I am hoping it is not the latter because I must admit, I am starting to get a little bit bored. As someone who didn't watch the last season I am not sure if this is a lull -kind of like that third quarter of football which gets a little bit dull- but things will get better, or if the season is about to go downhill. I am worried that Blake our Bachelor is maybe just too nice, and by nice I mean boring.
So here goes... We begin at the mansion and the girls, sorry the TOP TEN, are having a chat and congratulating themselves of being masters of the universe. (that's a Titantic quote). Jess gets up to read the Blake mail, which is seems has magically appeared on the table. Laurina and her botox vein have got the date. The girls really hate Laurina, so there are lots of cut aways to the girls making narky comments. Laurina is just saying she is open and ready. Is that code for something.
Laurina and her vein are in the car on their way to.....the airport where Blake is waiting in his Snoopy aviator jacket.
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| Look- its Blake in his aviator outfit. |
She looks "fantastic" and casual. Well as casual as you can be with a face full of makeup. They are going skydiving and Blake is scared. It's raining. They are getting higher. Laurina is comforting him. They jump, they are both terrified but pretending to be cool. The rain is hurting Laurinas face. Their faces do some seriously weird thing. Laurina has to fix her hair. Yes you read that correctly, SHE REDOES HER HAIR WHILE PARACHUTING.
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| Die. If this image of me existed in the world I would die. D.I.E. |
They hit the ground. They kiss. They hug. They hug. They hug.
Cut to the mansion (is it a mansion? is it?) Osher is home! He tells the girls about the group date, and to prove Blake is a family man and likes children they are going to a preschool. What is this? The dream date from hell? Seriously at this stage I would be grabbing my preselected cocktail outfit and heading for the door. If I am going on a date I don't want no little kids running around. I want dinner and champagne. And a nice big steak, with béarnaise sauce followed up with a chocolate and salted caramel pudding.
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| My name is Osher. I like long walks on the beach and Blake Bachelor. |
Back to special time with Blake and Laurina. He takes her back to his and Oshers house. There are candles, fire, RED ROSES, Blake makes cocktails, Laurina freshens up. He makes espresso martinis (obviously he didn't get the memo that they are soooo 2012). She tells him she wants someone deep. Or is that someone with a deep voice? She gets a rose. They pash, and pash and Laurina says she feels she could fall in love.
Amber who is very quickly becoming ultimate bitch mole, is saying nasty things. Laurina comes back and retells the date in detail and all of a sudden she moves into her audition tape for NIDA. Well at least I hope she is because that story telling is just freaking weird. The girls are all looking at her with their WTF faces. And then she drops the bombshell. She went back to the Bachelor Pad. The WTF faces becomes even more WTF, and then she tells the girls that they kiss. the WTF faces have gone into overdrive. If we hated her before, she is more hated now.
We are at a preschool, they all do cute things will little kids. He is looking for the most patient. I thought he was looking for mother material? The patient ones are aunties. Having kids sucks the patience out of you. Blake is hiding under a pile of kids. The girls all try to out maternal each other. The kids try and turn Blake into the incredible hulk by painting him green. Blake wants 6 kids. By this stage if I hadn't already hightailed it out of there at the thought of a date at a bloody preschool, I would be gone.
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| This is Jess. She is my favourite and she looks like Miranda Kerr |
We cut to Amber so you know she is about to say something nasty, but Laurina isn't there, so she is going to turn on Miranda Kerr, I mean Jess. Jess is cutting Ambers maple syrup. Amber obviously has forgotten that this is a competition. One person she doesn't have to worry about it Alana. There is no competition. Blake and Alana have about as much chemistry as something with no chemistry at all. Alana didn't want to get dirty because when she has her own kids she "wants to stay clean so she can go to the shops and look like a mum." Huh?
The girls are now free of face paint and are in their pretty frocks for the cocktail party before some one get their heart ripped out and stomped on. Laurina and Blake go outside for a chat, Zoe uses the word connection for the first time this episode. Sam is next up for a chat. I am not sure what has happened with Laurina. Hair emergency maybe? Zoe is still banging on about one on one time with Blake. She is starting to come across as desperate, and her not just because her dress is far too short. Oh God, she is talking to Blake. His demeanour is starting to slip, and a WTF look is spreading on his face.
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| Did Zoe forget to go to a fitting? |
Cut to girls bitching about ......(insert any girls name here). Zoe is still having the conversation with Blake that is generally reserved for 2am in the morning after 3 bottles of Champagne. She "trying". I'm dying. Can we please have our rose ceremony now.
While we are waiting for the rose ceremony- watch this. It is Larina Fleure's Show reel. ( no wonder the poor love is trying her hand at The Bachelor.) I think maybe that story telling from earlier IS her NIDA audition.
Here's Blake and the dramatic music. And the overuse of the word connection. Look- lets just cut to the chase. It is either going to be Alana or Zoe. Hang on. Who is Kara? Anyway it's time to go Alana. Because you just don't know how to look like a mum.
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| Off you go Alana. Seriously though who is Kara? |
Until tomorrow night, when a whole group of new girls arrive (and I haven't even learnt these girls names yet!)
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