OMG- I have just realised that in 2014 I am a failure as a wife and mother. And person. (well according to Instagram)

and ignore Instagram 

This realisation hit me yesterday when I was looking and Instagram. One was a famous (god it kills me to call her that) WAG, the other was a sort of friend of a friend of mine. I looked at their amazing Instagramed life and realised I was shit. 

Let me start was the sort of friend of a friend of mine. I don't know why I look at her Instagram because everything about her annoys the shit out of me. In fact I think that may be the reason I look at it. Be honest we all have that friend who the only reason we keep on Facebook is because their posts wind us up. Or maybe I am just jealous because her life looks....coordinated. With aviator sunnies and coordinated exercise wear.

One day I will wear co-ordinated exercise wear

So this friend of a friend had a few new images. One of her daughters wardrobe that she had just organised. All dresses, all flowery and cute, all designer, all colour coordinated. With coordinated shoes and hair clips. Crap parent moment number one. My daughters clothes come from Kmart and Target. She owns about one dress which is only ever worn when all her leggings are dirty. Sometimes her curly hair is so matted we have to detangle the dreadlocks with oil. Some days the dreadlocks as so bad I can't do anything. We have to whack it up in a ponytail and hope for the best. Hell my oldest daughter refused to wear shoes for the first two years of her life. What chance did I have of getting a clip in her hair. I can't even get a clip in the dogs fur.

This is what a lunch box looks like in 2014.

Her second image was of her daughters "Bento" box that they took shopping. It had a selection of a sandwich which had a teddy bears face stamped into it, a piece of watermelon cut into the shape of an umbrella with a stripy straw as the handle, and some grapes with animal toothpicks in it. Here is my issue. Firstly It is not a freakin Bento Box, it is a LUNCH BOX. You can jazz it up anyway you want to but it is a plastic box,with food. This makes it a LUNCH BOX. And while I'm onto it why do kids need a Bento Box to go shopping? Don't you just buy them a tub of hot chips to shut them up for the trip? This women also makes her daughters toast in the morning with bananas and blueberries shaped into teddy bears. Indi gets a piece of toast with a bit of butter and vegemite slapped on it.

Whilst my daughters lunch looks like this.

The final nail in the "you really a failing at parenting and be a wife" was the image of the 'Grazing platter" she made for her and her husband to eat while they watched the tv. Actually I am assuming it is the tv, but it is probably not. It is probably something wonderful. Anyway. A GRAZING PLATE???? Bloody hell, if it is just me and my husband I just crack open a box of BBQ shapes, or may a packet of chips if I am feeling fancy.

All you need for a crazy night in front of the tele.

The WAG Instagram leaves me bamboozled. She is glam, so skinny even after having a baby, and has all her shit together. 20 years into mothering I am nowhere close to having my shit together. She can wear high heels. AND leggings as pants. She does work though. As a bloody travel presenter. No dealing with smelly teenagers for her. Just planes and five star hotels for this one.

I think what needs to happen is for there to be a "Realagram" where people have to spend a whole day posting the reality of their life, not just the good bits. The bits where you realised you have had your stockings on inside out all day , or where you are trying to pick up the dog poop which is really runny because you fed them cheesecake the night before. (which for the record is not a good idea. It gives them diarrhoea and makes them vomit) Or  the image of you in you flannelette jammies, with thermal ski sock, an old t-shirt and jumper on because it is so damn cold. Or maybe the meal of two minute noodles that you are feeding your kids because you can't be bothered cooking, and that is really all they want anyway.

Damn you Instagram

And your buddy Pinterest

Now if you will excuse me I am off to prepare Indi's Bento Box for tomorrow, and lay out my exercise wear for the morning. Jokes, I made her pack her own LUNCH box, with not a watermelon umbrella in sight. And I have no matching exercise wear anyway. And you know what? I think we will be ok.