It's Bachelor Time!

The episode begins with the usual montage of beautiful Sydney ( I am beginning to think more and more that this show is being made with an American market in mind. We then cut to the girls who are just chatting casually, not expecting  Tyra mail at all. The Tyra mail ( maybe I should call it Osher mail) arrives. Holly of the White Rose is going on a date with Blake. The girls flash their passive aggressive smiles secretly, well as secret as you can get on national television, they are pissed.

Holly White Rose is finding being in a Qantas ad AMAZING

Holly and Blake are on a date. And everything is AMAZING. The view, the water, the company. In fact pretty much everything was AMAZING. They were on a seaplane and they landed at Summer Bay. Well Palm Beach (but that really is Summer Bay.)

There is an orchestra playing on the beach. Now the day is perfect. It looks like a Qantas ad. Holly craps on about how much effort Blake has gone to. This is where I say again IT WASN'T BLAKE- IT WAS THE PRODUCERS.

Holly cries. It was AMAZING. Blake toasts to an - yep you guessed it - an AMAZING date.

At home the girls are bitching, sorry chatting on the back lawn. They get some Osher mail, and it is a YAY group date. It is asking who is ready to get dirty. Well Laurina won't have a bar of that. Well she does actually  because she is invited on the group date, but she is more interested in her nails. Which really pisses off the girls. Especially crazy eyes Anida. The poor love looks like she is on the verge of a break down. With a bit of luck the producers are noticing this and maybe ease up on the editing.

Back on the date Holly and Blake are bonding over cheese, a fire and wine. It is the best date Holly has been on. The other token words for this episode besides "amazing" is "getting to know (insert name here) better". By the end of the date I have worked out why Holly is single. Because she is boring. Blake thinks not. She get a rose. What the bloody hell is going on? She gets a peck. Not like the pash the chick did last week. I have forgotten her name.

Back at the house crazy eyes is still being crazy. They are also having a crazy onsie party. And their onsies all match. Holly gets home and they ask her if they kissed. She acts coy, or maybe she is confused. Does a peck on the cheek count as a kiss? Mmmmm I think not.

This is Amber. She is from Canadia and she is allergic to horses, and cries a lot.

The day of getting down and dirty has arrived. OMG disaster has struck- they are surrounded by horses. AND AMBER IS ALLERGIC TO HORSES. She cracks it. And cries. She is losing time with Blake!! The girls pretend to be sad.  Blake arrives in his Man From Snowy River Outfit. So does Osher. Cue the country music. And the mechanical bull. Who ever can hold onto the bucking (yes I said bucking) bull the longest gets some "special " alone time with Blake. The girls have to put on a cowboy hat. This makes then a cowgirl.

Look it's Cowboy Blake!

Laurina stays on the longest. The girls want to kill her. She goes for some "special time" They ride off into the sunset, and the girls bitching goes into overdrive.

Amber gets home. She is still crying. The girls pretend to care, but they only really want to know what the date was about.

Osher and Blake. A match made in Television heaven

Back on the date, Blake is telling us that maybe Laurina is not here for the right reasons. Obviously the producers are having a word in his ear. Laurina looks shocked- well she would if she didn't have so much botox she is incapable of making any  facial expression at all.

They head back for a hoe down ( no that is not a spelling mistake). Thank God there is some booze, because this episode is getting a bit dull. OH MY GOD !!! There is a rose. IN THE BARN. Blake and Sam have a chat. She is stoked. And ready to fall in love. With a man she doesn't know who has 18 other women after him. No one gets the rose. 

Time for the cocktail party. Laurina ( I'm a misunderstood model) wants to talk to Blake. The girls decide to "share Blake around". Well all the girls except Laurina. Blake takes Anida for a talk. She is so nervous she is rambling, and giggling, then she devil Laurina approaches. She is patronising towards Anida. The jaws music starts. The two girls try to out talk each other. Anida leaves, the jaws music is getting LOUDER. Anida is crying. Laurina is officially a moll.

Laurina " Don't hate me because I am beautiful"

She clarifies that she is interested in Blake. Then the girls outside all have a fight with Laurina.  She goes inside and all the girls inside have a fight with Laurina. It's official. We all hate Laurina. (But we know she is getting a rose. )

 Osher arrives, he has traded his cowboy shirt for a suit. The girls are worried because they are all madly in love with Blake. Then Holly feels sick, and needs to sit down. The girls are really concerned.... that Holly is trying to get more time with Blake!!

Osher. will you accept this rose?

They all get roses apart from Amanda (where did she come from?). The girls all pretend to be sad. Laurina and Amber have a fight ,and then they all get into their onsies, grab a mug of tea and get ready to watch the final episode of Offspring. 

Until tomorrow night!