Wow- this episode begins with a montage of Action Man Bachelor . I think he has been doing some serious working out.
Louise is waiting in Thredbo in her ski gear, on a bridge. They look cold and hug and kiss. A lot. I do have to ask why she is wearing her snow goggles though. The have a snow fight, the ride those tube things and pretty much fulfil every snow cliche there is. And then they pash again.
Cut to the snow lodge and they are sitting in front of the fire sipping sparkling wine, and Louise is briefing Blake on her family, and he is looking shit scared. First we meet her mum, who is Louise in 30 years. Dad Terry looks a bit smooth. I think he has had his hair cut for the event. And then DISASTER! Blake spills sparkling on Smooth Terry. It is so dramatic we have to cut to an ad. Terry had to put on some new jeans, but luckily he could keep his skin tight shirt on.
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| What in God's name is Sam wearing? The family cat? |
Over dinner the family starts interrogating Action Man on why he likes Louise. (Good question brother, I wonder the same thing). Terry take Blake outside for some "special time" with Blake. Terry hopes his intentions are honourable, and Blake reassures him that they are, well as much as they can be when you are dating 3 other women.
We move on the the country now- to Sam (my favourite). They meet on a Bridge and kiss. (Hang on- didn't Louise and Blake meet on a bridge?) Then they walk around and investigate and FIND A HOT TUB!! and amazingly THEY HAVE THEIR TOGS!!! Lucky for us, the get in. At least I think Sam has her togs on, because she looks kind of naked.
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| See- I told you she looks naked. |
Out of the hot tub, Sam tells her story, about her Dad who raised her and passed away, and how she promised her dad she would raise her brothers. It just makes me like Sam even more.
The rock up to Sam's sister house, and the whole family are waiting. All 10 of them. Sam's sister cuts to the chase and whisks Blake into the kitchen for some "Special time"with Blake. While she is interrogating Blake, Sam is asking the family what they think. He has a nice hand shake. Blake tells sister that he is falling for Sam. AWWWWWWW. They all like him, even Josh, the awkward 16year old brother. Oh God this family is adorable. If Blake doesn't pick Sam, I will.
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| But they look so cute together! Don't doubt each other now! |
It's all going so well, and then the music changes, so we know something dramatic is about to happen. Sam has a major freak out. Because she remembers he is dating 3 other girls. Just call the whole think off Blake!!!!! Sell the rights to the wedding and forget the other three girls. Sam is scared, and now Blake has doubts.
Lisa's turn. She lives in Noosa, which is lucky because we have already had a snow scape, a country scape so we do need a beach scape. Blake has changed into his Ballroom dancing shirt for his interviews, or else he has been spending too much time with Louise's dad and has stolen his tight shirt look. They jump in some canoe things, because thats how they get to lunch. The arrive at a McMansion on the canals (who knew they had canals in Noosa). Bloody Hell- Lisa's family is loaded as well. Blake can pick 'em (or the producers- whatever). They go and get changed which is good because Lisa has forgotten her pants, and Blake has the before mentioned tight shirt.
The family asks the same questions all the others have, do they have a future, does he like Lisa blah, blah. Mr Lisa has made a very nice bbq. He seems very nice, but he did say "youse". But then I guess they are from Queensland.
The whole date is nice, but a bit beige. Beige with a very big house, but you don't want beige. Do you?
Jess has chosen to meet Blake at the Central Coast. She is looking very Miranda Kerr. The meet on the beach (but we did Beach already!) They have fish and chips on the pier. She says they are the best. That is not true, the fish and chip shop down the road from me makes the best fish and chips. They talk about integrating lives. The talk about relocating. She drops a bombshell. She wants to date before they move in. Blake looks sacred.
They are going to Jess's house, and after the other three homes, I can wait to see where Jess lives. They hop in the red Ford Focus (because they have't done any product placement yet) and call Jess's dad (huh?). They arrive at.....the caravan park.
Jess's dad has popped on his best flanno for the episode, and Jess's mum starts talking and all of a sudden it becomes clear where Jess gets her "sincere-ness" from. The lads go fishin, and the wind is blowing Mr Jess's hair like Beyonce with a wind machine. Blake starts digging with Mr Jess about if Jess is ready for a relationship. There is a big pause and the dramatic music is going onto overdrive, AND we go to an ad. This is going to be HUGE.
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| Where's the Ros'e? |
Yeah, ok it wasn't huge at all. He just said she will when she makes the right guy. Mum has a nervous "mum conversation". I think you can tell poor Ma and Pa Jess are not happy with what is going on. I'm bored with this dinner party. There is not enough wine on the table to make this enjoyable. They do that weird forehead kiss thing they do and then we are off to the Rose Ceremoany. Which is good because my battery is getting very low.
The girls are back at the really big house, because after seeing what these girls have come from this is not impressive at all. Oshie is here, telling the girls how his bro is not taking this decision lightly. In walks Blake and he is looking sad. The girls are looking nervous. Here we go......
Lisa will you accept this rose.
Louise will you accept this rose.
WTF either Sam or Jess is going home????? NOOOOOOOOO
Blake asks Jess to step outside. Sam looks confused. OMG- he is breaking up with her, well he is trying to get her to break up with him
You can almost hear Sam saying " WTF Blake?"
And I don't really understand what happened. Did she say she loved him or not? Then Jess tells Sam that she has no idea what is about to happen. Oh God- we are all confused.
Blakes back inside, he picks up the rose, I am typing really fast because the music is really dramatic and fast......... Blake does a really big deep breathing thing and says...... SAM. Then Blake cries. And then Jess cries. And then the make up artist cries, because they realise they forgot to do Jess's nails.
Two episodes left. Next week we head to South Africa, and then two head home.
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