To FOGO or no to FOGO

I was reading in a magazine last night that FOMO (fear of missing out) has been replaced by a new phenomenon FOGO (fear of going out). Apparently we are choosing to stay in rather that go out. My first thought was that the demographic was definitely not parents of young children who have no fear what so ever about going out. In fact maybe make that parents of any age children.

I couldn't really tell you what the reason  that they gave in the article but I think it had something to do with the pressure of social media making people feel like the have to be having a good time all the time. I don't know. Just the idea of not wanting to go out baffles me. I don't mean all the time, but never... when you are young????

But the more I thought about it, I  think that maybe they might be onto something.. In this day and age you can even replicate a night out without having to go any where, and make your friends envious all at the same time.

The wonderful invention that is the internet means that you can catch up with your friends (and frenemies) any time. You can text, face time or even skype. You don't need to go anywhere to see them.

You can wear your tracky because no one can see you bottom half, and if you do some nice makeup and your hair, you can take all the selfies you need. You can even get selfies of your friends and crop them together to make it look like you are out having fun (just make sure you get the background right).

You can drink your own drinks without it costing a fortune. And if you want to drink cheap wine you can. You can also order some food or grab a box of bbq shapes from the pantry.

You can dance around the house to your own music, without worrying about anyone seeing you or judging your musical taste  and you can take your drink onto the dance floor if you want to..

You don't have to worry about queuing for the toilet, or fighting some skanky girl for the mirror, and providing you are onto things there should always be toilet paper.

You can  stalk the  facebook and instagram of your friends and /or enemies and if you are so inclined you can go onto Tinder or an online dating site to meet that special someone.

The best part about not going out is that there is no hassle about catching a cab at the end of the night and you don't have to worry about having sore feet.

And remember of course to instagram everything (because if it's not on instagram or facebook - it never happened!

See there is something to be said for FOGO after all.

The Punishment for going on holidays is....

There is a very real punishment for being on holidays. It is called coming home. Especially after you have left your nearly 19 year old son in charge. I use that term "in charge" very loosely.

So we left Bali at 2:30am. Yes AM. Our praying to the volcano God  of eruptions didn't work, our flight wasn't cancelled and we were on that plane. Well on that plane after all the passengers had been sent to the wrong gate. Which was downstairs where there is no loud speaker to transmit the announcement that the gate had moved. Is it just me or do you think maybe when no one was at the CORRECT gate 20 minutes before the flight was due to depart someone might think there may be a problem??

The plane landed at 6:30am and of course I had not slept a wink because it is hard to sleep when your legs are up on your chest. Just a hint Jeststar- you are not going to get another row in there. Just saying. There is nothing fun to do on a Jetstar flight. There is not even the rattle of the food trolley or the promise of a cheeky little fun size bottle of awful SSB to drink to ease the pain.

So anyway we arrived home, too tired to even buy my 2 litres of booze (told you I was tired) got through customs, watched the Chinese people who arrived on a flight from China get their bags searched and their food confiscated. It was like watching an episode of Border Security.

Grabbed a cab, got driven home by a crazy taxi driver who who obviously got his license in Bali, and finally at 7am walked through the door. To what should have been my beautiful clean house. Except my cleaning lady had cancelled and the above mentioned "in charge son "had not cleaned the house. The whole time we had been away.

I should have known I was in trouble when I saw a Corona Beer Ice Bucket on the verandah table. Then when I walked in and saw a great big cardboard box that contained a Carlsberg Soccer Table that was decorated with two Corona Beanies. 

One with a pom pom. One without a pom pom. That pom pom was in pieces throughout the house because the dog decided to eat it. The same dog who had also decided to " poop" and "wee" through out the house because she was angry that she had been left at home.

I had also discovered that the "in charge son" had also decided to be Goldilocks in sleep in every friggin bed in the house. And not make those beds. Well you can just imagine my mood can't you.

I threw down my bags, swore, vacuumed, growled at the dogs and the cats, mopped, made the beds, send abusive messages to the "in charge -but I thought the cleaning lady was coming-son' all the time cursing the fact that my shakra which I had so beautiful balanced on my last day in Bali was becoming more and more unbalanced with every stroke of the mop.

Finally at 9am I was out of swear words and a little bit hungry because the last thing I had eaten was lasagne in Bali 12 hours earlier. I went to the pantry and my heart swelled because 'in charge son" had bought a loaf of bread for us. I felt bad for those messages. Like really bad. What can you expect from an 18 year old after all? Until I inspected the loaf of bread. It was mouldy. It was the loaf I bought 11 days ago. When I left.

It's not an iwatch it's a Garmin!

I am madly, completely and utterly in love. With my watch. Which is not just a watch- it is a smart, clever, awesomely wonderful watch. Unfortunately I am finding that people are not treating it with the respect it deserves because they are mistaking it for an iwatch. When I tell them it is not an iwatch they get a disinterested look on their faces. And then I go into this spiel about how truly amazing it is and wayyy better than the iwatch and...well you get the picture.

So lets talk about my new love. She is a white Garmin Vivioactive

This is my new baby.

There is nothing my beautiful girl cannot do. She is a pedometer, GPS, tells me when I have been sitting down for too long, receives my text messages, facebook messages and tells me when someone is ringing. Very handy for when you are in the car, or your phone is in your bag.

She is waterproof and she times, records and laps all my physical activity. I can change the songs on my phone with her, and she even has all my calender events on her. She will tell me the weather, how many calories I have burnt and I can link her to my phone and My Fitness Pal to record how much I have eaten.

I can download apps onto her and did I mention she is super pretty and as light as a feather. PLUS when I charge her she stays charged for 10 yes 10 days. If I use the GPS it stays charged for about 10 hours.

Why is she better than an iwatch? Well because her GPS is inbuilt and she is waterproof and she cost me $337. 

Oh and she can also tell the time.

Shall we talk food in Bali?

Baz Luhranns inspired Motel Mexicola

Before I start I have a confession. I am not proud of this but....... I had Burger King. In Bali. I don't even have Burger King at home (and not just because there is no Burger King where I live). I feel the need to confess this before I delve into my culinary exploration review of Bali. Like a disclaimer. Don't hold it against me- just think of it like I am keeping it real.

Ok now I have got this off my chest let me begin.

WOW. Food in Bali is just WOW. Some restaurants have always been good but the risk of getting Bali Belly and just not having the right stripper heels to match my bikini (or the right bikini body for that matter) to go to Potato Head I have tended to eat safe (read boring). So this time I decided to venture further than club sandwiches and calamari (well I have eaten my fair share of that) and explore.

Lucky I have my gastronomic educator with me. I will call her Nic because that is her name. No one knows food in Bali like Nic and let me tell you she didn't disappoint. Her only rules were there was to be no Ku De Ta, Potato Head or Grocer and Grind on the intineray. Let us begin.

Warung Ocha in Seminyak is a fab little go to for something for the whole family. You can have Indonesian, Western, Italian in fact anything you want. It was cheap, cheerful and delightful. I can vouch for the Nasi Goreng, the calamari and the noodle soup. My daughter can vouch for the hamburgers. Italian Corner is a new little place in Seminyak. It was just around the corner from our Villa and is in a little laneway. Unfortuately for us we found it on our last night, but it was soooo good. Best pizza's and pasta. And the coffee. Did I mention the coffee?

Feeling in the mood for some Mexican head to Sea Circus in Seminyak and then follow it up with a short walk around the corner to have some tequila at Motel Mexicola. You will feel like you have walked onto the set of Baz Luhrmanns Romeo and Juliet. I couldn't find Leo but I think with a few more tequilas under my belt anything is possible.

Sea Circus for some fab tacos

For a fun family meal we went to Hog Wild in Kerobokan. Is serves the yummiest ribs and corn. Delish. We had to wait for a table for a while but they give you a little pager so you can do other stuff while you wait. Mozzarella is also worth a visit if you can't find anywhere you want to eat. The food is good, the drinks are good and everyone can find something on the menu. Mozzarella's are popping up everywhere in Bali so you can always find one.

For some fancy pants "bring your credit card because is you were paying in rupiah you would need to bring a wheel barrow"- we tried Gado Gado, The Breezes and Sardine. The first two offer great food with amazing ocean views. My favourite was Gado Gado. The food and service was sensational- as always. Sardine offers a view of the rice paddy's and is just beautiful. The food and drinks were great, but I won't be going back due to some very precious limitations they put on bookings- that are no tables over 8 people and they will not give you two tables if you have a party of over 8 because they don't want to ruin the "ambience"of the establishment.  They were not happy with us because they felt we tricked them. I think they were however happy with the $1000 Australian we paid though.

I also finally made it The Champagne Bar for a bottle of Domain Chandon ($60) which was needed to ease my champagne withdrawal. They also walk around with some cute little nibblies. We then walked up the road to Ginger Moon and had pizza, tacos, noodle soup and squid to name a few. It was well worth a visit.

Ginger Moon

We had some amazing beautiful watching the sun go down nights. La Pancha is beautiful with lots of umbrella's, bean bags and a dj. The drinks and food was great. You can also get your hair braided, buy a sarong and and some fireworks.

La Pancha. The drinks will make you get your hair braided.

 A few beach bars down in Champlung. This one also has great views but on the night we visited had a duo singing on the beach. It was just beautiful. Rock Bar is also beautiful - served with a side of pretentiousness. It is also very expensive. ( we paif $300 aud for 2 rounds of drinks) If you want a view of the ocean from the cliffs in Jimbaran I would maybe head to  El kabron instead.

The Rock Bar - where a Bintang will cost you $10, but it does include the view.

By far my most absolute favourite of the trip was without a doubt the pork steamed buns at Bo & Bun. 

I can't rate them highly enough and anywhere that the wifi password is "get fat" is my kind of place. The fries come complete with pork pieces and aioli on top and I wouldn't even know where to start with the Sangria.

If you are worried about dodgy tummy- I suggest you take a strong pro biotic every day (like travelbug) take probiotics during the day as well, always use hand sanitiser (especially after touching the money) and have a shot of apple cider vinegar- or red cordial if you are not that tough everyday. If you do get a dodgy tummy take some immodium, gastro stop or diapet  ( you can get that from Circle K). If it is not gone in 24 hours ring a Doctor to get a shot. Afterwards remember to hydrate with hydrolyte, Gatorade or even some coconut water.

Remember to book for some places, and for the best bit-remember there is no calories in the food, because food eaten in another country has no calories. Right? 

You want massage?

Bali is the land of many things- beauty, volcanos, Bintangs and of course massages. There are many different avenues to have a massage- from your $7 massage to your $300 massage that will promise to rebalance and heal parts of your mind, body and soul that you didn't know existed.

I decided that on this trip to Bali  I would go explore the mind, body and soul avenue- so my first stop was Jari Menari "Dancing Fingers" which promises a massage to "enhance relaxation and dispel tension using slow movement focusing on each individual quest." ( I copied that blurb- even I couldn't make that up).

I had the Singing Bowl enhanced massage (Rp 435,000 or $45AUD ). The singing bowl massage is based on an Ancient Tibetan practise that combines both sound, vibration and physical massage. I am over simplifying it but read this for a more detailed explanation. It promises to rebalance and heal. Jari Menari  explain it here as well.

The massage started like like this- a buff Balinese man offered me a sarong and a lovely pair of black paper knickers and led me to a change room.  After I changed my attire he then led me to a room where I lay on a bed as he draped my sarong over me and the bliss began. Now at this stage this is reading like a dodgy romance novel but stay with me.

The first half was just a normal massage- but then the bowl came out. (no that is not code for anything else). He started at my feet and tapped the bowl and the vibrations did their magic. I could feel the vibrations reverberating all through my body. I can't really describe exactly how it worked but all I can say is that before I knew it the tears were flowing and snot was hitting the tiles on the floor.  I had been told to prepare myself for a "retuning of my vibrations" but I wasn't prepared for this. I had the most amazing sense of clarity come over me. It was as though all the concerns and worries I have had for the last 6 months were overtaken by this amazing sense of reason and peace.

I then rolled over and Made (my buff Bali boy) looked at me and handed me the tissues. We didn't need words. He began working on my front and lets just say when that singing bowl hit my head it went nuts. Well not literally hit my head- but softly caressed my head. It was as if I could feel my brain relaxing, and the stress coming out of my ears.

I floated out of that cubicle and was in a dream like state and afterwards I felt amazing. Calm, serene and happy. So happy and carefree that when I got to the beach for sundown drinks I bought a sarong AND got some braids put in my hair!

Don't worry the braids came out .

The next instalment of the Mind, Body and Soul excursion was at the Ayana Resort in their Aquatonic pool. This pool contains  700 million litres of water supplied by the Indian Ocean. The water is heated to a level that rebalances mineral deficiencies.  As you float you work your way through 60 therapeutic jets that massage your body, injured muscles, relieves stress and encourages relaxation. Well let me just say it was not at all relaxing. Some of those jets really hurt and if you are not standing in the right place you can end up with a complimentary colonic irrigation. Through the whole thing I was not actually sure if I was enjoying it. My body was tingling, my legs were literally shaking and parts of me were sore.

Thirty minutes later my question as to whether it was effective or not was answered when we arrived at the Rock Bar (which is situated in the same resort). I looked at my two girlfriends, who also had the treatment with me, and we all had a glazed "I really need to sleep" look on our faces. It was probably best that we were relaxed because let's just say those amazing sunset drinks do not come cheap.

The waiting area of the Spa.

I can definitely see this treatment being amazing for people with sore, tired muscles, but for me I can't see myself doing it again. It cost us roughly $50AUD, and the resort is spectacular and the whole "process" is divine. And did I mention the Rock Bar?

Two very relaxed Aquatonic'd bodies

I am not sure what my next treatment will be but I am heading back to Jari Menari this afternoon. I can definitely see another singing bowl in my future.

The Bali Ash Cloud- an on the ground report

For those of you who follow me on facebook and instagram you may have come to the conclusion that I am one of the fortunate few who actually made it to Bali. There was a very small window (Tuesday) where planes where arriving and departing to/from Bali.

Since then it has all gone to shit. It would appear that no one has arrived since and no one has left. Now as I am one who is not scheduled to leave until the end of next week, I am feeling ok, and have no panic setting in. But today as we drove past the Air Asia office and saw a line of about a million people obviously trying to sort out their flights things are not all Bintangs and massages for everyone.

It is not all Bintangs and massages for my friends who are meant to be coming over for a friends 40th Birthday. It is also no "good price just for you" for my friends daughter whose friend was meant to be here yesterday, or all the poor people who are having weddings with no guests (we are happy to help them out if they have seats to fill).

So here is the word on the street from downtown Seminyak.

1. It really is ashy- cloudy. They are not tricking you.
2. It is weirdly quiet. There is a lack of bogans and ugly ink. You can almost hear the tears of the tattooist as you walk the streets.
3. It is not raining, which means for those at home- the cloud is still acting like the icloud- who knows how it works and what it actually does- but for those of us here the weather is pretty damn awesome.
4. The sale of Rhonda singlets has dramatically dipped for this time of year, and lets not even start on the Jiggy Jig t-shirts- or the penis bottle openers.
5. You still can't get a table at Sardine when you want it.
6. The cab drivers are playing hard ball because they have no business. For example last night we took 3 cabs to a restaurant. One costs $50k, the other $30k and I paid $80k (god damn it).
7. There really are brides crying. This is sad because no one is here for the weddings. They are at the airport which is the only place where food and drink is more expensive than at an actual wedding.
8. You can't get a suit made- this is actually more to do with the Javanese going home for the holidays but that is beside the point.
9. You keep seeing the same people. Like everywhere.
10. To the ash cloud we say Volca-NOOOOOO!!!! ( we might pop that on a tshirt tomorrow if anyone is interested.) Well we would but all the Javanese have gone home for the holidays. Told you it was quiet.

I will keep you posted.
xxx

Can you help a sister out?

Hey Friends,

       
I need some help. I want you to tell me what beauty advice you want to read about.

I am thinking in particular beauty trends, make up, hair, skin care etc. (Please if you are one of my past students ignore that fact that I have written etc- if you wrote that in one of your assignments you would have got a "Don't be lazy- say what you mean" comment.)

It can be tips, trends, how to apply, what not to apply, what to do when you look in the mirror when all you see is old looking back at you, emergency things to do when people tell you you are looking tired (apart from punching them in the face of course, or bursting into tears- whatever works).

Please leave me a comment here or comment on my Facebook.

Thanks
xxx

How happy am I that it is holidays? A story in GIF'S