There is only one nude photo you will ever see from me.

The only nude you will ever see from me.

I have quite a long drive to work. It takes me about 25 minutes. I use this time to reflect, sing along to the radio, put some make up on, drink my first coffee of the day and most importantly have some very serious conversations with myself.

The last few weeks I have been having a very serious conversation with myself and I actually still didn't resolve the conversation. The topic of my conversation was Kim Kardashian and her latest nude. You see I just don't know how I feel about it. I am torn. Torn torn torn.

You see I like Kim. I see that she is a very clever business women. She has managed to transform the celebrity industry ( whether that be good or bad is up to you), she has many successful business lines and she is a self made millionaire many times over. If she had managed to amass that much success in any other industry we would be high fiving her  saying " You go girlfriend."

We judge her because she is rubbish at relationships and is into her third marriage. But she does seem to be a very good mother, is close to her family and she has very nice taste in cars.

She has managed to alter the physical perception of what makes a women beautiful. Prior to Kim, the perception of beauty in the Western World was skinny. Now women are embracing their curves. This can only be a good thing. (Coming from a curvy girl. Hell someone at work last week told me I was curvy and I didn't feel the need to slap him.)

But here is where my conflict with Kimmy comes into it. It is all about her most recent Nude she posted on Instagram. I have seen Kim nude. I think we all have. She is to nude in 2016 to what Madonna was to nude in the 90's. But in the 90's if you wanted to see Madonna nude you have to go to the bookshop to track down a copy of her book. Not just see it pop up on your Instagram feed.

Working in education we have a very real issue with young girls being asked to send Nudes. And they do. We tell them this is wrong. Because it is. When you are an adult you can send nudes to whoever you want. Because you are not making that decision based on being pressured to do so. That image will not be shown to every boy in the school. You will not be teased. You will not have to live in that constant feeling of dread that the image will come back and bite you. You will not have to suffer the humiliation of other kids saying horrible things about your body. You will also not have to see that look of disappointment on your parents faces when they come into school to try and sort the issue out for you. (For the record the look of disappointment is actually hiding the sadness they feel about the hurt and humiliation their precious child is going through).  As an adult I say if you want to send a nude you do it. But Kim has young followers and she encourages these followers by having apps like her game. So if she is going to encourage a whole big demographic should she really be posting nudes that can be seen by young girls??? Or as an adult can she do whatever she wants???

My second issue is this...... that is not a normal body. It is a body that has been surgically enhanced, subjected to wearing a waist training corset, and has been photoshopped before being put up. Also for the record the lastest Nude was taken 12 months ago. This only came to light when another agency pointed out that it was nearly identical to a snap taken 12 months ago. So was she putting added pressure on women who have just had babies to think they should have lost that baby weight already??? 

Can you see my pain??? For every argument I have I can see the other side of the coin. Who made her a role model- but if we are buying her products then does she have an obligation to set an example???? Is she liberating women by showing her body naked or is she setting the women's movement back by making herself a sex object? Does that fact that she got famous by having a sex tape released take away from the fact that she is a canny business women?


It all just makes my head hurt. 

P.S. For those of you who think I am over thinking it I feel I do need to clarify that I do teach the impact celebrities have on mainstream society. The struggle is real.

Why 80% is my magic number.

SoI'm doing this thing. I'm calling it the 80% rule. From now on I am no longer expecting everything to have to be 100% perfect. 80% is good enough. That is still a good strong A grade. So it is still an A day but just gives a bit of flexibility for a few things to go wrong.

I'm not really sure how or why I can up with my 80% rule, but I honestly think it has changed my life. I no longer get hung up on everything being perfect. I don't have to be 100% perfect. My day doesn't have to be 100% and I don't have to look 100%. So something can happen during that day that might annoy me, or go wrong, or upset me and that accounts for my 20% buffer.

Some days I will not be 100% happy and I feel I  don't have to be. I can leave the house in the morning with the house looking 80%. I can eat 80% well and I can exercise 80% well. I have dropped my study down to One Unit because I don't feel the need to push myself to be doing something (and exhausting myself) 100% of the time.

It has taken some getting used to- and at times I have to remind myself that I am only aiming for 80%.

It is actually kind of really fun, and really relaxing. This of course doesn't mean that I don't strive for 100%- I just don't stress if I don't reach it. I think it is called being kind to your self. And it is really kind of nice.

                                         

Please don't tell someone they have put on weight. I'm sure they know.

                           


Ok so lets talk about my morning. Well lets go back further than that. To urgh... my weight.

I am not a naturally thin person. I have good German genes (and I don't mean the ones that you buy). I mean I am of good stock that if there was ever a famine I would be the last one standing. The thing is... I like being thinner. It is a personal preference. The down side of this is that I have been fighting my weight for the last 30 years. 30. Friggin. Years.

Thats 30 years of being careful of what I eat, beating myself up if I eat too much, thinking about food every minute of the day, hating myself when the scales say I have gone up in weight (that is when I can build up the courage to weigh myself), feeling like a weak failure when my clothes are tight, looking at photos of myself at amazing times of my life and all I see is fat. 

They way I have managed to control my weight is with stupid diets and stupid amounts of exercise. The amount I need to exercise to maintain a size 10 is insane. And very hard work. At least 6 days of exercise a week, with at least 5 of them being long amounts of running. At least an hour. No less than 7kms. Usually 10km. Sometimes more. It makes me tired, it makes me sore, but most importantly it makes me thin.

Fast forward to the "Great Stress Fracture of 2015-2016" which was part of the 'The Mother Fucker of a Year When My Life Fell Apart for a Little While". The stress fracture stopped my in my tracks. Both physically and mentally. I can see it needed to happen. Like my counsellor said " You needed to stop. You didn't so your body stopped you." 

                            

I didn't do anything because I couldn't. So I put on weight. In my insane desire to be thin I started exercising again too early and if I am honest I'm sure this is the reason that my leg has still not fused and I'm looking at surgery. The one thing I did do though was realise I needed to start looking at my very unhealthy relationship with food and my body image. I needed to start to understand that I am more than a number on a scale, a number on a label, or a roll of fat. I am more than that. I can't keep fighting my curves forever. I am exhausted.

I have made some steps to get healthy. I have quit sugar, I have lowered my consumption of carbs and upped my consumption of vegetables. I have (reluctantly) lowered my alcohol consumption and I couldn't tell you the last time I had chocolate. I am trying for a life style change. I am trying to undo 30 years of obsession. It is hard, and it is slow. Really, really slow.

It is only in the last few days that I have started to see what I am beginning to accept ( I don't really like it yet) what I see in the mirror. A size 12. I am in a healthy weight range and my BMI is fine. I can laugh that I broke the zip on my size 11 jeans and I even had a chuckle when I told my friend that the squeaky noise she heard on our walk was not my shoes- but the sound of my thighs rubbing together in my gym pants. 

And then this morning happened. A person who I say hello to on our morning walks commented on how much weight I had put on. It was that sentence that tore down all the hard work I had done in building myself up to start feeling ok about the "newish" me. The one who had has finally stopped fighting with my genetics and relaxed. I know it shouldn't have. I know I should have laughed it off. I know that comments of a person I hardly know shouldn't matter. I know that she is old and old people don't have a filter. I know I should have said " You think I'm fat now! You should have seen me 2 months ago." I know some people have real problems and this is a first world problem of a middle class white girl. But it hurt. Really really hurt.

I didn't cry. I told her she was rude. When she did the " I'm just the sort of person who says what I think." I told her that sometimes you can't if it is going to hurt people. 

I honestly don't really know what my point of this blog is. I am angry and I am sad that I am made to feel that if I am not a size 10 I am not looking good. I am angry and sad that someone feels it is ok to "say what they think" even if it is insensitive. I am angry and sad that people don't ever take a step back and be kind. I'm angry that the pressure that exists to be thin and being thin is more celebrated and important than being a good person. 

I'm selfish. I honest hardly ever notice peoples' weight. I will talk about it with them if they bring it up. I will offer diet and exercise advice (because I am a bit of an expert) if they bring it up. But the one thing I will do if I notice someone has either put on or lost a lot of weight is be concerned- and wonder if maybe something is going on in their life. I would never tell them they are fat. Because I don't care about your size. I care if you are a nice, kind, good, caring person. Bonus points if you make me laugh. We are all going through our own shit. So maybe if you can't say something nice. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

When did we stop caring about other people?

Let me tell you a story.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a restaurant with some friends. It was nice. Kind of cool, but in the area where I live. I go there quite often. There is a routine. You walk in, you are seated and some nice person comes and explains the menu, takes your order and then when you have completed your meal your go up to the counter and you pay your bill. Easy right?



Well on this day I went with my friends, we had coffee, all put in the money and I went up to pay the bill. I am a nice person because I understand working in hospitality can be a very hard job and the public can be not very nice. So up to the counter I go. There are 6 people in front of me, and that is ok. It would seem they were from a large table and they were all paying for themselves. A bit annoying but what ever. The line moved swiftly until the girls one in front of me got served. The line stalled. BECAUSE THEY HAD NOT EVEN LOOKED AT THE MENU. No idea what they wanted. There was now 8 people behind me. The girl were still deciding. Not even close. After 5 minutes. I said to the girl serving. ' Excuse me (told you I was polite) Could I just pay for my coffee please. I have the right money.' She told me no because they were paying customers. 

Mmmm. Now this may have made me a little bit cross, and I may have unknowingly made a face. I think this because the girl started getting flustered. I said nothing. The girls stilled poured over the menu not caring that the queue was getting longer. The girl serving got more flustered. I got angrier. Two other people behind the bar kept talking to each other and laughing. Finally after another 3 minutes I said " Can I please just pay for my coffee." By now I may have had tone and I was begging a bit. I know this because the two girls finally clicked and went and sat down to order. 

I payed for my coffee and said to the girl serving " I was not angry with you- I was angry because the behaviour of the two girls was very rude and inconsiderate." And I wasn't angry with her. Although she could have been more assertive and the two behind the bar could have stepped in, but thats ok. I will just not go back.

So yesterday the same thing happened at another coffee shop. The lady in front pushed to get in front of me and then took 4 minutes to order 7 cakes. I know it was 7 because she made 7 separate walks back and forwards to look at the cakes. Meanwhile the queue of people to get the Skinny long mac's topped up ( I was in a fancy part of town)was out the door. But cake lady didn't care. Not even when the lady behind me said to her " For god's sake just get the peanut butter slice. They are all full of fat and sugar." 

No one says it better than Kim

               

But here is my point. Every day I go to work and I teach young kids to be considerate. Be polite, care about other people. Why are adults not doing it?  Is it that hard to give a courtesy wave? To merge properly? To say thank you? To move slightly when you are about to have a head on collision with someone on the footpath? To smile? To be nice? To maybe care about other people? How did we all get so absorbed in our own sense of importance that we stopped giving a shit and started being arseholes?

For the record the lady then told me that the peanut butter slice was the yuckiest slice- she just said that to her because she was being so rude. 

Another reason I am glad I'm old. Competitive placentas.

I'm not grateful for being old often, but one thing I am glad about is that I am not having children in 2016.  It just seems so stressful. And competitive. I get anxious just reading about it.

Today while sitting in a doctors surgery I read an article titled 'What I ate when I was pregnant" The author of the article went on to say that she had a really healthy placenta because she ate well during her pregnancy. Apparently she knew her placenta was healthy because the mid wife told her it was. Well call me crazy but I thought that all placentas that produced a baby where pretty much all healthy. It didn't require a special diet of fermented breads, dandelion teas and bone broth.

I have had three babies- one in 1994, one in 1996 and another in 2005. I managed to produce three healthy babies without a fermented bread in sight. In my day the only thing you didn't eat was brie, polony and salami. (Sushi wasn't invented then- well it was but you know what I mean). In fact one of babies who shall remain nameless  was fed almost exclusively on a diet of Mc Chicken burgers. The only time this diet varied was when I went to Italy and the said child then survived on gelato. Funnily enough I don't think she likes ice cream all that much. Or McChickens.

The author of this article craved oranges and she ate lots of them. Apparently this was because she was low in iron. I craved nail polish remover. Not to drink, but to smell. I inhaled it. Couldn't get enough. Not sure what that meant I was low in. Nails? I also craved ice. The water ice, not the drug ice. I would get a large diet coke with my Mc Chickens ( didn't want those extra calories) and ask for extra ice. I would chomp away on that ice for hours. 

The author also did some gentle exercise like yoga and beach walks. I did not exercise with the first and put on 24kgs, ( to be fair I did think it was maybe my Mc Diet until I was pregnant with my second). I exercised with the second and ate kind of well (except for when the baby wanted a mars bar, because when the baby wants a mars bar, the baby wants a mars bar). I put on 24kgs. To be honest I can't remember what I ate or what I did when I was pregnant with my third. I vaguely remember bread sticks. 24kgs. To.the.kilo.

My point. As long as you are not doing drugs, binge drinking or smoking- you are doing ok. The baby will be fine, your placenta will be healthy. When your child is 16 and drinking cheap wine out of a silver pillow and shovelling bbq shapes down their throat you won't be standing back saying " see how worthwhile it was that I had no sugar when I was pregnant".

So step away from the pasture fed beef and the organic milk and eat what you want to. If that is organic milk and pasture fed beef that is fine. But if it is milk and some steak that comes from Coles with a apricot jam and cheese sandwich on fresh white bread with lots of butter with a carrot cake chaser... thats is ok too. You placenta will be just fine. 

Emma's Handy Packing Hints- Second Edition.

My bags are packed I'm ready to go

Does packing ever get easier? I am lucky enough that I travel quite a bit, and I am making my (almost) annual trip to Sydney to visit some very good friends. I know I have blogged before about how I pack, but I think I am slowly getting better at it. Here are some little hints from me.

1. Don't even think you can only take hand luggage. Unless you are going for a weekend trip to Bali where you only need a bikini and a maxi dress you need at least 20kgs. Hell my makeup and skin care weighs 7kgs on it own. 

2. Start thinking about what you will need to take before you start to pack. Now I know that when you are on holidays you always seem to wear the same thing every day but you do want to have choices. I know this holiday I will need exercise gear, going out at night clothes, going out at day clothes, casual clothes and bumming around the house clothes.  You also need to take shoes into consideration. As I can only wear flats at the moment I only need to take my runners (for walking because I can't run for another 7 months), sandals, slides and thongs ( thats flip flops to anyone reading this that is not Australian). Hang your "plane outfit" up while you are packing so you can see the extra outfit you have.

3. Separate your clothes into zip lock bags. This is genius. I have a bag of shorts, active wear, singlets, t-shirts and knickers. When you zip lock the bag make sure you roll them so you get the air out and then it is like a vacuumed seal bag so it takes up less space. Plus when you get to the destination you can find what you need easily.

                                
Ikea Zip lock bags are my bags of choice. They are strong and reusable and come in 6 different sizes.

4. Skin care- This bag is usually the heaviest so try and buy travel sizes or buy travel bottles and de canter in your stuff. I also put moisturiser into empty contact lens cases. I also take wipes so I don't need to worry about cleanser or eye make up remover while I am away ( don't worry you can do a super skin clean when you get home from you vacay). These wipes are also fab for spot cleaning your clothes. Also if there is one product that will leak in your luggage it will be your hair serum so pop that in a small zip lock bag. Also Sephora do perfume in travel bottles which are really handy so you don't have to take a big bottle.

6. Wash your hair and do it really well the day you go. That way it should last for most of the holiday and apart from a few touch ups with your straightener you should get away with out having to wash. Dry shampoo is a must for about day 3. And if you have long hair, do forget hair elastics! They and bobby pins seem to hook up and go away on a holiday of there own.

5. Make up- This one was hard, like really hard. To be honest the only thing I scrimpted on was my eyeshadows and I only packed one eye shadow palette -my Too Faced Chocolate Palette. I made sure I took lipsticks in a nude shade, a red shade and a pinky nude to cover all occasions. I took my day foundation and my night foundation as well as my tinted SPF moisturiser, my conturing kit, blush, highlighter....... you get the message.

By packing a palette you have lots of different colours and can use the lighter shades as highlighters.

                                        
6. Pack your all chargers in a zip lock bag, that way they are easy to find when you get to your destination because your phone and ipad will be flat.

On the plane

1. Take a big tote bag. I take my Louis Vuitton Never Full. This bag has travelled around the world with me because it is "never full" apparently they can take over 50kg in weight. It holds EVERTHING I need including a laptop. Although to be honest I hardly ever take it because unless I get the inclination to do work (which never happens) I can get away with my iphone and ipad.

2. Essentials are a pen. As a teacher I always have at least 5 on me at anyone time, but you will always need a pen. Essentials also include lip balm, tissues, Vicks Nasal Sniffy thing, Nurofen and any medication you need to take. I also take my Bachs Rescue Remedy in case I get anxious. I also take a notebook incase I get inspired.

Rescue Remedy- I never go anywhere without this stuff.

3. Take your phone, ipad and headphones. Especially if you are being tight and going on a budget airline. You will get bored and there is only so much people watching and getting up and going to the toilet you can do.

4. Make up bag- This goes with out saying, but you will need at least some lippie to put on your "landing lips" and some concealer. Don't forget hair lackkies. Your hair will annoy the hell out of you.

5. Your glasses. I never wear my contacts on a plane and when you are flying you don't need to see that well so my glasses it is.

6. A great big mother of a bottle of water. And a little snack. And some mints. No one wants to breathe bad breath on anyone.

7. Wear slip on shoes because you never I repeat NEVER want to go to a plane toilet with no shoes on. Unless you want to rinse your feet in a strangers wee. Pack a pair of socks and a warm cardigan that can double as a blankie because planes get cold.

8. Finally as much as it is a bit of a pain in the arse to carry a proper pillow is really handy. I took my pillow on the flight to New York ( 17 hours of pain) and it helped to get a bit comfy. 

9. Sleeping (or relaxants) tablets if they work for you. I am about to do a red eye flight and I never sleep on a plane. I'm going to try half a sleeping pill. I will let you know how it goes. Be warned though- they can have the reverse effect unless you get the dosage right. You have been warned.

Now all I need if for Sydney to get it's weather under control and I'm good to go! Happy holidaying.

11 Beauty Resolutions for 2016

A new year is always the best time for resolutions. It is also a fabulous time for beauty resolutions because they don't really count. I read an article the other day about 11 beauty resolutions you should keep. To keep you from having to read it yourself I will tell you the resolutions you need to keep some common sense advice.

1. I will not sleep in my makeup.

Unless I am drunk. Or can't be bothered. Or both.

                         

2. I will wear sunscreen everyday.

Except when it is raining and / or the middle of winter.

3. I will exfoliate twice a week.

Or when I remember, or when I am in the shower waiting for my conditioner to work.

4. I will moisturise even when it is hot.

This one is obviously a trick because who doesn't moisturise every day?

5. I will not cover my face with a truckload of foundation.

Unless I have a face full of pimples. Or I am 13.

6. I will treat my skin every week.

Oh come on, who has time for that?  Lets make that I will treat my skin when it looks really bad.

7. I will sleep 8 hours every night.

Unless I am binge watching something on Netflix, or I have had a coffee at 8:30 and can't sleep. 

8. I will do a beauty audit (that means throw out your old moisturiser from 2010)

And only throw out the products that smell bad.

9. I believe that not to prime is a crime.

Unless you are in a hurry. In that case it is perfectly acceptable.

10. I will embrace my brows

But not to the extent that I look like the baby from The Simpsons

                                  

11. I will consider my inner health

But not on a Friday night. Because Friday nights are for drinking.