The Bachelor Episode Two or The crazies get crazier.

This is the "Mansion". I think they are using creative license there. Really big house which must have a massive power bill- yes, Mansion not so much.

Sorry for the delay but I had a date last night, with the football (on a school night and all- and since I'm on it- whose bloody idea was it to have football on a school night and at 6pm. Peak hour anyone?), so I didn't get around to watching the show until today. And what a show it was. I was going to attempt to make it short, but there is just SO much to say.

Before I start I feel I need to explain that after the first episode I felt uncomfortable, and can't understand how the girls would put themselves in this situation. And then I thought bugger it. They know what they are getting themselves into. I would never do it, but then I don't want a career as a bikini model (too harsh?)

So here we go.

The show began with a montage of Sydney and I've got to say Sydney is looking more beautiful than some of the girls. Blake is on the water, dressed (damn) and sailing a boat. Is there anything that man can't do?

The girls are in the kitchen. Talking about Blake. Luckily they all still like him. 
Osher comes in from milking the cows wearing his flanno shirt and hands over the Tyra mail. Whoops wrong show. It's a date. And he winner is........ Jessica.

Jessica is from Sydney, (she drinks coffee, runs and stares at the water- they will get along just fine) but it would appear she has never been to Sydney before because she is overwhelmed by the view. They arrive at their dream date which must be miles away because it is dark when they get there.
They arrive at a Winterwonderland. Jess can't believe the effort he has gone to. Well that would probably because he hasn't - the set designer has. But whatever.
They ice skate, he tries to catch her. The fall on the ice in an embrace.

The "oh my gosh we fell" fall.

Cut to the girls at the house, sorry, mansion, bitching about Jess.

Back to the date and Blake is bringing his Frozen fantasy to life and gives Jess a very unattractive dress. He says she looks incredible. ( Incredibly stupid.) The chat, they flirt, they drink, they talk about their smile issues, he discloses his dad issues (ahhhh). The date is ammaaaaazing. And she gets a rose, and Blake gets a pash. With tongues.

Jess gets back to the house and the girls sit with fake smiles pasted on their faces trying to be interested. Jess says the date was ammmaaziing. They see she got a rose (bitch). She lies about passing Blake. Then she cries because she lied. She is going to have to drink some concrete and harden up if she is going to survive in that house, I mean mansion.

Hey Girls it's me Andrew G, I mean Osher. If it doesn't work with Blake, I like roses.

"Osh, mate, I'm the one with the voice like smooth chocolate, I'll take it from here."

The next day Osher mail arrives. It's a group date (squeal)....with half the girls(squeal)...to a photo shoot(squeal)...a BRIDAL shoot (squeal)....with Blake as the groom (squeal)......for Womens Day (no squeal) Half the girls are happy. Half a really annoyed. Crazy Anida"I want Blake to like me) is happy, Laurina(all the girls are threatened by me because I'm a model) is smug.

Laurina, Stacey, Diana and Alana get to be the brides while the others are the old maids. Sorry Bridesmaids. They are pissed.

Seriously Blake, I think it is time to be afraid. Very afraid

Laurina (I am a model) is cool with it (because she is a model) and tells Blake what to do in the shoot (because she is a model).

Alana is wearing another dress from Frozen. Blake likes it and at this stage I am starting to think that Blake has a thing for feather and fur. All of a sudden I am imaging his bedroom with a leopard print doona and fur walls. Blake liked Alana because she let "him guide her"mmmmm.

Stacey is wearing lingerie in her shoot and... what for it.... Blake...takes..of..his...SHIRT!!!!!! 

Finally is Ditzy Dellusional Diana. This is her dream. A wedding. But when she gets married she wants Mickey Mouse to marry her. Honestly ( RUN BLAKE. FAST)

Blake asks Alana to come for a chat. She is cold. Blake gives her his jacket. She gets a rose. Anida goes into meltdown.

Finally it's time for the rose ceremoonnnie. Now at the risk if sounding like my mum, can we please tell any tv host that it is pronounced cer-emun-ey. Not a ceremoany. The girls line up and what for Tyra to tell them if they are safe. Oh God, sorry I mean Osher. 

These smug looks translate as " Hey Bitches, we got a rose." You will notice that Jess is looking particularly smug. That is because she got a pash as well. But tell anyone because Jessica didn't want to share it publicly. Can someone tell her she is on a tv show?

It goes as you would assume. Anida and Laurina do crazy eyes. The girls look panicky because they can see their dream man moving further away. There are three girls left. It is down to Laurina (I am a model) 

This is Tiarnar. She got eliminated because she is a little bit scary.

Tiarnar (she cracked it about her hair in the wedding shoot, and I think there is so much filler in those lips she couldn't pash Blake anyway) and someone else ( I honestly can't remember who she is, in fact I don't even think she was ever in the show).

Laurina's botox is starting to vibrate and she is staring to show some emotion), and Blake.....calls her name. Laurina is safe.

That botox vein looks like it is about to blow. ( I do have to hand it to her though- she is very beautiful. And yes that hurt a lot to say that.)

This is no surprise to anyone because she is a model. 

After the ceremony when the girls are debriefing and Blake and Osher have retired to the Bachelor Pad (that's where all the action is happening I bet) Laurina says " She is there for her, she doesn't know Blake, he is dating 20 other women so why should she be emotionally invested." GASP!!!!!! The girls are outraged. How dare she say that about Blake. He is the love of their lives! She does have a very good point though.

So at the end of Episode Two we officially have Our Villan- Laurina, Our Batshit "don't leave her alone with the knives"Crazy Anida, and our Batshirt  "because she thinks she is 6 years old "crazy Diana( Babe- if you are going to base yourself on the Princess Diana, you might want to google her. It doesn't end well)

I know it's early days, but I'm calling it. Jess for the win. You heard it here first. And I have it on good authority that he likes brunettes.

Seriously Osher- put the rose down.

Oh, and I made the bit up about the Bachelor pad, but I like the idea of Osher and Blake living together. I wonder who does the cooking?

images via  the Channel 10 website. Click HERE if you would like to have a look.