There is a new man in my life. His name is Ross River and he is an arse.

So... I came home from my latest trip to Bali with a lot of things. A tan, two bottles of vodka, some contraband cigarettes and Ross River Virus. The first three things on the list are awesome (and nearly gone) unfortunately Ross ( and my virus is know being called) is neither awesome, nor nearly gone. Ross is a bastard. A mean, painful bastard.

Before it all went to shit.

For those of you who haven't heard of Ross before let me sum it up for you- it is a virus spread by mosquitoes and it common to tropical areas of Australia and the other state of Australia Bali.

I am very mossie safe in Bali because my mum had Ross 40 years ago. I always wear spray, and mossie patches- but this time a little fucker got me. In fact it was just one little fucker because I only have one tiny little mossie bite on my hand. 

So I got home from Bali on the Thursday and by Thursday night I was really, really itchy. I had a bit of a runny nose and felt a tiny bit fluey but put it down to that fact that I had partied like a rock star in Bali. On Friday night I was sitting at the pub enjoying a Bailey and Bailey's with the squad when all of a sudden I couldn't move my arm. We all had a good laugh, I had a few more wines to dull the pain and went home to bed. When I woke up I still couldn't move my arm, and my left leg wasn't working properly. I thought I had just slept on it wrong- so I cleaned my house for a home open- cooked dinner for my friends who were coming over- had a few more wines but by the end of Saturday night I couldn't use my right wrist. Sunday morning it was my left wrist and by then I knew something wasn't quite right. 

I took myself off to the Doctor- she said I was a weird mystery (not the first time I've been told that) told me to get some blood tests and take some pain killers. Fast forward to Tuesday- I'm sitting at my friends house crying. By this stage the pain had moved to my neck, shoulders, left arm and jaw. She takes me back to the Doctor who said all my bloods had come back clean except for Ross. She gave me really good pain killers and on Thursday I had the final results that I had in fact brought Ross home.  To be honest I was kind of glad because I had been slowly convincing myself that the weird mystery virus was going into my brain and I was going to die.

So the talents of Ross is that is moves throughout your body- and you can feel him moving because you get pins and needles and I am itchy. It hits one joint hard and then the next day will travel to a new one leaving the former joint as a dull ache whereas the new ache is unbearable. You are also tired. So freakin tired. In fact I have slept for 20 out of the last 24 hours. You have no energy and doing the littlest thing ( like making a coffee) will require you to go back to bed for a rest. And everything hurts. My arms are hurting even as I type this. I also can't focus on anything- which some might say isn't an entirely new thing- let me rephrase it- I have more trouble than normal focusing.

The other thing about Ross is that no one can actually tell me when he will dump me. He will hang around anywhere from 3 weeks to 12 months. 

So what I have Ross and I been doing? We have been spending a lot of time in bed, we have gone on a few excursions which have entailed me sitting down. We have gone to the chemist to get more drugs, and paid a visit to the Doctor. We are powering through Homeland on Netflix, and we get up every now and then to make toast. We lead a simple life me and Ross.

So if anyone needs me Ross and I will be in bed with Netflix and the cats and dogs.