So I read the news yesterday that you are going out of fashion. Fast. I also hear that leggings have taken over as the pant of choice. I can only assume that you feel a little bit rejected over that and are probably not taking the news so well.
It hurts doesn't it when you feel you don't fit in? Well jeans let me tell you that is how you have made me feel for most of my life.
All my life I have dreamed of fitting into you. But your problem was you were always too choosey. To fit in with you, you are not allowed to have a butt, thighs or hips. And God forbid if you waist is small! You have subjected me to having no choice but to choose between my butt and my waist. I walked around for years with tight thighs and a gapping waistband.
You also tried to make me feel like a loser, because to fit in with you I had to either roll you up or get you hemmed. Have you ever tried to take up the hems? It never looks the same. Everybody knows that your mum has had to try and fix your pants so you will fit.
And don't try to tell me all this nonsense about how you tried to change yourself to fit in with me. I don't care how many different styles or colours you have changed yourself into since we first met, we still never worked together. There was always an issue and we were never quite right.
I also think you need to know that being around you could make me depressed for days. I would have to build up the confidence to try you on and then would come the ego crushing that no matter how many size 10's I could fit into, with you I would always be a 14. And then on the odd occasion when we would fit perfectly it would never last. You would go and change yourself and become baggy in all the wrong places, and I don't think we even need to go into the all the times that I would put you in the wash and you would share you colour with everything.
So for now jeans, you can hang out with your (former) popular crew and I will stick to my leggings. I will no longer listen to you propaganda that "leggings are not pants" because we have fixed that. Leggings that come from an exercise place ( Nike, 2XU, Skins, Lorna Jane etc) are pants. And other leggings just need to front and back butts covered. We all now also know that leggings need to be thicker so you can't see you knickers underneath, and take this jeans- that look way better with ankle boots than you ever did. And you were never that comfortable anyway.
So from all the girls out there with some junk in their trunks, I say farewell Jeans. You have tormented me for far too long.
So long!
Emma
(in case you don't believe me I have included some images of people rocking leggings.)
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