The Bachelor- the episode with all the fairy lights.

Oh my gosh I am excited, and not just because the promos have been telling me that this is going to be a top episode! The thought of Laurina (she of the compromised dignity) having a date at bowling alley is going to make my day. Now as much as I don't like Laurina all that much, I think she and Blake may have a "connection", as seeing as it came out during the week that Blake Bachelor was on the chess team at school, I am thinking Mr Smooth Chocolate, may have not always been so smooth, so maybe he is smitten by Laurinas looks.

Aww Bless- its the baby bachelor.

Anyway enough of these two for a while. Lets begin with the girls sitting around having a chat about the dates. Is it a double? Is it a single? Amber is whining because she hasn't had a single date. Maybe because she is a whiny pain in the Canadian butt. 

Oshie is here, with a BOMBSHELL - No group date this week, but in its place we have three single dates, with the girls Blake thinks he has a connection with. Rather than open the envelopes they sit around trying to guess who it is. Date 1 is Sam. Amber is pissed. Sam needs to shave her legs. Date 2 is Lauren. Amber is really pissed. Date 3 is......Laurina. Amber "Are you kidding me?" is now really, really pissed. And she is getting her mean on.

Date 1 - Sam is the first girl to get a second single date. She gets Blake all to her self. It is going to be special. Blake talks about wanting to know about their connection and their future. Blake dude, seriously I can tell you. She is into you, she wants to be with you, she has a connection with you, she wants as many kids as you do, and even though she is young she is ready to settle down.  They go on a helicopter (am I the only person that would hate this date?) so the show can have its quota of Sydney Harbour shots. Then they hit the polo club for a very stylised picnic. Blake feeds Sam strawberries. Then he asks her the questions he asked her on the other date (is he getting his girls mixed up or am I).

Back at the mansion (I use that term very loosely-big house maybe?) Laurina is saying that Sam is young, and she is worried that her and Blakes connection is suffering.

Back on the date, Sam sits on a swing, Blake gives her a rose, which can only mean one thing. They are totally going to pash. Even though Blake is wearing a very ugly suit. They pash a lot. And I mean A LOT.

Date 2- It's Laurens time. Blake rocks up in his red sporty car ( I don't know or care what it is, I really believe that men don't realise that only other men are impressed by sporty cars.) They arrive at some place with fairy lights  and Pizza Hut table cloths and then they start drinking, which means good times are ahead. Look at the risk of sounding like my mum- she has dreadful table manners. Not a good sign Blake. I can now also see why the wine has come out. Man is she boring. I understand why she has never had a partner before. But she does think there is a connection. WHAT???? Blake is giving her a rose? Oh Blake come on. Seriously????

Chuck on a red checked table cloth, a bowl of spaghetti and a glass of red wine, and you have an Italian experience. That table cloth is probably the most exciting thing about that date.

Date 3 and it is finally Laurina time. She looks beautiful, but I think she forgot to put on her skirt. She has styled herself to within a inch of her life (remember she is a fashion entrepreneur - nope still no idea what that actually is). She is so excited and then they arrive at the Bowling alley. Laurina is doing an Amber. She is pissed and suddenly not all that excited. And not only is she having to weari bowling shoes she is wearing VELCRO bowling shoes.  Blake is having fun. Laurina is not having fun. But then she sees that her chances of being Mrs Bachelor is slipping so she reverts back to charming Laurina.

Back at the really big house Lisa, Sam and Chantel are going crazy and playing uno, drinking tea and eating bickies, whilst bitching about Laurina and her high maintenance ways.

Back at the date they are heading to a celeb hangout. Harry's Cafe de Wheels. This is an iconic food van and they sell my two favourite foods- pies and hotdogs. But we are not talking just pies and hotdogs- we are talking the fancy smancy business. Pies like this

                    

 This is the "Harrys Tiger" A pie, mash and mushy peas with gravy- thats all your food groups right there.

 This is the Hotdog de Wheels. A frankfurt, chilli con carne, garlic onions, with a cheese and chilli sauce. NO WORDS.

Laurina is now getting upset, because they only serve dirty pies, and they don't have soy milk, so she has to have a NORMAL MILK CAPPUCINO. What is this 1980?  She is now in tears, which I understand because as I am on my diet, I would kill for one of those pies. 

                            "But there is no soy milk!

Continuing with the fairy light theme of the episode they move to a park bench, and Blake surprises Laurina with her dog. Bambi the chi-wow-wa (yes I spelt it wrong, but thats how it should be spelt) BUT NO ROSE.

Here is little Bambi. 

Back at the big house, the girls are still bitching about Laurina, Amber "are you kidding me" is going nuts, because the effing dog has a date, but not her. 

Cocktail Party time!  

The girls are sitting around bitching about each other . Mostly about Amber. Amber is bitching about not being on a date. Oh hang on now she is crying. And her tears have made a little line in her foundation.

It's Rachel birthday so Blake takes her outside for a bevie. Amber is whining. She is still banging on about not having a date. Rachel comes back, Amber now thinks it is her time to talk to Blake. She has cracked it. Again. Laurina gets a chat. Once again Laurina seems to have forgotten the bottom part of her outfit. Back inside after the chat, and Blake grabs Jess. Amber "Are you kidding me"is crying again.  SHE WANTS ANSWERS ( umm you are on a dating show, competing with other women for the true love of the same man?)

Finally after the producers tell him to go and find her, Blake goes and finds Amber. It is time to clear the air. Basically the air is this Amber- "Blake just isn't that into you, and the only reason you are still here is because you make really good television, but now that you are turning into a completely unhinged pyscho and because of this show you may never find a partner ever again it is probably best you leave."

Blake puts her in the car and off she goes.  Over the bridge and far far away. 

Oshie is back (has he dyed his hair?) and tells the girls that Blake has told Amber that she is a complete psycho and they have no connection and she has gone. The girls are pretending to be sad. And tonight there is going to be no rose ceremoany. And Laurina goes to bed.