My serious first world problem

Every single day of my life there is one thing that I do. I put on mascara. Even if I am hanging around the house I put on mascara. When I go for a run at 5 in the morning , I put on mascara. When I run marathons, I put on mascara, when I ... well you get the picture.

I have currently 5 tubes of mascara on the go. As far as I am concerned they all do a different job. I found my holy grail of mascara. And then the unthinkable happened on Saturday.

I got and infected eye. Yep a full on eye infection, red, itchy and bloody freakin sore. At first I thought it was an allergy, or I had cat fur in my eye. So I put my contact lenses in and used my beautiful mascara thinking it would eventually fix it self. 

I went out for drinks on Saturday and it hurt to look in the sun, I went out for dinner and didn't enjoy my mexican. I know, I know...inconceivable.

By Sunday morning I had no choice but to go to the Doctor and pay $90 to be told I had a virus, I couldn't wear my contact lens, or wear my mascara. On the upside I wasn't allowed to go to work yesterday. YAYAY.

Today I had to face my biggest fear. I had to 1. wear my glasses and 2. Not wear any mascara. I seriously considered calling in sick. Honestly. I wanted to wear my sunglasses all day. 

I felt naked, and well naked.

My game plan was to tell people before they noticed. I got told I look younger (yeah right) I got told I looked weird (by a student - they are full of tact) I also got told that people are starving in Africa (get off your high horse teenager with a social conscious, you wouldn't be so pious if I confiscated your phone would you? ).

I am aware that people are starving, I have a World Vision child in Ethiopia. His name is Ammanuel and his favourite game is playing "stick" ( you would think my $600 a year would at least buy him a ball) and for the record I also get starving especially after a run. I call it being "rungry" Get it run- hungry???. But I live in a first world, and this is a serious first world issue for me. I am mascara dependent. Oh and vain.

I am without contacts or mascara until Thursday. I will be the one in the dark glasses. At night.

MKR just for my mum

I just had a phone call from my mum wanting to know where last nights recap was from MKR. Well as I explained to mum, there was really nothing to recap. It was as bad as everybody thought it would be and wanted it to be.

I can see the Jack Nicholson thing- in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest after he had the lobotomy

1.They called each other baby a lot

2.They told each other how much they loved each other. A lot

3.She ironed his pants- showing the price she is paying for that house and that car and apparently the cleaning/ironing lady (when she is not doing it of course)

The most horrifying you will see on television this year- Repeat after me- Corrine you can do BETTER

4. He drank wine whilst she ironed those pants,demonstrating why he needs a young girlfriend because no woman would do that

5.They demonstrated that they really don't know how to cook- (honestly you should have heard my mums reaction when he a. cleaned the prawns in hot water, and b. overcrowded the pan with the said prawns)

6. They demonstrated that they don't know the difference between a soup and a puree. Apparently they are they same thing.

           You shouldn't be able to do this with soup, or a puree.

7. They demonstrated that a mushroom pasta sauce does not make a mushroom sauce for a piece of pork that has had the living daylights beaten out of it

8. They demonstrated that a chocolate quiche may look nice, but tastes like, well, a chocolate quiche

9. They raised questions of how a bank manager drives a mighty fine Mercedes and lives waterfront and owns a big boat. ( Maybe the bank should be looking into that)

10 The demonstrated that the really just have bad taste. That is why they are being so nasty to everyone else. They honestly believe that their food is good and everyone else's is bad.

And that baby, is that.

The Real Housewives of Melbourne or It should have been me.

I like french champagne, I have a designer handbags, I wear makeup, I like nice frocks, I wear spanx. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME. well except that I don't live in Melbourne and have a wealthy older husband. My husband is younger.

Anyone- last night was the premiere of what I knew was going to be the best worst television show of the year. And best worst it is.

image via SMH

The first episodes are always the best because this is where we meet our real house wives. I'm calling it from their nanny's to their botox their is nothing real about these women. First cab off the rank is Lydia. Lydia is very pretty. In a brunette kind of way. She is married to an older man who is an architect. He designed some nice buildings. They have a ski house, she drives a Porshe and has a dog in a bag. She is studying. To be an interior designer. She is Italian.

Next is Gina. She wears too much makeup and wears tight dresses. She has a stylist who dresses her like a drag queen. She is a barrister. She doesn't own a tracksuit. She is Italian.

Andrea is next. She is a super mum, who works full time in her plastic surgeons husband business. Her business is called Liberty Belle. Her business is serious because when she has a meeting with her staff they are wearing white coats. She is a super mum to her 3 children called Bud, Kiff and Buster (seriously). She also has 5 nannies to help her be that super mum. And she quizzes her children on healthy food. 

Gina, Lydia and Andrea are having lunch , where Andrea is inviting them to her fabulous party. They are only serving French Champagne. ( All champagne is french). They argue over who pays.

Next we meet Janet. I think she is kind of cool in a mutton as lamb kind of way. She has just left her husband who was cheating on her with Viagra and online dating. She goes to the campiest hairdresser in Melbourne because she never washes her own hair, and she lives in a hotel during the week. She has two boys. Don't think we will be seeing them. 

Next is Jackie. She is married to a rock star. I know this because she talks about him a lot and she wears leather pants.
Jackie is from Newcastle and Croatia. She speaks likes someone who comes from Newcastle and Croatia. She is a psychic, and a rich bogan. She thinks her husband, Ben from Silverchair, (God really? I thought is was only Daniel Johns) look like " Johnny Freakin Depp".  I glad she added Freakin because I otherwise would have thought she meant Johnny Depp the good looking actor sex god, and her Ben looks nothing like him.
Jackie loves Verve Cliquot and she has it for breaky, that is all she has in the fridge, well apart from butter, She also has not had plastic surgery because she is very beautiful. Her words, not mine. 

Anyway to get this narrative moving we need to introduce our complication- Jackie does a reading for Janet, and then Janet asks her to come to the Liberty Belle fab party, where her friends will be and they will be drinking fabulous French Champagne. ALL CHAMPAGNE IS FRENCH!!

The producers at this stage have realised they have forgotten to introduce Chyka. After about 30 seconds it becomes clear why because Chyka is boring. She is a caterer and is married to Bruce. He has no neck and calls her Bub. They are both super busy. So busy in fact that they cannot find a night to have dinner together, or go to Singapore together. I have a feeling that Bruce is happy because he can meet his boyfriend.  But luckily Chyka is not so super busy that she can still go to Andreas party.

We cut to Jackie getting ready with her stylist/ hairdresser/ makeup artist. Honestly why do rich women find it so hard to dress themselves? They are drinking french champagne. For God's sake- ALL FREAKING CHAMPAGNE IS FRENCH. Jackie can't work out why they are throwing a party for a fat sucking machine. She obviously doesn't have enough fat then.

Cut to the party. Gina walks in. Andrea says that every time Gina walks into a room everyone stares. Yep that would be because she looks like a drag queen. The ladies all greet each other. Gina and Chyka finally meet even though they are Facebook friends.

The party is fab, except Jackie is not impressed with the FRENCH champagne. She has MOET in her fridge. So do I, next to the cask of Pinot Grigio.

 They head off to dinner, in the limo (so 1990). They crack open the FRENCH CHAMPAGNE.  (This is going to get boring). Gina, Jackie and Janet have a conversation, and the editor forgets to mute the other wives microphones so it is a bit hard to hear what they are saying, No doubt it was about FRENCH CHAMPAGNE.

Dinner at an exclusive restaurant, they talk about prenups. Nope none of them have them because their husbands love them. Jackie makes a point of saying her husband has LOTS of money. (I'm going to google that). They all also make a point of saying that none of them are gold diggers. Lydia says that she and her husband have a conjugal rights agreement. I thought that was something that you had in jail. I guess that means Lydia is going to be the sexy one then. Ummm what else... oh Jackie tells Gina that her boyfriends is cheating. She knows this because her grandma is standing over her shoulder and tells her.  I can't really tell if Gina is outraged or not because I am distracted by Gina's eyeliner which is the exact shade of her dress. 

Each scene is prefaced by some lovely shots of Melbourne, and by the sound bites of tram bells. Melbourne looks divine. We saw the gallery, the casino, the Yarra, the trams, The city, the trams, the trams, the trams and the trams.

And that is that for episode 1. It is obnoxious, car crash television. My favourite kind!!
Here is a link to part one. You know you want to

all images are vis the official The Real Housewives of Melbourne website , except otherwise stated.

MKR- The Boys are back in town...

or The boys are still bumbling idiots.

I missed the first few minutes of the episode because I was busy watching The Real Housewives of Melbourne - that post is coming, but apparently there was a scene of Harry in the shower. Harry and Christos are bad in the kitchen, which is not good for Christos because he has a food business. After watching till the first commercial break, I just think that they are stupid. I mean really have we not learnt by now that if you need to cook a dish before you go on a national competition. Now I am aware that they present a few dishes to the producers who pick the dishes they end up cooking, but seriously PREPARATION people .

So off to Coles we go, except they don't, they go to a fish man and then the butcher. I can see why Harry is so hapless, as he is driving and reading at the same time. We then hit a traffic jam due to road works- what?? are they filming in Perth?, get through the said traffic jam, buy the food and home we go.

Pete and Manu are giving their feed back on the menu. They are making calamari. Apparently if they over cook the calamari it will be ruined. Really Manu? Main is pheasant which is Granny's recipe that they have never made before. Man their Granny must be flash. My Granny used to make curried sausages. Desert is baked stone fruit with ice cream.

At home, we start cooking, the power goes out. Power comes back on. Disaster averted.Boys start on the biscuits for dessert. Biscuits get burnt because they have it on the wrong oven setting. Lucky they have more dough in the fridge. Disaster averted.

Guests arrive. Someone is wearing open toed shoes with panty hose. Again. Whoever it is should be out . NOW. A crime against fashion is serious. Everyone says the room looks nice. Except Dave because he is a bitter middle aged old man who can't cook, and whose girlfriend is going to dump him when the show is over.

The boys head back to the kitchen and "Get their cook on". Pete and Manu arrive. I have run out of adjectives to describe how smooth they always look, but they are looking, well, smooth. Except the skin around Pete's eyes. He could either do with a bit more fat or some botox. They read the menu. Pete raises his eyes (but hasn't he seen it before?). The fellow contestants critique the menu. David complains, Manu looks at Carly with puppy dog eyes.

Out comes the calamari. Everyone is underwhelmed. Pete and Manu may have said simple, but not that simple. Silly. I think that underwhelmed is the new cliche.

The boys hit the kitchen and put in their main. Yes-THEY START COOKING THEIR MAIN. OK it must be said- do these boys even know how to cook? You cannot cook the "hero of the dish" in an hour. No matter what Dave may say. 

So surprisingly the pheasant is not looking pleasant when they take it out of the oven. What should we do? Umm crank up the oven and put it back in? Well the boys do put it back in but don't turn up the heat. 20 minutes later, they take it out and yep still not cooked. CRANK UP THE OVEN. Nope- back in but no turning up the heat. Harry asks " Why is this happening?" BECAUSE THE OVEN IS NOT HOT ENOUGH!!!! This goes on for 3 and a bit hours. Yep a plane trip to Bali. Although at one stage they do crank up the oven to 180. Seriously what heat were they using before?

It comes out, everyone except Dave loves it. Although in the defence of everyone, after 3 and a half hours I would be loving cheese on toast.

                     And not one pheasant plucker joke?

They make a start on dessert. They make their amaretti biscuit filling for the stone fruit. I don't like arametti anything. I read a short story in high school where is said that arsenic tastes like almond essence. No almond flavours for me. I have an ex husband remember.

I do have find a new love for Harry as he swigs from the Amaretto bottle in the kitchen, You go boyfriend. 

Or maybe it was Christos swigging that Amaretto?

Desert is a winner, with everyone but.. you know what I am going to say here. They score. The boys do ok. The gastronomy chefs are still on the bottom. As a side note I have been thinking and I don't think a dumb apple sphere and mixing odd flavours count as molecular gastronomy.

Tomorrow night is Dave and Corrine. From the promo's Corrine irons his pants while he drinks wine. What is wrong with that girl?

Note to Harry and Christos- I am currently teaching a cert II course where there is a unit on managing daily activities. I can post you the work book if you like.

all images via the official My Kitchen Rules website.

So if you have Botox and no one notices, did it really happen?

You know sort of like that saying "If a tree falls in the forest?" Well I have a confession to make. I have had Botox in my forehead. And nobody and I mean NOBODY noticed. I was waiting patiently for someone to say something, but nope, nothing. This means either maybe I look no different, or people don't pay as much attention to me as I thought they did. WHAT???? I am not the centre of everyone's universe??

The closest I think anyone got to noticing was a girl in my class today who asked me if I was wearing makeup because I looked different. This quietly terrified me. Did she think I don't normally wear makeup? That face was a good as it gets.

So my botox experience. Well I got it done in Sydney 4 weeks ago. I figured I had pumped myself with so much French champagne, what was a bit of botulism injected into my face. I found a little salon? Clinic? and made a booking. It was only $135. Thats less than a steak at Rockpool. Well nearly. 

I rocked up the next day with maybe a teeny tiny hangover. Alright maybe a massive one. I was ushered through to the room by a lady who had a face that didn't move. She asked me what my area of concern was. I told her my forehead. She said " Is that all?" Ummmm yeah.

Because it was my first treatment I had to have an interview with the Dr. On his phone.   She then asked me how much movement I wanted in my forehead. I told her I was a teacher so I had to still be able to do "the look". I thought I was being funny. She didn't get it.

           Me attempting  "The look"- God no wonder the kids stop talking that is horrifying

I lay down, she gave me some ice for my forehead, and then she injected me with 5 little bits of botox. It didn't hurt at all. But them I do run marathons. And have had three kids. And I work with teenagers. 

It was all over in about 5 minutes. I got up and I was out the door, home to sleep off my hangover.

Not much happen until a few days later when I noticed that I couldn't frown properly. This may have also been due to the copious amount of champagne,and lets face it, I had nothing to frown about.

Lucky I had nothing to frown about- because I couldn't even if I wanted to. Not a horizontal line to be seen.

Once home, I wore my hair pulled back a lot, Nothing. I try to do "the look" with my classes. They still shut up. Eventually I told my husband. He said I looked no different. I told my mum, she said it looked smooth. I told my friend Claire, she said it looked smooth. 

                         The forehead doing the "thinking pose" I look tired because I am tired.

Personally- I like it and I can see a difference. The other positive is that I have not had any headaches since I have had it done. Well apart from a sinus headache but that doesn't count.

Will I do it again? Yes probably because I am incredibly vain and not happy about getting older. And also now my horizontal forehead lines are gone I can notice those lines near my eyebrows, and the ones near my lips and.... Just stop me before I get to this.

image via Pinterest

MKR recap. The night of the stupid food combinations.

Yawn. Yawn, yawn, yawn. As I mentioned in last nights recap I find molecular gastronomy soooo 2010, and just stupid. I also find stupid food combinations stupid. If things were going to work together they would be done, so I was not holding out much hope for Josh and Danielle.

Our episode began with Josh explaining that the difference they have over the others is that they are using science. I'm calling you on this one Josh, because all cooking is science. And I haven't done any Chemistry since 1986. 

Josh loves cooking. It is his happy place. Well Josh that is because you don't have to cook dinner every night after a day at work. The pair head off the Coles. They are in trouble. Josh didn't get the memo that they have to run. 

               " I can't believe Josh forgot to run in Coles"

They are making a Oxtail and mushroom gyoza with sides that don't match, sous vide salmon, because someone has been watching too much Top Chef, with cinnamon biscuits and a vanilla mayonnaise. Really? REALLY? You two quit your jobs for this??? Dessert is a Parfait with maple syrup bacon. I get this dessert because 1. I love maple syrup bacon and I am guessing it will be like a salted caramel flavour and 2. In the words of Donkey from Shrek - "Parfait- everybody likes Parfait".

They prep. Or rather Danielle preps. I don't really know what Josh is doing. Faffing around with his stupid little chemicals. The guests arrive, Pete and Manu- "The Big Rigs" (nope don't get that reference either) arrive. They wait a looong time while they roll out the dough for the gyoza, and Josh does his apple sphere.  The guests are eating the chocolate dirt on the table and licking the paintings. It looks like if Josh is not watching Top Chef he is watching Heston Blumenthal. I am also starting to question if anyone actually attempts to cook this dishes before they go on the show.

Dinner is taking so long, Carly eats the menu which turns out to be the best dish of the night.

Finally the gyoza's are ready. Or is that the gee oh sa's, or maybe the gyozoe's. I really wish we could agree on pronunciations of things.

Needless to say they all hate they entree. Josh and Danielle are gutted. They quit their jobs for this.

The cook the main. Everyone hates it. Josh and Danielle are gutted. They quit their jobs for this.

They make the dessert. Everyone hates it. Josh and Danielle are gutted. They quit their jobs for this.

Insert where applicable- Kelly and Chloe smirk, Harry is an idiot, David is becoming older by the episode, Carly is being sweet and nice, Anna forgot to put her make up on, Manu and Pete are looking smooth, and Cathy has thankfully not worn such a low cut top.

They score a dismal 51. This puts them at the bottom of the leader board. They are gutted. Did I mention they quit their jobs for this?

all images via the My Kitchen Rules web site

MKR recap - We are NOT mediocre.

So tonight is all about redemption. Kelly and Chloe are out to prove that their first night was just bad luck. They CAN cook, and they DO know good food. Thats because they have eaten all over the world in Michelan Star blah blah blah.

The girls begin their day with some downward dogs in their garage, which magically transforms into a dining room in an hour. You can tell the girls mean business because man are they throwing out the cliches. They are going to smash it, while they kick arse, bust the joint and they won't be thrown under the bus. They are also NOT mediocre. Because they have eaten all over the world in blah, blah, blah, blah.

The girls get in the car and Kelly starts doing this weird Gangsta thing. The girls don't go to Coles, they go to Fresh Provisions in Mt Lawley. This is because it is a bit more pretentious, sorry classy. They do however put the shopping in their Coles bags. They are telling us that they are making the same dish as Felix and Jess, a conFIT of chicken. (That must be how they pronounce it in those flash restaurants the Contiki tours take you to). Luckily the find gallons of duck fat at fresh provisions. Just a heads up girls- Coles stocks that.
Entree is marron on a crab pillow with truffle (in a jar). Dessert is a cannoli and a Espresso-tini. Espresso martini's are soooooo 2013.

The girls get home. They are big white trucks out the front. They are either being burgled or the camera crew is there. The restaurant looks nice. It is Gatsby themed. Sooooo 2013. They are going to "rock the joint". The girls know this because they have skills others don't have and because they have dined in blah, blah, blah...

Chloe starts making her pasta, and states, "I am confident because I make it all the time". By now we all know this is code for- it's not going to work. Thats all that needs to be said about the pasta. Chloe gets flustered. This may have something to do with the fact that her pasta is not working and they are playing this really weird sexy music over the top of the vision. It felt. Awkward. Kelly hugs her. Chloe starts crying. Kelly is still speaking Gangsta, and that is all she seems to be doing. 

                 "They won't stop playing that sexy music"

The girls go and get changed and do a very bad job on their hair. The guests arrive. Anna has something weird on her head. So does Corrine. Danielle has amazing lipstick. They sit. They like the restaurant/yoga room. Chloe goes and makes more pasta. Carly realises that David and Corrine are partners " Holy Lady Gaga". Amen to that sister. Anna and Carly are trying to out food each other. Harry makes fun of them. David is starting to act like the drunk uncle at a wedding. 

Back in the kitchen- the new pasta is sort of working. Kelly tells us that if the pasta is overcooked it will be ruined. Yes Kelly that is generally the way it works.

Manu and Pete arrive. Pete is looking like a activated almond bundle of health. Manu is wearing a suit that is a. ugly and b. tight. They sit, the entree come put. Many is 'appy. Petes eyes are sparkling. Success. Except David doesn't like it. 

The girls are back in the kitchen to work on the main. They have taken on board some of Carly and Tresne affirmations because they are confident.  Here comes the point where even I know the girls are in trouble. I have never confited or conFITTED anything, but from my vast culinary knowledge gained from a steady diet of NIgella and Jamie. I know that confit takes a long time in a slow over, I also know we are in trouble because the piano accordion starts playing and in walks Manu. He questions Kelly about her conFEE. She says this is how she always cooks it, and it tastes just like the one she has had in a Michelin Star restaurant blah, blah, blah. From my years of teaching all I can say to you Manu is " walk away buddy, walk away."

                    "You are questiooonning me- a frenchman, on 'ow to prepare a confee? You can't even say it propurrly

Kelly's conFIT comes out. It is wrong, Her Brussel sprouts are wrong (they are always wrong - I am with Carly on this, they taste like garbage) but her sauce is good. David hates everything. Carly gives a negative sandwich. Pete and Manu nearly wet their pants.

Back to the kitchen to make dessert. A cannoli. God I love cannoli's. The girls had them in Italy. I had them in Italy as well. And Victoria Park. So there.  The dough is not working properly. Carly thinks she is getting cannelloni bless her, and Cathy speaks for the first time. She doesn't like sweet desserts- WHAT???- and she is showing an awful lot of cleavage. The cannoli's come out. Personally I think they look good. Manu says they are boar-wing. Pete likes it but doesn't like the espresso-tini. Told you they were so 2013. Oh and David doesn't like it. David is actually being a dick, I can see why he has gone through 2 wives. Corrine is also a little bit nasty. I can see why she is with David.  Harry and Christos are boring, and I think Josh and Danielle are going to be obnoxious. Carly and Tresne are going to be in this for the long haul, because they are funny and real nice country chicks .

The don't get good scores. Their score is mediocre. "WE ARE NOT MEDIOCRE". Well girls, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck............

Maybe just a little mediocre. Although I do like Chloe's dress.

Tomorrow night Josh and Danielle are cooking molecular gastronomy. 2010 called. It wants it food back.

All images used are via the My Kitchen Rules official web site.

MKR recap- The Gatecrashers

That was seriously hectic. For some reason the internet wasn't working at our house. Even Justy super husband couldn't fix it.

But never fear- it is up and running tonight, so I though I would quickly give you a recap for all go you who missed it last night.

So it was the first night of the Gatecrashers, and our first couple were Carly and Tresne. They are from the country. This means that they don't pronounce the "g" in their words. They also have matching pugs who wear clothes, and they don't step on cracks. Which is very different to stepping on "crack" because that would be a different show.  

Carly and Tresne could both work at Lorna Jane because they are into affirmations.  They are going to feed the positive (they are at the wrong dinner party because there is no positive for them to feed in that dinner) Yawn. So 2013. Well I guess they do live in the country. 

On our menu tonight the girls are making a beetroot tart with goats cheese, a massive country size bit of steak with parsnip mash and a jus, and a caramel divine. No no idea what that was either. The girls run into Coles, and then run around Coles and they proceed to buy enough sugar, oil, cream and butter to keep Jenny Craig in business for the next 100 years. When the shopping is over they go home and put their aprons on. Carly says now it all seem real. Just quietly I would have thought the moment the camera crew turned up and filmed them shopping would have been pretty real.

While the girls are cookin, mixin, and doin their prep ( Carly is obviously the ditsy one by now, because apart from being the dessert queen- which I have learnt is MKR code for "you will make a really bad dessert" has also has forgotten how much sugar she has put in the bowl.) We meet the other crashers. We have the mother and daughter Cathy and Anna who are now the resident evils. I can tell this because 1. They are mean and 2. They smirk a lot. Our other crasher are Danielle and Josh. They are stupid, sorry sales reps who have quit their jobs for MKR. ARE THE FREAKIN SERIOUS????

The guest are arriving and checking each other out. Chloe and Kelly have picked Anna and Cathy as their new enemies. I think they may have a point. David is still old and his trophy wife is working out how soon the show will be over so she can dump him. The man pronounces jus- JUS. Not JEW. and then he calls it a gravy. Corrine dies. Of embarrassment.

                         This is Anna and Cathy. They will be playing the role of "Mean" this week

Pete and Manu arrive. Pete is wearing a gingham shirt- well they are in the country. Meanwhile in the kitchen the girls are still cookin, their balsamic is strong, they cool it over the air conditioner vent -which is in the floor.

Air conditioning vents. On the floor? Is that a country thing?

 Carly growls at Trense because she is losing her inner peace.  Carly says their aim is to get all 10's. I'm sorry Carly that is not a positive affirmation. You all think that.

Out comes the dish. Pete and Manu try it. Pete's beautiful blues eyes widen. THEY FORGOT TO DRESS THE ROCKET. Smirks all round the table. Anna doesn't have a fork. Personally I don't think Carly and Tresne would give a fork. (haha) Pete also says there is not enough on the plate. This is bizarre because if you look in the kitchen they have enough to feed the whole flamin town.

Chloe and Kelly are being nice. They have decided to be strategic. Luckily for them the editors have also decided to make new baddies, so their master plan is working.

Back to the kitchen. Tresne is cookin the steak, and mashin the parsnip puree. Tresne positivity is turning into negativity. SHE BURNS THE PARSNIP PUREE. Oh hang on- it's ok, it was just to add drama for the commercial break. The girls remember Manu loves his sauce, jus, gravy, so they give him a big bit. Lucky. He loves it, and the steak. Still a few smirks around the table.  Harry and Christos are being funny- "David said gravy" snigger snigger. 

Back to the kitchen and the girls are gonna smash the caramel. Carly says " Holy snapping turtles" (seriously) Tresne is fangin in the cream (nope, no idea what that means either).  Tragedy- the butterscotch is not set. But its ok -They have made extra. (I told you they had enough to feed the whole town). They are worried it might be too sweet. Really girls, you think chocolate brownie,salted caramel, toffee popcorn and butterscotch would be too sweet?? Out comes dessert. 

Pete and Manu give each other "the look". The couples smirk at each other. The dessert is too sweet. Never saw that coming.

The girls get scored. Anna and Cathy are mean, David and Corrine are mean, and everyone else is ok. They score 74, and the sound man forgets to get out of the shot and you can see him standing in the background.

Tonight we head to Bogern Australia to see if Chloe and Kelly can redeem themselves.  ( I can say this because I am from Perth and they are Bogans. They served Yellow as their posh champagne. It is not champagne or posh) They say they "Will smash it". Sigh.

By popular demand- MKR Jess and Felix or " The Night of the Dramatic Music"

Our episode begins in the sunny sea side town on Man due rah. I am assuming that is Mandurah, for our favourite over confident, outspoken couple, Jess and Felix (this is code for the couple that will fall flat on their faces) The could also be called the ugly ink couple, because between the two of them they are seriously sporting some bad ink.

Jess and Felix are not a couple. They do however bare a striking resemblance towards each other. Jess is an interior designer. Felix is a miner.They have known each other for 10 years.  They cook a lot and make the best dip ever. Jess is organised. She has spread sheets, lists and everything else. Their prep is going to make them a success. " Oh no it's not". You can say that bit like this is a pantomime if you like. 

First stop is Coles. They are on the right track because they run in. They run around the shop, and then run to the car. Then they run home. Ok , they drive. But I'm sure they would run if they could. Once home they begin dressing their instant restaurant. It is Jess's favourite style Baroque. Except Jess pronounces it Bar rock.  Then we hit the kitchen, where they use all the right terms, they will be smashing it, nailing it and every other cliche.

It is about this time that I am hoping that tis is Felix's house, because if Jess is an interior designer,  and this is her house, she is in the wrong business. Now for the menu. First course is Pork Belly. Two ways. Followed by a Confit of Duck. But pronounced Con FIT, not con FEE. Now I know that English or French in this case is a little confusing, but if you are going to cook it, pronounce it right. Dessert is a chocolate mint slice with macadamia praline. 

                              Dessert. Nutella on toast.

They begin by making the dessert, and I may be wrong but did I see a packet mix going in that base? They did the mousse and the cream popped it in the fridge, went and got changed (or so they say- they looked the same to me). They talked about the pork belly a bit. It wasn't going crackly. Then one of them said "We have issues." Oh yes you do!!

Our guests arrived and Bree in her cut away said she was interested in how tonighhhhh was going to 
go. Why does she over pronounce her vowels and leave off the last letter. Is she Italian?
Jess welcomed them to their instant restaurant Barrock ( it's  Baroque). She told them it meant class. I die.

Pete and Manu arrive looking as smick as ever. 

"God I'm a sexy beast."

"and so am I"

They sit down. They get welcomed to Barrock ( Baroque). They get told by Felix to pull on their tassels. I sniggered. They get read the menu. Pork Belly, Con-FIT (con FEE) David starts being nice, because he is no longer losing. Felix is nervous about his crackle. I can tell he is really stressed because the music is going into overdrive.

Out comes the pork. It is undercooked. Like really undercooked. Really really undercooked. They go back into the kitchen to begin on the main. It is now that I am really thinking that when the producers go in they really should tidy up. They had more crap on the top of that fridge than on the main course. Next out comes the Con FIT ( CON-FEE for god's sake) . We knew it would be bad because Manu went into the kitchen. They used the wrong part of the duck. They used the breast. Manu told them that a Confit uses a leg. I think they could have saved it by saying that it didn't matter because they mad a conFIT. They served their conFIT with constructed sweet potato. I think she meant deconstructed. Maybe in Man- due-rah they reconstruct things.

They wrapped the duck in filo and put cheese on top. It looked awful. Felix said "Youse enjoy it." What??? they were cooking lamb???

They didn't enjoy it. I also worked out why there was no wine on the table, it was in the sauce. The sound guy was going into over drive with Pete's comments. " Nothing works" BAM, "It's Raw." BAM. "The Pastry is burnt." BAM.

Jess takes it badly because in her life " She hasn't had much failure". Oh dear.

Dessert/ Choc mint slice. Harry is not looking forward to it because choc mint tastes like you have just brushed your teeth and then eaten a bit of chocolate. It's the best mousse Jess has made. The shortbread has worked. The praline is in the fridge. Huh? Won't that make it go soft? It looks weird but tastes good.  They are happy with the presentation. Pete tries it. He likes it. Manu doesn't like the praline. (That's because it was in the fridge Manu)

The diners score them badly. Pete and Manu score them badly. Harry and Christos are having trouble adding up to see if they are still in the competition. They are. Jess and Felix are not.  Two failures in one night. Poor Jess.

And then they called it a night, and the poor sound effects man had a lie down. BAM.

all images are via the Channel 7 website

Is expensive always better?

Emma from East Victoria Park asks - " Are expensive make up and skin care products always better". Good question Emma. Yes alright, it is me asking this question because I am a little bit torn right now.

I was always of the belief that cheaper "drug store" products were ok and did a great job. But in the last few months somehow I have gone from picking up bits and pieces at the supermarket to becoming a little bit more exclusive with my purchases.

My collection has always been a mix between cut price and bloody expensive, but I am starting to notice a definite shift towards the more higher end of the market. Shall we start with skin care. I have moved away from my L'oreal 

Image via L'oreal website

to become almost exclusive with SK II which is ridiculously expensive, but my skin is looking just so nice!! My complexion is clearer, my pigment is fading and it is so freaking soft I would give a 20 year old a run for their money.  I am however contemplating maybe doing away with the cleanser and switching to something a little more affordable. But only in the cleanser.

Image via SK-II website

Make up wise I today went to my holy mecca of makeup (MECCA ) and bought a mascara for $22.

bare Minerals Lash Domnation It is beautiful, it has an amazing brush, it lengthens, it adds volume and the black is so amazingly black. 

Image via Meccacosmetica

I feel like I am cheating on my beloved Covergirl-Lash Blast even though there is only about $7 difference in price,  I feel like I have moved over to the dark side.

Image vis Covergirl website

I adore my Models Choice eye brightener, but my mum who has become addicted to MECCA as well, let me try her eye highlighter product. It is AMAZING, and is priced accordingly. And then there is foundation. I tried a sample of YSL's Youth Liberator Serum Foundation, and I loved it so much I have't used a foundation since my baby sample ran out.

                                            Image via YSL website

I guess I can only say this. Yes expensive make up products do feel better, and the pigments are better, and they last longer, but there is also a place for the cheaper end of the market. If you can afford it- why not. If you can't "drug store" brands will do they job just nicely.

Yes, I think that was the answer I was looking for to make me feel better about the ridiculous amount of money I am spending on my face at the moment.

Remember if it is in purple- it is a link to the web site, so you can do some online shopping.