The Bachelor- or the episode where Amber goes troppo.

It is going to be a big night on The Bachelor. I know this for two reasons.

1. Voice over man keeps telling me and
2. The Voice over man keeps telling me

This can only mean one thing.

It is going to be a big night on The Bachelor!

So before the episode begins I thought I would do some research and introduce the intruders, because lets face it they are not exactly keeping the "twist" a secret.

Tahnee is from the Central Coast in NSW, is 23 and is a Social Media Coordinator (does that mean she has a blog, Facebook, twitter and Instagram.) 

This is Rachel. She is 28 a medical sales rep and is from NSW. Her dad is a Policeman.  (I don't see the relevance either)

Mary is from NSW. She is an executive assistant (a job which I have no idea what that actually means). She is 27 and has morals AND ethics. Sharing a man with 15 others is ok then? It would also seem she likes orange.

Lauren B is also 27, also from NSW and is a dancing actor. Run away Blake, she aint here for love. She is also dressed a little like a Bride.

Next is Anastasia. She is 30, a lawyer and is yep you guessed it from NSW. She wants to me her dream man.

Finally we have Aley, she is 25, she is from NSW (what is this NSW thing? Did they get half way through filming, decide it was getting boring and had to do some quick casting?) and she is a fashion blogger.

Ok so introductions over. I am hoping tonight will begin with a topless shot of Blake, because he has been very dressed for the last few episode.

So the girls are having a chat in the garden, whinging about who hasn't been on a single date. Laurina is doing her hair, Louise wants a date. He comes Osh, looking suave, with some Blake mail. Its going to be romantic. THE MOST ROMANTIC YET. And the winner is........Louise. I am starting to get a little concerned for Ambers mental state, she is pulling some crazy faces.

They are on a super yacht or what most would just call a really big boat.  Luckily Louise has packed her stripy nautical dress and white sneakers. She runs to the pier. She sees Blake. She jumps up and down. Blake laughs. They run and hug. The other girls have to stop Amber from jumping off the balcony.

Cue montage of the sail on the Harbour. Louise is still holding her hat, they eat seafood and drink wine. They feed each other. They laugh.

"Stay away from the one from Canadia. She is batshit crazy."

Cut back to the house and Sam and Chantal are having a bitch. I am starting to notice that Chantal spends a lot of time bitching. Apparently guys don't like girls who wear red lipstick. I think someone forgot to tell Marilyn Monroe that.

Back on the boat and Blake is disrobing (it would seem that the producers have also remembered that we haven't had a topless shot of Blake lately and Louise happens to have white togs on underneath her nautical frock.  Blake tells her she looks AMAZING.  And is the complete package. Her hat magically turns into a white dress, Lets cut to the chase, Blake tell her he likes her blah, blah, blah, they kiss and she gets a rose.  And a voucher to get her regrowth done. Red lips and all. ( I may have made the bit up about the regrowth, but surely there must be a hairdresser in that Mansion.) I've got to say it thought, I didn't see the passion from Blake that I saw with the Laurina kiss.

Date card!!! It must be a group date. What hang on- It just says cocktail and dreams. The girls are unsettled and confused. Chantal says it vague on details. No shit.

Cocktail party time. Blake is wearing his favourite suit. Osher arrives. He is wearing his favourite suit, which matches Blakes. He asks Blake to step outside.  Osher finally tells Blake how he feels. Jokes. The new chicks are coming.

"Osh- dude, I'm straight. "

Mary walks in, meets Blake, his eyes nearly pop out of his head. She meets the girls. Amber goes psycho. So does Kara. Rachel walks in, Blakes eyes nearly pop out of his head again. He is a little bit flustered. She looks like Holly the netballer. Laurina uses the word "youse". Anastasia and Tahnee arrive.  Aley the fashion blogger from Bondi arrives. She has on the ugliest pair of white shoes I have ever seen. She doesn't look amazing, she looks OUTSTANDING.

Finally its Lauren in her wedding dress. She twirls. Blakes asks why is she single. They feel at ease (Psssst- so do the other girls inside.) The girls are pissed. And not in the drunk having fun kind of way. Sam wants to leave, Laurina is not worried because the new girls don't have the grace or class of the original girls- Laurina classy girls don't say youse.

Blake reaches for Sam's hand, she refuses. So he takes Laurina who is wearing a godawful dress from her very own collection. It is so awful she cries. Well she might be crying about the new chicks, but honestly what is that dress?

 Amber time- she is also crying because she is also in an ugly dress that doesn't fit properly. Nah she feels depreciated and devalued. She is snuffling. Oh God and intruder walks and wants to give her a hug. Amber goes crazy psycho crazy, so crazy she doesn't even want the camera around. 

This is Ambers face. There is not enough maple syrup in the world to make her happy.

Tahnee tries to intercept with Blake and does it sooo wrong (well according to Kara anyway.) Interestingly Kara read the invite as am 80's cocktail party, because she is also wearing a godawful dress. I am starting to notice that the outfits are very ill-fitting. I am starting to think that the girls are maybe doing some " God I am bored sitting in this house, someone pass me the timtams" type behaviour. Sam rebukes Blake again. He gives the speech that was given to him by the producers. Sam now feels bad that she rejected Blake.

Amber is still upstairs having thrown her 100th tantrum Chantal talks her down off the cliff.

                      And then Amber cracked it. AGAIN

 The bitching continues. I am thinking that someone needs to step in and remind the girls that they are in a competition and only one of them will win Blakes heart. Well of course unless this was The Bachelor from some where where they are allowed more than one wife.

         

Rose Ceremony Time. OMG two are going home. Amber... oh hell I don't even need to say it.  Blake calls her name.  She WALKS OUT ON BLAKE. Chantal is stoked, Blake follows her- but only because the producers know she is such good telly. 
                                           
 For the love of Osher and Blake, hurry up Amber- are you staying or going?

Ok crisis averted. Amber is back, where were we... roses, old girls , new girls, three girls left, two new and Kara the 80's chick. She does her "we have a connection" voice over. It works. She stays and it is goodbye and nice to meet you, sorry we were such bitches,to Aley and Tahnee.

It was the white shoes.