Game of Thrones.....or is that Game of Confusion?

As you may have gathered by now I suffer from a disease called FOMO, or Fear Of Missing Out. Sometimes I choose to miss out of something on purpose because it just seems dumb, like Crossfit, or eating Paleo, or going to Potato Head in Bali. Game of Thrones was one such thing for me. Because it just seemed dumb. Dragons, fighting, battles, blah, blah, blah. In addition to that everyone was talking about it and it was driving me nuts. I got sick to death of having to move tables at recess because it was all anyone could talk about it, and I had no bloody idea what a Khaleesi was.

This is a Khaleesi. She is the Mother of Dragons.

At this stage my FOMO kicked in and I was seriously worried that there was something important I was missing out on. I used the excuse that as a Media teacher I should watch and see what the fuss was about and why this show was becoming an obsession, when to me it just had nerd (albeit a naked nerd) written all over it.

The first episode did not go well. Sure there was nudity, there was some dead people walking, some beheadings, a pretty queen, a big fat king, names that all sounded the same, lots of whores (their words not mine), a brother touching up his naked sister and a brother having sex with his sister, and horses, wolves and ravens. I was very confused- and this confusion was not going anytime soon. 

This pretty much sums up each episode.

Everyone told me to stick with it. It gets better. So I watched the second, third and fourth episode and before I knew it I had finished the whole series. And I still wasn't sure if I liked it or not, but the one thing GoT does very well is that they do an awesome cliffhanger. So before I knew it I had watched all four series and was an addict. Around the third series I decided I didn't just like it. I liked it a lot. By the second last episode I was crying " you know nothing Jon Snow" and by the last I was screaming " Kill him! Kill him!" at the computer screen.

So I thought that  in true media teacher style I would assess GoT for you all. (In list form of course)

1. Your narrative is really, really confusing. Perhaps you could consider supplying all you viewers with a map and a family tree. Or perhaps a nice hyperlink to the GoT wiki page.

2. Your choice of names is really not consistent. I mean really one family has a Tyrion, a Cersei and a Jamie. Another has a Sansa, Arya, Bran, Rickon and then Robb? Maybe if you are going to be creative with the names, stay that way.

Tyrion, Cersei and Jamie.

3. While I am at your choice of names, maybe some sound a little the same. By calling an evil character Cersei and the sweet lady Sansa is a little confusing, as is Tyrion and Tywin.

4. Have you thought about subtitles? ( This is actually not so silly. A work friend watched the show with the subtitles on so he can understand what the bloody hell is going on.)

5. You made all you characters walk. A lot. Had the wheel not been invented by then?

6.Well done on using actress with real boobs. Not an implant in sight. Well done. ( My only concern is that if you keep killing off everyone at the rate you are going, there is not going to be any natural boobed actresses left.)

7. Jon Snow. Well done.

8. I won't give anything away, but really- one of the toughest characters dies from a festering wound? The first battle he ever loses is to a bit of bacteria?

9. Winter seems to have been coming for a really, really long time.

10. No one could have mentioned to poor little Arya that her sister was just inside the castle? That poor kids has seen no family for 4 seasons and no one is going to tell her that her sister is inside?

11. Joffrey. Well what a nasty piece of work he was. I think you based his character on someone I used to work with.

12. Due to your frequent dealing with the issues of incest, sex,  and violence I feel I may need to refer you to the school councillor .

13. Were the ravens really that clever? 

14. Your male characters kind of all look the same. Like they could be hipster baristas when the show is not filming.

This is Jon Snow and Robb Stark 

This is a Barista.

15. Well done on not following a classic narrative. I will now have to go back and reteach all my classes that the protagonist sometime does dies.

16. An evil character dying on the toilet. Gold.

17. Ygritte and Jon Snow. Was there really no other option? Couldn't there be SOME happiness.

18. Tyrian Lannister.  Good work on reinforcing the fact that women find a sense of humour the most attractive feature in a male.

19. Khaleesi, your mother of dragons is perhaps being a little too perfect, except she may have a slight issue with her eyesight, because she didn't seem to notice that when Daario came back, he was a completely different person.

Dario went from this....

to this... and no one noticed???

20. Jon Snow. Well done. Yes I know I have mentioned him before but he is worth mentioning twice.

I guess when you look like this, you don't have to know anything.

Well done on an engaging if not at times very disturbing bit of television. Whilst your narrative was a bit slow to start, it definitely picked up speed towards the conclusion. 

So there you have it. If you are going to watch the show, may I strongly recommend that you cancel your plans for the next few weeks. You have been warned.


all images via the amazingly creative people at Pinterest.