The Bachelor or It's time to evict some crazies from Crazy Town

Thank God I got here in time. I always like to have my shower and change into my jimmy jams before The Bachelor, so I was worried I was going to miss the start. And then I realised what am I worried about? I am only going to miss a montage of the Sydney Harbour with Blake doing something in skimpy clothes all alone.

Well lucky I made it on time because there was no lonely  Blake OR Sydney Harbour montage. But we did see some water. The girls have Cabin, sorry Mansion Fever and are getting sick of each other. ( Thats code for the bitches are getting bitchier.

So Chantel comes in with some Osher mail (or if Osher doesn't deliver it is it Blake mail?) . It is a doozy. Yep It is an elimination date. What is even more scary than someone getting eliminated on the date, they only have ONE HOUR to get ready. I feeling the stress for them. Girls with curls can never get ready in an hour.

This is Zoe, or Kat.

This is also Zoe or Kat.

It's Katrina and Zoe which I find ironic because I actually thought they were the same person. Whoops.  Also  ironically they don't like each other. Cut to Katrina montage and interestingly she says she is from Gunnadananana. Ok it may not be spelt that way but that is the town where Miranda Kerr and Erica Baxter comes from. There must be something pretty special in THAT water.

The are ready to go and not only do they look the same but they are both wearing equally hideous clothing. Do we need to have the discussion about white shoes? The girls are going into battle before the date starts. Kat is being nasty and has made Zoey cry. They arrive at the Chinese Gardens in Darling Harbour.  Blake lies and tells then they look both gorgeous. The girls change into cheongsams - Red and Blue, although considering the tension between the girls maybe black and white would have been better.

The twins in their matching clothes. They are twins aren't they?

Luckily Blake, with a bit of help from the producers, picks up the tension between the two girls. He asks if they are friends. They respond like they are having a job interview. Blake orders weird shit to see how the girls would handle it if they went on the Amazing Race together. They eat duck tongue and stuff. The job interview continues Zoe is winning the interview, so Kat is starting to get jealous. She has this weird smile stuck on her face. She looks possessed. She asks Blake about his upbringing which turns the night on a total downer as Blake talks about his dad.

Back at the Ranch, it is time for Blake mail (where is Osher tonight??) It is a group date. YEAH. It is a date where they have to wear....BIKINIS. Anida is not on the list. Neither is Laurina.

Back at Darling Harbour, Blake is having "special time"with Kat. He talks about how she was engaged. She cries.  Special time with Zoe. Zoe wants to find someone she can spend her life with. Blake has made he decision. He likes red better than blue. Goodbye Kat or is it Zoe? No, it's time to go Kat. Zoe gets not only a rose but a 62 diamond bracelet. WTF?? The girls are going to go off about that one!! The other dates only got a pash. Hang on- she gets a 62 diamond bracelet, a rose AND a pash??? I have no words.

"So if I said it once, I'll say it again. This is Blake and he is MINE."

Group Date. There is another Mansion, and a pool and Andrew G- sorry Osher. The girls get their togs on and it is time for a POOL PARTY!!! Blake takes off his shirt, there is booze, boobs, beats and plastic swans.

Boobs, blondes, booze and plastic swans.

                                     
 Diana and Blake sit on the swans. She talks? About herself? And talks? About travel? And everything? She says? Is like a question? Diana craps on about being a Princess. The girls in the jacuzzi are getting jealous.  I'm starting to think some of the girls have been in the Mansion for too long because there is some serious regrowth starting to happen.

      Also some really bad dance moves are starting to happen

The producers remember that there is someone called Louise so she had better have some "special time" with Blake. She just says amazing a lot. 

Time for the cocktail party - or "quick girls - time to get some air time if you have not had any this episode."

 So the winner is Kara (or the interceptor, because she always interrupts dates). At this stage I am beginning to wonder what show I have been watching, because who the  bloody hell is Kara?

This is Kara. I have never seen her before in my life.

                           

Anida decides she needs to talk to Blake. The desperation is starting to ooze out of every pore. Diana can't be bothered to talk to Blake. Uhoh not a good sign. No one disses the B-man.

Anida takes Blake outside. She say thinkin , and talks about kids, and scare the shit out of Blake. He is starting to sweat. I think she has just bought herself a one way ticket out of there.

                                                                                                                   

It's ceremoany time!!! Anida has got them married off and someone has said the magic words- 'We have a connection." Osher drops a bombshell. TWO GIRLS ARE GOING HOME!!!  Blake hands out his roses. There are only 3 roses left. The music is building. The faces are getting frozen. Cut to Blake looking tortured.  Cut to Anida looking tortured. Alana gets the last rose. Princess Diana and Anida are the losers. I mean didn't receive any roses. 

But we have a connection!!!!

Blake looks relieved that the crazies (well two of the crazies) have left the house. Diana has gone home to her stuffed animals and Anida has gone home to photoshop wedding pictures of her and Blake. And I am going to get something to eat.