I think I accidentally joined a Cult.

I tend to lots of things by accident, like buying a puppy when I am meant to be buying cat food, or buying myself a skirt, top, and shoes when I am only meant to be accompanying my husband while he buys a suit. I also, sometimes, accidentally tend to drink too much and get a little bit drunk (er) than expected.  But joining a Cult was not one thing I was expecting to accidentally do. I am officially a member of the "getting your nails done" cult. And I am not proud. But geez my nails look good.

                            

These are not my nails. But seriously- how do they do that???

I always had this belief that getting your nails done was filed under "Aint nobody got time for that" category, but some how I am a fully paid up member with the loyalty card to prove it.

This is an example of " Aint nobody got time for that nails

                         
Before I joined the cult I was perfectly happy to do my nails myself. The job may have been dodgy, but nothing a bit of nail polish remover couldn't fix (or a good scrub in the shower if the polish got on my skin). I used to relish going to Priceline to buy a new Essie shade each payday, and there was nothing more satisfying than the whole 1 hour I experienced of perfectly painted nails. Well as long as I didn't paint them too close to bed time and I ended up with the sheet pattern imprinted on them. Without doubt my beautiful nails would be chipped within hours, hence the reason why I always seemed to be painting them. Well that and having to pay the wages of everyone who worked for Essie.

                           
Here is an example of what not to do to your nails when you are going for a job interview, for anything other than a Kindy Teacher. Or a drug dealer


I blame my girlfriend Nicole. She was my enabler. She took me to the nail Temple in the local shopping centre to get my nails done for my Birthday. Of course I had Shellac, not realising that Shellac is nail talk for " once you get your nails shellacked you are in the Cult for life because your polish never chips, and if you decide to not get them redone your nails are destroyed until the new nail grows through.

I am now so far entrenched in the Nail Cult that I even now get my toes done. And lets face it there is nothing that hard about painting your toe nails. Although I don't get them shellacked because as firmly as entrenched in the Cult as I am, I am very much aware that your "normal" toe nail polish lasts 3 weeks without chipping.

So every three weeks I enter the Temple of the Shellac, I sit in a chair, get my nails wrapped in alfoil and acetone to melt the shellac. I then work myself up into a sheer panic because I can't decide what colour to get because there is SO MUCH DAMN CHOICE! I finally decide on the colour I get every single time, even though I have just spend 10 minutes flicking through plastic painted pretend nails.

                           
                              Halloween ideas anyone?

I then sit and listen to other peoples conversations and try to make sure my new Vietnamese friends are talking about me (Although as I don't understand Vietnamese, I would have no idea if they were talking about me or not).  My Vietnamese  ladies and I are such good friends now that they asked me where my daughter was and told me I was a mean mum for not bringing her. I watch the very same Jennifer Lopez music video that is on EVERY time I go in there (that is a blog all on its own- she is older than me, should she be wearing a body suit dancing in falling glitter and not much else?) and pop my hands under the UV light all the time trying not to think about whether it really could give me all skin cancer. I did momentarily think about putting some sunblock on my hands, and then got distracted by JLo's butt.

One day JLo your kids are going to be sooooo embarrassed. They will be in therapy with Madonna's kids

The final part of the adventure is leaving. Because it is like shopping at Target- the price you pay at the end is a complete surprise. Sometimes it is $40, sometimes $45. Today I paid $80 (please Alison my sister in law if you are reading this I know this doesn't fit into my budget but I HAVE to have good nails, it's like a rule) for my hands and my feet. I have no idea how they got to that price, but all I know is that I  left the Temple feeling happy, and like I belonged which is the aim of every good Cult. 

These are not my nails. But secretly I wish they were. They would be very good for people who are trying to stop picking their nose.