1. I am a lover not a fighter. I will run a mile (or 26 haha runners joke) to avoid a confrontation. The down side to this means that when I do explode- I EXPLODE.
and
2. I am THE perfect neighbour. I keep to myself, I will say Hi, but I don't want to chat, I will happily pretend I haven't seen you when I am getting out of my car, so there is no need for awkward small talk, I won't worry about what you do-if you don't worry about me, and I will be considerate if you are considerate back. I will keep a little eye out on your house if you are away and I will even get the junk mail out of your letterbox.
So the story begins here. I live in a suburb that is both high density and a mix of owners and renters. Because of the proximity to the city and trains and major roads, this makes my suburb both super awesome but also a spot youngsters like to live in. My house is surrounding by 8 houses. One on either side (both owner occupied) one behind (renter) one straight across the road (renter) and 4 units also across the road. Usually we have one painful neighbour, but at the moment we are lucky enough to be surrounded front and back with the neighbours from hell. These neighbours have three things in common.
1. They are in their early 20's
2. They are girls
3. They are either dumb, selfish or incredibly arrogant.
or maybe a mix of all 3.
These girls get drunk, like all the time, use THE WORST language- EVER and are really really noisy. Like really. At all hours of the night and day. This has been going on for months and being the passive aggressive person I am I have said nothing. Not even when the back neighbours decided it would be also to do sprint training up and down the driveway, or rev their car at 4am outside my bedroom, or have a fight with their boyfriend outside my bathroom window(those ones are kind of interesting) I didn't even complain when the girls across the road were having a vomiting competition to compare whose vomit was the biggest. Because I have never complained to a neighbour. Well maybe only once when the previous tenants across the road where playing the drums really badly at 3 in the morning (and had been for 5 hours) and I went out the front over the road, in my pyjamas and yelled.Like a crazy woman. Lucky I had the cat with me for protection.
So now you have the back story, on Saturday morning I was woken at 3am when the girls across the road got home. They partied and screamed and laughed (one of them has a really, really bad laugh) until 5am. When I had to get up to do my run.
The at 5PM, my daughter came in to tell me that there were people fighting out the front. I went out to see one of the girls from behind us, so drunk even I was impressed that she was still standing, telling one of the other girls (loudly) that if she said something again she was going to shove something up the female part of her anatomy. IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE.
I went back inside and told Indi with all the wisdom of a good experienced drinker, that the girl who was would be asleep soon and it would be quiet. Well how wrong I was. I went back out 30mins later because one girl was shouting at one of the other girls who was passed out drunk on our driveway while the others were yelling at the girl who was RUNNING NAKED DOWN THE ROAD. Yes you read that correctly.
Now with the concern that the neighbours may have thought that it was me who was passed out on the driveway or running naked down the road, the volcano of "Holy shit I really hate my neighbours" erupted and out I went. ALL TEACHER VOICE BLAZING. I went out. I yelled. I told them to get their act together and have some consideration.
Then still firing on hatred of my renting neighbours I went across the road and told the girls across the road what I thought of them. I turned around feeling proud of my braveness, walked across the road to see girls on my verandah yelling at my husband wanting to know "exactly what our problem was." Ummmmm naked girls, passed out friends on our driveway and people telling people they wanted to insert things in other girls privates. Maybe???
Now at this point one would maybe expect an apology. Oh no, what followed was a good old 30 minute (at least) argument while the youngsters tried to tell me that they couldn't be held responsible for their friends behaviour (huh?) and that the reason that they revved the car at all hours of the night was because one was a Virgin.....Flight Attendant. (double huh?- you can start a car without revving it, surely) you will also note that I have put a pause between the Virgin and Flight Attendant. This is because this is how it was explained to myself and my son. We were confused at first what the significance of her being a virgin was, and how this contributed to her being inconsiderate. Then she added the flight attendant and I was still baffled to be honest.
I will save you the rest of the details, but lets just say it involved one of their friend crying, one filming on her phone, one saying the needed to call the police ( me saying go for it- you are on my property), the other neighbour coming out and joining in, and then me realising I was standing in the street having an argument with 20 drunk people in their 20's. Then it started to rain. Then I got bored and frustrated. Then I realised that they were just dumb. So I went inside and had a bottle of wine. Because I hate confrontation.
On a side note- they are moving on four weeks. I am praying for a nice couple with a child. Or an old couple. Or maybe just someone with some consideration.
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