I have a confession.. I am struggling with the new age eating thing.

I like to think I am reasonably healthy. ( I did say reasonably for those of you who have seen me down a packet of lollies in one go). I eat salads, and I also eat fruit these days, and I have been known to eat the odd bit of Quinoa ( somewhere out these someone is laughing every time we pronounce it Kin waa) and enjoy it. But I think it has gone to far. Let me start at the beginning.

Once upon a time there was a middle-aged mother of 3 who liked to think of herself as being cool, funky and completely up there will all things cool and funky. (this is probably my first mistake, when ever you think you are cool, you never are) She loved many things in life and one of her most favourite things to do apart from eating was cooking. She read cookbooks, magazines and watch copious amounts of cooking shows on the tele. In fact I don't think there is one episode of Nigella she hasn't seen.

This green smoothie contains both Kale AND Chia

Then she noticed something happening. All of a sudden people started talking Fat free, then Organic, then free range, then gluten free, then wholegrain, then Paleo, then sugar free, and then full fat, and then we are told not to go sugar free  and then all of a sudden there were all these bloody green smoothies. EVERYWHERE. And then even Beyonce and Jay Z went vegan ( honestly what ever happened to music biz people surviving on a diet of Jack Daniels? )

It reached the stage where it got so bad that yesterday our middle aged mother bought a Women's fitness magazine looking for some inspiration, turned to the cooking section and didn't recognise ONE BLOODY ingredient. It was all chia seeds, coconut oil, cacao powder, medjool dates, spirulina, unhulled tahini (what tahini is not healthy anymore??). It told her to substitute ice cream with natural yoghurt (umm no), she could no longer just use sea salt it had to be Celtic salt,  it was no longer enough to eat Almonds, they had to be activated. Her milk had to be almond- unsweetened, the vanilla essence had to be alcohol free (what it has alcohol in it???) and she shouldn't be using Stevia anymore, it really should be rice malt syrup (nope no idea) and it was not enough to be eating Quinoa- you have to eat sprouted Quinoa, and the raw chocolate brownie recipe gave her the option of adding maca powder. If she ever decides to make raw chocolate brownies (which would be a no) she will consider adding maca powder. If she can ever work out what it is.

So there is the end of the story. I don't get it. I understand that some people like eating healthy-

but to me it is all so confusing. I don't want to substitute my cocoa with cacao. I like cocoa.  I'm sorry but when you make my chocolate cake with coconut flour or whatever you do, I can taste the difference.

To all you healthy, paleo, gluten free, free - rangers out there I say " You go girlfriend ( or boyfriend). If it makes you feel good - whatever floats your boat. Maybe one day I will turn a corner and embrace the passion. In fact I think I might go and have a green smoothie. Jokes, I am going to pop my ice cream made with full fat cream, milk and REAL sugar in the freezer. Hell I think there may have even been alcohol in my vanilla extract. Talk about living life in the fast lane.