Happy Mother's Day

So it's Mother's Day. That one day of the year were your family spoil you rotten and you don't feel guilty about taking to your bed with a box of chocolate to watch episodes on Great British Bake Off (that Paul Hollywood is so attractive in an older  man weird kind of way).

Yes- those are their real names.

Being a mum is an amazing thing. For so many reasons. So, so many things.  As I have said before, I have been a mother now for 20 years, so I feel very qualified to report on the issue of what makes motherhood so amazing. 

You will always have someone to worry about. Yep. It doesn't matter if they are 9 or 19, motherhood means that you will have an eternal lifetime of worry. 

You will always have a messy room in your house. That room would be your child's room. And please don't whinge about how messy your child's room is messy when they are young. That is nothing compared to what it will look (and smell) like when they hit teenageness.

You will continue to learn. Because you will have homework to do.  Reading is the worst. In fact I would say that doing reading with young children could be used as a form of torture. Until of course they get to Year 11 or 12, or in my case Year 8 and you have no idea how to do those Maths problems. (and why they are important- isn't that why God invented calculators.)

You will reach a stage when the only conversation you have with your children is " What's for dinner" or lunch, or what time will it be ready. You should also be aware that they will usually almost always not like what you are making, and when you make something super awesome they will ask for 2 minute Noodles.

You will have every decision you make regarding your children judged by others. Who will not be afraid to tell you why your parenting decisions are wrong. You will be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

You will be expected to get you hair cut into a mummy bob when you have your first child. You will then reach a stage when you ask your self " What the bloody hell did I do that for?" It is not easier. Putting your hair in a pony tail is easy.

                  To mum bobs we say no! ( but we all did it)

You will enrol your child in play group, dancing lessons, swimming lessons, art lessons and music lessons. And then you will have you second or third and realise no one has time for that shit.

You will learn all the songs to The Wiggles, Dora, or "insert the name of whatever childrens show is popular at the time". You will also remember the words to the songs for the rest of your life.

You will never get to either go to the toilet or have a shower on your own.

You will never have anything of your own ever again. You will have to share everything. Even your food. It is however important to remember that this is not reciprocated. This is especially true of iPads, your phone and your hidden stash of chocolate. 

You will suffer from a syndrome called " Mother's Guilt."  This syndrome hits with nearly every decision you make where you may not put the needs of the child first, like going back to work, or going to Bali with your book club. Actually that ones a lie, I never feel bad going to Bali. That's special mummy time.

You will become embarrassing and uncool. 

You will have to go to places with other peoples children, like those indoor playgrounds.

You will be externally tired, both physical and mentally. Like all the time.

You will drink a lot.

But

You will always have an excuse to go to a kids movie or a reason for knowing the words to any song from the Frozen soundtrack.

You still get to go to go parties where there is fairy bread, sausage rolls, birthday cake and lolly bags.

You will always have an excuse to get out of things you don't want to go too.  "Sorry I can't get a baby sitter." No one can argue with that.

Oh and you will have some amazing little people who you will love unconditionally for the rest of your life. You will be proud of them and think that they are the smartest, funniest and most wonderful people in the world.

Did I mention you will drink a lot?

Happy Mothers Day everyone!