Well Ross and I have been together for a whole 16 weeks now. And he is the ultimate Stage 5 clinger. This guy just won't leave me alone. His love for me is still as strong as ever. But like every dysfunctional relationship we are learning to coexist with each other a little bit better.
So after 4 months of being with Ross this is what it is like..
1. Everyday is still like waking up with a hangover. But without the fun of the night before.
2. I still sleep. A lot. And spend a lot of time in bed. Like a lot. A real lot.
3.When I get over tired or don't rest enough the virus moves through out my body. I get pins and needles through out my whole body until it finds a spot to rest. Kind of like the wheel spinning in a game of roulette. For the last week Ross has decided there is not better spot to rest but my wrists. To the point where I can't hold anything. God forbid last week I couldn't even hold my phone.
But on the positive....
1. I can do a bit more. Like I can clean my house AND I finally folded my washing from Bali.... which has been sitting in the laundry from 14 weeks ago. Don't worry though- I still don't make my bed.
2. I don't cry all the time anymore. This is a positive for my friends who are sick to death of crying Friday. But don't say anything to upset me......
3. I can actually exercise a bit. Yesterday I took Ross for a 5km run. In the time I would usually run 10km- but a run is a run.
4. I have cleared through my " to view" list from Netflix, Stan and Foxtel.( Animal Kingdom- you MUST watch Animal Kingdom).
5. Yesterday I cooked a meal for my daughter and I. Yep the first time I have made something from scratch. AND I even had the energy to wash the dishes straight after and not 3 days later.
All of these little positives are good because I head back to work on Monday and I'm not going to lie- I am shit scared of how it is going to go. I can just make it through the day doing the bare minimum, so a day, and then a week of work does seem even more daunting than running a marathon. Or that stupid 100km run the boys from work made me do.
But I am looking forward to seeing my work buddies.. they just might have to get used to seeing me asleep on the couch at recess.
Or as I have re named it " How to chill the fuck out." So the book in question is " The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*&k "by a man called Mark Manson
I was given this book to read by a friend. In fact he threw it at me and said " Hey Dunno- read this." Although personally I think the fact that I let him call me Dunno without punching him in the throat is a sign that I am actually pretty chilled. It sat on my bedside table for a few weeks because to perfectly honest I couldn't be fucked reading it. Finally I picked it up and powered through it, because it was actually pretty damn good. So incase you, like me, can't be fucked reading it- here are the major dot points.
1. We all need to stop trying so freaking hard to be perfect.
Yep- you heard, stop trying to be so amazing and setting goals that you will never reach. Because by setting yourself unobtainable goals you always ending up being depressed because you will never reach them. Be more realistic.
2. Stop trying to be so happy all the time.
I agree with this one because in our culture we think that we have a right to be happy all the time which is impossible because if we don't have the bad times we don't appreciate the good times. In the words of Miley Cyrus " It doesn't matter have fast you get there, doesn't matter whats waiting on the other side.....it's the climb." In other words- don't get hung up on waiting for happiness to happen, enjoy the journey.
3. You are not special.
Yep. We are really not that special. And even people that are special at some things aren't special at everything. Accept the mundane and appreciate the little aspects of your life. This does not mean to stop trying but instead choose what to be special at. So for example I will never be good at tennis. Because I have no hand eye coordination. Also the thought of tennis bores the shit out of me. I am however good at make up. So I need to realise I will never be a tennis playing make up expert. I need to just be happy with doing good makeup.
4. Suffering is actually a good thing.
Suffering is actually ok. We all go through shit times and will all have problems but we need to get better about what we give a fuck about. In the words of Mason " When you give better fucks you get better problems". Please don't take this to mean that you need to be better at sex. At least I don't think that what he means.
5. We all choose what we give a fuck about.
By this he means we are always choosing how we react to things. We can't control everything that happens to us but we can how we choose to respond. He makes a point that sometimes the most challenging and painful experiences of our lives can end up being the most rewarding.
6. Fucking up is a good thing.
Well obviously not all the time, but fucking things up can make you learn stuff, and make you a little bit more humble. It's ok to admit you get things wrong. And if you are too scared that you are going to fuck things up, you are never going to try. And pain is a good thing and makes us stronger. I'm glad he made this point, because fucking things up is something I tend to do quite well. But now I know it is a good thing, I'm ok.
7. Stop giving a fuck about what others think.
Your self worth should be based on what you think about yourself, not what others think. He makes a point in the book that people who care so much about what others think are actually scared of the shitting things they think about themselves.
8. You have to give a fuck about something.
You can't just say " I don't give a fuck about anything" because you have to care about something. This is where you own values come into it. Otherwise you have no purpose and just drift. You actually do have to care, or commit to something. Otherwise you are.. well... fucked.
9. In the end, we all die.
To be honest I still don't really get the point of this chapter but I think he is sort of saying that in the end we all end up in the same place, so enjoy your life and be true to your self. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. I think he also made a point about the legacy that you want to leave behind.
So in conclusion..... stop caring so much, choose what you care about, chill the fuck out and if you think everyone around you is an arsehole...... maybe you are the arsehole.
