So you fancy being a High School Teacher?

When I tell people that I am teacher the conversation usually goes like this:
" What do you do?"
" I'm a teacher."
"Oh lucky, you get lots of holidays."
"Yes I do" (then I start rambling about how I work during my holidays blah, blah, blahs trying to justify myself)
" So Primary then?"
"No. High School."
" Oh my God, are you crazy? I could NEVER do that."
About this stage I want to ask if they finally get the holidays thing, but I don't.

So yes, I am a High School teacher. I never wanted to be a High School teacher. I wanted to be a presenter on Kids television, a journalist, or a Princess. Unfortunately there were no spots on Play School, my years of not taking school seriously (what do you mean school is for learning? I thought it was where you went to talk to your friends and perved on the boys at the school next door) meant that my score was not high enough to get into journalism and as Charles and Diana were still married the role of Princess was taken.

                Damn you Diana. It should have been me. 

So teaching it was. My first choice was Primary but I didn't get in, soooo High School . I got my degree and then decided there was no bloody was I was going to teach, so I decided to pack away my degree and embark on a career in retail. The out of the blue 10 years later I got a phone call from a friend (Hi Netsie) who asked if I could help a friend out and do some teaching work. I can hear all the new Grads thinking " Bloody Hell if only it was that easy to get a job now."So since 2000 I have been back teaching. And I really like it (most of the time). I was only thinking the other day about how Mum and Dad used to say " If only you spent as much time studying as you do watching television and movies." The irony that I now spend my days teaching film and television.

So what is good about teaching teenagers?

Teenagers are funny. They don't realise that they are funny.

You learn lots of really good words. You just have to make sure that a. you don't use them (sooo uncool) and b. If you take the risk and use it you understand what it means and when the word has had  it's used by date. For example words of the moment are " Bra" meaning friend and "Soss" meaning sorry. For example: 'Soss Bra" means "Sorry friend that I use stupid words."

Wear a t-shirt like this. I dare you.

You will also be advised of every single mistake you ever make. You are normally advised of this by the student who can't spell to save their lives, or doesn't do any work at all.  My excuse is that I teach Media, Media is an Arts subject, Arts is creative, therefore I spell creatively.

You get called Mum. A lot. This provides the best opportunity to embarrass the youngsters. I usually reply with " Haha you called me mum!" Only joking. I normally say " Yes sweetheart." The students also tend to think you are their mum because they expect you to do everything for them. This can also include giving them pens to write with and on the odd occasion money for the bus or lunch. They also expect you to find everything. 

You become the Queen of multi-tasking, you will be able to hear 7 different conversations, teach someone how to upload a video, fix the SD card in a video camera and have 6 different kids yelling MISS, MISS, all at the same time.

You get asked really really weird questions. Like " How tall is Kayne West?" or ' What do teachers talk about in the staffroom." or " Is there a cool table in the staff room and who sits on it."The reply is always- "That's why God invented Google." The best questions get asked when you are teaching Sex Ed. For obvious reasons.

Google. We tell you to look at Google.

It builds your own resilience, because everyone needs to understand what it feel like to talk to a brick wall. You also would be surprised how many times you can say the same thing. Apparently teenagers feel that as a teacher you just talk because you like to hear your own voice.

You learn about disappointment. Like when you plan the most amazing lesson, and then you ask " Any questions?" a hand goes up and they ask to go to the toilet. They then will tell you that the lesson is gay. Soul D.E.S.T.R.O.Y.I.N.G. At this stage I must clarify that I tell them that that word is not acceptable to be used in that context, because my lesson is neither happy or homosexual. I usually get blank stares back. Actually I get blank stares a lot.

You get free fashion advice everyday. Things like " You wore that yesterday" or "What are you wearing today Miss?" or my personal favourite  "You normally look nice Miss, but not today."

You will always be told if you are not looking too flash. I have been asked if I am sick or tired (No I have just not put on much make up) if I have slept in because my hair look messy, and asked why I am wearing glasses (they make you look a bit nerdy Miss.)

You get to experience those awkward moment when you see students outside of school. It is amazing how just 10m out of the school grounds can make things incredibly awkward. It is almost like a race to see who can look the other way fastest.

You get told when you are breaking the school rules. " Miss, Red Bull is not allowed" or " No mobile phones Miss." Unfortunately this does not work both ways. If you tell them they are breaking school rules, get ready for the eye rolls and big sighs. This is especially when you are talking uniform. My favourite is when they say that teachers should have to wear the uniform. I normally say " I wouldn't be seen dead in those pants." No I don't. (actually yes I do, I then follow it up with " I wore a shirt, tie, blazer, skirt, stockings and lace up shoes, so stop complaining about a bloody jumper)

Sometimes you will get sworn at and on the odd occasion I have had a chair thrown at me. This really prepares you for life. You have lived until you have been called a F*&^%N C$^T. Once again these moments are good to mention this bit when someone bangs on about the holidays I have.

You have a genuine excuse for having a drinking problem (that's how they should advertise the job)

Finally...the best things about working with teenagers is that they know EVERYTHING. Remember that and you will be fine. You should probably remember that they can smell fear as well.