I don't even know where to start- but all I know is any show that makes me gasp and sit with my hand over my mouth for a full minute has got to be good. And it wasn't even from all the botox and fillers. These women are just.. fabulous in a really bad way. I do have my reservations that this is what the classy ladies of Sydney are like- but I don't care.
In terms of recapping it I wouldn't even know where to start- it was all just sooo- recappable. As it was the first episode maybe you need an intro to the characters.
The star of this show is definitely Sydney. It looks amazing.
She was a successful business women who lived in China, but now is in Sydney with her son and 2 dogs. Husband is still in China. She goes fishing with her son. I think she might be the Alpha.
Victoria is next. She is twice divorced (you go girl). She never washes her own hair (which just quietly I think should be looking better). She drinks "skinny bitches" which is a vodka lime and soda to you and me. She doesn't seem to know any of the others. She has real boobs. She has a son and apparently was fat when she was at school. She refers to another Housewives as being 'Jatz Crackers". I love her.
This is Matty. She has big lips. She has a beauty business. Her lips are so big that she can't speak properly. But don't worry- when she is doing injectables she puts her glasses on and pops her hair in a pony tail. She is proud of her heritage which I want to say is Siamese but that's a cat isn't it.
This is Nicole. She was Miss Australia. I know this because she mentions it like a million times. That is why she like wearing Tiara's. She has lived in London where she LITERALLY went to Paris for lunch. She came home so her daughters could go to high school ( I call bullshit- she came home for the show). Her husband will commute because they love flying. First class. But don't worry- she keeps it real by walking her kids down to cattle class to see how the plebs do it. Did I mention she was Miss Australia?
This is Athena X. She was the one Victoria referred to as being Jatz Crackers. She is. She is all about peace love and harmony until you piss her off and then she is nasty. She paints (badly) and has a tendency to go to parties dressed as an Oscar. Her husband owns a jewellery shop where she works when she is not connecting with her past lives, meditating- which to her is like talking to God on the telephone or painting badly. Now I have no issue with new age stuff. I love it, but I have issues with people who are new age until they are not. And then turn into the sort of people that call others 'Chewbacca" ( "I can't be Chewbacca- I'm not hairy- I'm lazered.")
Finally Melissa. She sang a song in the 90's and was on a Aussie soap. She is obviously poorer than the others because we did not get a long shot of her house. I think due to her lack of wanting to get involved in arguments she is looking to reboot her career. She looks fab but seems a bit beige. Well as beige as you can be with a face full of fillers and botox.
So in true House wives style- the ladies all meet, they call each other names, drink too much, have a few arguments, split into factions, insult each other and then call each others behaviour inappropriate. " You can't comment on women's weight- you may have put on a few kilos but you are not fat."and then the night is over when Victoria throws Athena X's cape( which looks like a fishing net) over the balcony into the harbour. She does show some remorse because she is worried dolphins might get caught in it.
I can't wait until next week. This is going to be fun.
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