So... I know I have a very good imagination. I am always thinking about things and making up ultra cool scenarios in my head, like me marrying George Clooney or becoming a famous writer and living in New York, but the other morning I was totally freaked out. Like TOTALLY. Let me start at the beginning.
Now as much as I am a morning person, I can be a little hazy at 4:45am when I get up to go for a run. So last Tuesday morning I found myself sitting on the toilet, and when I eventually opened my eyes (it takes a while) I saw that the lid to the drain of the shower had been removed and was sitting neatly beside the drain. This is weird for a few reasons.
1. because I am pretty sure I don't sleep walk (or clean)
2. because I don't think anyone else knows how to remove the drain lid (because if they do they never bloody have before to clean that thing) and
3. the lid is actually broken so when you remove it, it comes away in three pieces. It was sitting whole. In one piece. ONE WHOLE PIECE.
Well you can imagine how freaked out I was. First I rang my husband to see if he had removed it. That was a no. I asked my son if he did it- which I worked out straight away was not the case when he asked if the lid to the drain even could come off. The last option was my daughter who, as I have mentioned in previous blogs likes to do sneaky things and then hide the evidence. But even she said no. She actually looked at me like I was bat shit crazy, so I know she was telling the truth.
So I was convinced. I either had a stalker or a ghost. Of course it was even more mystifying because I have two very yappy dogs (sorry neighbours) who bark if anyone walking past the house even farts, so the chance of anyone getting into the house was very remote. So I convinced myself that if it was a stalker they were living in the roof and had charmed their way around the dogs (which isn't hard- they will do anything for a treat.) And they were watching me. In the bathroom and this was their way of teasing me.
Of course the other option was a ghost. A very strong ghost who likes cleaning, but a ghost nonetheless.
I was so serious about this that I didn't mention it to anyone ( because they might think I am crazy) until it happened AGAIN. Same bloody thing. Go to bed drain lid on, wake up, drain lid off. I was beside myself and contemplated that maybe it was time to start showering with my clothes on. Funny that my first thought is not of being taken by my stalker but more that they might see me naked. I then started to think of things that had gone missing. Like my grey bonds hoodie. And a few pairs of knickers. And money from my bank account. Well the money bit is a lie, but seriously where does that all go?
So I finally decided to tell people incase I went missing. I was convinced I either had a stalker or a very strong ghost who like cleaning. I was getting ready to go to the crystal shop and may or may not have yelled at the ceiling " I KNOW YOU ARE UP THERE...GO AWAY". I was covering all my bases because I think ghosts do respond to you talking to them don't they? I'm not sure what the stalker living in my ceiling would have done... maybe shouted back " Well you could maybe drop a few kgs", and maybe that I really should clean the shower a bit more?
So this morning I am lying in bed when I hear something in the shower. This is it. Finally I am about to either
a. Meet my untimely end at the hands of my stalker who lives in the roof and watches me shower, or
b. Meet my ghost who like to clean my shower. I tiptoed up to the bathroom door, flung that door open and caught that stalker red handed in the act.......
Bloody cat.
This morning I woke up to see yet another article written by someone talking about how wonderful their life is since they gave up alcohol. Apparently we are heading in Ocsober (what dry July is not enough?), so it is time for us all to take a long hard look at our drinking and think about how wonderful our life would be with out it.
So I read the article, and I realised one very important thing. The person writing it doesn't have children. Well let me tell you lady your life wouldn't be as easy alcohol free if you had a few kids with some animals thrown into the mix. Let me paint you a picture.
This morning I woke up to my daughter and son asking for my credit card so they could go to the shops to buy their new Play Station as soon as the shop opened. I then had the two cats and dogs deciding to wage a turf war on my bed. For the record the cats won. The cats always win. Dogs are so dumb.
To add some background information I have been in bed with a migraine for 2 days (my second in a week) which hit as soon as I got home from my 24km run on Saturday. My 9 year old told me she had no knickers because they were in the basket of washing that I did before I went for said 24km run. I bent down to get her knickers (because apparently she couldn't find them because they were not on top of the washing basket) and managed to pull the muscles in my lower back- because I didn't have my bath after my run because my 19 year old son can somehow use more towels than a hairdressing shop and still doesn't get that if you put the shower curtain IN the shower if won't flood the floor. So needless to say the last thing I wanted to do after my run was clean the bath to get into the bath.
So back to today - I get out of bed to find the dishes that were washed on Friday before I went to work still sitting in the dish rack. I walk into the back room of which I had to step over a takeaway plastic container that the dog had got out of the bin, which apparently no one else had seen (really?) to find the dog had pooed on the rug, the daughter had stepped in the poo and managed to rub the poo INTO the rug. But don't worry because it sure as hell didn't worry the kids. One was setting up the play station (around the poo) whilst the other was sitting transfixed on the couch watch the set up occur.
I cleaned up the poo (scrubbing the rug with a toothbrush and washing powder) yes - while set up was going on around me then tried to feed the animals, dropped the dogs food on the floor, tried to fight the dog off the cats food (because they dog was pissed off that I dropped her breakfast, lost one of the cats in the backyard, went to put the used toilet paper I used to clean up the dog food to find the toilet blocked because my daughter had been making one of her science experiments in the bathroom of which always ends with friggin paper EVERYWHERE.
So to all those people giving up alcohol in Ocsober I say to you good luck and hope it goes well. To all those others out there who find their nightly glass of vino followed up with the occasional weekend bender chaser makes life that little bit more bearable I say cheers. Now of course if you are having an every night bender followed with a vino chaser for breakfast you might have a bit of a problem.
It's official. I have broken my body. Well that's a little bit dramatic, but yesterday at approximately 4pm (which was very annoying considering I was at my friends birthday lunch and if you have ever been to one of my friends functions you know you never want to leave early). My headache that I had thought was just a "way too much wine at the quiz night' -(which by the way we came second- you know when there is a questions about marathons it is going to be a good night) became a spectacular migraine topped off with a "not sure which end of a tummy bug" I have, I knew it was time to move on home.
I got home, peeled off my clothes, made the epic climb up the stairs, waded through the cess pitt that is my sons bathroom, threw the 10 towels that are on the floor in the clothes basket, climbed in the bath (after I cleaned it), soaked until the water was cold, got in my pyjama's and slept.
I think I put my daughter to bed (well she climbed into bed with me and was there when I woke up) and didn't move until 6am when I carefully opened my eyes to feel that the symptoms were still there plus the addition of a very aching body. I send a text to the relief coordinator at work (reading that back it sounds a bit wrong, in education the Relief Coordinator organises the relief teachers if you are going to be sick). I made my daughter a sandwich - thank God she likes butter sandwiches- and climbed back into bed only waking briefly to watch the end of Sliding Doors (God Gwyneth does the WORST British accent).
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So the point of this is that after weeks of complaining about how sore my body is I have realised that my body has given me the " Emma- you are burning the candle at both end and it doesn't matter how nice that candle smells." My body does this to me every now and then, I ignore my tiredness and then bam- I can't ignore it anymore.
So what to do? Well I am going to be a bit kinder to myself. I obviously can't give up the marathon training, but maybe I might sit down and smell the roses and bit more. I might also start eating better ( I am shoving a rooster roll in my mouth as I type), cut down on the booze ( I said cut down not stop. I know my limitations) and stop overthinking things. I am just going to "be" - well once this week is over when I have got all my shit together at work, have programmed for the relief teacher for when I am on leave, finished off the year 12's leavers program, written my year 11 exam, finished my final two essays for Uni..oh and I also have two dinners to go to and a party on the weekend. Well you get the picture.
Maybe I'm just not sure if it is possible to stop and smell the roses any more. Maybe it is only possible to pause and smell the roses these days.
It's been such a long time since I have blogged and I am sorry, but between working full time, becoming a single mother, training for a marathon, becoming a part time student and submitting articles for a real live beauty web site I have been a little bit busy.
The one thing I have been doing lately is thinking. And by thinking I mean a lot. The main thing I have been thinking is "How did I get here?" New Years Eve saw me standing on a beach in Bali with my youngest daughter feeling very smug about how perfect my life was. Sure enough once you hit smugness life decides to slap you in the face and teach you a lesson. Well let me tell you- the lesson has been received loud and clear.
Don't get me wrong- compared to some of the things that are going on to some people and in the world today my problems are pretty insignificant, but I guess I will say it has been a really hard year. One where you sit back and try and work out what the universe it trying to tell you. To be honest at times this year I think it is not trying to tell me anything (well apart from stop being so smug). It was just busy being shit.
So being the eternal optimist- here is what I have learnt from my shit house life this year.
1. Be nice to your mum and dad, because when you find out one of them is unwell your life will fall apart.
2. Hold those you love close, and tell them you love them every single day.
3. Be nice. You never know what is around the corner.
4. Be strong and make the hard decisions. As hard as it is at the time sometimes you just need to be brave.
5. Don't wait until tomorrow to do that thing you always wanted to do. Tomorrow may never come.
6. Just like Forest Gump said- "shit happens". It does. And while I am at it life is not always fair. Sometimes it is just a bitch.
7. Even though I live by the phrase "Love is all you need" Sometimes it is not enough. Learning that was perhaps the most soul destroying lesson I learnt this year.
8. Family and friends and friends who are family are the most important thing in the whole wide world.
9. You are stronger than you ever knew you could be.
10. Some days there really is never enough champagne in the world. On those days you reach for the cooking sherry in the pantry.
So as I think my life is finally on the way up I want to send love and kisses to the people who have helped pick me up, given me a good shake and helped me put my self back together. All I can say is I promise I will be there for you all when ever you need me. xxxxx
