Lets discuss that word "Glamping"...

 Glamping is like unicorns or yummy gluten free cakes. It does not exist. There is no such thing as glamorous camping. I think it was a name made up by husbands trying to convince their wives that they could have just as much fun camping as they would in a 5 star hotel. " Come glamping" they say. " It is just like camping- only glamorous." I call liar on that one. An air bed, Nespresso machine and all the good chocolate and champagne in the world does not equal glamour.

This is me, when I had to sweep the tent for the millionth time.

Last week I went on my annual camping trip (the word glamping is officially done- even spellcheck knows its not real- it keeps autocorrecting to clamping). I go with some fab friends and the kids. Last year was my maiden camping journey and although most were sceptical as my previous camping experience was a 4 Star hotel, I survived and had a rather fab time. 

This year we were heading down south to Busso. That's Busselton to those of you who are not locals. I love down south. Normally I love it because we stay in a warm cosy hotel, go to wineries, eat way too much food, and sleep in a snuggly warm bed. (The weather is slowly getting colder, so warm is a bit of a priority). So lets go through the stages of camping. (Yes it's a list. You know I love lists)

1. What to pack. Easy, I can sum it up in one word. Bonds. Leggings, tracky, t-shirt and jumpers. Done.

So much Bonds- so little time.

Don't bother with jimmy jammies. You will be either a. too drunk, or b. too cold to get changed.

2. Emma's camping essentials- A tent that pops up itself (more on that later), wine, air beds (with an adaptor that fits- JUSTIN!!!- that comment is for you), wine, WARM bedding, an electric frypan,beer, Nespresso Machine, esky, champagne, broom, champagne, extension cords, wine, power board, chairs and maybe some champagne.

3. Once the car is packed - Get your husband to do that- you are on your way! Ensure you have some great tunes on your iPhone because the wireless with cut out somewhere past Bunbury and aint no one got time for regional radio.

The Girls are off!

Now this part is very important- you MUST decide which road house will be stopping at on the way. This not only breaks up the trip (and provides a toilet stop), but also provides the ultimate in road trip food. The Crumbed Chicken and Cheese sausage, with a Red Creaming Soda chaser. Yes you read that correctly. I love the above mentioned sausage. Like really love. So I only allow myself one on trips that involve passing a road house.

The chips are Indi's. 

4. Get to the camp site, and find your spot. Now this is where my husband is very smart. He always comes down the following day, leaving me to set up the tent. Fortunately I am very good at looking helpless and confused so a lovely nice man comes and helps me - whoops I mean I am good at  putting up a tent. A big thank you also needs to go to the lovely man in the caravan next to me who offered me a hammer. He told me that hammering in the tent pegs with Indi's Havianas, was not going to cut it.

 This is not a posed shot, I did actually put this baby up. With a little bit of help from my new camping friends. Everyone is super friendly when you camp.

5. Take note of the name of the camping site. Ours was called Sandy Bay. And man, they were not lying. There was bloody sand everywhere. Even the lady who worked reception was called Sandy. (I am aware it is really called Sandy Bay because that is the name of the bay-but bloody hell THAT MUCH SAND!!) Sand is the devil of camping. Maybe thats why you drink so much when you are camping. It is the only thing that takes away the pain of all that sand.

Sand, sand, everywhere. Oh and the tent that I built. You will notice how clever I was and used my car shade as a door mat. Seasonal campers know to have mats, and tarps. The mat belongs to Claire. The cask of wine is all mine.

6. The hard work is all over, and there is now nothing to do but eat, go to the beach, eat, do puzzles, read, eat,watch movies on the iPad, talk and yell at the kids. Life is good.

7. You will eat a lot on these trips because there is really nothing else to do. The french Patisserie lady came around in her van at Breaky time. Almond Croissant anyone? And of course there was the Mr Whippy van

   This little beauty is a chocolate rocket. Say no more. It may or may not come with a dose of Listeria, but that is the chance you take with soft serve.

We ate very well- pasta bakes, a roast made in the WeberQ, tandoori chicken, (made in the WeberQ), sandwiches and nibbles galore. It is important at this stage to clarify that food on camping trips has no calories what so ever. So eat away. It is also a plus if you have a shop nearby where you can buy your food for the day. Yay for IGA.

8. Can we talk negatives? It gets bloody cold. I mean cold. Like Super cold. Night time was leggings, tracky, socks, jumper, beanie and two donnas. Rugging up is vital. 

               I was so cold I even wore my ski trip jumper. 

Those tents are not sound proof in anyway shape or form. You can hear everything. And I mean everything. On the first night I heard the people in the tent behind me yelling at their child who vomited in the tent and husbands snoring. This is an issue. I get mad that my own husband snores, let alone someone else's.

Toilets are a long, long way a way. Awful in the middle of the night. When it is cold. And your bladder is full. And did I mention it was cold?

The symphony of zips. The only way in and out of a tent ( and to keep the ducks out) is zips. The sounds of night time in a camping site is zips, oh and a bloody dripping tap especially when you are busting to go to the toilet.

Other people's conversations. I wonder to this day why Ruby was so naughty, what those men were arguing over, and if they decided to have the chocolate doughnut or meat pie for breakfast. (Pie- is there ever any question?).

Mothers who are staying in Villas who send their kids out at 6am in the morning so they scooter around the park, so they can sleep in. Bugger the poor campers who are not only cold, busting to go to the toilet, who have been up all night listening to other peoples husbands snoring. Go and wake up the peasants.

                       

So to sum it up. Camping is the bomb. The kids love it, the adults love it and just everyone loves it. There is something awesome about not having to do your hair, or makeup (but still mascara, mascara does not count as make up- it is an essential like food and shelter) for a few days. Everyone is relaxed and so much fun. You can be silly (we all decided to give ourselves new names. I renamed myself Rose' after my favourite wine) and not have a care in the world, and I am not going to believe I am saying this- but soak in the absolute beauty of the world. I honestly believe that if I said " I can't believe how big the ocean is" one more time, I may not have made it home.

                     

                                  How's the serenity?