The Bachelor- or the episode where the girls bitch about each other.

Alrighty- lets do this. So just in case you have forgotten like I had, last week we had the intruders, and that did not go down well with the girls in the house. This was because they didn't want to share Blake, because they are already sharing him with 10 other girls. ( is it 10? I keep forgetting people.)

The girls are eating their breakfast and Amber seems to think they might get some Blake mail. I guess the cameras being there are a dead give away. They talk about who is getting the date. They are bitching about the new girls, and the old girls, in fact the girls are just bitching. It seems tonight we don't like Amber.

Osher's here!! AND HE HAS A DATE CARD!!!! The date goes to.......the voice over girl Chantel. She is happy. Amber is not so happy. It is also about now I realise that Chantel has really bad taste in clothes. Like she is suck in an 90's time warp.

This is Chantel. She can't dress for all the clothes in Chanel.

 She jumps in the limo, and travels across the Bridge - I am starting to think that maybe they should look for a house on the other side of the Harbour next time, it would save on petrol money- and she arrives at the Darling Hotel. ( I have been there!!!). It seems Blake has also realised she has crap dress sense because he has left her a dress to put on. She has a bath, puts on her frock and walks into the bar. Blake says she looks....INCREDIBLE. Chantal says he looks like a babe. They go to the bar and have a bevvie or two.

Back at the ranch and it's a DATE CARD. They guess it is a group date - well deer don't they know the formula by now? The new chicks all get a spot on the date, Laurina is worried about her and Blake's "connection". Amber has got that weird look on her face again, like she is going to kill something (or someone). The girls who are not going on the date bitch about the girls who are going, and the girls who are going on the date are bitching about the other girls who are going on the date.

Back at the Darling- they eat at the restaurant that I HAVE BEEN TO!! It is yummy. They are talking about kids (again- yawn). They are naming their two boys (double yawn) and are planning their honeymoon (triple yawn) Blake wants to go to the Maldives. He has heard it is amazing.

He asks if she wants dessert, Dessert is Adriano Zumbo        " King of Desserts"

Hellooooo ladies. It is me Adriano Zumbo, King of Desserts.

 Look just quietly Chantel seems more overcome by seeing him. He gives them a fancy schmancy dessert, (is there anything wrong with a good old piece of cake, why must it be all flash and look like a flower?) and Blake feeds her. And then she feeds Blake. Then they go walking....no hang on..dancing. In the empty restaurant, and then they pash. She pashes him before she even gets a rose. What a hussy. We cut to them on the couch and Blakes' voice has somehow got even deeper. He has gone from smooth chocolate to rich dark chocolate. Chantel gets a rose. And then they pash. Again.

She comes home the girls interrogate her, find out she has a rose and then they all get jealous. They pretend they want to hear all about it, but we all know they don't. At this stage I have worked out why Laurina has had the botox, it is so she in incapable of making faces to show her true emotions.

Next day the girls pile into a Ford and drive themselves to Luna Park. Jess and Laurina assume the position of alpha females and drive. Blake and Oshie are waiting for the girls and Osh is looking cute. And so is Blake.

The lads, just casually hanging at Luna Park

First stop is the bumper cars. The girls all bump each other, and Kara and Jess try to bump each other away from Blake. Now they are bitching about Jess. I am a bit confused now as to who the episode enemy is. 

They have some glasses of bubbles, which is going to make everything more exciting, because booze makes everything more fun, especially rides that make you want to spew. The girls are all trying to out "look at me I am having so much fun"each other. Laurina has just called Jess "bigger". Ouch. 
Kara and Blake go for a walk, and now Kara is the aggressive one. Now I am really confused. Who am I meant to hate???? Kara downs some booze and starts telling Blake things she wouldn't normally say. But she is worried that their "connection" is slipping. Kara gets a rose. The other girls get cotton candy. I think I would prefer the cotton candy, although because I am AUSTRALIAN, I will call it a fairy floss. 

Yeah Girls- lets have fun. But you must have the most fun

Laurina rides the ride with Blake- but if anyone "kisses Blake on a group date- she is out of there"

Jess is going in for the kill, and she does "having fun" really well. Laurina says Jess is hogging Blake. Amber is going psycho. They play a game and the winner gets Blake. Hang on- isn't that the whole show?  Laurina now says Jess is socially unaware. But maybe that is because socially unaware has just won some "special time" with Blake. Blake is awkwardly caressing Jess's arm.  They have a conversation that needs subtitles. The girls are bitching about Jess. Now the old and new girls are bonding over their hate for Jess, and then THEY KISS (Jess and Blake, not the old and new girls, that would be a whole other timeslot), or "getting their pash on" as Amber says. Laurina goes bats shit crazy. You can see it, even through the botox.She has ruined the date for EVERYBODY. 

"Well Bitch, I got the pash- do you want me to pack your bag?"

Cocktail party time. Now Chantel is upset with Jess, because she has taken away her moment. Huh? Can the producers please step in and remind these girls that only one of them will get Blake. Now a new chick is having a go at Jess. Laurina is now telling Jess that she has no respect for the others. Funny how they don't have that issue with Blake. Laurina has never felt so alienated in her life. (Well maybe she shouldn't have gone on a dating show) . She talks to Blake. He says he kissed Jess in the moment, and it could have been anyone. She says she doesn't judge him.(of course she doesn't) Blake tells Laurina that they have a "connection." What the hell is this connection thing? You can have a connection with anyone. Hell I have a connection with the lollipop man I wave to every morning, it doesn't mean we are soul mates. Anyway Blake talks Laurina off the ledge and we head into the rose ceremooaaaannny.

Laurina is still banging on about her dignity being compromised. Yes- when you entered a bloody dating competition. Roses are going out left right and centre. Yep Jess has got hers, so has Laurina and yes she takes it. What happened to packing her bags??? What about your compromised dignity? Hey??? Hey???

Anyway, two chicks are left Mary and some other girl who I think they forgot to put in the episode. It may have something to do with the fact that she looks more masculine than Osher. No one says good bye to the poor love, whose name is Anastasia, and she is gone. Into the limo and into the night and no doubt over the Bridge.But at least she did get to say connection.