Job interviews are a funny thing..

I have found myself in two strange situations lately- the situation of the job interview. This is unusual because I think I have had two interviews in the last 10 years. They are weird because after spending most of your life NOT talking yourself up, you spend 30 minutes, well, talking your self up.

My two interviews have been interesting because they have both been essentially for the same job at two different places. One where I work and another at a place I obviously don't work. The jury is still out on whether or not it is easier to be interviewed by people who know you or people who don't. In one situation you have to pretend you don't know them, and in the other situation you have to pretend that you DO know them so you don't get to nervous.

So in the case of the most recent interview obviously the first things that came to mind were
1. What should I wear  and
2. My hair really needs doing and my hairdresser is away (look away now Dawnie- but I bought a colour from the supermarket and got my friends to pop it in after a few wines).

So as my interview day fell right in the middle of my camping trip I realised I would have to come home early. So I left the comfort of my single bed air mattress in a tent (for the record the only way to sleep in one of those when it is cold is like a mummy- an Egyptian one, not a mummy mummy, that is why if you see me I am walking with hunched up shoulders) and decided to go home and have a good nights sleep and a shower in a place where I don't have to wear thongs. Or fight two 12 years olds who are straightening their hair, for the mirror. In case you are interested after they did their hair they did bog laps around the caravan park. Like 4 bog laps, looking like baby prostitutes, or Ariana Grande. 


I spent the night before studying for the interview. Well ok I spent the night before the interview binge watching the Real Housewives of everywhere, drinking wine- to calm my nerves obviously- and then doing some study. Ask me all about the ATSIL standards, I have the app on my phone. (feel free to disown me now). For the record these are the standards that teachers should reach to be a good teacher. We have standards now- who knew!!!

I woke up in the morning and decided that I didn't want a new job at all and didn't want to go. Then I slapped myself and told myself to pull myself together. And then I took a great big swig of Bach's Rescue Remedy. 

This stuff is the bomb. It is like meditation in a bottle.

I took my puppies for a walk, had a coffee and a chat with my friend, came home, kept telling myself I could do this, had some more rescue remedy, put on my grown up dress and shoes and popped on my red lippy and off I went.

This is my grown up dress. It is from Witchery.

                                                 
I got there early, of course, and sat in the car trying to tell myself to be cool. I checked the email to see that I had the day and time right. 6 times. I checked the name of the person I had to find. 6 times. I checked the time on my car clock, my phone and my watch. They were all different. I decided to go with the iphone- Apple couldn't be wrong.  I worked out how long it would take me to walk to the front door (30 seconds), I double checked what the target attainment rate for the school was,(seriously) I came up with two questions (because I never have a question to ask them and I feel I should), I checked my teeth for lipstick, drank some more rescue remedy, popped in a mint (but NOT a mintie,

 no one needs a dental emergency before an interview), waited for my iphone to pop over to 9:59 and 30 seconds, (my interview was at 10:05 you always have to be early) told myself one last time to be cool, opened the car door and then I walked towards the admin building. Halfway to the door I had to pull my knickers out of my butt, and my then my heel got stuck in the pavement. At this stage all I can hope is that the room I am being interviewed in does not overlook the entrance.

I took a deep breath, told myself one more time that I can do this,remembered my mantra "Be Brave"and open the door........

Thank God it wasn't Harry.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my friends and students who were concerned for my wellbeing on Thursday. Those closest to me knew the day was going to be a hard one. Not because I had shown the new lady my job they day before, not because I had a school board meeting in the afternoon, and not even because I was really hungry and phys ed department had held their morning tea on Monday ( seriously Monday?? who the bloody hell does morning tea on a Monday? don't they know that on Monday everyone is still on a diet? ) but because my worst fears -(well since Zayne left the stage mid concert , which was really no surprise considering that he spent the part of the concert  looking like he was at the dentist, or being forced to watch the cricket or The Lord of the Rings trilogy),had come true. Zayne had left One Direction.

I knew something was wrong when I woke up on Thursday morning and decided that I was too tired to run. It was like I was exhausted from hearing all the sobs of young girls crying all over the world. I turned off my alarm, checked my Facebook and there is was. The news I had been dreading. Someone had left One Direction. You will note that I said someone. You see it wouldn't have mattered if it was Zayne, Harry, Niall, Liam or Louis. (Although if it was Harry I really would have had to take the day off work.) Because once one goes it it all over. O.V.E.R. Because lets face it, have you ever heard of successful quartet boy band since The Beatles?

Let me give you some examples.

1. Duran Duran- John Taylor went off to become The Power Station. It was a "side project". I call that side project "the end."

   

   John Taylor- you are perfection
2. The BackStreet Boys. Kevin Richardson (don't worry- he was the ugly one) leaves. The Backstreet Boys were never 'back....alright." 

   

   Actually looking at this picture maybe they were all the ugly one- well apart from the blonde girl on the left.
3. Robbie Williams told Take That to take a hike. They said " Want you back for good." it never happened. Funnily enough he was the ugly one in the band. 

   

   I think this photo may have been the reason Robbie left.
4. The Spice Girls.  Ginger Spice decided it was time to go. The remaining girls released "Goodbye (my friend)" They didn't mean a word of it. Secretly I think they were singing "Goodbye dumb mole"

   

   That one in the front is Posh pre nose job.
5. INXS. Well I know Michael didn't exactly leave by choice (or did he?) but it didn't matter how many times they replaced him- once Michael left it was all over.  

   

   This is INXS.
   
   
   
   
   

   

   This is the remaining 5 members of INXS with a random.

So I did what every die hard 43year old 1D er would do. I put One Direction on shuffle in my car, sang really loud in the car on the way to work, and made my Year 11 class analyse every single 1D music video. We tried to work out exactly when it was that Zayne started falling apart. If you are interested we think it was when they made the "Steal my girl" video. He was SKINNY. Like really skinny and he had completely overdone the random tatt thing.

Really? No one saw the drug thing happening?

So where now? Well all I can say is that we sit back and wait for Harry to release his solo album, Niall to have a career as a chat show host, Louis can finally come out and become a gay icon and release a duet with Kylie Minogue, and Liam can...well I don't really know what he can do. ..umm...keep tweeting? And then in 10 years they can get back together, do a come back tour and then all get a job as judges on every franchise of X Factor. Or though I did hear there was a spot on Top Gear going.

Lets also take a minute to thank the lord it wasn't Harry.

And look I know I might be appearing a little bit flippant about the devastating news, but that is "The Story of My Life", and I will always remember when "You & I" danced all night to the 'Best Song Ever", and "One Way or Another" there will be another boy band who will try and "Steal my Girl's" heart, because it is always the "Little Things" "That Make you Beautiful". And there is nothing wrong with having a crush on a boy band, because you know what they say- we have to "Live Why We're Young." 

Thank you.

Now lets take a moment to remember Zayne, and all those little things. 

You know how some times you accidentally go shopping?

I made a vow last pay that I would only buy one thing- well theoretically two things, because I was only allowed to buy a new pair of running shoes. Brooks Adrenalin for the bargain price of $220. I am actually being sarcastic here because I would never normally spend $220 on a pair of shoes. Especially shoes that I wear in the rain and in dirt, and to add insult to injury they are not even pretty.

   I mean seriously who wears purple and orange together?

So I was being very good. On the weekend I only bought the shoes. Oh and a skirt. But it was from Kmart and it only was $20 which we all know is PRACTICALLY FREE.

So today I was my mum's support person for the day. My mission was to keep my mum's mind off the fact that my dad was in surgery today. The day went something like this.

1. Wake up- message running buddy. Not running today. Still suffering from ocean swim from hell in Sundays' triathlon.
2. Go back to sleep
3. Wake up with cat sticking his claws into my arm. 
4. Yell at cat.
5. Get up- tell Indi I am taking her to school. She gets all confused and I can tell she is trying not to look disappointed that she is not going to Before School Care.
6. Pick up mum go and have a coffee
7. Read an email from a shop(because they seem to be the only emails I get) saying that a "must have" for Autumn is a pair of dressy tracky pants. Start thinking I really  "Must Have" a pair of dressy tracky pants.
8. Go to Claremont Quarter ( a flash shopping centre). Go to Seed. Find a pair of dressy tracky pants. Forgot I am not allowed to buy anything. (Actually that is I lie. I remembered but chose to ignore it.) Buy pants. But I do put down the shoes which I silently congratulate myself on.

   

   These are the pants. Cute!!

   
   

   

   These are the shoes. Are they a sneaker or a slip on? Who can tell?Super cute and functional

9. Get excited when my mum says" Can we just pop into Witchery?" CAN WE POP INTO WITCHERY???? Is chocolate delicious? Is it the best new ever that Prince Harry is coming to live in Perth for a month?? HELL YEAH!!!!
10. Remember that I have a $15 voucher at Witchery. Try to find something in Witchery that will cost $15"ish". Instead find 2 black tops. But different because one has short sleeves and one has long sleeves. So COMPLETELY different. And they cost nothing close to $15. Whoops. But a positive is that I got another $15 voucher. 
11. Leave feeling very happy with not an ounce of shoppers remorse. Because there is always next pay day. Right?

So next week- No.Buying. Clothes..... But I do really need some new shoes for work. And I never said anything about shoes.

How to deal with disappointment, in a few simple steps.

Disappointment my old friend, good to see you again. I am usually a very up beat person, and I do try to see the bright side of things, but sometimes disappointment rears it's ugly head. In my case it made an appearance on Friday when I found out I didn't get a job I have been doing, love doing and thought I was doing a good job at. 

I actually thought that if I didn't get the job I would 
a. cry, 
b. throw a few things, 
c. swear and 
d. storm out and slam the door. 
Kind of like this..

Surprisingly I did none of these things. I took the news quite well, and smiled a lot and nodded my head as I heard the feedback. At least I think I did, but in reality my face probably was more like this.

The worst part of not getting a job that everyone knows you are going for is that you have to tell everyone. So I walked to the corners of the school and told everyone. Although by the time I got to the final corners of the school everyone already knew anyway. I told everyone I was fine and it was ok, when really I was a bit like this.

So how did I deal with the disappointment? Here are some tips.

1. Keep saying "It's ok." Because eventually you might believe it.
2. Realise that when people say " Everything happens for a reason" they are trying to be supportive. Resist the temptation to say " No fucking good reason."
3. But on a sad song on in the car and sing it really loud in the car on the way home. If some one looks at you feel free to wind down the window and say " What???? Never seen a sad person before?"
4. Go to the bottle shop and buy a bottle (oh all right, 2 bottles) of your favourite wine and a big packet of salt and vinegar chips.
5. Go to a good friends house and pressure them into drinking with you.
6. Order pizza hut pizza. And garlic bread, and funny dessert things.
7. Start getting drunk enough that you start saying what you really think about not getting the job.
8. Get up and go to the toilet and realise you are quite drunk.
   
9. Have a cry and feel a bit sorry for yourself.
   
10. Finally realise that you are actually really drunk and really should go home.
    
11. No really- put the wine glass down and go home.
    

And then as if by magic you wake up the next day and you feel kind of ok. The things that is heartwarming is that your friends always say the nicest things, and tell you that you are awesome.

And someone always has to come second or third right?

Well it has been a while.....

And for that I am sorry. All I can say is that when life decides to shit on you, it really does shit on you. And that sums up my last few weeks really.

Without going into too much detail, because it is not all my own story to tell, my family has been hit with an illness, two members of my family have had a car accident (it was not either of our fault. seriously), I fell off my bike ( in front of lots of people during a triathlon) I cried during a staff meeting ( I am still mortified), people who I chose to leave in the past insist on still rearing their ugly heads, and I am not sleeping. I have also finished the series of Breaking Bad and I have a very big void in my life. I am missing Jessie Pinkman.

 I am also so far behind in The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and The Celebrity Apprentice that I have almost lost interest. Almost.

Times like this are interesting because it is quite easy to fall into the " Holy shit my life is shit" frame of mind. But I struggled to make myself see the bright side. And it went something like this

• I got to see One Direction. I love One Direction in an almost creepy kind of way. But they are just so cute. And the concert had fire works. Harry Styles and fireworks. Sigh

• My life is usually pretty damn awesome. My life is usually sunshine and lollipops. Right now it is overcast and anchovies. And no one likes anchovies. But they do dissolve when you cook them.
• I now have a cleaning lady.
• I am really loving work at the moment. Finally I can see where the saying " Love what you are doing and you will never work a day in your life"comes from. Work does not seem like work right about now. Even when parents are swearing at me. My catch phrase has become " Yes - I can hear that you are upset."
• I have realised once again that my friends are pretty damn awesome. They are caring, funny and supportive. My friends and work buddies are the very best.
• When I wake up in the morning I find my kitty cats and puppy dogs asleep on my bed. This makes me so happy it it almost pathetic.
• When you are sad it is perfectly acceptable to drink too much alcohol and have a little cry. No one judges you for being a boozehag, they just pat you on the back and say " Oh you poor thing".
• 
  
  
• 
  
• I have been so busy/ overwhelmed I have not had a chance to get bored/frustrated/annoyed with My Kitchen Rules. Which is good because it means I still like it.
• I can now successfully swim in the ocean without swallowing half the ocean. And this is good. 
• For 24 hours I was really happy because I heard that Prince Harry was dating Emma Watson. If Prince Harry has to date an Emma and it can't be me- it can be her. And then she said it wasn't true. Still hope for me.
• 
• I have discovered Goggle Box on the tele. And it is HILARIOUS.
• When you are sad your husband will go to the shops and buy you jam and cream doughnuts. And he won't eat them before you get to them.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Did I mention that I have a cleaning lady?

So when you life is feeling a little bit miserable- know that no matter how crappy you days have been just think of me. Because mine has been worse. But it can only get better...

MKR Night 2, or the great smoked fiasco.

Wow- did we all survive last nights excitement? I admit to being a little underwhelmed, but figured that seeing as they are in my home town, I had better watch. I love playing the guessing game of trying to work out where they live. 

We open to a beautiful view of the river. I am thinking maybe Manning? My cousin texts me, she tells me it is North Perth. They are shopping at their Coles. We then move to a montage of them fishing on the beach, because they love the beach. I have decided I really don't like them, even though she is wearing a Wheels and Dollbaby dress. They are shopping in Leederville and she is jumping in the street. She is really annoying. Like really.  

They choose their fish. And she jumps again. They choose their crayfish, she dances again. And then they run to the car. Then they run through Coles. Then she skips. Then she runs back to the car. She says she is getting hot. Maybe she should stop running. She runs into the house anyway. Kat really needs to step away from the Red Bull. They tell us once again that they love they beach. 

Cooking starts and Kat is getting stressed now, he is cooking. She is smoking her Cod. I am beginning to understand why she has so many jobs. She is obnoxious. They are worried they are going to oversmoke their Cod. I know they are worried because they music is very suspenseful. 

The guests arrive, they talk about how harsh they are going to be. The Texan drawls and the Mean Girls are mean. They all squeal, people are "amped", and everyone is being nice to everyone's faces. There are lots of "wows' and we are told once again there is a beachy theme.  Ash tells everyone that she "froths for scallops" - (what does that even mean?), and that the cutlery is wrong. 

The boy ( I can't remember his name but she calls him Babe a lot) tells us that if he doesn't cook the fish properly...it will be raw. God help me. Hurry up Pete and Manu. They arrive looking like Tuco's cousins in matching suits . Thats the Breaking Bad reference for tonight. 

This is Tuco's Cousins

This is Pete and Manu

While we are waiting for the entree Camilla and Manu are talking French. I am starting to feel awkward. Please let the entree arrive.

                            
Entree is Smoked Cod with Crunchy Mash and Cabbage and Leek.  Babe and Babe are happy. Will it be smoky enough????? OMG! Ash can't smell the smoke! and the portions are small!!! The Tuco's cousins  are looking at each other... and.......... the mash is bland and the cod is not smoked enough. Damn. Pete tells them about Paleos, sorry ratios. Babe and Babe are no longer happy. Everyone else just keeps saying smoked. Smoked, smoked,smoked.

Lets get onto the main. This  is actually a crayfish ravioli. It would appear that Channel 7 doesn't think much of it either because they have cut off the picture. I actually really wish they would bring out the main course because now Annie is being annoying. She is also talking about her love of musicals. I am starting to think that maybe Lloyd is perhaps gay. Main is taking FOREVER. So Robert has time to tell a story. The moral of the story is that cows can bite.

Meanwhile in the kitchen the pasta is drying out, Kat can't count, her hand gestures are getting more severe, it is all turning to shit. The guests have been waiting for 2 hours. Everyone is hungry. Oh dear they are going to be even more hungry after the main, they are only getting 2 ravioli. 

The Tuco twins are not happy. Neither are the Babes. The guests are good though. They like nothing better than the other teams stuffing up. The dish was crap and under cooked. Now lets not speak of it ever again.

The Chocolate tarts are looking the bomb. How can you go wrong with a chocolate tart with Raspberries and creams??? You can make it too small thats how.I can see a Maccas run on the way home, with a Red Rooster chaser. Manu tells them they are stingy. Pete is pissed (because he is breaking his paleo for this?????).

The scores are harsh all round. They hit the bottom of the leaderboard. If I have said it once I will say it again. Lets never talk of this again... 

Tomorrow night is the Cowboy from Texas, and his daughter who doesn't talk. I just hope he cooks faster than he speaks.

MKR 2015 Edition.

I'm not going to lie- I am writing this begrudgingly. I am still a little bit dark with the old MKR because as some of you know I had a phone interview to be a contestant on this series. Apparently I failed the interview (as my friend Nicole- who was to be my partner keeps reminding me). So I can already hear the contempt and judgement in my voice before the show even begins.

I am coming into this blind because I don't watch a whole lot of commercial tv these days, so I know almost nothing about the contestants at all. In fact the only thing MKR I know lately is the one of the judges- Pete Evens cracked it at a promotional event because people were not listening. He has obviously never been in a classroom. But I know why he is so angry. It is because the poor man is hungry. Man can not live on Paleo alone. There is a reason those cave men died you know.

So MKR 2015- Lets do this.

We start with a montage, quotes, tears,and people getting 10's. You know- the usual.Two minutes in and someone has already said " going to smash this." Which we all know is code for- "Oh no they're not"

First cabs off the rank are Jac and Shaz. They are in their 40's are from Mt Isa in Queensland and are party mums (aren't we all girls, aren't we all) They don't do any of that fancy pants nonsense.  They also have the thickest Australian accents I have ever heard.Which juxtaposes well with Manu's french accent and the Texan who we haven't met yet. Jac and Shaz also say " Hey" which is Queensland for " Isn't that right."

Well Mt Isa  (sorry Mt Izzza) looks delightful. As someone who has been there, I don't remember it quite looking like that. Oh God- Shaz sells Thermomix. And Jac's owns an exclusive boutique. Second cliche of the night- They cook "honest food". I'm still not sure what that is. Shaz also talks like everything thing ?she says? is a question? And raises every last? Syllable?

So on the menu today is Zucchini and Potato Rosti Stack with Smoked Salmon and Creme Fraiche. Main is Rack of Lamb with Crushed Potatoes (what is wrong with just a good old fashioned potato? Why must it be smashed or crushes or cracked?) and Lemon Green Beans . Desert is a Pear and Walnut crumble.  With and added surprise of gorgonzola. That is a surprise. A gross surprise. Like finding gorgonzola in your crumble.

Restaurant " Stack" is prepared and the girls hit the kitchen. Third cliche for the night " It's real" has just been wheeled out.  Meanwhile the girls get started on their 'Stack" get it? Shaz starts bossing Jac- but she loves it (her words). Look not much is happening really. They seem to have it all under control. Damn it. Or do they????

The guest arrive and already we have seen that Ash and Camilla are going to be the bitches for the series. And not just because they are socialites. How exactly do you become a socialite? Do you study it at TAFE or something? Ash is also a bit of an Alpha female. They love French and European. They go to Polo and the Races. They are food snobs and are educated and well travelled. They are also in their 20's. Therefore they know EVERYTHING. 

The doorbell rings and we slip into about the 50th bloody song of the episode (the royalties they are paying for this soundtrack must be HUGE). 51st song and everyone is happy with the restaurant. They ..... NAILED IT (cliche number 4)

Some on in this photo is from Texas. Can you guess who?

Robert and Lynzey are father and daughter. He talks real slow because he is from Texas. Oh and a cowboy. Lyndzey is a care worker and a champion athlete. Robert is an art teacher when he is not being a cowboy.

Back in the kitchen and disaster has struck. THE ROSTI IS SOGGY!!! And yep- you guessed it- if they don't get it in the oven it won't cook. 

This is Annie and Lloyd . They are high school sweethearts. He wants to be a Doctor and she is crazy (her words). She likes having theme dinners. She also says kwirky a lot. And she likes pink. She also works in fashion. They are 23. She wants to get engaged. 

This is Kat and Andre. He is a car salesman, I can't tell you what she does because she bores me already. They fish and like to cook what they get out of the ocean. They like having fun and want to open a deli. She is messy and he is neat. They had better be good because as they are from WA they should be Emma and Nicole. (who says I'm bitter?)

Gina and Anna are from ACT- they are mother and daughter, they work together and they are best friends. They box  and do boot camp and are not intimidated by anyone. They play to win. They sell school uniforms. They are also annoying.

The Hyundai arrives- the doorbell rings and Pete and Manu raise their eyebrows at each other. They kiss Shaz and Jac and  they are wearing complimentary jackets. Everyone is shocked that Pete and Manu are there (really? You are on MKR and you are shocked that Pete and Manu are there?). Pete is looking as sparkling as only someone with no carbs, sugar or fat in their body can look. 

We go through the menu. Everyone has a nasty comment to make, and Ash is being a super bitch. Someone also says they need to "bring it" (cliche number 5). Robert says nothing nasty,because he is from Texas. Ash wants them to smoke their own salmon. Because she can smoke her own salmon. I can smoke my own cigarette (but only when I'm really, really drunk).

The Stacks are up YO (had to get the Breaking Bad reference in there somewhere). Shaz and Jac are happy. Pete is happy, or is he???........... YES!!! Pete is happy (you trickster) Cue the happy soundtrack.

 Manu says that stacks are dated, but then the happy piano piece of music starts, and even though we need some salt, pepper and lemon-  we are HAPPY! Cue the happy song. Ash is disappointed  that they didn't smoke the salmon. I am disappointed she didn't straighten her hair.

Back to the kitchen. The lamb is cooked, but the smashed, cracked or whatever they are potatoes are hard.  Meanwhile at the table Ash is making weird looks with her eyes and it talking about shiraz.  I'm not going to lie- that lamb is not looking flash. It looks sort of like the plastic lamb chops that you get in a kids supermarket play set. And that is not good. At the table Gina shocks everyone by saying she likes her lamb medium to well done.  Manu picks himself up of the floor. Robert tells cowboy stories. He has lots of stories. He also says things like " a cat on a basket ball" I like that.

Back in the kitchen we are having a sauce / presentation dilemma. They are worried it says Sunday Roast. I am thinking it says a whole lamb on a plate. Those portions are HUGE. Manu doesn't like his lamb. And his potatoes are crushed but uncooked.  Pete is also not happy. And neither is anyone else. At this stage I am also convinced that Ash has spent a lot of time practising her facial expressions in the mirror. She would give Jim Carey a run for his money.

Manu has hit the kitchen. They drop the blue cheese bombshell on Manu. He is concerned. This is turning into Gorgonzola Gate. Dessert is ready... They put the plates down. Chaos reigns!! There is .....CHEESE ON THE CRUMBLE!!! Pete and Manu exchanged knowing glances... Manu says the flavours go together....YAY! In a cheese platter OHHHHHHH. Pete is struggling. The gorgonzola is just dominating. Got I hate it when the cheese is dominating. 

Basically everyone hates it. It was not a good surprise. But to be honest I am actually finding Annie's pink lipstick and coral blush more dominating. Her coral blush is to her lipstick what gorgonzola is to a crumble. A bad surprise.

Scores are in. They are not good. 5's and 6's across the board. Pete and Manu's scores aren't much better- 8's for entree, 5 and 4 for main, and 3 for dessert.  Total score 59. Oh dear.

Don't worry- maybe tomorrow night Kat and Andre will stuff up.  Oh bloody hell- they are going to "smash it "and high 5 each other.  I bet she wears Lorna Jane motivation singlets.

Give me strength.