The Real Boganwives of Perth

I was watching The Real Housewives of Melbourne the other day when it hit me. These women are just bogans with lots of money.  Their life is just parties, shopping and drinking. And Botox. They just party and shop in better places and drink better quality of alcohol.

This is the real cast of rhom- Gamble, Jackie, Lydia, Gina,Chyka, Janet and Pettifleur (yes really)

I decided that what Bravo needs it not another look at the lives of the rich, but a look at the real lives of wives. I came up with the idea of The Real Boganwives of Perth.  Please note that everything I say is making said in fun, and I am basing it also a bit on myself.


So my cast live in Perth in the fictional suburb of Greenfield. There is, of course, a "good" part and a "bad" part which is vital that you specify which part of Greenfield you come from. Hence it is often referenced to as East and West Greenfield. Our ladies are from East, and refer to those from the West as 'Westies". No one wants to be a Westie, not even the Westies.

Our wives all met through their children's school. They all attend the local Catholic primary school, even though none of them are Catholic or go to church. The local parish priest does a roaring trade baptising the local kids so they can get into school. Because god forbid if they go to the local state school they will mix with the Westies, and might learn some of their bad habits. Like being poor.

Our first wife is Alexis - her sister Krystal is also one of the wives. They were named after their mum's favourite tv show Dynasty. Alexis is the career girl of the wives and works as the receptionist (or office manager as she likes to call herself) at the local Law Firm. It is situated at the Greenfields Plaza and advertises on the television  and radio a lot. She dresses in powersuits which she purchases from Suzanne Grae and models her look on Joan from Mad Men. Her husband left her for a 20 year old who worked at the daycare centre where her children Dylan and Kelly went. (Her favourite show was Beverly Hills 90210).

Her sister Krystal also considers herself a bit of a career woman as she and her husband Kevin run a very successful Enjo franchise. Business is going so well that she is considering going into the "intimate apparel" party planning business as well. She only has one child- a boy called Kristof. She and Bruce thought the name had some worldly class. Well until Frozen came along and now the kids at school sing "Let it Go" as he walks past. He has taken to calling himself Kris.

Dannii (spelt the same as Dannii Minogue) is the rock'n'roll wife. Her husband Stevo is the lead singer in a Nickelback tribute band who plays at the Greenies "best Parmie in town" tavern on a Friday night. Stevo was a catch back in the day when one of his bands song became the wedding ballad on a soap opera. His fame was sadly short lived when the band split due to " creative differences". Dannii works part time at Dan Murphys, which is helpful because when Stevo and the boys have band practise they sink more than a few TED's. Dannii will only drink cider. It must be Rekorderlig Wild Raspberry- because that doesn't taste like alcohol. They have three girls- Hope Sunshine, Faith Rainbow and Charity Summer. Stevo is devo because all three like One Direction.

Kyly (she changed the spelling when Michael Clark married his wife Kyly- the spelling makes it way more classier) is the Stay at Home Wife of the bunch. She doesn't have to work because she and her husband had a big win at the horses- he is a professional gambler. She is also not very bright but thinks that being the wealthiest wife makes her smarter. She refuses to move from Greenfields because she like to be the richest. They have a caravan at the Jurien Bay caravan park, but are thinking about selling it because they are spending so much time at the Villa in Bali. In Kuta. She loves her Chanel handbag that she bought from the Discovery Plaza in Kuta. She swears it is genuine. Even though the c's are around the wrong way. She only drinks Cloudy Bay, and the only thing she loves more than her children Jesika and Jakob is her fluffy white maltese/ shitzu cross Roxy. She is the head of the P&F.

Julia is the resident cougar of the bunch. Her husband left her for the girl who worked at the checkout at the local Bunnings. But we don't talk about that. Since Terry left she has lost 30kg, had a boob job and a nose job in Thailand, and only wears clothes from Roads. She frequents the cabaret bar at the Casino where she meets lovely men and sips on glasses of Yellow. Her daughter Tiffany does weeks about with her and her and dad and Bunny (what the girls call the other women). But like I said - we don't talk about them. She works at the school in the office and flirts with all the dads, and snarls at all the mums. 

Our final wife is Chanel. She is the youngest of the wives because she is " a second wife". She met her husband Cameron at her work-she is a beautician at the local salon down at Greenfields Plaza. She was waxing Cameron's back and they fell in love. Unfortunately Chanel also waxed Cameron's wife.  The scene was quite nasty when the truth came out one day mid bikini wax when Chanel was telling her about her new boyfriend. Cameron owns the local Auto One franchise and loves cars so you can imagine how devastated he was when his ex-wife's idea of  payback was to pour a bottle of nail polish remover over the bonnet of his beloved Skyline. She really loves the children Tom and Rachel. Unfortunately they are not overly fond of her. She hopes one day that she and Cam will have a child, and can't understand why it is not happening. It may have something to do with the vasectomy that Cameron had after the birth of Rachel. He has forgotten to tell Chanel about that. She hopes  to one day open up her own salon and is thinking of expanding into cosmetic tattooing.

That my friends would be a show worth watching!