Well I'm lying. I am so far from a machine it is not funny. I am actually extremely mediocre. And I believe there is nothing wrong with being mediocre, but that is a whole blog of its own. The key to my success is that I just do it. That also does not mean I enjoy it, but I set myself a goal, tell lots of people and then I have to do it.
So in order to make you all feel better about yourself I thought I would share with you yesterdays run. Or as I like to call it- " the run that failed at every km."
So it was a biggie. 28km. Yep, big, stupid and long. Now for some reason I either completely underestimated the distance or I overestimated my ability. I am strongly suggesting it was the later. Because I actually hate running long distances I knew I just had to get it done. In a normal world I would be prepped for this, but my prep for this long run was 4 days down south with lots of wine and champagne. Mmmm first mistake. My carb loading the night before was brie and crackers washed down with a bottle of champagne, my pre run breakfast was a slice of toast and a caramel latte from Macca's. My pre race lunch was 4 pieces of sushi and a sugar free red bull. Mmmmm second mistake.
So off I set at 3pm, when it was still 25 degrees. Mmmmm 3rd mistake. So there I was hot, nowhere near fuelled enough and very dehydrated. Oh did I mention that the sea breeze was in, so I was running against the wind the whole way? So lets break the run down into the highlights.
1. Getting chaffing under my arms at 5kms.
2. Having to have a carb shot at 7km.
3. Having a baby vomit at 8km from said carb shot at 7km because I couldn't find a drink fountain to wash it down with. Lets just say Gu's are called Gu's for a reason. They have the texture of Gu.
4. Finding a drink fountain at 9kms and drinking so much I got a stitch.
5. Wanting to stop running at 11kms, and then realising I had 17kms to go.
6. My tummy deciding it needed to "expel" all the cheese and crackers I had the night before at 15kms.
7. Nearly tripping over a dog at 17kms, and then realising there was no drink fountains until I got home. 11 kms away.
8. Realising I had a wedgie at 20km. I realised this because I now not only have chaffing under my arm, I also have chaffing on my butt cheek. It was also at this stage my watch told me it's battery was low. So was mine.
9. Crying at 25kms because I felt like vomiting, my tummy still wanted to poop, my chaffing butt and arm and now tummy were all hurting, I am still 3 kms from home AND I didn't have my phone so I couldn't get anyone to come and pick me up, my shuffle was stuck so it was only playing three songs... and let me tell you Eminem I was going to also have vomit on my sweater and it wasn't going to be mum's spaghetti . The only thing keeping me going was knowing that I was 3km away from my epsom salts bath and a Gatorade.
10. Finally I got home to find the flame on the hot water system had gone out and there was no hot water for me to have my bath, or a warm shower. I had to stand under a cold shower to wash off the sweat.
Yeah so next weeks is 32km. I can only guess how that is going to go....
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