The joy of people watching people with kids on holidays.

This is my current home

Best part about being on holidays is being on holidays. Second best part of holidays is people watching. Third best part of being on holidays is people watching people with children on holidays.

For those of you who don't follow me on Facebook I am currently in Bali, and it is fab. Due to my current disability I have only left the hotel to get massages and food, so I have had a lot of time to sit and watch people (and pass judgement of course).

Now I am not qualified to give people advice on much -although that has never stopped me before, but one thing that working with kids for the last kazillion years and raising two of my own successfully to adulthood, I believe I can offer those first time parents a few handy hint of advice. Especially when they are on vacation where they are sharing the space with adults.

1. I get that it is important to you that you teach your children eat their fruit before they have their chocolate croissant, but it is probably more important that you teach them that running in front of the waitress who is holding hot coffee is not a good idea.

2. Don't threaten them with things you don't mean. Little Ethan (because Ethans are always naughty) knows that if he hits his sister one more time with his googles you are not going to make him go back to the room. He knows this because you didn't make him go back to the room the other 7 times he did it.

3. Thank you for taking your squealing kid out of the room at 6am so your wife could sleep. Your wife may be asleep but the rest of the hotel is now awake. Kid swimming in the pool at 6 am is cute. Kid squealing at the pool at 6 is freaking annoying.

4. I can see you are a loving parent. I see this because you are playing with your child. I can see you are attentive and caring. For this reason I don't need you to give a running commentary of what you are doing with Annabelle in a very loud voice . I can see that Annabelle is swimming to Daddy, Annabelle is drinking Daddy's drink, Annabelle isn't meaning to be naughty by hitting Daddy. I can also see that Annabelle is hitting daddy because she wants daddy to shut up so can relax and enjoy her Virgin Mai Tai that you bought her so she can drink the same drink as Daddy. (Annabelle is 2).

5. Give your kid some space. You know how they are ignoring you when you ask /tell them for the 20th time if they have sunblock on, where is there hat, be nice to their sister, don't touch the bee, do they want a coke,don't touch the squirrel,do you need to go to the toilet, don't wee in the pool, are you hungry? That is because they have blocked you out. The only people who are listening is everyone else at the pool who, by the end of your holiday, knows your children's names and toileting habits. Ask them once- or if they are under two maybe put their hat on or take them to the toilet. 

6. Teach them to get out of the way of grumpy adults. That lovely lady with the moon boot will kick you back if you kick her moon boot one more time.

7. If you do something stupid like buy your 3 year old boy a lazer he WILL point it in peoples faces. Don't be surprised when this happens.

8. Thats my Australian Flag pool ring. Back off sister.

9. See that sign that says " No Children allowed in the Club from 4:30 to 6:30"? That means every child. Yep even yours. If I can put mine in the kids club so can you.

10. Enjoy your time with your kids. If they want to spend a few minutes on their ipad that is ok. They will come back into the pool. They are just kicking back and enjoying their holiday. You should take their lead and do the same. 

Now  as long as you child is safe and sunblocked, lie back, order yourself a Bintang and relax.