You hear that? That is the sound of nothing. What you should be hearing is the sound of my heart breaking with the news that today you got married. Well Mr Clooney let me tell you. I don't care. Not even a little teeny tiny bit.
I think you lost a bit of your appeal once you got engaged. You were never meant to get engaged! Every single woman in the Western World was waiting for you to finally meet them. Once you committed to someone that made you..kind of....normal.
And then the one you picked. Some fancy schmancy Human Rights lawyer, who also happens to be beautiful. With not a blonde hair, or wrestling outfit in sight. Human Rights lawyer does not impresses me one bit. Wasn't Mr Darcy in Bridget Jones Diary a Human Rights lawyer? Such a common job. You want human rights?? Come and spend a day in the classroom with me and I will teach you about human rights.
Do we even need to talk about the fact that you got married in Venice? And it was a 5 day celebration? I've been to Venice, it just a whole heap of water and its like really old. And you have to get into boats to go anywhere unless you want to get really lost. So dumb.
I don't even care that you had celebrities there either. Who cares about Cindy Crawford, Bono, Matt Damon, Emily Blunt or Anna Wintor. Are you telling me you could't even convince Brad and Angelina to turn up? God, so ordinary.
I'm not the slightest bit interested that you sold the rights of your photos to Vogue. Vogue Spogue. If Kayne and Kim can get into Vogue , anyone can.
So Mr Clooney, in a nutshell I don't care that you got married at all.
Because nothing is forever. Right?
The happy ridiculously good looking couple. For the record I still think they look alike.
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