We open to a beautiful view of the river. I am thinking maybe Manning? My cousin texts me, she tells me it is North Perth. They are shopping at their Coles. We then move to a montage of them fishing on the beach, because they love the beach. I have decided I really don't like them, even though she is wearing a Wheels and Dollbaby dress. They are shopping in Leederville and she is jumping in the street. She is really annoying. Like really.
They choose their fish. And she jumps again. They choose their crayfish, she dances again. And then they run to the car. Then they run through Coles. Then she skips. Then she runs back to the car. She says she is getting hot. Maybe she should stop running. She runs into the house anyway. Kat really needs to step away from the Red Bull. They tell us once again that they love they beach.
Cooking starts and Kat is getting stressed now, he is cooking. She is smoking her Cod. I am beginning to understand why she has so many jobs. She is obnoxious. They are worried they are going to oversmoke their Cod. I know they are worried because they music is very suspenseful.
The guests arrive, they talk about how harsh they are going to be. The Texan drawls and the Mean Girls are mean. They all squeal, people are "amped", and everyone is being nice to everyone's faces. There are lots of "wows' and we are told once again there is a beachy theme. Ash tells everyone that she "froths for scallops" - (what does that even mean?), and that the cutlery is wrong.
The boy ( I can't remember his name but she calls him Babe a lot) tells us that if he doesn't cook the fish properly...it will be raw. God help me. Hurry up Pete and Manu. They arrive looking like Tuco's cousins in matching suits . Thats the Breaking Bad reference for tonight.
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| This is Tuco's Cousins |
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| This is Pete and Manu |
While we are waiting for the entree Camilla and Manu are talking French. I am starting to feel awkward. Please let the entree arrive.
Entree is Smoked Cod with Crunchy Mash and Cabbage and Leek. Babe and Babe are happy. Will it be smoky enough????? OMG! Ash can't smell the smoke! and the portions are small!!! The Tuco's cousins are looking at each other... and.......... the mash is bland and the cod is not smoked enough. Damn. Pete tells them about Paleos, sorry ratios. Babe and Babe are no longer happy. Everyone else just keeps saying smoked. Smoked, smoked,smoked.
Lets get onto the main. This is actually a crayfish ravioli. It would appear that Channel 7 doesn't think much of it either because they have cut off the picture. I actually really wish they would bring out the main course because now Annie is being annoying. She is also talking about her love of musicals. I am starting to think that maybe Lloyd is perhaps gay. Main is taking FOREVER. So Robert has time to tell a story. The moral of the story is that cows can bite.
Meanwhile in the kitchen the pasta is drying out, Kat can't count, her hand gestures are getting more severe, it is all turning to shit. The guests have been waiting for 2 hours. Everyone is hungry. Oh dear they are going to be even more hungry after the main, they are only getting 2 ravioli.
The Tuco twins are not happy. Neither are the Babes. The guests are good though. They like nothing better than the other teams stuffing up. The dish was crap and under cooked. Now lets not speak of it ever again.
The Chocolate tarts are looking the bomb. How can you go wrong with a chocolate tart with Raspberries and creams??? You can make it too small thats how.I can see a Maccas run on the way home, with a Red Rooster chaser. Manu tells them they are stingy. Pete is pissed (because he is breaking his paleo for this?????).
The scores are harsh all round. They hit the bottom of the leaderboard. If I have said it once I will say it again. Lets never talk of this again...
Tomorrow night is the Cowboy from Texas, and his daughter who doesn't talk. I just hope he cooks faster than he speaks.
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