10 Reasons I am glad I am old.

Thats a sentence that I never thought I would say, but I am  glad that I am not young, and by young I mean in my 20's. I honestly don't think I could do it, it has the feeling of being way too hard, and here are the main reasons why.

1. High Heels. Man those heels those girls wear are high. It takes skill to walk in those things and not kill your self, although apparently there are lots of shoe related injuries every week. And lets face it, if you are honest and watch the pretty young things on a Friday night, they are not all that good in walking in them either. I do hear that botox on the balls of your feet is one way to do away with the sore foot injury. 

These little babies are Charles Louboutin. I saw them in the flesh when I was in Sydney. They will set you back $5000. Plus an additional $1000 in medical bills.

2. Short, tight dresses. Man those dresses are short. And tight. It is a wonder of modern engineering how they just sit under your butt like that. I would spend the whole night pulling it down, and worrying that people could see my granny knickers. ( I am not sure what knickers young things wear). How do they bend over? Or get out of a car?

How does it not ride up? 

3. Fake/spray tan- That stuff smells, and you have two options- you either have to stand naked in front of a stranger whilst they spray you a delicious colour of browny/orange, or you do it yourself and applying that stuff is hard. You have to worry about sweating and getting brown stuff on your clothes, sheets...... I absolutely do subscribe to brown fat looks better than white fat, but maintaining that tan must be damn hard and expensive. ( Maybe I am jealous because applying fake tan is a skill I just can't master)

They are probably not in their 20's but that man's face is just too good not to share. It reminds me of a story of when I worked at Estee Lauder. A man bought some face self tanner, but didn't listen to the bit about the colour developing overnight. He just kept applying it until he gave up, after he had used THE WHOLE BOTTLE. You can imagine the result.

4. Language- those young things use some tots cray, cray words. Amazeballs they can keep up. Imagine if they used the wrong word. Tots awkies. I know awkies is a word because I saw it on the Cleo website.

5. Social Media- those poor, poor things. In my 20's the only record of the dumb things you did was the recollections of the boring sober person who took delight in telling you EVERYTHING you said and did. (honestly who doesn't tell everyone how much they love them after a few drinks, and think it would be funny to find To Let signs and put an i in-between the o and the l?) Now it is on social media, and people see it before you are sober enough to untag yourself. And then there are the options. Do you Facebook, instagram, tweet, tumblr or MySpace it? ( That last one was a joke- I'm not that uncool). Do we even need to talk about selflies?

Remember " if it's not on Facebook- it never happened"

6. The whole young adult thing. You see young things in their 20's they get told to enjoy themselves, don't tie yourself down, travel the world, have fun, you have plenty of time to be an adult. Then when they hit about 28 they start getting asked when are they going to settle down, get a proper job, find a partner- " if you wait too long all the good ones will be taken", have a baby -" It doesn't always just happen you know".

Charlize Theron in Young Adult- if you haven't seen it you should.

7. Festivals- in my day you could go to a concert, it was inside, it was cool, you could sit down. Those festivals- there hot, or it's raining. You are drinking in the sun. You have to wear high waisted cut off Daisy Dukes (and you call then Daisy Dukes). It can only end in disaster. And you have to pretend to like all the Indi bands that no one has ever heard of.

 Festivals. It's all fun and games until you have to use the Port-a-loo

8. Manscaping-  those poor girls in their 20's have serious competition from the boys. They manscape, they tan, the go to the gym, they are high maintenance, they have more hair product than the girls do, they hog the mirror practising their poses for the festival photos. They worry about their diet- "only chicken for me - I'm on protein only." And some use 'roids which really doesn't contribute much to future breeding.  

                          Boys- you have lost your shirts. 

9. Exercise. In your 20's today you have far too many options. Do you pilate, zumba, yoga (of all it's different varieties), paddle board, pole dance, tracy anderson, cross fit, bootcamp????  Your options used to be a good old fashion step class, or a jog. Full stop.

This is Tracy Anderson. She trains Gwenyth Paltrow, she used to train Madonna but then they had a fight. She invented the Tracy Anderson method. Her workouts hurt. A lot. Try one of her workouts on Youtube. 

                           This is her abs. You will cry.

10. Going out is expensive. I mean really, really expensive. By the time you buy the right dress, shoes, bag and actually get out of the door-those drinks are damn expensive. In my day you could have a fab night out and come home with change from $100. Your hair and outfit would stink of cigarette smoke, but at least you had some cash to get you through the rest of the week. Apparently these days you go to someone's house for "befores" (kind of like what you used to do before the school ball) have a few cheeky bevies and then go out. I would be asleep and I would have fallen off my damn high shoes.

I could go on, but that is the top ten reasons I am glad I am not in my 20's. To the young ladies and men in your 20's- I take my hat off to you I don't know how you do it.

Stay tuned for my next post- 10 reasons I wish I was in my 20's.

Feel free to share your reasons why you are glad you are not in your 20's- even if you are in your 20's.

I hit my 20's in 1991. This was the top song. God we had good taste back then.