"Osher- will you accept this ring?"
Oh my gosh!! This is the hardest thing ever, resisting the urge to venture into the murky world of Social Media to see who Blake has chosen as the chosen one. I'm not very good at waiting for stuff. I am the person that reads the last chapter of a book to see what happens. I think it is because I don't like surprises, or having any patience. What ever.
If you have been reading my blog you will know that I was initially team Jess until someone made me very much aware that Jess did this weird thing with her face. Like she was a dancer on Telethon or Young Talent Time. (Ask you mum youngsters). I am now firmly sitting on the Sam side of then fence. Of course though I am secretly hoping that it is Oshers hand that Blake is attempting to put the ring on.
I am a little nervous about who wins tonight, and I am not really sure. It is kind of like how I felt about the first season of Big Brother. When it was good. And people used to have parties and stuff for the final episode. I really, really want Sam and Blake to walk off into the African sunset together. Or at least if she wins she will be able to hock the ring and take her cutie little bro on a holiday.
I am not sure why I don't like Lisa. May it is because someone said that if she cut her hair and dyed it red she would look like Julia Gillard. And she lied about her house. Sam would never do that. Because I have a feeling that she couldn't lie to save herself.
Ok so we are here in Africa. We have seen elephants, lions, tigers, the animals with horns on their heads, hippos and bogans.
Blake is excited, so he sits in front of the fire by himself to have a think about it. Daybreak brings Blake's mum and my friend from work Aunty Dee. God help these girls, if you are going to meet the in-laws, imagine being interrogated by a former Head of Student Services. I saw how she would grill those kids over wagging school, let alone marrying her nephew. Then we see a vid from Granny. Bless her. Blake sheds a tear and so does Gran. And mum.
Dee has nominated her self bad cop, and Blake goes to fetch a girl. He decides on Lisa who is wearing the most hideous pair of pants I have ever seen. And I just read that she is a fashion designer. For who? Kmart? Lisa is being charming and says that Blake looks like his mum and she couldn't tell then apart. Huh? Like one is a really tall man and the other is a short lady.
Mum takes Lisa off for a chat, and Lisa tells her that she really like Blake. Thats nice. Oh ok- now she says she loves him. Mum tells her to tell him. They are getting along like a house on fire. Dee (bad cop moves in). Man - she is asking the hard questions. I just wish someone would get some sunnies for Dee.
Now it is time for Sam. Dee and Mum have changed outfits. Dee is shocked that she is blonde. I know that this is because Blake has always gone for brunettes. Sam is nervous and is kind of being a bumbling idiot. But it is cute. They talk about love, kids and moving (don't come to Perth Sam, it is way too expensive). And in walks bad cop. Oh poor Sam. Dee brings up the babies. Sam starts to relax and talk about family. You can tell she wants that. Then she say goodbye and Blake and Sam pash like crazy. And then damn it, Mum and Dee can't decide for him, so they are having to go on those final dates. Aww bless now mum is crying.
Hot air ballon. WORST DATE EVER
Date time. First is Lisa. Oh look - Blake is wearing his Snoopy aviator jacket. Whilst standing next to a hot air ballon. This is the worst date EVER. This time I mean it. I have a phobia of balloons. Like a serious one, like I am getting anxiety just seeing this balloon. My heart is racing. 'GET OFF BEFORE IT POPS!!!!". Oh and I also hate heights. Right now if this was me I would have to admit defeat. But Lisa is ok and she sees an animal called an impala?? I don't even know what that it. And those ones with horns. I don't even care what that one is. They talk about their feelings. (She likes you Blake). They get on land and have a picnic and talk about how things are amazing and beautiful and then Lisa opens up and says I love you. Blake says "thats beautiful" And he says connection. And then she says connection.
Look some zebras
Blake arrives to pick up Sam, and she is looking as cute as a button in her little beanie. They are going to do something exciting and amazing. They are hoping to see the big 5. I have no idea what they are talking about. By now you can obviously tell that I don't like animals all that much. Except for cats and dogs.
Like this little white fluffy puppy- "Pick me Blake"
Rhinoceros! Thats the animal with the horn. Sam wants to take home an elephant. Good luck getting that through customs. You can't even bring honey into Perth.
Sam and Blake pose for a Coffee commercial while they talk about love and stuff. Blake talks about their connection. And then he organises a classic African experience. Watching some dancers and having dinner with crystal glasses, but they are surrounded by African stuff including a shield thing, which makes it legit. Sam opens up (have she and Lisa been following the same script?) and Blake says "Thats nice." WTF? NICE? Blake really? But then they pash, like a full on pash. Hang on- Is she sitting on his lap? Dissolve to the shot of Blake proposing to Osher.
Blake is working out how to break the news to one of the girls, so he is takes off his shirt to think about it. (about which one he loves- not him and Osher) We have a Sam and Lisa montage.
Blake is getting dressed, Sam is wearing hooker heels, Lisa is in navy sequins. Blake tells us he is love with one of them. Then he tells Osher he is in love with one of them. Osher walks to the car.... out comes .....Lisa. He gives her a spiel and you can hear her thinking "Just bloody get on with it." He then says he has so much love for her, but he is in love with someone else!!!! Then they both cry. And she walks off to the car. Then she cries. Oh God- then I cry because Millie the puppy turns the tv over.
Here comes Sam in her sparkles (do we do daytime sparkles?) struggling to walk with the hooker heels. Blake starts off with the same speech he gave Lisa. Then he finally says that he is in love with her. Then they both say they love each other. He drops to his knee with no regard to the fact that he is wearing a powder blue suit and pops the questions. She says yes. And the ring is too big. And something really weird is going on with Sam's hair.
The sun sets, they walk off into the distance. I wonder what I am going to do with my Wednesday and Thursday nights.
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