shit. She cries and storms out. The girls are appalled. I think it is time for the producers to take her aside and tell her that there is a 99% chance that she will not win. Damn that horse allergy. Anyway she is over it and cries. The girls are bitching.Blah, blah, blah.

This is Sam. She was the sports captain at her school.

Sam is excited and puts on her shortest tightest whitest skirt and the girls resist the urge to push her down the stairs. Blake is looking good (and smiling) He tells Sams she looks fantastic (is that going to be the word of the episode?). They get in the car, because they are going on a mystery date. They chat, Blake laughs and Sam talks about how perfect they are together.

They end up at the drive ins. For those of you under 30 that is where you sit in the car and watch a movie. To get it the mood, Blake starts using words like "dig it." And Sam says they are at the "diner." Oh and it is intimate (with Australia watching). The waitress arrives and they order a shake. Blake says it is....Fantastic. Sam can see their future together.

Back at the ranch it is a GROUP DATE mail time. They all want to go and spend time with Blake. Especially Amber. But Amber is NOT going. She swears. We cut to a break. Hopefully Amber has gone to get a cup of "calm the hell down." But of course they are only joking. Of course she is going on the date.

The drive in date is continuing. They are sharing dessert. Blake feeds her. It is the most romantic date Sam has been on (I am starting to think I can write this blog without actually watching this.) The movie starts and it is a tribute to Sam. It is sort of like the movie my Year 8's would make with imovie. Blake tells Sam her could very easily fall in love with her. And she gets a rose. And Blake gets a pash. Or two. Or three. Sam can see her self falling in love with Blake. I have heard that before.

Ok Group date time. Blake arrives in a racing car. The girls get in overalls and drive cars with Blake telling them what to do. He blindfolds them as well. They have to listen to and have absolute trust in Blake. It is like watching that episode of The Brady Bunch when Marica and Greg had the competition to see who was the best driver. Thats about the highlight really. One of the chicks impresses him, they go in one of those drag cars, like the ones in Upper Middle Bogan. ( I am summarising because my internet died for a little while, and I can't remember what happened.

Here- let me blindfold you with this piece of black silk I just happen to have on me.

Yay- it's time for some booze. They are all linking arms. It is romantic and sexy. Amber starts whining. Then OMG!!! Blake wants to spend some time with her. They go off. The girls are dark. Really, really dark. The words " She doesn't deserve it." may have been uttered. They girls need not worry. It is kind of boring. But soooooo romantic. The girls are saying if Amber gets a rose it is our of pity. Ouch. Well it looks like there is merit to a pity party because Amber the whiner from Canadia has a rose-a.

This is Amber. She squashes all preconceived ideas that Canadians are easy going. Eh.

Amber is being cocky. The girls want to smack her. I'm siding with the girls.

Cocktail Party time. YAY more booze. Yay some of the girls are starting to get feelings for Blake. Yay some, sorry, all of the girls want to spend time with Blake. Yay some of the girls feel they have a connection with Blake.The girls change into their supplied frocks and accessories . Blake takes Lousie for a walk. Blake loves her lips. 

Blake takes another girl for "a chat" The girl says they have a massive connection. I would tell you who she is, but I have no idea who the bloody hell she is. Are they playing a trick on us and swapping the girls? Kat cuts in. The new girl is pissed. Kat has written Blake a letter because she is "deep" and the show only lets herself be "superficial". Blake takes the letter. He and Osher will have a good laugh over that one later.

"And then she wrote me this letter"

Rose ceremony time. Osher walks in wearing his younger brothers suit, well it must be because it is far too small.

He starts handed out roses. The girls all are expecting a rose because they all have a connection with Blake.  OMG there are two girls left and only one rose. I don't recognise either of them, so I don't care who gets it. Someone called Kara (nope no idea who she is) gets it. Someone called Beige has to go home.ok I made that name up, but she is beige because she has blended in with the walls. She cries.  The girls cry. It's getting hard (er) . They have just realised they are in competition with each other. OH AMBER IS CRYING AGAIN.

Until tomorrow night! Be fantastic and amazing and makes lots of connections.